


You Do It Just For Fun (Stop Playing With My Heart)

by glochisiester



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, fakedatingau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 06:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 109,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18244325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glochisiester/pseuds/glochisiester
Summary: Mark’s friends from overseas are coming home for New Year, and they’re expecting to see this ‘Haechan’ who made Mark's world go round.The problem, Mark is a liar and Haechan doesn’t exist.Luckily, Donghyuck does.





	1. you're a negative, i'm a positive, we attract each other

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my VV's! <3
> 
> I am back, and now with a chaptered fic featuring MARKHYUCK, my ultimate ship.  
> So I decided to change and try different style of genre aside from ABO (which is my specialty joke kkk) and I decided to try HEAVY ANGST and FAKE DATING as my new challenge!
> 
> So take note guys, I'm going to write this story filled with raw emotions and painful dialogues. I want to make my readers cry as painful as I can hahahah!
> 
> Also, support this fic and read the note at the end.
> 
> PS. This was unbeta-ed and dry for the first chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Unfaithful encounter.  
>    
> (And our very own Poster made my me as well kkkk <3)  
> 

  
****

Mark’s main motto in life is; Never Ever Lie.

 

The rule is enforced to establish honesty and self-control of himself. You see, Mark has a bad habit of impressing other people just because he does not want to be stepped down. His ego and pride is after all what makes a man outstanding and untouchable. Throughout his whole life, Mark has lived a fairly good life. He tried to make sure to be honest as possible, trying to tone down his need of being on top and always trying to stay in level with who he is with. He’s reasonably popular not just by his looks but also by his attitude and unending want to help.

 

Unfortunately, all man has a downfall.

 

And this might be Mark’s, considering he’s having a really bad time passing through it. You see, he ‘accidentally’ slipped a lie during one of his conversations with his foreign friends. They were talking about love life and boldly admits that all of them are already dating someone. Mark, being the last, was expected to have one too. It was a form of joke, and Mark would’ve let it pass if he hadn’t heard their youngest joking that ‘ _maybe no one liked you mark-hyung_ ’. Thus, resulted in a lie. A big lie. He didn’t expect for them to remember the name he casually state, saying ‘ _Oh please Jisungie, I have a boyfriend. His name is Haechan and he had this bright tan skin and a smile that can rival the sun_ ’. After their conversation only then he realized that he had fucked up. Not only did he lie but he’s also too proud to admit that he is in fact lying.

 

Now that’s the problem.

 

‘So, where are you going to get this Haechan you are talking about?’ His best friend Jeno, who was a handsome senior student currently on his last year of Accounting Semester asked. He was perched on top of Mark’s most expensive couch but Mark’s too busy to actually kick him off of it.

 

‘I told you I don’t know’ Mark answers with a groan, face-planting on his bed. Everything was going well, not until his oldest friend’ Johnny called and told that they’ll be going home this Winter Break to spend some quality time and maybe ‘ _meet Mark’s soulmate Haechan_ ’.

 

Jeno snickered from his spot, wiping his hands on his handkerchief. ‘You know, if only you didn’t lie, you wouldn’t be thinking of this right now. Now where are we going to see someone tan and has a bright smile that can rival the sun?’

 

Mark groaned again, not ready for the onslaught of insults and lecture. The thing he needed the most right now is to find someone resembling said boyfriend and maybe impress his friends when they come home. Jeno jumped down after finally finishing his snack, picking his bag as he check his reflection to the mirror. He swiped his hair gently to the side, smiling at his handsome face. ‘I think what we needed the most right now is..’ he made a show of checking his non-existent watch, ‘Pick Renjunnie from his therapy.’

 

Mark’s head snapped from where it is buried, eyes alarmingly going wide when his eyes landed on the clock. ‘Jeno!’ he shouts, grabbing his bag before dashing to where his car is parked. A handsome Bugatti Veyron fresh and new for 2019. Jeno’s already inside the car, smirking at his friend’s panicked state. ‘Shouldn’t you be driving your own car? Where’s your Aston Martin Vantage?’ Mark scoffed, starting the engine before turning the corner to drive to where Renjun’s hospital is and then continue to school after.

 

‘If you are listening, you’d actually remember that I purposely left my car so that I can ride with you.’ Jeno replies, head down and eyes glued to the updates on his mobile phone. The drive was short and quick, and Jeno was the one eager to pick their friend inside who’s patiently waiting in the hospital lobby. Mark laid back on his seat, mind working again and over thinking on how to search for the right boy who would fit his description of ‘Haechan’. Gosh, why was he such a fool? He should’ve not lied, but his pride got to him. He only snapped out of his trance when a knock resounded in his window. Renjun.

 

‘Hello Mark!’ He greets happily, laying a gentle hand on the taller’s shoulder and bending slightly to kiss him in the cheeks. He grins cutely, cheeks red as Jeno sputters as loud as he can. ‘Why didn’t I receive a kiss? I literally picked you up and walked you here’

 

‘Oh shush Jeno, don’t be jealous’ Renjun giggles, leaning back on his seat. ‘So, how was your day?’

 

Jeno grumpily answered his question while Mark laugh. They drive to school, but Mark’s mind is still filled with ways on how to find the right person for his selfish plan. The car was filled with joyful laughing courtesy of Renjun with Jeno’s grumbling once in a while, along with the sounds of the radio playing in low volume. They were at the last stop light before they reach university, just in time for Mark to check his phone because it’s blinking, when Renjun and Jeno erupted into loud screams and a loud yelp was heard along with the sounds of car bumping into something. His car screeched as he stepped on the break hard, smoke oozing out of its wheels. Mark raised his head from having it buried on his arms, heart beating erratically wild. ‘Are you alright guys?’ He asked as he turned, Renjun hugging his bag while Jeno protected his head from bumping it in the console. ‘Y-yeah’ Renjun answers, shaking. Jeno looked up, frowning. ‘What happened?’

 

Mark didn’t answer and instead walked out of his car, seeing a large ugly scar which wasn’t there before, designed on the front of his vehicle. He clenched his fist upon seeing the damage. ‘Fuck!’ He cursed, turning to look at the boy sprawled on the ground. ‘Don’t you have eyes? You could’ve killed us!’ He yells in frustration, watching as the boy sit up, a hand on his head. The boy blinked at him and Mark was waiting, trying to patiently wait for an explanation, when the boy’s lips quiver upon noticing his broken bicycle and scattered art papers. ‘My project!’ he yells, eyes wide in mortification.

 

Mark felt his jaw dropped.

 

‘W-what?’ Mark asked, unsure of what he said. Did this boy just straight-up ignored him?

 

‘M-my bicycle and my project!’ The boy repeats, eyes wide and shaking in fear. He gathers the crumbled pieces of papers and crayons, some art materials that Mark doesn’t even know existed and his poor bicycle which now doesn’t have the other wheel. Mark stood beside him, feeling anger boil inside his core. Did boy just bumped into them, caused them into panic attack and almost got them in an accident and all he care about is his damn project?

 

‘Wait..’ Mark rubbed his temple, ‘Are you hearing me?’

 

‘You broke my bicycle!’ The boy screams, sniffing and his eyes are frantically wide, filled with fear and exhaustion. ‘H-how can I go to school?!’

 

Mark clenched his fist, sighing before cracking his knuckles and going down on one of his knees, grabbing the boy his collar. He noticed the uniform of said boy. A public University. ‘Listen here, you had the guts to tell me that I broke your bicycle when you basically drove passed our car and then got us into trouble. Didn’t you think that’s dangerous? What if we got into a more bigger accident? Could a public student like you pay for the expenses?’ He grits his teeth, the boy’s eyes widening even more. He expected the other to retract and ask for apology, but the boy did neither of that. Instead, his eyebrows furrowed, and Mark belatedly realized the contrast of their skin against each other. While Mark has the beauty of a milky white skin, the boy is literally glowing with his sun-kissed color. ‘Excuse me?’ the boy states, clearly offended and obviously irritated judging by the tone of his voice. He swat the hand on his collar, spatting. ‘I don’t know what university you go to, but far as I know, it’s you who is in trouble mister.’

 

Mark frowns, hissing. ‘What do you mean?’

 

The boy pointed his finger at the stop lights, the colors showing that Mark’s side of the road shouldn’t be moving yet. Fuck. ‘We probably have CCTV on this road, so if you’ll excuse me, I am going to report this insane accusation of me putting you in danger.’

 

Mark was left dumbstruck, and then suddenly, fear was settling in his stomach. Oh hell no. the last thing he wanted is to be put in jail and be bailed out by his foreign friends. Luckily, Jeno and Renjun was at the rescue. ‘There’s no need, how much money do you need to repair your bicycle’ Jeno cuts off, already pulling his wallet as Mark was pulled up by Renjun. The boy shot them an incredulous look, as if they were insane. He looked around himself, art books and materials scattered, obviously contemplating before he stood, stretching his hands out. ‘Okay, I need about a $50'

 

‘What!’ Mark roared, stopping Jeno’s hand from giving it to the smaller, who was more smaller than them. ‘Isn’t that too much? You’re clearly taking advantage of us.’

 

The smaller boy rolled his eyes at Mark before crossing his arms, ‘Listen here noodle arms’ Mark growls to stop himself from screaming and ripping the boy’s head. ‘I’m asking $50 for physical, emotional and mental damage. It’s not everyday a car doesn’t check the stoplight and end up bumping me and breaking all of my hard work projects and materials.’ he sass, picking the money from Jeno’s hands. ‘Next time, learn to check your surrounding noodles.’

 

Mark was about to fight the boy because who the hell is he to call Mark noodles, _how dare he_! When suddenly, Renjun’s arm came around his neck, burying his smaller face into his shoulder. He is shuddering in fear and while Mark’s anger is over the rooftop, he doesn’t want to scare his friend more. He hugged the smaller closer to him, sending the other boy a disgusted look. ‘I hope we don’t see each other again.’

 

‘Oh believe me I do not wish to see you too.’ The boy retorts back, just as disgusted as he is before his mouth curled into a smirk, and it sends an unexplainable zing coursing through Mark’s veins. ‘Though I’d like to see this handsome one once more’ as he points to Jeno who backtracked from the mention.

 

They don’t linger any longer with each other as Mark and Jeno gently pull Renjun inside the car while the boy tucked the money in his pockets, sighing with a frown as he looked down on his school supplies. He picked it with utmost care, wiping them clean as gentle as he can. Mark watches at the boy pull his broken bicycle into the sidewalk, the wheel thrown into the garbage can before he drag his broken vehicle to where his university is located. Mark watches him before starting his car and driving to University.

 

To say that the car was silent is an understatement. It was scarily eery and there is visibly tension hanging in the air. Renjun was shaking from fear, now deeply buried in Jeno’s warm hug. Mark looked at them over his shoulder, feeling guilty at Renjun’s shock. ‘I’m sorry’

 

‘It wasn’t your fault’ Renjun whimpers, turning to him with sad eyes. ‘If.. If we were just paying attention’

 

Jeno hums, caressing his back.

 

‘I’m sorry you have to go through that,’ Mark said, punching his car wheel, ‘And you’ve just gotten out of your therapy’

 

Renjun whimpers at the mention of his therapy, burying himself more on Jeno’s arms. Soon, they reached their University and as Mark parked his car, he wishes in every deity that he doesn’t see that boy again or else there’s going to be punching involved.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

‘I’m really really sorry Mr. Cho! Please give me another chance.’ Donghyuck cries as he chase after his Professor, almost begging on his knees. “Please believe me. I have bruises and a scar to prove myself, just please, check my project. I can’t stay in school for another year, you know I don’t have enough money to pay for the--’

 

‘I heard you the first time Donghyuck’ Mr. Cho rubbed his forehead, pointing his finger at the nicely covered canvas. ‘I’m giving you this last chance because I know how good you are with arts. But the next time you miss the deadline, I’m not going to hear anything from you, got it?’

 

Donghyuck beams at him happily like a puppy before passing his project to the other very carefully. Mr. Cho frowned at the hands that are covered with bruises, gently checking it, ‘Donghyuck-ah, go to the infirmary, tell them I sent you.’

 

Donghyuck smiles at him with a nod, ‘Yes sir! Thank you so much!’

 

As Mr. Cho thread his way back to the office, Donghyuck let the smile slid off his face. He cradle his injured wrist and dramatically bruised hand to his chest, walking to the infirmary. He still can’t believe that he just got into an accident and that he literally flew off his bike. He felt like he watched his life in slow motion. What he can’t believe more though is the thought that the boy, probably the same age as him, had the audacity to blame him for the happenings. He clearly remembered seeing the face of the boy (who’s sadly handsome) and the uniform he was wearing. Neo Technology University. Donghyuck have heard lots of stories and rumors surrounding the school. First was the rule that only off-springs of rich families can enroll and study there. Second was that the tuition fee for the enrollees were 5 times more expensive than normal local university schools like his school. The last one is a rumor, where local students say that students from NTU are arrogant and standoffish, and not friendly. Donghyuck think he can justify to their murmurs and prove them right. The students are indeed not friendly.

 

‘Donghyuck-ah!’ His friend, Na Jaemin, who’s currently the assistant of the nurse in the infirmary exclaims. ‘What are you doing here? And what happened to your hand and knees?’

 

‘Long story, patch me up first’ Donghyuck dismiss him, sitting down in the seat provided and watching his best friend look for the materials. Jaemin returns with ointments and things that Donghyuck actually doesn’t know what to call. ‘So, mind telling me why you’re in the infirmary and getting your hand wrapped in bandage?’ Jaemin’s voice sounded stressed and there’s obvious worry wrinkles on his forehead.

 

‘You won’t believe what happened’ Donghyuck started, wincing in pain when Jaemin rubs ointment in the bruised area. It hurts, it stings and Donghyuck’s certainly in pain. Curse that handsome blonde boy. ‘So, while I was rushing to get into school, I felt the world collapsed and I was literally thrown over at the pavement while my art supplies fly like they were butterflies.’

 

‘It’s not a good time to joke around Donghyuck-ah’ Jaemin sighs, grabbing the bandage to roll it around his friend’s wrist. Donghyuck whimpers in pain before pouting, ‘Do you think I was still joking? After getting bruised up like this?’

 

‘To you, everything seems to be a joke’ Jaemin teases with a smile, pulling Donghyuck’s knees to inspect the scratch. He also have a scratch on his cheeks but Jaemin will tend to it later.  Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the statement, leaning comfortably on the pillows behind him. ‘As I was telling you, my bicycle was broken and I walked to get here. I missed Mr. Cho’s class but fortunately, he took my project.’ Jaemin hums to show that he is listening, ‘And you know what more happened, a guy walked out of the car and grabbed me by my collar, accusing me of such crime like endangering them during their ride. Seriously! And they are from NTU. The guts of those morons, all fractious’

 

Jaemin let go of his knees which is now carefully wrapped. He looked at his friend’s face and saw the ugly scratch. ‘It’s going to leave a scar’ he said sadly, clicking his tongue in distaste before rubbing some ointment on it. ‘And what? They’re from NTU? Seriously? You know better than to mess with those rich brats Duckie.’

 

‘It wasn’t even my fault!’ Donghyuck whined, hissing at the sting from the ointment. ‘They paid me for the damage but the blondie looks like he wanted to throw punch before leaving.’

 

Jaemin closed the ointment lid and looked directly at his friend’s eyes, ‘Duckie, remember this’ he says loud and clear, ‘Do not ever play with them.’ And do not be with them, Jaemin wants to add. But something in his friend’s eyes make him scared and made him wonder how long will this keep up till they see each other again. NTU and their university isn’t that far from each other after all. ‘Just stay away as much as you can’

 

‘As if I will see them again’ Donghyuck scoffs, checking the band-aid barely covering the scratch in his cheek. ‘And I have more important things to attend to, like my part time job.’

 

Jaemin lightens up on the topic, eyes blinking with interest. ‘How was your new employee by the way?’

 

Donghyuck grins big and bright, ‘He was so cool! His name is Yukhei and he’s shy but not so much after you get to talk to him. Also, he can speak English very well which is a big plus, right.’

 

‘But.. your shift changed right? Now that there’s another employee.’ Jaemin mutters, biting his lips and looking uncharacteristically melancholic. ‘Your sleeping schedule is messed up Duckie.’

 

Donghyuck shrugged, looking down on his lap and feeling uncomfortably sad. ‘I’ll manage.’

 

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t know. In his whole life, all he did was lie. Some may say he does it for selfish reasons, but the truth is, he do it to ensure everyone around him that he is fine. So that they will not worry about him. He lied about having a good job because it sucks, he lied about being okay when he isn’t, he always lie if he is doing fine. Because he doesn’t want others to worry about him. Everyone have problems, and the last thing Donghyuck wanted was to be someone’s burden.

 

Everything suck currently. They have a new employee named Yukhei, and he was very good, very social that their boss decided to put him on the morning shift because there’s more customer in the morning. Now Donghyuck have to stay awake during his night shift. It doesn’t make anything okay because he have morning class, and the only break he can have is the break between morning class and his night shift. His afternoon. People from outside may think he is trying to kill himself with the load of stress and emotional exhaustion he is going through. But Donghyuck is anything but dying. He is trying to live without being a burden to other people.

 

‘Do.. do you still receive messages from the orphanage?’ Jaemin asked, snapping Donghyuck out of his reverie. He nods slowly, sighing at the mention of the place. Bright Kids Jeju Orphanage Center. Donghyuck have been in the orphanage before, after his parents died by an awful car crash, he was sent to the center when his relatives refused to take responsibility of him. To say that the orphanage was kind is a big understatement, they are angels dressed in worn-out clothes and shirts that doesn’t look professional at all. People in the orphanage treated him very well, more better than his relatives can ever do, and Donghyuck feels bound to where he was raised. He is forever indebted to their kindness and made sure to help the poor center live long and cater to kids who are in need. ‘I’m going back to Jeju by the end of the month. I earned some of my tips to help them.’ Donghyuck admits, feeling teary. His heart can’t help but beat harder inside his chest when they are talking about the orphanage.

 

‘Well, I just gathered some old clothes from my younger relatives.’ Jaemin says sheepishly, ‘i was thinking maybe I could come too?’

 

Donghyuck’s smile is brighter than any stars in the whole wide world. ‘They would love that Nana!’

 

His best friend rolled his eyes at him with an adorning smile reserve for his struggling friend, waving at him as the other walks toward the exit. ‘I’ll see you at lunch Duckie. Be careful’ and he sends the other a flying kiss, making said boy gag playfully.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

‘Eat your meal Renjun’ Jeno continuously pleads, rubbing the smaller’s back as gentle as he can. Their 4th period just finished, and now, all classes for afternoon are reserved for their clubs and other extracurricular activities.  Mark came late because of his basketball practice only to see Jeno pleading and begging Renjun to eat his meal. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Mark asked, sitting beside Renjun who turned to him with puppy eyes. Jeno sighed as he surrendered, leaning back on his place. ‘Renjunnie here hasn’t eaten yet. He wanted to wait for you, but he have to drink his medicine too. Now we’re out of schedule.’

 

Mark turned to Renjun who was pouty and guilty at the same time. ‘Come, let’s start eating.’ He raises the spoon Jeno was forcing to Renjun before, smiling at him softly. ‘Open your mouth’

 

Renjun pouts more but took one last look on Mark’s face and then the spoon before obeying, munching the food with a grimace on his face. Jeno looked upset, but quickly disregard his expression to ask Mark. ‘So, when are Johnny hyung and the rest coming home?’

 

‘I think a week before the end of the month’ Mark answers, casually feeding Renjun who’s now busy playing with his phone. ‘They said they wanted to throw a big party for New Year.’

 

Jeno nods, furrowing his eyebrows. ‘How long will they stay?’

 

‘About two weeks and a half, I guess’ Mark retorts, setting down his phone to dig in his food. He cast his best friend an absurd look, judging by the way Jeno laughed, he probably looked weird. ‘Are you perhaps excited that they’re coming home?’

 

Jeno snorted loudly, leaning onto his palm and glancing at Renjun with affectionate eyes. ‘Just thinking where are you going to look for your imaginary boyfriend.’

 

Mark choked on his meat, Renjun patting his back and then sending Jeno a look of distaste. Jeno passes a bottle of water with a smirk, letting the other breathe for awhile. When Mark’s alright enough to actually comprehend what his best friend meant, he paled. He totally forgot about his biggest problem!

 

‘Imaginary boyfriend?’ Renjun parrots, his face showing clear sourness of not liking the idea. ‘Why do you have to look for someone? I can pretend as your boyfriend.’

 

Now it’s Jeno’s turn to choke. ‘What?’

 

Mark’s gaping like a fish, blinking at his friend’s statement. He pet the smaller’s brown hair, the smaller one instantly giggling. ‘Um, well that’s the problem Renjunnie.’ he sent Jeno a grimace, unsure how to continue. ‘I actually told them that I am dating someone named Haechan, and that he has tan skin with a bright smile. I mean..’ he continues, seeing the melting expression of his friend, ‘You do have a bright smile but, Johnny knows all of my friends. He knows you and Jeno like my brothers. They’re probably expecting someone different. Someone out of our league.’

 

Renjun pouts as he retreat from his space but doesn’t stop Mark from petting his head more. ‘So what are you going to do? It’s actually hard to look for someone tan. I mean, you may see some, but then they would look totally out your standards.’

 

‘That’s the problem’ Jeno affirms, nodding to his words. ‘We have exactly a week before they come home.’

 

Renjun turned to Mark with a scowl of disappointment. ‘Can’t you just tell them that you lied?’

 

Mark’s blood ran cold, and he momentarily freeze on his spot. He shook his head with strength, totally hating the idea. ‘No, I-I can’t. I can’t let go of this one’ he bit his lips, anxious. ‘If they know I’m lying, I’ll never hear the end of it. I’ll just find someone who can pretend as Haechan and when they go home, I’ll just explain that we broken up due to some problems.’

 

Jeno whistles, a smirk on his lips again. ‘Well that was dramatic. The problem is where would you find someone willing.’

 

‘Pretending as a boyfriend is not easy’ Renjun argues, ‘You have to give them something in return. Don’t expect them to do it for you for free’

 

‘Renjunnie is right.’ Jeno agrees, sighing before taking their trays and putting it back to the side. He jerk his head towards the entrance, Renjun following him like an excited puppy. ‘Come on Mark, let’s think about that later when we get home. Renjunnie doesn’t want to miss his Choir practice.’

 

Mark leaped on his feet to follow, mind still overflowing with his imaginary boyfriend.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

02:37 am.

 

Mark groaned as he checked his phone for the time. He was trying to finish his last project before Winter break comes. He totally lost track of time, too busy with the idea of finishing this damn compilations of paper. He pulled his glasses to massage his eyes, sighing. He’s still not sleepy and tomorrow is Saturday, but he want everything finished by evening so that he can relax on weekend and maybe find some possible ways to escape his problem. He failed to finish it by evening though. His stomach growled loud, so loud that his neighbor probably heard it. With a defeated sigh, he stood up and closed his books before grabbing his wallet, phone and car keys.

 

It’s very dark outside, and only the lights from the lamp post is lit.

 

Mark’s living in the good side of the country, placed inside Gangnam's very secured district along with his friends Jeno and Renjun who are just a 15 minute walk from his home. So he is used to being safe and seeing some people going late even if it’s 2:37 am of the early morning. He drives to the nearest 24 hour restaurant because he does not fancy stores and other cheap places. He pulls over the drive-thru way, pulling his wallet and rolling down his window.

 

‘What is your order sir?’

 

The voice is strangely very _familiar_ but Mark paid it no mind, already pulling his credit card. ‘I’ll have 2 Turf Burger and a Large cup of Black Coffee’

 

The hand that touches his hand is fairly warm and soft, like the softness of his pillow. But Mark doesn’t raise his head form where it is currently glued. He’s reading updates from their Team Coach about the changes of Basketball players. Sadly, Mark will be leaving the school next year because they are graduating so he’ll have to pass his title of being Team Captain to another student. About 2 minutes, there’s the soft voice again, but it sounded tired and exhausted, on the edge of falling asleep. ‘Here’s your order sir. Have a good-’ the employee yawns, ‘night sir’ before passing the said order. Mark muttered his ‘thank you’, eyes lifting from his phone to acknowledge the hand that is holding out his food. He frowns upon seeing the hand of the employee heavily covered with bandage. Some cuts and scratches are not even covered very well, and Mark’s heart constrict with worry to whoever it was. ‘Hey, your hands, always be care-’ he makes a turn to remind the employee of being careful, when he saw him. **Him**.

 

‘You!’ He bellowed, watching as the boy on the other side widen his eyes in shock. ‘You!’ He repeats, pointing a finger on Mark.

 

All thoughts of consoling the poor employee flew out of the window as anger boil inside him. ‘What are you doing him? Are you following me? Seriously!’

 

Donghyuck had the strength to look offended, ‘Excuse me! I am working here! Maybe you are following me!’ He accused. Mark put down his order to roll his window more, his words coming with harsh rancor, ‘You have the thick face to think that I will follow you! Especially to what you did to us!’

 

‘Well maybe you are following me to threaten me!’ Donghyuck spats, evidently tired of talking with this customer. This being Mark. ‘You know what, I have enough of your face. Just go.’

 

Mark still has a bitter comeback to his words but retreated, thinking that if he’s going to fight with some moron then he’ll be labeled as moron as well. He closed his window tightly, sending the other boy a piercing glare that he hope can pierce through the boy’s eyes. Gosh, everything about the boy anger Mark. Just to spite the employee, he started his engine and rumbled the car very loud, wheels screeching and smoke coming out of it. Donghyuck grit his teeth before closing the window pane of his side. He doesn’t close the door without shoving his middle finger to Mark’s door, slamming the window. Mark punched his wheel before driving away, feeling more angry than before.

 

 _Who does he think he is to mess with me_ , Mark thought, _probably just a poor boy._

 

Donghyuck slumped on his seat, totally worn out. His boss came to check on him and asked what happened because the sounds is horrifying and loud. Donghyuck assured him that it’s just another drunk customer before closing the door. He laid tiredly on the wall, cursing in every saint of giving him a bad luck.

 

 _Nice_ , Donghyuck thought, _my last customer was the freaking crazy man that just bumped me earlier this morning. How can this day get more worse?_

 

He packed his bag and gratefully took the left-over bag given to him before walking home. He walked back home using the shortcut, knowing that it is only him who know that. It’s not actually safe on his location to be walking home alone, right in the crack of the dawn. As he closed his apartment door, he slide down the wall, breathing ragged. He laid his hand on his chest, feeling it thrumming wild. He headed as slow as he can to his room, rummaging through his drawer and looking for something.

 

‘Fuck’ he curses, bending down beside his bed. He didn’t notice nothing is left on his medication. He doesn’t have enough money to buy another one, his next salary will be on the end of the month and he still have to go back to Jeju for the Orphanage.

 

He tried to regulate his breathing, anxiety clouding his head. He gripped the stuff toy closest to his hands and took a deep breath in and out. He have to look for another high paying job or else he won’t be able to pay his arrears that he has been procrastinating since last month.

 

He took a shaky breath, wiggling his way to his bed. He’ll have to work harder.

 


	2. somehow, to me, you are interesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno might have found the right one for Haechan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( **EDITED: 04-01-19** )
> 
> • I changed the korean currency into dollars because I have no idea how to use it. 
> 
> • Also, I edited just little parts, because I always get confuse too.

 

Donghyuck’s on his third cup of coffee, thanks to the free coffee maker in their Art Department when he was called to the Office. His hands were sweating and it didn’t help that he just finished doing his sketch for their Finals. He took a deep breath before knocking, and with the signal, walk in with careful step.

 

‘Lee Donghyuck’ The Principal nods her head at him, motioning for him to sit down. ‘I’m sorry that I have to snatch some of your time, but we have a big problem.’

 

Donghyuck gulped, nodding tersely to let her continue.

 

She pulled an envelop of names, pulling Donghyuck’s records. ‘So, now that the semester is about to end, all students are required to pay for their full tuition.’ Donghyuck knows where this is going. ‘Unfortunately, you’re the only one on your classes who hasn’t paid full yet Donghyuck-ah.’

 

The student doesn’t say a word. Not that he can’t. His brain is currently in haywire.

 

‘I know everything’s going tough right now Donghyuck-ah, but you have to pay for the tuition. I already asked the registrar to extend your deadline. We all know how hard it is to work day and night just to study, we are very amazed by you. But you have to pay before graduation, is that okay dear?’

 

Donghyuck does not know what to say. All he can say is that he will try his best and that he is thankful for their graciousness towards him. The Principal let him go and Donghyuck in auto-pilot walks back to their Department. When he reached his cubicle, he all but collapsed on his seat, burying his soaking face on his calloused hands. Just 4 more semester. He can do it. He'll have to do it.

 

He’ll just ask his boss to extend his time.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

‘We have one day! One day to be exact before Johnny hyung and the rest come back home! What do we do?!’ Jeno yells in frustration, landing back on Mark’s bed after his outburst. His two friends, Renjun and Mark also had a frown on their faces. For the past days, they are subtly checking people and students from their University, trying to look for the right candidate who will fit the ‘Haechan’ definition. No one has been prettily sun-kissed and cute enough to be Haechan, as Mark stated. And that’s what’s worse. No one actually fit to be Haechan. Someone who put the sun to shame. Who has a smile that can lighten the world. Screw Mark.

 

‘How about we just grab some random person and tell them that he changed styles?’ Renjun suggested, gnawing his lips.

 

Mark ruffled his already messed up hair, standing up. ‘Come, I think we should have a break.’

 

‘Right, let’s go to the Restaurant nearby’ Jeno suggested, hand stretched for Renjun to take. Renjun shyly laces their hands together, following Mark outside. They decided to use Jeno’s car just because Mark is too lazy to drive. His brain seems to belatedly realized that this restaurant is where the boy he never wanted to see is working at. As they stepped down the car, Renjun automatically latches on Mark’s arm, already talking his ears off.

 

Jeno open the door for them, striding in first.

 

‘Hello, seat for how many?’ The waiter at the door greets. ‘For three please.’ Jeno answered, following the employee to where the seat was located.

 

The booth was for four people but it’s okay. ‘Orders?’

 

‘I’ll get pasta!’ Renjun beams, lifting his head from the menu. ‘Add mushroom please’

 

‘I’ll have Mozzarella Chicken,’ Jeno stated, nodding to Mark to order. Mark doesn’t look like he’s listening. He isn’t even looking at his menu. ‘Mark?’

 

‘Oh sorry’ Mark snaps, nodding to the waiter. ‘I’ll have Turf Burger. And Black Coffee please.’

 

‘I’ll get your orders ready by 5 minutes, thank you’

 

Mark rested on his seat, glancing every now and then. When he sees that the boy from days ago isn’t going to show up, he gives up only to see Jeno staring at him curiously. ‘Are you looking for someone Mark?’

 

‘N-No! Of course not!’ Mark splutters.

 

‘Well, it looks like your panicking over something.’ Jeno teases, trying to pull Renjun by his arm to make him move places. In Mark’s muddled mind, he faintly hear them fighting and Jeno loudly whining why Renjun’s beside Mark instead of him. Mark raised his head just in time for the bell to chime, alarming someone walking in. Covered in an old blue jacket while a hand busily rubbed said tousled hair, Mark watches as the same boy from days ago walked in, moving frantic and seemingly uncoordinated.

 

His chest jump in slight fear when the boy turn to look around, and all Mark can feel is fear of seeing the boy again. Luckily, he was ushered inside the kitchen to start working. It seems like the boy’s schedule is messed up. Before, Mark saw him at the early morning but now, he’s having his shift at lunch too?

 

‘Mark!’ Renjun yells, waking him up from his thoughts. ‘Yeah’ he says back, suddenly aware of the eyes staring at him judgingly. ‘I was asking what’s wrong. You suddenly froze like you saw a ghost.’ Renjun explains, pushing a cold hand on his friend’s forehead.

 

‘I-I think this isn’t a good idea’ He retorts, hoping that he will not see the boy again. Something with the boy is messing with Mark’s mind. The problem is he cannot point it out. He doesn’t know why he is feeling magnetized by the bruised hand, by the boy’s sullen dark eyebags, by his worn-out clothes—

 

‘We have to leave’ Mark stands, Renjun following him automatically.

 

Jeno however, doesn’t look like he wants to. ‘We just ordered. And I paid for your lunch.’

 

Mark rolled his eyes at him, an explanation already ready on the tip of his tongue. Just as he was about to confront Jeno about why this is a bad idea, a soft voice echoed behind him. The voice that is strangely hunting him. That is strangely soft even in his own ears. Even in his dreams.

 

‘Here’s your order sir’

 

Renjun, Jeno and Mark all turned to the waiter in unison. Shock is an understatement, Renjun visibly paled as his hands caught Mark’s wrist tugging him. Jeno stood from his place in a state of surprise, while Mark stared at the boy in front of him.

 

The boy who had surprise etched on his face doesn’t move. They stare at each other with bated breath.

 

But Jeno was the first to break it. He shake his head, hands reaching for the tray of food. ‘Ugh, our order’

 

Donghyuck popped from his intense staring battle with Mark, giving the tray to Jeno. He shared one last look at Mark who doesn’t back down, and something on his eyes Mark concludes, is covered with anger, longing and fear. ‘Cat got your tongue?’ Mark spat, waiting for the other to explode. Donghyuck clenched his fist, gulping before his shoulder sagged, lowering his head. The action made the three students widen their eyes, obviously shock by the turn of events. Donghyuck looks like he wanted to say something but he stopped himself from doing it, instead, he turned back with his head still hanging low before leaving.

 

Now that was _very_ weird.

 

‘I swear he was just cursing me last time we saw each other!’ Mark insist, freaking out over the fact that said boy didn’t even fight nor cuss at them. Renjun looked horrified as well. He expected that the boy will start fighting them but he guess he’s wrong. The three of them watches as Donghyuck picks up a clean cloth and started cleaning the tables that are dirty, moving over to mopping the floor. He diligently followed the orders of his boss and even went to the kitchen while some of their workers take their break.

 

Renjun bit his lip, ‘He look very.. diligent. He work so hard.’

 

Jeno agreed with his mouth open, still amazed that said boy didn’t fight them. ‘Maybe he needed the money’

 

Mark munches on his burger slowly, eyes not leaving the figure of the boy who’s haunting him for days. While watching, he took notice the boy’s appearance. His hair was red, unkept messily, framing his small face. His skin, is a hundred percent tan, and he stood out so much from the crowd because most of the people are whiter than him. Mark also notice that he is a head shorter than him, and if Mark notice his long lean legs, he doesn’t voice it out. Some secrets are kept hidden.

 

They finished their food as quick as they can, because the atmosphere is very awkward and Mark wanted to leave as fast as he can. As they all get ready to leave, Mark saw his friend Renjun leaving a fistful of dollars in the table.

 

As they walk out, the last thing Mark see is him looking back at them, the money secured in his tight hold, placed right in front of his chest.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

No. Mark think this is a bad idea. And judging by the way Jeno looks, they are thinking of the same thing.

 

‘No’ Mark says even before his best friend say something. Jeno scoff, taking a hold of his friend by his arm to drag him to his bathroom. He locked it with finality before crossing his arms, looking very much unimpressed. ‘No’ Mark still insist, glaring back at the other. ‘This is a bad idea.’

 

‘You haven’t even heard my side yet!’ Jeno argues.

 

‘I know what you’re going to tell me!’ Mark argues back, lowering his voice incase Renjun heard them. Jeno stride to him, encasing a firm hand om his shoulder to get his attention, ‘Listen Mark, you have exactly a day to find someone suitable for your imaginary boyfriend. And that boy, that one, fits the definition perfectly.’

 

Mark shoved his hands away, frowning. ‘How can you tell? He’s just tan, that’s all.’

 

Jeno smirked, ‘Oh, don’t tell me you don’t find him pretty’

 

‘Why you—’ Mark growls and made a move to attack the other when a knock resounded, and a very worried Renjun asked, ‘Are you fighting guys? Are you both okay?’

 

Jeno glares at Mark back, pushing the suspended hands away from him. ‘We’re fine, just talking.’

 

There’s grumbling and some pouting because it’s Renjun, but he eventually gave up, walking away from the door to return to the couch. Jeno and Mark return to their staring battle, and looks like Mark is losing. ‘Look Mark, I’m trying to help you. I wouldn’t put you in danger because I am your friend.’ Jeno explains, ‘I’m just scared you’re going to screw whatever plan you have when the hyungs come back.’

 

Mark pursed his lip as he take a seat on the closed toilet, cradling his already aching head on his palms. It is true that they cannot find someone suitable to be Haechan but Mark doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to include him.. That boy. And as his fake boyfriend? They’ll probably be killing each other any moment and second given!

 

‘Must I remind you that he hates us.’ Mark clears, giving Jeno the stink eye incase he doesn’t know the obvious truth. Jeno shrugs, ‘Incase you didn’t notice, he is a struggling student.’

 

‘No’

 

‘You’re hitting two birds with one stone Mark!’ Jeno asserted, already losing patience. ‘Can’t you see that we don’t have any choice? If you get him as your fake boyfriend, you can pay him for his effort. See? Was that so hard to understand?’

 

Mark releases a sigh, not entirely sure by the idea of dating -- fake dating the boy scratched his car and fought with them in the road. But his best friend is right. He is a hundred percent that they have no choice already. And though it is a complete revulsion and that the idea is absurd, Mark will have to resort to this last chance. ‘Okay, I surrender. How do you propose we talk to him?’ Mark told him. ‘He hates me.’

 

Jeno smirks with a shake of his head, ‘Oh Mark. Love of money is after all, everything.’

 

Mark doesn’t feel sure with that.

 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

‘Donghyuck, someone’s looking for you’

 

Donghyuck was excused from his work which is washing dishes for the meantime because someone asked for Donghyuck personally. With raised eyebrows and a suspicious look at his boss who was smiling rather wide as he made his way out, he totally didn’t expect to see him. That blondie with noodle arms. Their faces doesn’t look anything close to impress but neither is Donghyuck. He makes a move to turn, but his boss was already blocking his way. ‘They paid to talk to you’ His boss whispered, already pushing him to the group of boys.

 

Donghyuck glared at him, before giving up and facing the others. ‘What do you need? Orders?’

 

Jeno was the one willing to talk, a beautiful smile already plastered on his face. ‘Please just give us a moment. We have a very interesting.. proposition for you’

 

Donghyuck raised his eyebrow, ‘I don’t talk to strangers.’ He sends Mark a glare, ‘Especially to noodle arms with blonde hair that accuses me of dangering all of you.’

 

‘Look,’ Jeno enunciated, blocking Mark from the other boy’s view, ‘We are very sorry that we have to meet in a very bad way. Wrong timing and place. But please disregard that horrendous past, we just really need your help.’

 

If it wasn’t for Jeno’s incredibly handsome face and puppy eyes, Donghyuck would’ve rejected the offer. But a quick glance on said noodle arms and his other friend’s wide innocent eyes made him sigh. He is still after all human, and all humans make mistake and wrong judgement. He point his finger to the empty table at the furthest, ‘I’ll get you some drinks’ before he whisk away. Neither of the three were able to stop him from moving too fast.

 

‘Do you think he will accept the offer?’ Renjun asked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

 

‘He’ll have to’ Jeno muttered, already feeling nervous. Mark wasn’t any better. His hands are clammy and he feels like breaking into a cold sweat. There’s a lot of negative things that can happen with their.. hilarious agreement. This boy is Mark’s last chance. It’s either him or face the wrath of his hyungs. He doesn’t know what’s worse though. It’s not like everything’s going to be easy. This boy literally hated Mark’s whole human being. The both of them will have to adjust, but that’s completely hard to do. Seeing as they don’t know each other personally.

 

Donghyuck came back with four iced coffee. When asked why, ‘It’s the cheapest’ he shortly replies, sitting down in front. They’re lucky the table was circle or else two of them would’ve sat beside Donghyuck. Mark sat across Donghyuck and they share an intense staring battle once more before Jeno cut it with his hand, trying to lighten the environment.

 

‘So, what do you want to talk about?’ Donghyuck asked, sipping on his cold drink. ‘I don’t have all time. I still have the remaining hours to finish my shift.’

 

Jeno coughs, sharing a look with Mark and Renjun. Mark had insisted that he will be the one to talk but Jeno said that the arrangement will only end up in argument if ever he did talk. So Jeno was appointed as the middle-man. ‘So, we actually have a big problem.’ Jeno began, looking at Donghyuck straight into his dark orbs. Donghyuck doesn’t look amused, ‘You wouldn’t be here if you don’t have. What’s your proposition?’

 

‘We.. we need you to act as a fake boyfriend’

 

Donghyuck’s first response is a whistle followed by the raising of his eyebrows. He seems to be doing that a lot, and it must mean something. Probably judging them. ‘A fake boyfriend? For what? A ball? Business night?’

 

‘No, well, Mark needs a boyfriend--’ a scoff, courtesy of Donghyuck, ‘Our friend Mark needs a fake boyfriend for two weeks. The day after tomorrow, our hyungs from other countries are coming home to celebrate New Year. And.. and we might’ve lied to them.’

 

‘So now you have to pick someone unwillingly just to prove that your lie was, indeed, true.’ Donghyuck quotes, and his face is nowhere near the agreement. Oh no. ‘You do know I don’t do things for free. Not everyone is willing to be slaves for your selfish needs.’

 

Mark rolled his eyes but Jeno beams at the other, excited at the topic. ‘Of course we will not be using you without any credit!’

 

‘We’ll be paying you.’ Mark cuts off, his serious gaze now drawn to the tan boy’s freckles. Would it be foolish of him to think that those weird tiny dots are actually.. adorable on his sun-kissed skin? Maybe Mark is going insane. He’s with this insane boy after all. ‘I will pay you. Money is easy.’

 

Donghyuck straight up glared at him, shaking his head in disbelief. ‘People nowadays think they can get everything with money.’

 

Jeno twist his head to send a disapproving look at Mark before apologizing to Donghyuck, ‘No, what he mean is, we have already saved a large sum of cash for this agreement.’

 

‘We’ve been looking for people who can fit the definition that we are looking for.’ Renjun quips sadly, looking little beside two large friends of him. ‘But there’s no one who is able to pull it properly.’

 

Donghyuck hums, looking down on his drink. ‘What’s the definition anyway?’

 

Mark feels heat rise from his neck to his face and he groans as he palmed himself with his larger hands. Fortunately, Jeno was a very smart wingman. ‘Well, Mark did stated that his boyfriend has beautifully sun-kissed skin..’ he politely pointed Donghyuck’s tan skin which got him a glare, ‘and a smile that can lighten the world.’

 

Donghyuck raised his hands in surrender, ‘Well, it looks like I’m not the one you are looking for.’ and made a move to stand. ‘I am nowhere near a sunshine with my color and attitude.’

 

‘Wait!’ Mark calls, accidentally grabbing the other by his arm. His skin is warm, is what Mark’s first thought is, and then his heart lurched a bit, for some unknown reason that he cannot fathom nor discuss. ‘Please, I beg you.’

 

All he got was that raised eyebrow. And an undeniable damn smirk occured on the tan boy’s lips. ‘If you’re that desperate, beg.’ there’s collective gasp, and adds, ‘On your knees.’

 

He watches as Mark gulped, eyes widening in fraction and his brain’s cog probably working itself to its extent. Donghyuck can almost hear the gears inside the taller’s head and he watches as something passed through the blonde’s eyes. Not even a minute passed, when Mark sighed, slowly making a move to bend on his knees. To be honest, what came out of Donghyuck’s mouth is purely a joke. And he knows at some point that this rich brats wouldn’t bend to his orders and leave him for good. But it seems like destiny has a way of surprising him. Donghyuck’s hard-headed and stubborn, but he is not a bad person. And he appreciates respect when respect is given to him. Even if this someone have a bad impression to him.

 

‘Stop’ He finally says, stopping the other from fully kneeling on his knees. Mark’s head snapped from the contact. ‘What?’

 

Donghyuck used all his strength to pull the older by his feet. ‘I said it was okay’

 

Mark blinked at him then to Jeno before sitting down, Donghyuck doing the same. He still look irritated but less, now the frown on his face is gone, instead it’s filled with wonder and curiosity. ‘So, I cannot assure you that I have a smile that can rival the sun, but I do have tan skin? Is that enough?’

 

‘T-that’s fine’ Jeno stammers, still winded by the turn of events. Everything seems to be whiplash with this boy named Donghyuck. ‘As for your payment, it is personal and only the two of you should talk about it.’

 

Donghyuck nods, ‘Okay.’

 

Jeno stood and pulled a pouty Renjun to give the two privacy. For a whole minute, Mark and Donghyuck stared at each other. The tension still hangs in the air that even a knife can cut through it. Mark let his eyes wander down, carefully tracing the moles of the boy he is supposed to call ‘ _boyfriend_ ’ for the next two weeks. He found it unbelievably pretty and is totally amazed that such moles can create a captivating form of constellations. His tan skin looks stunningly fair and soft, and the soft glow of the light bouncing against his skin made him more ethereal looking. Jeno is truly not lying. This boy is indeed pretty.

 

‘Are you done staring?’ Donghyuck blustered, glancing at his watch every now and then. Mark was aware of the harsh tone thrown at him. ‘We can’t have a staring battle boyfriend.’ Donghyuck teases in borderline sarcasm and humor. ‘What’s the arrangement?’

 

Mark nods at that, grabbing a small paper from his pocket. He doesn’t talk about Donghyuck’s confused reaction. ‘I know that this will be really really weird..’

 

‘You bet it.’ Donghyuck scoffs.

 

‘But I’m willing to pay $600 for the whole two weeks that you will pretend as my boyfriend. The rules are simple, you have to be my fake boyfriend.’ Mark conversed, passing the small paper to Donghyuck who looked pretty shell-shocked by the digits of the payment. ‘Other rules consist of attending dates, party and other gatherings whenever I ask. We.. we need to show that our relationship is real.’

 

Donghyuck put the paper down, frowning. ‘It sounds like a companion rather than a boyfriend? Are you going to ask me to buy foods too? And isn't too big of a money just for 2 weeks?'

 

‘No.’ Mark answered, ‘The only important thing here is that we fool my friends into believing that I do have a real relationship.’

 

Donghyuck tsked, ‘You’re lying. To your friends.’

 

Mark rubbed his temple, trying to calm himself down. ‘Well you need the money right. Because if you don’t then you wouldn’t be working hours in here.’

 

He must’ve had hit a nerve because Donghyuck’s curious eyes turned deadly. ‘Be careful blondie. You know nothing about me.’

 

‘And so do you’ Mark throws back, ‘Just please, do both of us a favor. I won’t even touch you. You just have to be there and agree to everything I say.’

 

Donghyuck seems to be thinking of the consequences of their action. ‘Okay then. Fine. I will be your fake date for two weeks.’ Mark fistpump the air below the table, ‘But I have my own rules too.’

 

Mark’s eyes got bigger. Oh no. He wasn’t ready for the boy’s rules.

 

‘First, because you broke my bicycle, you have to pick me up every time I ask you to.’ He states, watching as Mark’s eyes widen in fraction more. ‘But you scratched my car!’ Mark hisses back. ‘And you didn’t follow the stop lights.’ Donghyuck quips teasingly. Mark harrumps on his seat, before admitting defeat. ‘Fine, what more?’

 

‘Buy me food everyday.’ Donghyuck chided and Mark just closed his eyes. There goes his expenses. Seriously, what did he expect from this kid? He’s poor and is always in need. ‘Fine, anything more?’

 

Donghyuck hums to himself, shaking his head. ‘That’s the only rules I have.’

 

‘Good’ Mark growls, ‘Because we have to discuss a lot about information. In case you don’t know, my name’s Mark Lee, in our case, we’ll have to use endearments. Do you have any suggestion?’

 

‘Since you’re so adamant on comparing your imaginary boyfriend to the sun, might as well call me Sunshine.’ Donghyuck snickered and feels shiver run through his skin. He doesn’t know if this is a good idea or not. But he needed the money. He really really needed it. ‘And my name’s Lee Donghyuck. But I guess I’m using Haechan as a nickname now.’

 

‘Yes, I supposed you do.’ Mark agrees. He sees Renjun and Jeno fighting on his peripheral vision. ‘I didn’t tell them a lot of things. So, I guess let’s start saying that we met through this restaurant.’ The tan boy hums, ‘And then let’s say we’re dating for a year now.’

 

‘That would mean we’re familiar to each other already?’ Donghyuck made a face of aversion, ‘Do you expect me to kiss you and pamper you like a baby?’

 

Mark feels like he’s going to lose all his brain cells with his boy. He clenched his fist under the table and released his breathe through his nose. ‘Let me handle those parts. And no, I will not kiss you.’ Even if I die, Mark thought.

 

They spent the whole hour sharing information with each other with Donghyuck looking bored as hell and Mark looking ready to kill. It’s exactly the end of Donghyuck’s shift when the boss walked to them with a blinding smile, bowing to Mark in respect. ‘Sir Lee’ he greets, asking Donghyuck to do the same. Mark nods to them, sending Donghyuck a small ‘I’ll text you’ before leaving. Donghyuck scoffed at Mark’s standoffish character. Upfront, he look neither of those. To Donghyuck’s investigative eyes, he’s nothing but a rich brat with noodle arms.

 

‘What did you talk about?!’ The boss asked, insistent as his employee walk back to their locker room.

 

‘Nothing personal’ Donghyuck replies, sending his boss a suspicious look once again. ‘An why do you even care? You accepted the money and gave me!’

 

‘He gave you a tip too!’ His boss changed the topic, thrusting the envelope right at the smaller’s uncovered chest. ‘Don’t tell me you don’t know him? He’s the son of Lee Diverse and Dynamics, you know the company that sells electric cars without the use of oil. His family own all the branches in Korea! He’s a big hit!’

 

His words are led to muted ears as Donghyuck was more busy and invested in opening the envelope Mark was too shy to give himself. There’s a $20 inside and a small paper obviously ripped from a notebook judging by its corners. It says ‘ _you did well_ ’.

 

Donghyuck bit his lips to stop the smile that is forcing its way on his lips.

 

Atleast he put credit where credit is due.

  


∞ ❖ ∞

  


‘Did you give him the envelope?’ Renjun asked, now looking stress-free and freely leaning back on his seat. ‘Yes I did’ Mark answered, eyes focused on the road.

 

‘That’s good, I put a small letter inside.’ Jeno confesses, rubbing his nape shyly. Mark send him an incredulous look, noting how fidgety the other was. ‘What did you do?!’

 

‘I just wrote a simple letter okay.’ Jeno admits, pouting a little. ‘We have to be on his good side.’

 

Mark bumped his head on the steering wheel, stopping at the stoplights. Jeno was laughing at his side saying something about ‘we asked him a favor you dumbass, we need him’ and Renjun agreeing that they are indeed the one at fault for the accident anyway. Mark just hopes that this stupid plan will work out. He have exactly one day to get his mind ready. Oh gosh.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to get the hang of this story! To be honest, it's actually hard and I can't find my writing style yet!  
> I'll update as soon as I can (maybe tomorrow) and probably with more words than this two failed chapters.  
> I will see you once again!
> 
> Also, do not forget to help me in IG. @bethemaxxy  
> and questions are welcome in https://curiouscat.me/glochisiester
> 
> Ciao VV's! <3


	3. it's actually pretty easy to be nice to bitter friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck or 'Haechan' meet the friends. Their act doesn't look real though.

 

‘Text me your address’

 

Donghyuck wasn’t even fully awake to comprehend what’s happening. First, he remembered answering a call from an anonymous person, but spare him, he was sleeping and half awake when he answered it. Second, he faintly remembered stating his complete address too the unknown caller. Now, if Donghyuck’s more awake than now, he’d be probably shouting and screaming like crazy. Because what the fuck, he just gave his address away. What if the caller is a killer? Donghyuck could’ve not even say goodbye to his dear friend Jaemin. But alas, Donghyuck wasn’t any of those. Instead he was still asleep when he opened his front door, welcoming his unsuspecting guest.

 

Mark Lee.

 

‘Tell me why the fuck you’re in boxers?’ Was Mark’s first words, his eyes were staring at the ceiling while he said those words. Donghyuck blinked at him, not sure if he’s seeing an illusion or a dream. Is it really him? ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ He spat as sarcastic as he can, but it’s a fail because he’s dressed literally almost naked, and his face is bloated from sleep. And did he tell you that he hadn’t touched his hair since yesterday? It’s a mess.

 

‘I called you, don’t you remember?’ Mark answered, still not looking down. Donghyuck frowns at his words, picking his phone to check the caller. Oh, the anonymous. ‘You must be the unknown number.’

 

‘I am!’ Mark grits and now his eyes are closed, ‘I told you to save my number didn’t I.’

 

Donghyuck rubbed his eyes and tried to open it wide, still lost in his muddled mind and dreamy state. He unconsciously rubbed his stomach which is displayed for the world to see, making Mark squak indignantly before turning around furiously. ‘Will you please dress nicely!’ before practically slamming the door close. The rattling of said old wooden piece of wood seems to wake Donghyuck. He checked his phone once again and groaned, feeling a headache coming. ‘Oh no.’ He hisses, thumping is head now that he is completely aware of what happened.

 

When he’s dressed decent enough to go out, he expected to see the blondie already gone. He was inside his own home for a whole hour after all. He doesn’t expect to see said blondie to be having a good talk with his landlord.

 

‘Oh Duckie!’ His landlord greets, waving a hand from where he is perched. ‘Your friend here is a good one. Never knew you know someone like him.

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, pulling his backpack sluggishly behind him. ‘I never knew I had one too.’ before sending Mark a glare, ‘Why are you even here?’

 

‘If you were listening yesterday, you would’ve known that I told you that we’re buying clothes for tomorrow. We cannot afford to look like beggars in front of my friends.’ Donghyuck hisses at him like a snake at the mention of _‘beggar’_ , ‘They will be bringing their boyfriends too, so I suggest we start buying now so that no time will be left wasted.’ Mark explains, prodding Donghyuck to talk more if he have any questions. ‘Unless you have all the time in the world, let’s start going.’

 

Donghyuck walked ahead of him, not sparing him a glance. Mark can only sigh after bidding the landlord goodbye. He walked behind the smaller one. Donghyuck’s clothes are a little bigger than him, and his shoes are.. very ancient, to say. Mark’s face is obviously painted in distaste. He doesn’t know if this boy is plainly bad at fashion or he’s just really.. impecunious.  Donghyuck must’ve felt his judging eyes behind, because he turned to face the taller, squinting at him with complete annoyance. ‘What are you looking at?’

 

Mark decided to give him the answer, the words true from his heart. Might as well be honest with this one. ‘Be honest with me, how many pairs of shoes do you have?’

 

Donghyuck seem insulted by his words, and then looked down at his old shoes. He knows they are in fact very old and ugly looking but no one can blame Donghyuck, he have no money to buy an extra pair of shoes. The only pair he have is his school shoes, a sandal and this worn-out old shoes. ‘I have three.’ He spits back.

 

Mark miraculously doesn’t look bothered by his sarcasm, instead, a hard frown was resting on his forehead. ‘What?’

 

‘I said three’ Donghyuck mumbled, feeling embarrassed and of course, ashamed in the slightest. The two of them are totally different, and it shows, just by the way they dress. Mark was elegantly dolled up in a Puma sports wear colored red and white while Donghyuck was just in a old tshirt and his tattered jeans. ‘You know I don’t have enough money to buy luxurious things like you all do.’ He adds, shrugging his shoulder.

 

Mark took a step forward, making Donghyuck step backward in response. Maybe it’s fear, probably. ‘Basic needs for life isn’t luxurious Donghyuck’

 

‘It’s Haechan’ Donghyuck corrected, and a smile form on his lips at the way Mark’s face twist in confusion then understanding. ‘Anyways, what I was saying is, you shouldn’t deprive yourself of your basic needs.’ Mark adds.

 

‘I repeat Blondie,’ Donghyuck emphasized with an exasperated sigh, ‘I don’t have the money okay. And don’t meddle too much with my life, I’m just your boyfriend for 2 weeks. After that, it’s done. No connection and all.’

 

Mark bites back whatever he wanted to say. At some part of his heart, at the spot where he most protected and kept locked, thunders. Maybe it is pity, Mark’s mind supplies, as they resume walking with Donghyuck in tow. Something on his fake boyfriend’s eyes is nerve-wrecking and interesting at the same time. He found himself lulled into the dark abyss, and completely entrance by his overall being. Maybe Mark’s going insane. He opens his car door, Donghyuck shyly stepping in. He heard the smaller mutter a shy and low ‘ _sorry my sneakers are dirty’_ but pretended to not hear it.

 

As he started the engine, he noticed the tan boy’s still covered hands. Bandages surrounds it.

 

‘Where did you get that?’ Mark’s stupid mind and mouth filter didn’t work in the same time. Thus, the question.

 

Donghyuck doesn’t look happy with his question though, ‘The car accident.’

 

‘Oh’ Mark says belatedly, mind buzzing. He rubs his nape sheepishly, apology on the tip of his tongue. But Donghyuck was faster than him, more faster than Mark’s mind which is still processing. ‘Don’t apologize unless you mean it.’ And that is enough to shut Mark’s mouth up. Maybe he really wasn’t sorry. Or maybe he’s just scared to speak because he’s always been a coward in serious talks.

 

Soon, they arrive at their destination. The mall.

 

‘I hope you know I don’t have even a coin to buy something in here.’ Donghyuck declares, following Mark who is waiting outside his car. Mark can’t help but roll his eyes at him, ‘I know, or else I would’ve not brought you here.’

 

Donghyuck sends a small punch in his shoulder, but it wasn’t strong nor firm. It feels like a quick push of his fist.

 

‘Let’s go get some shoes first’ Mark directed the smaller to where the shop was located. Donghyuck followed with nervousness licking his veins. He’s not entirely sure how he should feel with Mark— someone he barely met and have just talked to for three times— buying him a new of pair of shoes, and not just in a cheap shop but in one of the most expensive shop in the whole Korea. It looks like he’s really fighting for the idea of not looking as ‘beggars’.

 

‘Sit down, I’ll have someone tend to you.’ Mark tells him, his head snapping left to right. He leaves Donghyuck alone for a minute only to come back with a man, bringing two boxes. If before his veins were just lighting up, now his whole nervous system is on fire. ‘Uhm’ He coughs out, garnering Mark’s attention. ‘I’m not sure about that. I-I can’t pay—’

 

‘You’re not paying Donghyuck’ Mark assured, pulling his golden card. ‘And don’t think about the price.’

 

Donghyuck kept his mouth shut during his fitting session, feeling lost and awkward with the way Mark talk so freely and professional, like he had been here for a thousand times. Maybe he did. In the end, they bought the newest running shoes from Adidas. Donghyuck doesn’t know the exact price but just by the figure of it, it seems more than a hundred dollars. ‘I can’t accept this.’ Donghyuck croak, pitifully, ‘I’ll give it back to you.’ Donghyuck lived his whole life not asking for help. To have help handed to him like a pie leaves something unpleasant inside his stomach. Guilt.

 

Mark sighed for the nth time, grabbing the box to push it to his chest. ‘Just think of it as a gift from your boyfriend.’

 

‘Fake boyfriend’ Donghyuck grits.

 

‘Noted.’ Mark clicked his tongue, letting his eyes scan the smaller boy’s clothes. ‘Now let’s buy some decent clothes.’

 

‘Hey!’

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


‘We have the exact size for him!’ The sales lady beams, already grabbing loads of shirt and different jackets and putting them in the cart. ‘He looks like a small one.’

 

‘Hey! I heard that’ Donghyuck contested. He followed behind Mark and the lady dutifully, glancing at the clothes every now and then. At some point, he saw the newest design he have been seeing in magazines. He bit his lip as he let his fingers trace over the expensive clothe. He was so invested in fantasizing the brand new jumper that he didn’t notice Mark standing behind him with a questioning look. ‘Donghyuck?’

 

‘Oh!’ Donghyuck jumped at the call, ‘Sorry’ he blurted hurriedly, facing the older.

 

Mark raised an eyebrow at his action but doesn’t question his motives further. He passed three paper bags to the smaller, ushering him to the nearest stall to change. Donghyuck expected to change alone, but he’s totally dumbfounded when the older walks in as well, urging him to change. Donghyuck’s too flabbergasted to move or react, but by the mercy of Peter, his mouth protested. ‘Why the hell are you inside?!’

 

Mark accidentally leaped on his spot by the sudden voice, a hand on his chest. ‘What?’

 

‘I’m going to change and you’re inside!’ Donghyuck fumes, cheeks reddening. How dare this man! Who does he think he is?

 

‘We’re both males!’ Mark argues back, ‘And it’s easier this way!’

 

If possible, Donghyuck’s cheeks reddens more, rivaling the color of his shirt. ‘No. You wait outside!’ He shriek, not giving Mark any second to react as he pushed the taller outside the stall. Mark tripped on his way out, groaning in pain when his knees hit the ground. ‘Hey!’ He burst just in time for the door to slam shut. Mark stared at it with his jaw hanging open, totally appalled.

 

He felt his heart drumming wildly. Damn tan skin.

  


When Donghyuck walked out of the stall, he was already wearing one of the clothes that Mark bought for him. It was floral and colored blue, just the right thing for his darker skin and Donghyuck actually liked how it looks on him. He decided not to wear the shoes yet, internally he wants to gush it to himself about how cool the shoes looked like! But that could wait when he get home.

 

Because it looks like Mark still has something to do.

 

Mark was deep in his thoughts, and it didn’t make anything better when Donghyuck walked out of the stall with his new clothes. To say that he was pretty is an understatement, he looked shockingly beautiful in the blue poloshirt. Jeno is always right it seems. He does have a good eyesight when it comes to pretty things. But something is still bothering Mark’s mind.

 

You see, yesterday, he had the talk with Jeno when they got home. And he should’ve expected it, because Jeno’s wiser than him.

 

He indicated that the two of them — Donghyuck and Mark — should practice holding hands.

 

Mark would’ve laughed at his friend’s suggestion, but that same night, Johnny called and told him that they’re excited to go home and meet ‘ _Mark’s boyfriend_.’ Then he realized that he have absolutely no freaking idea how sweet should they be, or how they would act as a couple. Mark’s a beginner at love, zero experience and have no idea on how they would handle this. Thus, Jeno’s suggestion popped in his head multiple times. He is indeed right, they should practice and talk about it.

 

‘Hold my hand’ He commanded, stretching out his hand to the smaller. Donghyuck looked at him like he had grown multiple heads. He swat his hands away, ‘No way.’

 

‘We’re dating.’ Mark alluded, ‘Sunshine.’

 

Donghyuck’s cheeks redden once again because of shame. He hope no one in school will see him with this jerk. ‘Fake dating.’ before grabbing the hand directed to him. His heart feels like it’s beating right through his mouth and if Mark noticed that his hands were clammy and sweaty he doesn’t talk about it. He does point out his severe shaking though, ‘Stop shaking.’

 

‘I can’t. Maybe if you let go of my hand it will stop.’ Donghyuck hisses, looking down as he say this words. Physical contact is something that Donghyuck loves to give, but for some inexplicable reason, his body seems to shiver everytime he touches the older. Even when he only thinks of him. Strange, right?

 

They walked around the mall, Mark buying things he needed. The walk was.. well, you can say, a total shame. It feels like Donghyuck’s walking in the walk of shame instead of holding hands with his pretend-boyfriend. It wasn’t like Mark’s doing any better. At some point, they saw themselves infront of a big mirror and it looks like the taller was tugging the smaller harshly like an excess baggage. No, totally not romantic.

 

‘This is not gonna work’ Mark blared, evidently unsatisfied by the way they are acting. ‘We are nowhere near looking inlove.’

 

‘Because we are not!’ Donghyuck barks back, letting go of his hands. Seriously, he expected to have this daily fight for the next two weeks especially if he’s with this blondie.

 

‘Look, I’m paying you a good amount of money. The least you can do is act well on your part.’ Mark contended, looking at him with blazing eyes. Huh anger issues it seems, Donghyuck’s mind whispered but the smaller disregard the thought and chose to mull over Mark’s statement. He is right. He is paying him for a big exchange, the last thing Donghyuck should do is screw their plan. To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t want this very absurd idea, but he wanted the money. He needed it real bad. So he’ll have to bend.

 

‘I have no experience when it comes to relationship, so please, consider me being dumb.’ Mark adds, and he sounded exhausted. ‘Please help me in this one.’

 

Donghyuck took one last look at his miserable face before giving up. ‘Fine, because you look pathetic.’ and he tugged the taller’s hand on his own, pulling him closer till their chest collided and a shock gasped run out of Mark’s mouth at the sudden proximity. ‘But we’ll do it my way.’ Donghyuck declares, briefly glancing at the older’s red lips. His heart jumped a little. And it’s been so long since it did.

 

Fuck. Donghyuck knows this is a bad idea.

 

Mark’s response is uncharacteristically a sweet smile, and Donghyuck made the thought final that indeed, It Is Really A Bad Idea.

 

But Donghyuck loved bad ideas anyway.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


It’s **THE** day.

 

It’s normal to feel nervous, Donghyuck thought but it only made his nervousness worse. It is real that he is a smartmouth and a confident person, but right now, he’s going to meet people he doesn’t even know and pretend that he likes them. Donghyuck have the right to feel nervous. Mark texted him that he’ll pick him up quarter to 6 with Jeno and Renjun. It’s Donghyuck’s off so it’s good, it gives him enough time to think about his appearance. He only have few collections of makeup, something that he got addicted to during his school years, but most of it are already empty and gone.

 

He should improvise.

 

He already decided his clothes, a colored peach fitted pullover revealing his nicely carved collarbones, and his ripped black jeans. He doesn’t know how Mark’s friends dressed, and he haven’t stated how they do fashion too, so Donghyuck’s just taking a leap of faith. He hope he’s able to impress them enough to make them believe.

 

Donghyuck was already ready at exactly 5:30 with his makeup, clothes and shoes. He sat patiently on his ratty couch, waiting for the older’s signal. His hands are shaking and his right foot is constantly tapping against the floor. He checked his make up for the 10th time, making sure that his eyeliner is straight, his eyeshadow gleaming bright with glitters and that his lips is still shiny from the gloss. Donghyuck know he’s pretty. He’d heard thousand times before, but deep inside, he know it isn’t real. That he’s not really pretty. He’s just a good face.

 

Domghyuck’s halfway on his coffee when knocks came rapping his door. With a deep breathe, and the fear of failing to impress his fake-date, he opened the door.

 

His breathe got knocked out of him. Because standing in front of him, is Mark, now nicely dressed in a plain button up denim polo tucked in his denim jeans with a black belt surrounding his waist. He looked.. _debacious_. Mark isn’t any better though, his eyes is wide and obviously awestruck by the view in front of him. He blinked to snap himself out of delusional state, sending the smaller a rather awkward smile. ‘Uh, ready?’

 

Donghyuck ferociously tap his foot on the floor, cheeks reddening for some unknown reason. ‘No.’

 

Mark nodded, nervous as well. ‘Okay, um, let’s go. They already arrived this morning and took a rest, but now they are awake and throwing a welcoming party.’

 

‘Okay’ Donghyuck retorts robotically, ‘I-I can do that.’ before taking a deep breathe and taking Mark’s hand on his. He noticed the coldness of the other’s hand but doesn’t mention it. They made their way outside, in the parking lot where two cars are parked. Jeno was arguing with Renjun but suddenly stopped upon the arrival of the ‘couple’. ‘Hey’ Jeno greets, eyes flicking down at their intertwined hands. He tried not to make it obvious but Renjun was different, he was pouting at their joined hands.

 

‘Hello’ Donghyuck greets back, feeling like an animal in a zoo with the way he’s being stared at.

 

‘Just smile. Mark will handle the talking.’ Jeno starts, and Mark agreed. Donghyuck held a hand on his chest, beating wild. It came down in an instant, Donghyuck remind himself of putting on a show. He is an Art student after all. And Donghyuck is _art_ himself. He can do this.

 

‘Let’s go.’

  


Jeno lied, and so did Mark. It seems like they lie as a hobby. Because, Mark’s is nowhere and Donghyuck is doing the talking for a whole 30 minutes now.

 

However, to say that Donghyuck is surprised wouldn’t even define it. He’s actually astonished to find Mark’s group of friend absolutely handsome— all of them. He had been introduced to a group of young men who look more of an idol and models instead of foreign students.

 

‘So, Haechan, how is our Mark doing?’ Johnny, the tallest of the group asked. Johnny is handsome and built, he is funny and dorky too. Donghyuck think he would’ve made a good older brother. He brought his small boyfriend from Thailand for vacation, a small man smaller than Donghyuck himself. Ten. Donghyuck lift his head from eating his pasta, smiling as pretty as he can. ‘He’s doing fine.’ he cast the said boyfriend a glance who was busy fighting in the kitchen with his friend named Jaehyun. ‘He’s.. sweet.’

 

‘We would’ve never expected it.’ Taeyong, another handsome boy giggles. ‘Mark’s very shy about relationship.’

 

‘Yeah, I noticed.’ Donghyuck giggles back, his heart beating wild after being left behind in this circle full of unknown people. He’s doing a fairly good job entertaining them but it’s all that he can do.

 

‘So, what do you like most about him?’ Ten, boyfriend of Johnny doesn’t look friendly at all. His eyes are calculative and tense, as if he’s sensing something about Donghyuck.

 

‘His.. hands.’ Donghyuck dumbly supplies, laughing at their confused expressions. Doyoung, Jaehyun’s boyfriend seemed to know the answer, ‘Ohh, do you mean the hand.. by.. by’ he make a vague motion of putting it below his belt, and the group’s eyes widen even more in surprise and shock. Donghyuck’s cheeks heaten up at the misunderstanding. ‘No!’ he demurred, he smiles a little stilted, ‘I mean, I love it when he hold my hand all day long. It’s warm and it.. it keeps me safe.’

Ridiculous words are running out of Donghyuck’s mouth. He’s actually amazed at his set of vocabulary. He never knew he’d used it today.

 

The guest look satisfied with his answers.

 

‘Atleast Mark isn’t lying when he said you’re his Sunshine.’ Jisung, the youngest of them who brought his Chinese boyfriend with him, Chenle, stated. He looked positively happy, all of them, for their friend. ‘Yes. Mark’s right, you’re literally shining.’ Johnny agrees, just in time for Mark and Jaehyun to come back. They settle down the drinks they prepared, Mark sitting down beside him. He’s mindful of the eyes watching them, so the two of them made a show of linking their hands together and huddling more closer against each other. They proceed to eat loudly, Doyoung and Taeyong bickering. Donghyuck sees Ten and Johnny sharing a brief kiss before they murmur with each other.

 

Jeno and Renjun sat beside another Chinese friend, Sicheng with his foreign boyfriend, Yuta.

 

‘Are you still holding up?’ Mark whispered, pretending to fix the smaller’s hair. Donghyuck smiled at the people around, gritting his reply. ‘I’m beat.’

 

‘Just hang on, I’ll excuse you that you have to go at 9 pm.’ Mark drawled low and light, leaning more closer, ‘They’re looking.’ Donghyuck checked and saw that Johnny and Jaehyun are indeed watching. Donghyuck smiled politely at them, lifting his hand to fake caress Mark’s jaw. ‘What should we do?’

 

‘I don’t know’ Mark replies back, ‘I thought you know what to do.’

 

Donghyuck whacked his cheeks playfully, but the heaviness of the action made some heads turn at them. ‘Just.. just flow with me okay.’ he giggles fakely, earning a very loud snort from Renjun. ‘Are you okay with everything I do?’ Donghyuck looked at Mark’s eyes, seeing that the taller isn’t looking at him but at his lips. ‘Yeah sure. Just so that we aren’t suspicious.’

 

Jeno leans to them to murmur, ‘You are acting suspicious you know. And stop fake whispering, I can hear you even from here.’

 

Donghyuck whacked Jeno’s shoulder as a joke, shooing him away. He turned back at Mark again, sighing. ‘Okay, I’ll.. I’ll do something.’

 

Mark hums in reply.

 

When Mark makes a move to pull away, Donghyuck made a show of hurriedly plopping a kiss on his cheeks. It’s warm and very very embarrassing, but the reaction from Mark’s group is satisfying to hear and watch. Mark’s stunned in silence, eyes wide, but Donghyuck took his cheeks in his own hands to whisper at him, ‘That kiss cost a dollar.’

 

‘You’re a cheater.’ Mark grins back, but his voice is filled with venom. Donghyuck pinches his cheek intensely, laughing wickedly at the older’s pained expression.

 

‘Aww!’ Doyoung squeals, curling himself on Jaehyun’s side, said boyfriend drops a kiss on his forehead. ‘They’re so cute!’

 

‘Can’t believe our Mark is a big boy now.’ Yuta teases, earning a hum of agreement from his boyfriend Sicheng. Renjun however doesn’t look impressed by their confident public display of affection. Mark slung an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder, dragging him closer to nuzzle his nose against his hair. ‘Haechan made my life better and brighter.’

 

Donghyuck forced himself not to vomit. He covered his mouth but put on a smile on his twinkling eyes. Jeno, as the wisest wingman, agreed. ‘Mark changed a lot when they started dating.’

 

‘Well, he looked very happy.’ Taeyong cooes, leaning to pinch Mark’s cheeks. ‘Take good care of him Mark.’ He reminds the younger, then his lips pulled into a smirk. ‘Do you know Mark’s secret?’

 

On the mention of secret, everyone bursted laughing while some started talking. Donghyuck tries to maintain a happy face, all words running out of his ears that he can’t even remember who’s talking. ‘Don’t be fooled by Mark’s innocent face.’ Yuta cackles as he and Johnny high fived, Sicheng obviously looking exhausted with their laughing. ‘Mark hasn’t tried anything under the belt yet right?’ Johnny casually asked, all eyes focusing on Donghyuck.

 

He laughs awkwardly, cheeks reddening. Oh gosh. What is he supposed to say?

 

‘Hey guys cut it off.’ Mark tries to save, noting the reddening of Donghyuck’s cheeks. ‘We haven’t.. you know.’

 

‘Oh, but you want right?’ Doyoung giggles, going back to hiding his face on Jaehyun’s neck.

 

It’s now Mark’s turn to heat up, covering his flaming cheeks with his big hand. Donghyuck lowered his head to curse at them, smiling at them after with a constipated smile. ‘Mark’s really careful with me.’ and pinches Mark’s burning cheeks, ‘We haven’t.. progress to the next stage yet.’

 

‘Then a kiss?’

 

‘Um’ Donghyuck stutters, eyes wide. He glances at the taller who’s currently baffled as well. Mark smiles at him with a roll of his eyes, ‘Y-yeah.. w-we kissed.’ Donghyuck’s dying inside.

 

Donghyuck flickered his eyes towards Jaehyun and Johnny who are sitting just beside each other, and even if they look friendly, something in their eyes scare Donghyuck. They look at him like they can see through their lie. _Oh gosh what did I get into_ , Donghyuck internally cries, twisting in Mark’s tense embrace to murmur in his ear. ‘I think they can sense something.’

 

‘We’ll talk about it later.’ Mark tells him back, his big hand cradling Donghyuck’s nape. ‘Is it time?’

 

Donghyuck hums.

 

Mark nods at that, turning to face his friends. ‘Um, guys, I think I will drive Haechan back home now.’

 

‘Oh, that’s so sad! Let me drive him home Mark.’ Johnny suggested, already standing up. ‘So you can catch up with our friends—’

 

‘It’s okay hyung,’ Mark interjected, his hands already on Donghyuck’s back, their hands are twined and Donghyuck’s staring at Mark’s side profile in an attempt to look ‘whipped’. Johnny raised an eyebrow at them, before his lips curled into an amused smirk. ‘Okay then, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow Haechan. It was nice meeting you.’

 

Donghyuck bowed his head to them, thanking them for their warm welcome and that he’s ‘hoping to see you all too!’. They’re almost out of the door when Jaehyun followed, smiling at them. ‘The guys thought it would be dangerous for Mark to drive alone since he have bad eyesight. So I’ll come.’

 

‘I’m alright hyung! I can manage—’

 

‘We don’t want your boyfriend to get in danger, don’t we, Mark?’ There’s something in Jaehyun’s voice that Donghyuck couldn’t point out, but it’s menacing. Jaehyun is menacing. Mark still doesn’t look convinced, so Jaehyun turned to the smaller, ‘Is it alright if I come Haechan?’ he tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear, his smile borderline wicked and alluring. ‘Hm?’

 

Donghyuck took a step back to hold Mark’s arms, sweating profusely. He didn’t sign up in this fake arrangement to get threaten. He’s not getting paid enough for this. ‘I-I think it’s alright.’ He mumbles, eyes wide and pleading towards Mark who had an accusatory eyes darted at his older friend.

 

From what he’ve heard, Johnny and Jaehyun are Mark’s closest friend. They’re like blood brothers, except they are not his real brothers. So Donghyuck completely understand if they act this way, probably, trying to make sure if Mark’s boyfriend is acceptable enough to be in the group.

 

They head towards Mark’s car, Jeno following closely behind for support. Mark buckled in his seat with Donghyuck sitting shotgun. The drive to Donghyuck’s street is quiet and tensed. He’s thankful for Jeno who’s chatting animatedly behind, obviously trying to lighten the aura.

 

‘Your neighborhood is.. kind of dark in the area.’ Jaehyun had stated, eyes looking around the dark street. During dark times, it’s dangerous to be going out, but Donghyuck is brave to walk the dark road alone. Now though, he have companions. ‘It is. But I lived in here for a long time now so it’s not that scary anymore.’ Donghyuck says back, signalling Mark to stop. ‘This is my stop.’

 

‘Okay, uhm, thank you for having me. It’s really nice to meet you all.’ Donghyuck says with a small bow, nodding to Jeno who waved at him happily. He turned to Mark and feel Jaehyun’s hard stare at the side of his skull, before lifting his sweaty hand to cup Mark’s jaw. He saw Mark’s flickering gaze, and the sweat of his hands seem to worsen. Donghyuck pulled a small smile, leaning close to peck the taller’s nose. When he pulled back, Mark had his eyes closed, a tint of red was resting on his cheeks. ‘Text me’ Donghyuck whispers, and for the sake of impressing Jaehyun, ‘love you’

 

Mark yelped but covered it with a laugh, probably shocked by his words. Mark pecked his palm, mumbling, ‘love you too.’

 

Something inside Donghyuck’s heart turned. Burned. And he found himself completely speechless, his mind stopping midway in thinking. How long has he been denied of affection and love that it left an undesirable dent in his heart just by those simple words. He pull his hands away as if he was burned, lowering his hand with a soft ‘ _thank you_ ’ before hurriedly tripping his way out of the car. He waves at them politely, short and fast, before sprinting inside his apartment building.

 

Later that night, while waiting for Mark’s next plan, Donghyuck tried to fool himself that it’s not emotions bubbling under his belly. It is not.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


The next plan was having their photos taken. Donghyuck never thought foreign people do this sort of things. Jeno had filled him with the information of their large group of friend taking a photo every year. Donghyuck’s skeptical of the idea of him joining their yearly shots. He’s not their close friend, and he is also not going to be a long time figure in their relationship either. But Mark insisted that his act will only make them more ‘suspicious’.

 

‘You want me to wear couple shirts?’ Donghyuck asked, incredulous. Sometimes he wonder if Mark’s brain is working or not. He seems to be not thinking at all. ‘All of my friends are going to be wearing their couples shirts aside from those who are single.’ Mark explained, ‘And I know you noticed that my friends Jaehyun hyung and Johnny hyung are acting.. a little suspicious of us.’

 

‘They probably smell something fishy.’ Donghyuck intoned, ‘We should try to improve our acting skills.’

 

Mark seems to agree with him. They change into their clothes, Donghyuck scowling at their couple shirts. Mark doesn’t look like he liked it either.

 

‘Okay, so I have to remind you that I have work at exactly 6 pm’ Donghyuck says when they walk out of his apartment, ‘You have to drive me there. And tell your friends that I cannot come with.. dinner.’

 

‘But.. but why do you have to work? They’ll ask about you!’ Mark whines childishly, stomping his foot. Donghyuck finds it cute, but kept it to himself.

 

‘Not everyone have money like you all do.’ Donghyuck objected, ‘Now come. We have to impress them.’

 

They head to the place where they would have their pictures taken. Everyone’s dressed nicely and Donghyuck felt out of place for a minute before Mark touched him to get his attention. ‘You okay?’

 

‘Y-yeah’ Donghyuck says, smiling lightly.

 

‘Okay’ Mark whispers, ‘come here. Everyone’s watching as subtle as they can.’ Donghyuck looked over his shoulder and noticed that most of the people around are straying their eyes at them every now and then. Donghyuck leans to rest his head under Mark’s chin, hating the fact that his heart is thrumming violently as the taller’s hand settle on his waist. It must’ve look awkward and fake because Jeno walks to them to block their view from prying eyes, ‘Relax Donghyuck. You look tense.’ he massaged his shoulder. Donghyuck scoffed, ‘It’s Haechan’

 

‘Right’ Jeno rolled his eyes, and then send Mark a look, ‘Johnny hyung asked.. about him.’

 

‘Shit.’ Mark curses lowly, ‘Do you think they’re betting on us?’

 

Jeno ruffled his hair, ‘I heard from Renjun yesterday that Yuta and Jaehyun are talking about the two of you. They were asking Renjun more about.. about Haechan.’

 

Mark tsked, tugging the smaller tighter. ‘Jaehyun hyung and Johnny hyung probably noticed something is off.’

 

‘We just need to finish two weeks. Most of them start their classes on the first week of month.’ Jeno confirms, moving away when their whispering became too obvious. Mark looked down on his chest, Donghyuck curled into him with a frown. ‘Still hanging up?’

 

‘What.. what will happen if they find out?’ He whispers, lifting his head to look at him.

 

Mark’s lost in the darkness of his eyes for a minute before shaking his head, ‘They wouldn’t.’ he cast two of his hyungs a look, their eyes pierced at the couple. ‘And if they do, I will do the talking.’

 

‘You definitely should.’ Donghyuck mutters back sagely, turning his head to rest on Mark’s shoulder. ‘Is this okay?’

 

‘Y-yeah.’ Mark stutters, mind going blank for a second. No, he is infact, not okay. His heart is wild inside his chest, and it’s been like this since last night. Mark thinks he’s going to die in a cardiac attack with Donghyuck’s surprising antics soon.

 

Sadly, every couple must have a picture of their own. So, it’s only acceptable that Mark started sweating buckets when the Photographer called for them and asked them to pose as close as possible. Some would say it’s familiarity, but to Mark and Donghyuck, it’s plasticity.

 

‘Can you look at me passionately?’ Donghyuck scoff, glaring at him. Everyone’s watching them with smiles on their faces.

 

‘This is my passionate eyes’ Mark grumbles, shrieking internally when Donghyuck laid a warm hand on his chest, where his beating heart is. ‘Not too close!’ He whispers, pulling the other by his shoulder. Donghyuck’s response is a lazy smirk, tilting his head to look at the taller’s eyes, ‘Everyone’s watching.’

 

‘I know’ Mark fake laugh, now awkwardly putting his hands on the smaller’s waist, ‘And don’t take advantage of our position.’

 

Donghyuck’s smile is evil— very wicked. He purred, giggling to himself when the taller gasped in shock, and the hand on his waist tighten. ‘You are supposed to be my boyfriend. Couples are this close’ and he emphasized it inching closer, pushing himself flush against the older. The photographer seems delighted, clicking wantonly on his camera while some of their friends take picture as well. Alarmingly, Jaehyun and Johnny is stoic and poker faced. They don’t look amuse at all. Renjun too, is scowling at their affection while Jeno tries to calm him down, whispering to him soothing words.

 

‘I’m not paying for this extra shit.’ Mark grits, putting on a serious face before nuzzling their foreheads closer.

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, trying to stop his heart from beating so loud because it hurts. His hands are shaking but the taller doesn’t seem to notice the movement. When he flutter his eyes open, he saw the taller looking straight to him. And his breathe got knocked out of him, and he instantly feel his cheeks heating up. Mark must have felt the same. ‘You’re blushing.’ He commented, raising his fingers to grace against the smaller’s red cheeks. Donghyuck heard Renjun stomping his way out of the room with Jeno following like a puppy.

 

Sadly, Donghyuck doesn’t have a good comeback on that.

 

They heard the photographer shout ‘last pose’ and asked them to ‘kiss’ like the other couples did. If Donghyuck’s eyes aren’t that bulging, he’s sure they’d be falling out of its socket now. His cheeks are red and flaming, and he didn’t even receive his paycheck from this incredulous idea. ‘What now?’ He mumbles as they lean closer, Mark flushing red as well. ‘I don’t know, I never had my first kiss yet, moron.’

 

Donghyuck groans, raising his hands to cup the back of the taller’s head. Mark bend down on instict, lips a hairsbreadthe away from each other. The position is so intimate and so so nerve-wrecking Donghyuck feels like collapsing. He’ll punch Mark as soon as this arrangement is over.

 

‘How about we tell them that we..’ Donghyuck reasons, feeling his soul fly out of his body. Oh no.

 

‘They’ll be suspicious.’ Mark whines making the smaller groan. There’s no way out. He tilt the taller’s head to accomodate their position. He pity Mark who still hasn’t had his first kiss. ‘Ugh, I hate this.’ Donghyuck mentally cries, closing his eyes the same time Mark did. They breathe in each other’s mouth before—

 

‘Stop.’ Renjun yells, clenching his small fist on his side.

 

Donghyuck and Mark pulled away in an instant, eyes wide and paling. Mark gulped, unsure of what his friend is going to do.

 

‘Donghyuck, don’t kiss Mark!’ Renjun fumes as he stride to them, pushing a fistful of tissue. ‘You have cold today.’ he grumbles, thrusting it to his hands. ‘Don’t wanna hear Mark whining about his snot.’

 

Jeno released a sigh of relief, Mark getting the tissues with a terrified smile. ‘Y-you’re right.’

 

Donghyuck laugh half-assed, pulling Mark closer to agree with him. ‘Thank you for reminding me Renjun.’ he smiles at the taller, ‘I was so excited to kiss him I forgot about my cold.’

 

‘Yeah me too’ Mark responds, laughing at them when the group whine about not getting a kiss scene and shot. Donghyuck mouthed a small ‘ _thank you_ ’ to Renjun who scowled at him before turning to walk outside. Kun, one of their foreign friends paid for the picture while the rest of the group wait outside. Because there’s a stire nearby, most of them started buying snacks. He even saw Sicheng buying tons of icecream for them. He smiled lightly at Donghyuck before passing a caramel icecream too.

 

He however, doesn’t talk to him and instead walked to Renjun, because Renjun’s giving him the stink-eye from where he’s sitting between Jeno and Chenle.

 

Someone wanted to talk to him though.

 

‘Hello’ Taeyong and Doyoung greets, shooing Mark to keep Donghyuck to himself. Mark look scared for Donghyuck, but sadly, he’s more scared of Taeyong and Doyoung’s eyes.

 

‘Lovesick’ Doyoung teases, sitting beside the smaller male. ‘How are you doing?’

 

Donghyuck hopes his sweat isn’t obvious with how nervous he is. ‘Doing well hyung.’ he bit his lips, not sure if it’s okay to call them hyung.

 

There’s nimble fingers pinching his cheeks and some high pitch cooing, courtesy of Taeyong. ‘Just look at him, he’s so adorable!’

 

‘I know right.’ Doyoung agrees, soft hand is ruffling Donghyuck’s hair. The hold is soft and motherly, something Donghyuck have been missing for a long time. They touch him like he’s vulnerable and fragile, and it’s been so long since he’s been handled with care. It’s been so long since he last felt the feeling of belonging. ‘Thank you hyung’ he mutters shyly, behind his icecream. Their eyes twinkle with affection, and Taeyong’s even brave enough to sneak a kiss on his forehead.

 

‘So tell us Haechan, what do you study?’ Doyoung asked, still waiting for Kun and their photos.

 

Donghyuck gulped the icecream he’s licking, excited at the topic. He knows that he is just here to pretend that he is overly inlove with their friend Mark, but he can’t help but feel happy when they’re asking questions about him and not about their relationship. ‘I take Arts in Seoul’s Public College.’ He answers.

 

They frown in unison, ‘Public?’

 

Donghyuck curses himself internally. ‘Ah yes.’ before trying to remember all the supposed information he is to say. ‘We met on the restaurant I was working on.’

 

‘How did he court you?’ Taeyong wiggled his eyebrows, his smile anything but innocent.

 

Donghyuck dulled at the question. He and Mark never thought about this advance questions. He cast his ‘fake boyfriend’ a glance who was happily talking to Jaehyun about something. ‘Well.. he.. he..’ he bit his lips, trying to think of a good idea. ‘He came to the restaurant.’

 

‘Okay?’ The two man drawled slowly. ‘And then?’

 

‘He— he came with a bouquet of roses!’ Donghyuck states, ‘and asked me on his bended knees. Such a romantic right.’ Curse you Mark Lee.

 

Taeyong and Doyoung seem delighted by his answer. ‘Wow! Such a romantic man.’

 

‘My boyfriend Jaehyun didn’t do any of those.’ Doyoung pouts while Taeyong rolled his eyes at his dramatic antics. ‘Atleast you have a boyfriend. My soon to be boyfriend is still courting me.’

 

Donghyuck smiles at them, sighing internally in relief.

 

‘Would you be able to join us for dinner?’ Taeyong asked, looking excited like Doyoung. He bit his lip, already saddening at the thought that he cannot come. He have to work. He have to pay for his rent. And Mark’s payment can only help him for a while. Money’s going to vanish soon at some point. ‘I’m sorry. I have a job.’

 

‘You work?’

 

‘Y-yeah’ Donghyuck stammers, pulling at his clothes. It’s so hot. ‘I.. I’ve been working ever since my.. my parents died.’

 

There’s silence, a very long one. And then suddenly, Donghyuck’s being tugged into a warm embrace. ‘Oh Haechan,’ It’s Doyoung, who’s hugging him tight and safe. ‘It’s okay. Mark’s here. We’re all here. You’re part of the family now.’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes and hoped that he is indeed part of their small group. But as he open his eyes, Mark clasping a palm on Renjun’s pouty face, all he can feel is dread, detachment, and the distance of their heart and feelings away from each other. He doesn’t need to be smart to know that he doesn’t belong. To know that he’s still an outsider on a place where he forced himself into.

 

Donghyuck pretends he is a fool to think so.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's. 
> 
> What do you think of this one?  
> To be honest, I'm getting excited with my updates. I'm still trying to understand how this will go. And if ever I update late I'm sorry guys because our internet is currently poo right now. Kkkkk
> 
> Tell me what you think on this one!  
> Tell me if you have any idea what's going to happen hehe.  
> Love lots and Ciao. (●´з`)♡


	4. you're a mystery i cannot solve, i'm puzzled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( _Donghyuck wanted a simple life. But life proved him that he cannot have everything_ )
> 
> There's a lot of things Mark doesn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola VV's!
> 
> I updated with love. I'm a little disappointed yet happy with this chapter. ( **DISAPPOINTED** ) because this is supposed to be a slowburn but I just think I ( **CANNOT** ) handle Hyuck and Mark waiting for so long.
> 
> ( **HAPPY** ) because this chapter came out with lots of fluff and emotions which I didn't notice. Ughh, the feels.

 

The alarm is loud, buzzing and so annoying, but Donghyuck’s sluggish and very exhausted to glare at the offending thing, and instead just raised a weak hand to slap it silent. His hand fall limp on his side aa he try to regain his bearings. He groans when he checked the time, reading 9:04 am. He overslept again. He was so adamant on finishing one of his homework last night that he didn’t notice the time. Jaemin’s probably wondering where the hell he is now. It’s not uncommon for them to have Donghyuck absent for the first period. Half of the population in school know that he worked to death to finish school, some don’t actually care what he do with his life.

 

He sluggishly lifted himself up, rubbing morning glory out of his eyes. His head hurt, there’s pounding inside his head and it’s making him dizzy and nauseous. _Maybe a drink will fix this_ , Donghyuck thought, dragging himself to his small kitchen. He reminds himself to clean his apartment once he got home because it’s messy as hell.

 

His kitchen isn’t any better. Left-over placed messily on top of his small table along with other unfinished business he tried to cook last night. He recalls cooking kimchi rice but then felt sleepy to actually finish it.

 

He reheat his kimchi fried rice while he take a big gulp of water, groaning when said headache doesn’t subside.

 

‘Ugh’ He wails, slumping down the wall and closing his eyes, hoping that his rotating environment will stop soon. _Medicine_. He needs medicine. He take one quick look at the wall clock to know that he don’t have enough time to eat and drink. He tripped his way to the bathroom, washing his face before washing as quick as he can. He tugged his uniform on his body before preparing his lunch, just the fried kimchi rice. He have to catch up on his second class or else he’ll really be in trouble. When he walked out, he noticed that he is kilometers away from school and that he doesn’t have any modes of transportation. Well, looks like he have to use his ‘Boyfriend Privilege’.

 

He dialed the number and slumped on the sidewalk as he wait for the other to answer.

 

Mark doesn’t sound enthusiastic to receive a call from him. ‘It’s weekday Donghyuck.’ then some people laughing and some rustling, ‘And we have class.’

 

‘Correct.’ Donghyuck replies, not minding the poisonous way of talking the other was doing. ‘I don’t have any transportation and I have to get to school too. Pick me up.’

 

‘Are you nuts?’

 

‘Do I sound like I’m joking?’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes. Even if they’re not together, Mark is still able to piss him off. It seems like it’s his talent. ‘Remember the arrangement. The boyfriend rules.’

 

There’s an aggravated sigh on the other side, ‘Look, I cannot pick you up. My class starts in 5 minutes.’

 

‘What are we going to do then boyfriend?’

 

There’a silence, Mark probably contemplating. ‘I’ll ask my friend to pick you up. He doesn’t have classes at this moment.’ Mark answers, then his voice lowers, ‘I have to go now, my professor’s here.’

 

Donghyuck’s too light-headed to form a coherent reply. ‘Yeah, whatever’ he murmurs before letting the call drop. He sighed in annoyance, feeling like a loser and then waiting patiently for the said friend. He can’t believe he’s asking other people to fetch him and help him to school. He’s such a loser. In the end, it’s Jeno who came with his sleek car. He opened the door with a smile, always looking cordial and friendly. Donghyuck nods at him as he enter, resting his head on the seat. ‘Thanks for picking me up.’

 

‘No problem.’ Jeno looked shock albeit his smiling face, ‘Boyfriend duties and all.’

 

‘You’re not the boyfriend’ The smaller squint his eyes at him. He had a small thought that the angry looking boy named Renjun would be the one to pick him up. But with the distaste on his face, Donghyuck doubt he would even suggest to help.

 

‘Well, Mark treasured his education. Sorry he cannot pick you up. It’s me for the meantime.’ Jeno cackles, stopping on the stoplight as other cars passed by. ‘What’s your major by the way?’

 

‘Fine Arts’ Donghyuck replies with a yawn, earning an appreciative whistle from Jeno. ‘That’s amazing. What do you specialized in?’

 

‘Sketch and painting.’ Donghyuck grumbles, sounding tired. Jeno must’ve noticed, for he passed over a cup of Macchiato, urging the smaller to take a drink. Donghyuck mumbles a shy ‘thanks’ after taking a sip before trying to give it back. ‘Take it.’ Jeno says, ‘I wasn’t able to drink it because they put extra sugar on it.’

 

‘Not a fan of sweets?’ Donghyuck jokes, earning a laugh from the other. He kept a smile to himself, Jeno doesn’t sound so bad, and he’s certain he’s not a bad person either. ‘What do you study?’

 

‘Math.’ Jeno replies proudly, ‘I’m on my last year of Accounting.’

 

‘Well, I’m stunned that you’re not insane yet.’

 

‘I love Math.’ Jeno shrugs, stepping on the break when Donghyuck’s school came into view. ‘Your stop.’

 

The latter nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt. ‘Uh, thank you.’

 

‘That’s nothing’ Jeno grins, waving at him. ‘Take a lot of rest after. You look like you’re going to pass out any moment.’

 

Donghyuck tucked his chin on his chest, cheeks warming. Something in Jeno’s voice cause a warm surge of happiness in his chest. It feels good to be reminded on taking of himself. ‘Yeah, you too. Bye’ he waves at the other, turning around to run to his class. He’s lucky that second period hasn’t started yet as he sat down on his seat. Jaemin doesn’t look amused though. ‘Did you overslept again?’ His best friend asked, ‘Your schedule is fucked up Duckie.’

 

‘Just few more months Nana’ Donghyuck whined, putting down the cup of coffee. Several heads turn to look at his coffee, surprised to see him buying something expensive. ‘Where did you get that? That’s like $10 for a drink.’ Jaemin lectures, nose scrunching his nose. ‘And Macchiato? Seriously.’

 

‘You’re the only one who drinks black coffee here Nana’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes and faintly thought of Mark who also always order Black Coffee with Turf Burgers. ‘And someone nice bought me this one.’

 

‘I hope that someone nice isn’t the people you bumped into last week Duckie.’ Jaemin continued, staring at Donghyuck’s eyes as if trying to unveil the truth behind his words. ‘You’d tell me everything right?’

 

Donghyuck took a gulp of his sweet drink, looking away. ‘Of course Nana, you’re the only friend I have.’

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  


‘ _When you grow up Hyuckie, you’re going to do wondrous things! Look at those beautiful eyes. They shine like stars even in the midnight. You’re our treasure Hyuckie. We love you so much_.’

 

When Donghyuck was a kid, he dreamed a lot of things. He wanted to be a lot of things. He daydreamed of being a firefighter, then it turned into a teacher when people told him he’s very social and friendly, then he adjusted it to being a musician or a singer when he found himself falling in love with the beauty of music. But, those dreams all ran out of the drain. At the end, he found himself studying Arts. Not because it’s the last resort, but because during his hard times, only on his art and sketches did he found comfort and belonging. Like he hasn’t lost anything even if doesn’t have anything to hold anymore.

 

Donghyuck was 10 when his parents got into a car accident. He was waiting for them in school, his teacher having told him that his parents are on their way to fetching him. His parents had told him in the morning that they’ll be eating at a fine dine restaurant because _‘papa got a promotion!’._

 

And so, Donghyuck waited.

 

He waited until it's already time to leave, and all the people have gone home already. Even his teacher stayed with him to watch over him.

 

And the both of them waited.

 

For long hours.

 

Until they received a call.

 

‘Hello. Yes, this is Donghyuck’s teacher. Do you know where his parents are?’ She asked, already sighing in relief which turned into a smooth frown in an instant. Her voice lowered down with fear, and her wide dark orbs are shaking as they glance at the small kid beside her. ‘W-what’s the name of the hospital? Jeju Center? O-okay, I’ll bring him there.’

 

Little Donghyuck is numb and naive, innocent eyes staring at his teacher. He doesn’t act why his teacher is crying, all he want is to go home and watch Television while his mama tickle his neck. His teacher brought him to a place called ‘hospital’ and Donghyuck really really hated hospital even until now. His teacher’s sobbing doesn’t stop, and it only worsen when they stood in front of an emergency room, hearing loud sounds of cries.

 

‘Teacher, where is my mama and papa?’ Little Donghyuck asked, his small face frowning. He doesn’t understand why he is here out of all places.

 

His teacher kneeled on her knees, cupping his small face on her bigger palms. She sniffs, and smiled sadly, ‘Donghyuckie, are you brave?’

 

‘I am very brave!’ Donghyuck boasted, his smile radiating around the sad hallway. She laughed and ruffled his head, ‘You have to be very very strong tonight.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Because.. because only brave people can handle pain. Can you handle pain Donghyuckie?’

 

He frowns, pouting his lips. He really doesn’t understand what’s happening. ‘I-I’ll try.’

 

‘Okay.’ Then she stood and held her hand out, shaking and sweaty. ‘Hold my hand. If it became too much, just cry on me.’

 

When Donghyuck entered the emergency room, he didn’t expect to see his parents in the bed, looking pale and blue. He walks to them, his ears slowly filling with background noise of a crying child just adjacent to the bed. ‘Mama?’ He whispers, letting go of his teacher to hold the hands of his mother. She doesn’t move nor speak. So Donghyuck tried again. ‘Mama? Wakey up’

 

Donghyuck used both of his small hands to clasped them around the already cold hands of his mother. He turned to his teacher with frustrated eyes. ‘Why my mama is not waking up?’

 

‘She’s.. she’s dead Donghyuckie.’ She confessed, eyes landing on the other body beside, ‘And so is your father.’

 

After that, Donghyuck doesn’t remember the exact reaction he did. He recalls crying his heart out, just as loud as the other kid on the corner of the room. The memories flashed back on his mind, his parent’s dead body, the wounds they attained because of the accident, and the tears he shed for them. After that, he was thrown into the adoption system. Donghyuck lived his life curled inside his own room, dreaming of the things that he would have achieved if everything was okay. If everything was alright.

 

He counted himself as lucky when faith decided to change his path. He worked multiple jobs to study and support himself before deciding to move to Seoul. He doesn’t dare forget where he came from, what happened to his life and the adoption center that took care of him very well.

 

One could say he lived a fairly hard life. Most kids his age would be enjoying life and playing while their parents watch happily. But Donghyuck experienced none of those. All he have undergone was hard labor, the flashback of his traumatizing past, and the repetitive murmur of his demons telling him that he will fail. But he didn’t. And though he isn’t anywhere near the finish line, he’ll be damned if he didn’t conquer the evil shadow of his past that is clearly refraining him from succeeding things.

 

‘Hey Donghyuck’

 

Donghyuck snapped from the river of thoughts flowing inside his busy head. There’s a gentle hand shaking his shoulder, making him turn to the side. It’s Jaemin. ‘You spaced out.’ he has a frown on his face, ‘Are you sleeping with your eyes open?’

 

‘You’re dumb Nana.’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes at him, ‘And no, I sleep with my eyes closed.’

 

‘What were you thinking by the way?’

 

‘Just some.. things. Like, from my past.’

 

‘Oh Duckie,’ Jaemin’s instantly on his side, tugging him closer to his waiting embrace. ‘It’s okay. I’m here.’

 

Donghyuck chuckles, ‘I know.’

 

‘How was your final project by the way? Have you thought about anything yet?’ Jaemin’s soft voice drowned out as Donghyuck let his eyes litter on something else. Now that he brought the topic, Donghyuck’s mind is now focused on that one specific subject. The truth is, he doesn’t have any idea what to do for his final project. His professor notified them that to finish their last year in school, they must submit a personal art that summarizes their life in College.

 

Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do.

 

‘I think I’ll be staying in the Art Department to have a headstart.’ He says, grabbing his bag to head to the said location. He take a tentative step when his surrounding started swimming. He closed his eyes as his hand cradle his head, trying to stop the dizzying feeling.

 

‘Are you okay?’ He heard Jaemin’s distant voice, calling for him. Donghyuck raised his hand to stop the other from worrying, ‘Just.. just dizzy.’

 

‘Did you even eat?’

 

‘I-no. But I’m okay.’ He tries to reassure, but Jaemin’s face doesn’t look like he’s convinced. ‘Have something first Duckie.’

 

One look at Jaemin’s face made him sigh, nodding. ‘Yeah, okay. I’ll buy a bread.’

 

Donghyuck walked out feeling tired all of a sudden. He took note of his sluggish movement and body, and his headache isn’t any better. When he’s finally in his art cubicle, he collapsed on his seat and thought for awhile. Should he just skip break and start sketching? But Jaemin’s right, he wouldn’t be able to function without any food in his system. He grabbed his phone and sighed, punching a familiar number to text. He’s not expecting a reply though.

 

 **From** : Noodle Arms (10:30 am)

           _What do you want?_

 

Donghyuck scoffed at the irritated reply.

 

 **To** : Noodle Arms (10:32 am)

      _Boyfriend privilege. I’m hungry, buy me food._

 

 **From** : Noodle Arms (10:35)

          _You really have the guts. You know I’m nowhere near your school._

 

 **To** : Noodle Arms (10:36)

      _Make a way. I’m dead tired and I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast._

 

 **From** : Noodle Arms (10:40)

          _Why did you skip anyway?_

 

 **To** : Noodle Arms (10:41)

      _I don’t have money noodle arms. And I’m freaking exhausted, everything is turning around._

 

Donghyuck doesn’t wait for his reply and instead started fixing his things. He pull out all the assorted art material he has, putting them in place and marvelling at his collection. He’s halfway on examining his colour red pencil when his phone vibrated. Instead of a message. It was a call.

 

‘Hello’ He answered, knowing well enough that it’s his pretend-slash-fake-boyfriend on the other line. ‘I’m busy, what do you want?’

 

There’s a mumble and maybe because there’s static that Donghyuck couldn’t hear very well.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I said I’m out here in the waiting area. Get your food.’ Mark said, voice edgy and very very annoyed. But there’s something in there, something affectionate and caring.

 

‘What?’ Donghyuck replied, too shocked to understand what the other meant.

 

‘I made myself clear, I’m outside. Get your food here.’

 

Donghyuck never moved so fast. He ran out of his cubicle, scaring some of his art mates, before he practically sprinted to where the parking lot is. His heart is beating wild and hard in his chest, and his hands are shaking from nervousness. On the back of his mind, he’s thinking that it may be Jeno who came, since he’s more friendly and approachable compared to his other two friends. As he near the main door, he stopped to catch his breath, sweat trickling down his forehead.

 

He gasped upon stepping a foot outside.

 

‘I don’t have all time.’ Mark shouted from where he is dangling his hands, still seated inside his car. He shake the bag of Starbucks, ‘I still have class. Get this now.’

 

Donghyuck, on contrary, doesn’t fasten or hurry up. He slowly walked to  where the other was waiting, very well acquainted with the sudden feeling in his chest. It bubbles from the pit of his stomach then it turned warm when it reaches his chest. ‘You came’ He breathes, making the other still in his place. Mark lowered his car window to glare at Donghyuck, especially since he’s just beside the sun. ‘You texted me to buy you food.’

 

‘Yeah but’ Donghyuck frowns, then he bit his lips on frustration. ‘I just didn’t think you’d obey’

 

Mark stared at him for a whole minute, incredulous even, before he shake his head and pushed the bag to the tan’s hands. ‘Boyfriend rules right? I don’t break promises.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t answer.

 

Mark sighed, sensing the other’s confusion. He’s actually baffled by the way the other was acting. Donghyuck texted him asking for food, and he knows he’s only doing this because of their arrangement. But it seems like he keeps on surprising the smaller the way the other’s surprising him. ‘Look, I bought donuts, glazed and cheese. And I bought some ice coffee to get into your system’ he checked his phone for the time, ‘So if you don’t have anymore request, I’m going to get going then.’

 

Mark starts his car, feels the vehicle vibrate with a grumble. Just as he was to step on the accelerator because Donghyuck isn’t responding, a soft call made him stop. He turned to the other with a frown, eyes squinting at the harshness of the sunray. ‘What?’

 

‘I said _thank you_ ’ Donghyuck looked shy while he was saying this, and his cheeks were pinkish. Probably from the heat.

 

They stare at each other for a whole minute before Donghyuck turned to leave, his ears red and hot. Mark started his car once again, and one quick look at his mirror made him realized with a groan that his ears are red too. Except it’s not from heat.

  


∞ ❖ ∞

 

It was already 5:54 pm when Donghyuck noticed that the sun is already setting down and that he is nowhere near finished and that he is nowhere near his part time job. He cursed internally for being so forgetful and getting too involved in his sketch that he totally forgot about his shift on the restaurant. He hope his boss will spare him the lecture and let it pass, even just for today. He grabbed all of his things, putting them inside as he run outside. He’s so busy with his sketch that he didn’t even notice that all of the students have gone home.

 

 _Shit_ , he thought, thinking of ways how he will reach the restaurant in a limited time.

 

Bus are probably loaded at this time of the day, but walking will take more time. Donghyuck’s dead.

 

Donghyuck’s head is currently buried on his messy pile of books, trying to look for his phone when a shout called his attention. He raised his head, eyes staring straight at the person he least expected to see in this moment. Mark Lee.

 

He doesn’t look happy.

 

‘What took you so long?’ He gritted, walking to him with anger fuming through his nostrils. Donghyuck gaped at him, baffled by the happenings. ‘What?’

 

‘Didn’t you check your phone? I called you thousand times but you weren’t answering. You weren’t replying either.’ The taller rasped, clearly mad. It sends Donghyuck into a state of tumult, suddenly at loss for words and more puzzled than before. _What was Mark even doing here?_  And he didn’t notice his phone because he was busy with his sketch. ‘What?’ He repeated dumbly, eyes wide and staring at the taller.

 

Mark sighed as he rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes to take a deep breathe. ‘Look, I messaged you and you would know if you’re checking your phone.’ He glares at the smaller who flinch back at the intensity of the look, ‘We’re having a dinner with the group.’

 

It’s Donghyuck turn to glare back, ‘I have a job to do’

 

‘Yeah’ Mark agrees, ‘But we’re eating on the Restaurant you are working on.’

 

‘What!’

 

‘Look, Jeno must’ve slipped when he said it.’ Mark explains, ‘They were talking about food and Jeno liked your menu. The guys agreed with him.’

 

Donghyuck’s headache is worsening with every word running out of Mark’s mouth. ‘There is no way I’m going to fake flirt you while I’m doing my job Noodle Arms’

 

‘Stop calling me Noodle Arms!’ Mark hissed, ‘And Jeno suggested that since we’re already there, we’ll just pay your boss to excuse you.’

 

‘And what, pray tell me, are you going to tell my boss?’ Donghyuck scoffed, and the question made Mark shut up. From the looks of it, it seems like the other hasn’t thought much of it. ‘Are you going to declare around the Restaurant that you’re dating a worker there?’

 

Mark doesn’t reply but his eyes are steel, cold and strong.

 

Donghyuck turned his back at him, walking to the taller’s car. ‘Make up your mind sweetie’ before walking away. Mark follows behind, step hard and loud enough to cause unwanted noise. _Seriously_ , Donghyuck huffed, _it feels like I’m talking to a kid._

 

The both of them hopped in, staring at the empty road. Mark still seems to be deep in thoughts, his brows furrowed.

 

Donghyuck checked his watch and groaned, ‘We don’t have all time Noodle Arms.’

 

‘Stop saying Noodle Arms’ Mark repeated, still edgy but second by second, his frown slipped away. ‘I’ll just say that we need you for some important matter.’

 

‘Yeah, like that would work.’

 

‘You know what, I don’t need to have a decent reason to excuse my boyfriend for a dinner.’ Mark berated, glaring at Donghyuck, ‘All he wanted is money after all.’

 

Donghyuck have a snarky reply on the tip of his tongue, but for some reason, he wasn’t able to spit it out. Something on Mark’s statement didn’t sit right with him. ‘Fake boyfriend’ he reminds, feeling angry, which is strange because he doesn’t know why he should be feeling angry. ‘And that’s the problem with you rich brats, you think money can solve everything!’ He yells furiously, glaring at the other. Mark look shocked, probably not expecting the outburst.

 

Donghyuck feels like suffocating inside, he took off his seatbelt before kicking the door open, ‘Bye’

 

Mark stared at him wide eyed for a second before he followed, already feeling like shit. ‘Fuck, _wait—’_ he calls, chasing the other who’s walking very fast. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

 

But Donghyuck doesn’t turn back, so Mark continued to follow him like a guilty puppy. ‘I’m sorry okay!’ He apologizes while screaming, ‘I don’t mean it to you. Not to you anyway’

 

‘Shut up Noodle Arms! I’m not coming with you today!’

 

‘But our deal!’ Mark yells back, making the smaller slower his step. Not because the taller is right, but because his surrounding is turning greyish and slowly tilting off its axis.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ Mark asked, walking more closer, baffled by the sudden halting of the other. His eyes widen when said smaller started tilting to the side, giving away. Mark ran to him as fast as he can, catching his falling body with his ‘noodle arms’. He cradle the smaller’s head on his large palms, worry written in his face. ‘Hey, what happened? Are you okay?’ He asked, trying to take hold of the smaller’s whole physique. _He’s so small_ , Mark’s stupid brain cooes, _he fits right in my arms._

 

Donghyuck blinked hard, eyes focusing and then his vision being welcomed by Mark’s worried face. He can’t form a reply, his head pounding and bile working its way out of his mouth.

 

Mark laid a cold hand on his forehead, hissing. ‘You have a fever.’

 

Donghyuck wanted to break free, but his body isn’t listening, so all he can do is gurgle as a response. Mark rolled his eyes at the nonsense response, ‘I don’t understand what you’re saying’ and he clasped a hand under Donghyuck’s knees, carrying him bridal style. ‘But it looks like you’re very sick.’

 

Donghyuck tried to stop himself but alas, he’s shivering and all he want is warmth, so he nuzzled his nose on the tallef’s chest. Mark stood frozen from where he is standing, his chest warming. He blames it on the heat of the afternoon setting and climate. ‘I guess you should take a rest.’ He says, walking to his car. Donghyuck is not that heavy, he is incredibly light and thin, something Mark hasn’t notice with what fashion Donghyuck possess.

 

He settles him on the seat, buckling his seatbelt. Donghyuck’s eyes are closed and his breathing is ragged. He must be in deep pain. They wouldn’t be able to have dinner with his ‘fake boyfriend’ looking this unwell. He sat on the adjacent seat, pulling cold wipes from his car’s small compartment, and wiped Donghyuck’s sweat. How the things turned, Mark have no idea. Seconds ago, they were ready to cut each other’s throat. Mark has an inkling thought that the other will fink out of their arrangement too, but everything changed. Now, Mark’s in his car, wiping Donghyuck’s sweat as the smaller continued to wheeze in pain. Mark have no idea what’s their next move, but the stupid part of his brain seems to like the idea of taking care of the other. ‘Just because I’m guilty’ Mark murmured to himself so that his guilty conscience would shut up.

 

‘Do you have someone to take care of you? Your parents? Are they home?’ Mark asked, rolling the sleeves of Donghyuck’s uniform to wipe his shivering arms as well. Thankfully, Donghyuck’s sane enough and still not delirious to understand what Mark asked. He shook his head, indicating that _‘no’_ , he have no one to take care of him.

 

With a sigh, and strangely, an excited beat added to his heart, he dial his phone with familiar numbers he knows by heart. ‘Hey guys, uhm, I think we should cancel. No— yeah he’s with me—’ a sigh as he tuck a stray strand, ‘But.. but he’s high on fever.’

 

∞ ❖ ∞

  


Mark should’ve expected it. Doyoung and Taeyong are no one to messed with when someone is sick and in pain.

 

‘Mark!’ Doyoung seethed, resembling a boiling kettle about to burst. ‘You had the audacity to call us so late when your precious boyfriend is very sick and very tired!’

 

Mark cowered behind an amused Jaehyun, whining. ‘It wasn’t my fault he didn’t tell me.’

 

Doyoung still look like he wanted to cut Mark’s head off, but he stopped upon seeing Jaehyun’s sweet smile directed to him. His anger simmers down in an instant, but he walked to where Taeyong and Donghyuck with heavy steps. Once the coast is clear only did Mark remove himself from his hiding spot. Jaehyun still sported his amused smirk, his eyes tracing every movement Mark is doing.

 

‘What happened anyway?’ Chenle asked, comfortably perched on Jisung’s lap who’s looking bewildered and curious as well.

 

‘Haechan is sick.’ Jeno supplies, as the other nods. Johnny, who has a frown on his handsome face, shook his head. ‘Well then, it looks like we cannot eat outside. What do you suggest we do?’

 

Mark wishes they’ll eventually go home.

 

‘Let’s just buy take-outs and watch in here.’ Ten suggested, his eyes twinkling with mischief. ‘I’m sure Mark wouldn’t mind.’

 

Mark fake laughs as he fan himself, heating up from the attention. ‘I don’t mind.’

 

‘That’s good’ Ten purrs and rubbed his cheek on Johnny’s chest, ‘We can’t waste time to be together.’

 

All of them agreed in unison, already giving away tasks and what they should do. Most of them seem to be going out to buy, some dropping by at the nearby store to buy snacks, the others ordering full meals, while the others will be picking movies from a shop. Only Jeno, Mark, Doyoung, Taeyong, Renjun and Kun are left behind to stay. ‘Okay, I’ll call Taeyong hyung to help me cook something for your boyfriend.’ Kun announces, smiling sweetly to Mark who blushed at the mention.

 

When all of then are out of sight, Mark collapsed on his couch, looking boneless tired. Jeno however, had a furrow on his eyebrows. ‘We should check on Donghyuck’

 

Mark nodded, pulling himself up and walking to where his room is. He never once thought he would bring his fake boyfriend in his house and make him sleep on his own bed. But, everything seems to be unpredictable when it comes to Donghyuck. They waltz in inside as careful as they can, scared of angering Doyoung more.

 

The older was leaning on the bedside, occasionally wiping Donghyuck’s forehead with the wet towel. He’s humming a song, low and light and he looked very serious about it.

 

Only when they came near did Mark noticed Donghyuck’s tight grip on Doyoung’s hands. He hasn’t stopped shivering, and based on Taeyong’s story and Doyoung’s sudden explosion of worry, the younger must’ve been pretty beat up and severely ill. ‘Mark’ Doyoung acknowledges, nodding to him and motioning for him to sit down. ‘He hasn’t woken up since you brought him here.’ The older sighed, caressing the smaller’s chubby cheeks, ‘And he’s still burning.’

 

There’s _guilt_ , hating the truth that he argued with the younger only to know he’s feeling under the weather. There’s _dismay_ , because Mark’s totally upset that Donghyuck didn’t told him the truth (Jeno gave him the talk that they aren’t in close relationship enough to be notified of his fake boyfriend’s being). _Sadness_ and _anxiousness_ courses through his veins, knowing well enough that he is one of the factors affecting Donghyuck’s exhaustion. He knows of Donghyuck’s jobs and the fact that he lived alone, and knowing that, hurts Mark more than he should admit. He is afterall, just asking someone— basically an enemy-stranger to take part in his ridiculous plan. But overall, above all his emotions, what he felt the most is _concern_ and _worry_. He knows they’re in no way friends nor close to it, but so far, Donghyuck has given his best in acting like a fool in love with Mark.

 

The least Mark can do is take care of him.

 

‘What should we do hyung?’ Mark asked, laying a gentle hand on the smaller’s forehead. He pulls back with a hiss, frown deepening. The heat is unbearable. That must be the reason why Donghyuck’s whimpering even in his sleep.

 

‘I think you should bath him Mark. That will lessen the heat. We’ll have to wake him up too so he can eat something.’ Doyoung answers. He’s too busy thinking that he doesn’t notice Mark’s eyes widening and Jeno’s audible gasp. Mark shoot a frightened look on Jeno’s direction, unsure about the task. ‘B-bath?’

 

‘Yes?’ Doyoung retorts, ‘You’re his boyfriend after all. You wouldn’t want anyone to see your boyfriend naked right?’

 

 _Naked_ , Mark thought, his mind visualizing unnecessary thoughts. _Stupid brain_ , he whacked his head, now is not the right time to dirty-think.

 

‘Okay, make sure you wash him properly. I’ll go get some towels.’ Doyoung stood after pecking Donghyuck’s burning forehead, jerking his head for Jeno to follow. ‘Jeno, hun, go get some clothes for Haechan.’

 

Jeno nods robotically, sending Mark an apologetic look. He leans to him to whisper _‘good luck bro’_ before disappearing behind the closed door. When they’re gone, Mark started sweating. He can’t even look at the other who’s currently crying in pain. His train of nervousness only shattered when a pitiful voice whines, ‘h-hot’ Donghyuck puled, trying to pull the multiple layers of blankets.

 

Mark turned to him to attend to his needs, hissing in pain once again when his skin made contact with Donghyuck’s burning body. ‘Hey’ Mark calls, trying to wake him up, ‘Hey Donghyuck, wake up’

 

Donghyuck stirred away from him, pushing his hands away. Delirious.

 

‘Donghyuck, wake up.’ Mark repeats, voice more louder and clear.

 

‘N-nana’ Donghyuck calls, eyes shut tight. Mark frowns, puzzled as well. _Who is Nana_? Mark cards his fingers through sweaty silks, pulling the smaller to his chest. Donghyuck’s eyes crack open slowly at the movement, disoriented and still very sick. He hiccups, burying his head under Mark’s chin. ‘Wanna go home’

 

Mark sighed, not knowing how to handle someone this sick and uncooperative. He rub the boy’s back, trying to wake him up. ‘Donghyuck’ He says, looking down to check if the other’s awake, ‘Haechan, _Sunshine_ ’

 

Donghyuck’s eyes dilated upon hearing the endearment, and in his hazy clouded mind, he looked up and stared at the taller, probably confused and baffled as well. He is utterly raddled for short. ‘Mark?’ He sounds so small and vulnerable. Mark’s actually surprise Donghyuck would let his guard down like this.

 

‘Yes it’s me’

 

The corner of Donghyuck’s lips curled a little, like a cat, before he goes back to nuzzling his head on the other’s chest. ‘Wanna go home’

 

Mark’s cheeks are rudy, it’s warm and it’s freaking painful, because there’s tingling sensation in which he doesn’t know where it came from. ‘You can’t.’ He mutters, propping the smaller to sit up. ‘I’m going to bath you real quick. Is it okay?’

 

Donghyuck blinked at him, trying to understand what he meant.

 

‘Bath’ Mark emphasized, ‘Shower and water’

 

Donghyuck looked around, before trying to remove his clothes. Mark shrieked so loud Donghyuck covered his ear hurriedly as he can. ‘Not—not here! In the bathroom’

 

Donghyuck mouthed a small _‘okay’_ before curling against Mark’s lap, breathe evening out. Mark rubbed his forehead, mind going haywire. He’s not sure how he will be dealing with a sick Donghyuck, and from the looks of it, the smaller seems to be deep in his delusions to actually realized that he and Mark aren’t dating at all. He carried the smaller to his private bathroom, setting him down in the bath tub before figuring out how he will undress the smaller without looking like a maniac. Sure the others would understand, they know ‘Haechan’ and Mark are dating, but Jeno and Renjun knows the truth. He thought of asking help from Jeno, but his Doyoung hyung is right, he doesn’t want other people to see his ‘partner’ naked.

 

With a deep breathe and a determined facade, he walked to where the other is. ‘Sunshine’ he cooes, using the endearment because Donghyuck seems to be responding to the name very well even through his delirious state. Donghyuck blinked his eyes as slow as the turtle, his face contorting into pain. ‘Oh no, don’t cry.’ Mark groans, wiping the tears away. ‘You’re going to take a bath okay?’

 

Donghyuck nods even though he’s sobbing.

 

‘Can I.. can I take off your clothes?’ Mark drawled, hoping that he doesn’t sound like a pervert. _Oh gosh, what did he get himself into?_

 

Donghyuck nods obediently, lifting his hands to let the older take his clothes off. The pants followed, and though Mark need to take his boxers and brief too, things that Doyoung doesn’t know will not hurt him, so Mark kept it. The first hit of cold water has the sick boy whimpering but Mark’s quick to assure him that he will be okay once he took a nice bath. During the bath, Donghyuck has clutched a hand on Mark’s shirt, scared that he will move away. Mark continued to wash his hair, lathering soap on his tan skin and not daring to have his eyes lower below the latter’s navel.

 

‘Cold’ Donghyuck’s voice came with the chattering of his teeth, eyes wide and so in pain. Mark looked down, just in time for Donghyuck to tilt his head up. ‘ _Mark_ , cold’

 

Something in his voice pierced through Mark’s heart. The worst part is, it leaves a dent on his heart too. Belatedly, Mark realized it’s **_Worry_ **.

 

Letting the scrub fall, Mark sighed as he bend his head down, tugging the smaller close. Where he got the confidence, no idea. But Mark’s used to being dumb and stupid when his feelings are involved. Donghyuck rest his head on the latter’s chest as Mark’s arms wrapped around his naked back. The shivering stopped while Mark’s whole body get wet.

 

‘Cold?’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, shaking his head, feeling alive and loved. ‘Not anymore’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think of this! Also, guess what the story plot is hahahhaa. I'm waiting for your guesses!
> 
> Ciao ❤


	5. in the state of nescience, i'm your fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's dangerous to be involved in a ridiculous game where the players don't know how to play. Donghyuck wonders if he's dumb or just simply ignorant to his own being._ **Be the guest and guess the answer**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the reader **draco_potter09** kudos to you! You might have unlocked a mystery! Kkk. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for the love and support this fic is getting! The comments made my day and it's the only thing that urges me to do better, to improve this story more to give all of you my lovable readers the desired result you want. 
> 
> Enjoy reading and spread love! ♥

 

When Mark was young, he envied a lot of kids. He watched from his window view as they receive kisses and hugs, get asked how are they doing and then spend time with their parents. You see, Mark grew up in the safety of his four-cornered room. He was rich, yes. He had a thousand collection of toys, books and everything kids wanted at his age. But, he never had that one thing to have a happy life. Love. Affection. Value. He was nothing but a kid, trapped in his own imagination.

 

He remembered seeing his parents before Christmas but didn’t came to eat with him during Christmas Eve. They were never at his birthday. Never at any recognition or competition. They never came to spend some quality time with their son. He understands they’re busy, trying to give their only son a better future. A life filled with his fantasies. Filled with things he dreamed of.

 

The problem.

 

They never asked Mark what he wanted.

 

If they did, they would know that he wanted neither of those. He tried his best to acquire the love he wanted. The love he needed. Because all he wanted was love. Something he knew even before hand, that he will never get. Especially with the setting of his life.

 

When Mark turned 16, he decided to move to Seoul. His parents were supportive. They wanted him to embark on new things, adventures that will further expand his talent and insight of the world. But Mark knows neither of their reasons are facts. Nor true. They just wanted him away from them, after all the nagging he did to get their attention. They are simply bothered by him to actually care. Money is simple to him. It’s easy-as-pie, it flows like a river through his hand and he can toss it away like no one could.

 

But money is just money.

 

And money can never buy him what he wanted his whole life. Insert Johnny and Jaehyun.

 

Mark have childhood friends that he treasured with his whole heart, named Jeno and Renjun. But only when he met Johnny and Jaehyun did he experience things out of his wildest dreams. Everything fell into place as the three of them were introduced to a group of people, each connected by another friend. But Mark viewed Johnny and Jaehyun as his older-blood-brothers. Thus their protectiveness.

 

Friendship is something he valued a lot, for he knows his friends valued him just as well as he does to them.

 

But _love_? Love is not something he have thought about a lot. Simply because for him, it is messy and very complicated. He doesn’t know why people get so dumb and naive when they’re in love. But he cannot judge. He hasn’t experienced it after all.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


There’s a hum, soft and melodious, something Mark hasn’t heard for awhile. It’s slow and mellow, and Mark’s sleepy state is swimming farther from his sanity. He’s barely awake, and the sound is now much more clearer, like clear water. It’s good to the ears, and Mark faintly recognized the song being hummed is one of his favorite tracks by Dong Bang Shin Ki, Love in Ice. The soothing tone continued to lull him to a deep slumber, but his senses are awakening. Probably because there’s a voice talking to him.

 

And he recognize this voice as well. Though they haven’t been together for long, Mark knows that this voice — soft, high and filled with snark — is definitely Donghyuck’s. His fake boyfriend.

 

When he cracked his eyes open, he isn’t expecting to see him, Donghyuck, to be staring at him with a smirk. For what reason? Mark have no idea. But maybe Donghyuck does.

 

‘You snore noodle arms’ He comments, then followed it with a light laugh, ‘and you drool too.’

 

Mark hurriedly wiped the offending saliva decorating the side of his mouth, glaring at the smaller when he started cackling. He frowns upon seeing that he is lying beside the other, although not that near and close. Still, they _shared_ a bed to sleep. And he have no idea how long was Donghyuck awake to be laughing at his face.

 

‘Wait, you woke up already?’ Mark asked, rubbing crust from his eyes. The smaller rolled his eyes at the obvious, ‘I was awake the moment you hit the pillow to take a nap.’

 

‘I was tired!’ Mark pouted, ‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’

 

‘You look tired.’ Donghyuck answered with a shrug, ‘And I don’t need to be a genius why, noodle arms. Judging by my new clothes and wet hair, you probably invaded my privacy.’

 

‘Hey!’ Mark whacked him with a pillow, getting a glare from the other. ‘I did what any other responsible boyfriend should do. You should thank me.’

 

Donghyuck’s cheeks redden at his nonsensical hysteria, looking away so that he doesn’t need to look at his eyes instead. _Mark’s forgetful_ , he argued with his mind who murmured to him teasingly, _No he’s not_ . ‘Noodle Arms, it’s _fake_ boyfriend.’ Donghyuck retorts sarcastically, ‘And thank you for taking advantage of me when I’m helpless.’ He teases, loving the blooming shame on the taller’s neck and face. He’s probably embarrassed.

 

‘Seriously, I give up on you. I treated you nicely and you treat me like I’m a pervert.’ There’s no malice, just pure joke, as Mark joked with his words. And so, Donghyuck found himself giggling, actually liking the small banter they learn to do with each other. It’s not Donghyuck’s style to piss people, but maybe he wanted to piss Mark so that he can have a taste of his own stupidness in the form of this weird plan.

 

‘ _Thank you_ , by the way’ Donghyuck mutters, albeit shyly as he point to his clothes and the room. Mark sent him a light smile, simple and free, nothing behind it. And maybe Donghyuck liked that smile. He internally liked that it is directed to him and to him alone.

 

‘What time is it?’ Mark asked, blinking his eyes as it adjusted to the lightings. He sees Donghyuck picking his phone, bright orange light illuminating his still flushed face. Something in the smaller’s face is just so soft and vulnerable. Mark knows by experience that Donghyuck is beautiful. He had seen lots of pretty and quite exquisite individuals, but no one came close to how ethereal Donghyuck looked. _Fuck_ , Mark groans as he slapped his own cheek earning a weird look from the other participant of the room. _I can’t be imagining this_ , Mark continued to slapped himself, trying to wake himself, _I’m getting crazy because I’m with him_.

 

‘It’s 8:14 pm’ Donghyuck replies after a beat, still sending him a weird look. ‘Are you okay?’

 

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ Mark assures him, sighing inwardly to himself because he isn’t okay. He just thought that this boy— Donghyuck, is _pretty_ and _beautiful_. No. Mark’s literally not okay. He have to go out. ‘We should get dinner. The gang is out there watching movies, I guess they probably heard us talking since all of them are nosy.’ He purposely said it loud since the walls are a little thick for conversation to be heard.

 

There’s a loud offended _‘hey’_ outside, proving that Mark was indeed right. Donghyuck had the audacity to giggle, as he leans to murmur lowly, ‘Well it looks like we have to put on a show.’

 

Maybe it’s the twinkle of mischief in the smaller’s eyes, or the way his lips curl into as a playful idea work its way to his head. _It’s probably both_ , Mark notes, because his heart started beating faster. The air on his lungs got knocked out, but Donghyuck’s oblivious to it, as Mark openly stared at the smaller’s beautiful freckles. It is indeed beautiful. It is aesthetically pleasing, completely harmless and purely wondrous to be covered with artistic dots that enhances someone’s beauty. Donghyuck’s pretty, Mark agrees internally, mouth dropping low when he accidentally sees a sliver of collarbones under the shirt he was wearing. Oh no.

 

‘Noodle arms?’ Donghyuck flicked his forehead, ‘Are you okay? I think you’re hungry.’

 

‘Yeah, maybe I am’ Mark gulped as he shake his head, straying far from the other. Donghyuck disregard his complete weird antics as he stood up, cupping his head when his vision tilted again. Mark’s at his side on an instant, his hold careful and gentle. ‘Still dizzy? Your fever hasn’t gone down yet.’

 

‘Food will help’ Donghyuck grits, trying not to focus on the swinging of his vision. Fuck, he hate being sick.

 

‘Here, hold onto me.’ Mark suggested, snaking an arm around his thin waist, making the other shriek in utter fluster. He got a palm of Donghyuck’s hand shoved into his cheek as the smaller try to get away. ‘Hey!’ He screams in pain, rubbing his painful cheek. He had this adorable pout that he doesn’t know he’s actually doing. Donghyuck’s cheeks are burning, and added to that that he is currently flaming with fever. ‘H-how dare you!’ He gasped, his hands around himself. ‘You pervert!’

 

‘I was trying to help!’

 

‘You were trying to touch me!’

 

‘Seriously!’ Mark says exasperated, giving up as he raise his hand to surrender. ‘You know what, never mind. Don’t ask me for help.’

 

‘It’s not like I needed one!’ Donghyuck says back, cheeks still rudy and warm. Mark’s making him feel a lot of things. And the touching didn’t make it any better.

 

Mark groaned, feeling helpless. ‘I told you I was trying to help!’

 

‘Yeah but you clearly touch me!’

 

Suddenly, there’s a knock, causing the both of them to stop quarrelling. Mark opened the door as two heads popped in, Jisung and Chenle smiling wide and bright. ‘Hyungies!’ Chenle beames in his cute voice, ‘Taeyong hyung said stop fighting and go down now!’

 

Mark and Donghyuck shared a look, ashamed at being caught. ‘Um, we’re not fighting.’ Mark corrected.

 

‘Hyung’s right Chenle.’ Jisung agrees, smile oblivious and naive. ‘They’re having their lover’s quarrel.’

 

Donghyuck choked on his saliva while Mark choked on his own air. They shooed the two youngsters out and promised to follow after them. Once the door is closed, Mark sighed at the fact that he is indeed, fighting with the other. They are in no way, love-quarrelling. Seriously, kids these days. He feels a movement beside and saw the smaller already standing beside him, still looking embarrassed but more relaxed. ‘Your friends are right. They’re all waiting downstairs.’

 

‘Y-yeah’ Mark stammers, turning to face the door. ‘So, let’s do this.’

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at him good-naturedly, shyly sneaking a hand on the other’s arms. ‘Lead the way, noodle arms’

 

‘When will you let go of that name?’ Mark whines which earned him a smile. ‘Why do you even call me noodle arms? I have muscles you know’

 

‘The first time I saw you, you have this curled hair. And your arms are thin. Noodle arms.’ Donghyuck explains with a smirk, nudging the other’s shoulder teasingly. ‘Bet you cannot even carry a pencil with that stupid bones of yours.’

 

‘Are you testing me, Donghyuck?’

 

‘It’s Haechan’ Donghyuck corrected, ‘And I’m always corre— what the— put me down you big dumba—’ Slap. Whack. Hit. ‘Put me down!’

 

Mark rest his arms around the smaller’s waist, turning around to fool with the other who’s now firmly placed on his shoulder. _Noodle arms my ass_ , he thought. He feels Donghyuck circle his shaking and thin arms around the taller’s neck, pleading guilty and asking for him to stop. Mark snorted loud, hopping to scare the other who clenched tighter and almost cried when Mark playfully bend down on his knees as if trying to drop him.

 

‘Please, put me down’ Donghyuck whimpers, eyes closed as he clenched tighter and tighter. Everything is turning and Mark isn’t doing anything to make it better.

 

Mark hums, thinking. ‘Beg.’

 

‘No’

 

Mark turns again, making the smaller cry in shock and fear of being dropped. ‘Come on, beg’ Mark’s smirk is evident even in his tone, ‘Or do you want me to take you outside like this?’

 

‘N-no!’ Donghyuck screams, his dizziness more worse. ‘Fine, please put me down Markie’

 

‘Try harder.’

 

‘I hate you’ Donghyuck delivers a punch on his back, weak and out of energy.

 

‘You do’ Mark retorts, amused. He bounces the other on his shoulder, not feeling an ounce of tiredness. Donghyuck doesn’t even weigh that much. Mark feels like carrying a sack of cotton.

 

‘Yes, I do. I hate you a lot.’ Donghyuck grits, pushing his face on Mark’s back, ‘P-please put me down. I’m feeling bad Mark.’

 

 _Oh_ , Mark’s mind scrambled, as if suddenly reminded of the other’s pitiful state. He enjoyed his playful teasing that he totally forgot about the other’s current health. He set down the smaller, catching him by his shoulder when the other started tilting down again. Donghyuck crashes on his chest, breathing heavily. Mark felt guilty all of a sudden, wrapping his long arms around the other. It’s automatic, and the comfort it brings is obvious because Donghyuck’s shivering stopped. Unconsciously, Donghyuck’s hands wrapped around his waist too, leaning to him fully.

 

Mark noted, that this is the first time they hugged. Like a real hug, without any sort of joke or malice. Without the force of needing to display fake affection for the people around them. Just them, in their own little world.

 

‘Sorry’ Mark whispers, lips close to his ear. The intimate closeness is strangely.. comfortable. The action is openly-welcomed, comfy and snug. In fact, Donghyuck looks like he’s comfortable wrapped between Mark’s arms too. ‘Don’t do it next time.’ Donghyuck grumbles, his lips forming into a pout. Mark hides the smile upon thinking of the ‘next time’ before he shook his head, probably lost in his own ridiculous thoughts.

 

They stay in their small comfort zone, blanketed with warmth and security. Having Donghyuck buried in his chest, safe and secured, made something swirl inside his chest. He can’t quite put a name on it, but the feeling is rather.. _pleasant_. But Mark won’t mull over the thought too much. He might go insane.

 

Sadly, their moment have to be interrupted.

 

The door was kicked open, a furious Doyoung standing by the doorway, Jaehyun and Johnny standing behind him with shock, wide eyes. They’re probably not expecting this scene. Mark’s eyes are wide and the tips of his ears to his cheeks are flaming red, he tried to make a move, to pull away, but Donghyuck’s words vibrated through his skin ‘don’t move or they’ll be suspicious’. Mark kept his hand on his lower back, flashing them a rather awkward smile. Luckily, the others took it as awkwardness of being seen.

 

Doyoung turned when he realized what he saw, walking away with his cheeks burning bright red. Jaehyun and Johnny blinked at them, obviously shocked by their doings. ‘Um’ Johnny started, unsure, backing a little. His hand caught Jaehyun’s arms, urging him to back away too. ‘The guys are waiting. We just thought..’

 

‘You’re having a love quarrel.’ Jaehyun finishes, still looking at them with his piercing gaze. ‘Well, it looks like you resolved whatever you’re fighting over.’

 

‘Yes,’ Johnny quips, ‘Just come down, okay. Before the food disappears.’

 

The two tall men walked out of their vision, leaving them alone once again. There’s audible talkings and murmurs, but Mark dismissed all of it, as he looked down on the person currently caged on his own arms. Donghyuck had his eyes closed, seemingly contented to be moving. ‘We have to go’ Mark whispers, the reality dawning to him. They’re _hugging_ , buried in each other’s arms, acting like a real couple when they aren’t anything close to it. They aren’t even labeled friends. ‘Sunshine’

 

‘I know’ Donghyuck hums, pulling away. He has a frown on his face, but Mark decided not to ask him anymore. He has his own frustration to deal with.

 

Mark asked for his hand, plastering the fakest smile he can ever do, hoping that with his exterior, he will not be only lying to Donghyuck, but to himself as well. Donghyuck let his hands intertwine with the other, releasing a breathe he’d been holding. ‘Time to act like fools’ Donghyuck tells him, noting the tightening grip of the other.

 

Mark’s smile isn’t that light, simple and free. It was strained, forced and uncertain.

 

Donghyuck know he is sporting the same face.

 

And with no deliberate thinking, even a fool can subject them into this qualities. Their relationship is sadly— strained, forced and uncertain.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


The room is already packed to the brim, what with the group’s number, it’s definitely impossible to find a free space to sit on. It’s not that Mark’s apartment is small, it’s just that his living room isn’t actually made for about 15 more people to be staying on. Some were already sprawled on the carpet taking the larger space, some are already placed on their seats, while some are still making a mess on the kitchen. Johnny spotted them walking down the staircase, waving a hand, ‘I save some space.’ and he adds with a grimace, ‘But it’s tiny’

 

Mark dragged the other to the space provided, thankful for the darkness of the room. His living room was already set up, his big tv screen currently in a pause while they wait for the snacks. They’ve already chosen movie but that’s not the real issue. Because, the little space Johnny was talking about is.. indeed tiny. So small it can barely fit two person. It’s only available for one to sit on.

 

‘So, how are we going to do this?’ Donghyuck grits at him, looking at the space intensely as if he can magically shove the other people aside to have some space. ‘Well..’ Mark bit his lips, completely unsure. He have no idea how they’re going go fit in this space. Someone might have to adjust if they want Donghyuck and Mark sitting comfortably. As if sensing their inner turmoil, Taeyong quip a suggestion for them. ‘Just let Haechannie sit on your lap.’

 

Mark would’ve argued that it is not proper, but the twinkle in Jaehyun and Johnny’s eyes tells him that his decision will make them more suspicious. They probably find it funny and amusing to see Mark struggle, just waiting for him to surrender. But Mark won’t give them that sweet taste of satisfaction.

 

‘Fine’ Mark says pointedly, sitting down and sending Donghyuck a pleading look, hoping that he will get the idea. The other did get it, but with added threat ‘this cost more than two dollars’ befofe he ungracefully plomped his butt down, acting care-free. Madrk loudly ‘oop!’ as he catch the other by his hips, slapping him on his arms after. ‘That hurts’

 

‘Sorry love’ Donghyuck purrs, putting on his best love-sick smile. Mark wants to puke at the attention. Jisung even hollered at them happily.

 

Thankfully, the spot light is short-lived because the rest of the gang walked in with snacks and meals, passing over the food to each other. They clicked play as everyone started sitting down, all eyes now focused on the tv. Donghyuck’s obviously uncomfortable on their position since he kept on wiggling and it’s not helping Mark any better. It’s not that he’s always horny or sexually active, but he’s a hormonal individual and the last thing he wanted is to have someone pretty moving on top of him and have his personal gland awake and asking for attention. No.

 

‘Stop moving!’ He grips the smaller’s waist, trying so hard to steady him. Donghyuck glares back at him, grabbing on the hand that is gripping his waist hard. ‘I can’t fucking sit properly!’

 

‘I know but—’

 

Donghyuck turned sideways, landing them back in a heap of messy limbs and exhausted groans. Donghyuck’s was now resting on the side of his head while Mark’s hands rest on his waist still. Yuta, who’s the nearest to them shoot them a confuse look, ‘Everything okay there?’

 

Donghyuck shot him a thumbs up, smiling wide. When the other turned back to continue watching, Donghyuck glared at Mark when he started moving again. ‘I said stop moving!’ He growls, circling an arm around the taller’s neck. Mark’s cheeks is flushed red, and having Donghyuck close to him like he is a part of his own body is giving Mark more added frustrations. How can he calm down when said pretty boy and the current subject of Mark’s dilemma had an arm around his shoulder while he curl himself as small as he can on Mark’s lap? Oh right, they’re fake dating. They _have_ to do this for the display.

 

‘I think I have a boner’ Mark deadpans, his eyes going wide but the smaller’s eyes turned wider than his. Donghyuck puffed his cheeks as they turn red and bright, but he made no move to pull away. ‘Well, what do you suggest, genius?’

 

Mark have no idea.

 

‘Ugh, just don’t move too much.’ Mark gulps, sweating. He can feel eyes following their whispering conversation, careful. Donghyuck followed the direction of his eyes, not shock when it made contact with Johnny’s serious watching eyes. Donghyuck turned his head so that his cheek is resting against Mark’s shoulder, ‘They’re watching’

 

‘Yeah, they probably notice how awkward I looked.’ Mark gurgled guiltily, leaning back to get into a comfortable position. ‘Loosen up markiepoo’ Donghyuck fake-giggles, lifting his head and with their current angle, he is above the other, face inches apart. ‘Where’s the noodle arms?’ Mark spat back playfully but his heart is running a thousand kilometer per second.

 

‘It’s gone.’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes, staring down at Mark. The position is intimate and Jeno would probably tell them they’re too ‘chummy’ for being fake boyfriends on show. But this is why Mark hired a fake boyfriend. To get chummy and openly show it to his friends that he is indeed taken.

 

When Mark looked up, he feels like drowning. By Donghyuck’s smell, his brightness, his beauty. He’s radiant, and though Mark is a firm believer that love at first sight doesn’t exist, he might have found the other already shining the first time they met. Mark raised his hand to card his calloused fingers through the smaller’s mess of a bed hair, letting the other lean to him with all his weight. At this point, Mark thinks he looked perfectly otherwordly.

 

‘Cat got your tongue, hm?’ Donghyuck jokes, but he isn’t any different from what Mark’s feeling as well. His own heart is beating wild in his chest, and he noticed that it has been like that for a quite few times whenever he’s with Mark. He might have to check on the hospital for a check up.

 

Mark unconsciously tugs the smaller closer, eyes getting wider with each second. Donghyuck’s so near. He’s so near he can see his eyes shining brightly even if it’s dark. They twinkle brighter than any stars Mark have seen, and his freckles cast a dramatic shadow on his cheeks. He looked celestial. Mark’s thinking this fake-boyfriend could’ve been a star before he was reincarnated. Donghyuck’s red plump lips open in a gasp, shock by Mark’s sudden action. The taller’s gaze fell on this particular part, amazed by how red and full they are. It’s totally unnerving to know that someone can own something so magical yet sinful at the same time. _No_ , Mark’s common sense and arguably the only working part butt in, _You’re getting crazy Mark and it’s his fault._

 

Mark doesn’t know when did his hands moved from stroking Donghyuck’s hair to cupping his warm cheeks. They share a silent talk, just breathing in the small space provided, with Mark getting lost in the sea of emotions running through Donghyuck’s dark abysmal orbs.

 

‘Am I dreaming?’ Mark whispers, careful of the way he trace the other’s cheeks. Donghyuck’s eyes fell closed, leaning more closer. ‘Or do you just _shine_ so bright in this darkness?’

 

That made Donghyuck’s eyes snap open, and like a switch, it did snap Mark as well. His hands hang on the air awkwardly, as Donghyuck’s eyes turn from soft to icy and piercing. He doesn’t ask the other to repeat what he said, clearly hearing and understanding what was implied. It hurts that those words are just empty compliments, something Donghyuck knows is just for fun. For show. Like how all people are to him. The atmosphere turned cold, with Mark thinking of what he should say next.

 

Mark knows it’s wrong. Informations are the only thing to be shared with the two of them, but emotions and words that doesn’t mean anything isn’t part of the plan. The deal is to act like complete fools in love with each other in front of other people, not in front of each other. No.

 

Mark must check his boundaries.

 

Fortunately, their intense staring battle was cut, when a loud cry erupted, catching the attention of all the people around. When Mark twisted to see who it was, his heart almost fell when he saw Renjun crying on Jeno’s arms. He was shaking and is currently gripping his own hair, screaming loud and trashing around.

 

 _Fuck_ , Mark thought, _I should’ve seen the signs. He was more shell-shocked than laidback, looking tired and angsty._

 

A nod from Jeno and with the multiple calls from his friends, he decided to excuse himself and attend to his friend. Just as Mark kneeled down, he get an armful of Renjun crying in his arms. Because he wasn’t watching and was busy ogling Donghyuck, he didn’t notice that the movie they were watching involves a car crash scene. Something Renjun is trying so hard to forget. Renjun continued to shake and cry on his arms, tears streaming mercilessly, ‘M-mark’

 

‘Shh, I’m here’ He whispers, dropping a kiss on his sweaty temple. Renjun doesn’t show any sign of moving away, so Mark assured them that he will stay with the other for the meantime.

 

‘But what about.. Haechan?’ Jeno whispers, casting the said male a look. Mark sighs, ‘He’ll understand.’

 

Jeno bits his lips, the words _he wouldn’t if you don’t tell him_ got stuck in his mouth as he watch Renjun bury his head on Mark’s chest. His hiccups subsided but he still had his eyes closed, which is a never good sign because Jeno knows Renjun suffered a tragic event that the only thing he can do is close his eyes to shut the reality. ‘I guess I’ll have your fake—’ he caught himself, Mark sending him a pointed look at his almost-mistake, ‘Your boyfriend. I’ll have your boyfriend entertained.’

 

‘Thank you Jeno.’ Mark says, his voice covered with gratefulness. With a sigh, Jeno stood, not actually wanting to leave but.. but he knows Renjun will eventually calm down if it’s Mark who’s holding him.

 

He cast one longing look at Renjun before giving up, walking to where an amused Donghyuck is looking. His eyebrows raised in confusion upon Jeno’s arrival. Jeno knows he doesn’t need to look at Donghyuck’s expression to know what he’s thinking. He’s shockingly attentive of things surrounding him.

 

‘Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?’ Jeno asked after 5 minutes of staring at nothing with the other looking at him like he’s a rare animal on a zoo.

 

Donghyuck shrugged, leaning on his palms, eyes now trained on the hugging duo who’s still surrounded by their worried friends. ‘I’m not dumb Jeno’ He spat, voice filled with overwhelming venom that Jeno’s head snapped when he turned to him, ‘And shouldn’t you be there at his side.’

 

Jeno laughs, ‘He’ll suffocate with the number of people around him.’ He joked, but earned no laugh, but instead a look. ‘Like I said, I’m not dumb Jeno.’

 

Jeno turned to look at Mark who’s whispering comforting words and consistently rubbing Renjun’s back.

 

‘What even happened for him to react that way?’ Was the curious question, followed by Donghyuck’s raising of eyebrows. For a moment, he look serious and concern, but it vanish just as it came. ‘He.. he lost his parents from a car accident.’ Jeno says lowly, not actually sure if he should tell the other about it or not, but since he’s already pretending to be part of the group, might as well educate him about their group. ‘He never overcome their death. His sadness took a toll on his health, and then he was diagnosed of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Everything that is related to the accident triggers his anxiety and causes him in a hysteria and state of panic.’

 

Donghyuck can’t even believe his ears. This Renjun, this snarky and equally angry boy, is suffering the same disorder as he is. He should’ve expected it. Every sign was there. ‘Is he taking medicines?’ He asked back, wide eyes.

 

Jeno nods, ‘He does. But they don’t actually heal him. His memories are all filled with guilt.’

 

‘Guilt?’

 

‘Yeah.’ Jeno retorts, taking his eyes off of them. ‘He said he was the reason why they died. Because he was busy throwing a tantrum and asking for attention that they didn’t focus on the road.’

 

Donghyuck’s mind zoned out, listening to Jeno’s words wifh deaf ears. He remembers of his parent’s death, that unfaithful night. He recalls hearing a loud wail of cry on the same room where the dead bodies are laid. He recalls staring at his parent’s hand and blaming whoever stupid people who wasn’t careful of the road killed his parents. But the grief and anger never stayed. Because if Donghyuck’s parents were alive, they’d probably tell him, _forgive others_.

 

He can’t believe that Renjun shares a deep sense of familiarity with his experience. With a sad smile, he notes that he and Renjun are both parentless. Both living alone. Both trying to live life and trying to be happy. But Renjun have a group of friend to love him. To shower him with affection. Something Donghyuck will never have.

 

Atleast now, Donghyuck have a small idea of why Renjun’s acting like a spoiled kid. Why all of them does. It’s because they lack something they’ve been wanting to have eversince.

 

Love.

 

Something Donghyuck will never experience anymore.

 

‘So, you like him?’ Donghyuck asked, cutting Jeno from his continuous rambling. Jeno’s immediate reaction is a splutter of mortification as his embarrassment creep up to his cheek from his neck. ‘H-how— I do not—’

 

‘I haven’t even said a name.’ Donghyuck smirks, but urged further. ‘So, you like him?’ He jerks his head at the bundle of people surrounding Renjun.

 

‘No’

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the blatant lie, leaning to whisper at his ear so that only the two of them will be talking. ‘I’m not dumb, Jeno. And I’m definitely not oblivious.’

 

It’s Jeno’s turn to raise an eyebrow, ‘What do you mean?’

 

Donghyuck tilt his head, ‘Your group is a bunch of oblivious people. Even a dog who is a fool can see how dedicated you are to him.’

 

 _Huh what an interesting observation_ , Jeno’s mind supplied, amazed. _For someone so smart, he must be pretty dumb too._

 

It’s not that Jeno is oblivious, it’s that he chose not to pay attention to them. Maybe he really is that obvious, or maybe their friends are just really blind to what’s evident in plain sight.

 

But what intrigued Jeno more is neither of those. But. But this.

 

‘So does that mean you belong to our group?’ Jeno asked, an innocent smile playing on his lips. Donghyuck shot him a confused look, leaning back. ‘Excuse me. Im offended.’

 

Jeno laughed at his reaction, deciding not to dig more deeper. Jeno may be dumb, but he is not oblivious.

 

 _Oblivious my ass_ , Jeno cackles internally. As he take one last look at Donghyuck’s face, he decided that there’s no one more oblivious than this boy more than himself. _Sadly oblivious to his own feelings too_ , Jeno sighed as he bring his eyes back to stare at the painful scene. _Oblivious my ass._

 

Not oblivious when you’re obviously hurting is his kind of tea anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions, do not be afraid to ask me (only if it's answerable and not going to spoil the story kkkk)
> 
> Chat with me and tell me what you think about this story! Also, share this story with your other friends as well. ♥
> 
> Spread love for NCT, love everyone and especially **LOVE YOURSELF ♡**


	6. i'll do it in the name of love, and for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I am so sorry that I  
> vanished for two  
> weeks without updates!  
> I was on a camp so I'm  
> sorry that I wasn't able  
> to update!  
>  **Also, sorry for I'm kinda losing thoughts on this. I realize I cannot make MarkHyuck wait 😂😂**
> 
> I will try to update as much as I can so that the pain and angst will pass through haha!

  


Donghyuck should’ve known that things are going to be more complicated especially when a certain Mark Lee is involved. To make matters worse, Jeno isn’t actually helping either.

 

‘What are you implying?’ He asked, rubbing his forehead in an attempt to calm himself down. Mark and Jeno had called in a ‘meeting’ to discuss some alarming matters. It was Jeno’s idea, and honestly, Donghyuck should’ve not given him his trust to agree with this ridiculous plan. Jeno shot him a blinding smile, too bright for a Saturday morning, Donghyuck’s day-off and first break before school take its winter vacation. ‘Well, I was suggesting that you level up your affections because I heard from Yuta hyung that they’re kind of..’

 

‘Suspicious of our act.’ Mark finishes, taking a sip from his Black Americano.

 

Donghyuck shoot him a look of distaste, before scowling at them once again. ‘Haven’t we been flaunting our gross actions in front of them?’

 

‘They asked me why you never kissed.’ Jeno deadpans, ‘I mean, it’s not that they’re asking you to be gross about it but Renjun kind of mentioned that you two look stiff to be a couple.’

 

Donghyuck shoot Mark a glare, hoping that his eyes can pierced right through the taller’s skull and send him a freaking hint that he doesn’t know what’s happening and _it’s all your fault dumbass_. Mark raised his hands in surrender, as if understanding the flame behind his tired exhausted eyes. ‘It’s not my fault we don’t look real.’ which made Donghyuck scoff once again, obviously offended, ‘What do you intend me to do? Kneel on my knees and act like a fool?’

 

‘I’m not saying you should do that.’ Jeno cuts their heated staring battle, waving a hand in front of them. ‘What I was saying is that you should be more real with your actions.’

 

‘Has it ever crossed your mind that we aren’t in love? Not even in the slightest?’ Donghyuck spat back, loosing his patience.

 

‘Well, we need to be more real then.’ Mark suggests, ‘More hands-on’ as if proving his point, he laid his warm shaking hands on top of Donghyuck’s, earning him a glare but thankfully, not slapping his hands away. Jeno grins at their display, satisfied. ‘You have enough time to practice your familiarity with each other.’ Jeno says and Donghyuck rolled his eyes at his statement _as if we aren’t acting like fools for a whole damn week_ , he thought. ‘Because we have a lot of schedules to attend to.’ Jeno adds, pushing a piece of paper towards Donghyuck because it seems like Mark had already read through it.

 

‘What do you mean by _schedules_ ?’ Donghyuck squint his eyes at the paper, reading their supposed timetable for the next days to come. His brain tries to sink in everything that is written, which is dutifully signed by Mark and Jeno himself. Monday is Chenle’s special performance in a local charity, then there’s a party they have to attend sponsored by the local influencers for said charity. Tuesday, they will be going to Johnny’s house _sadly_ for a night out and sleep over. By Wednesday, they will have to attend a formal ball that Sicheng and Yuta will be leading (the reason, Donghyuck have no idea.) while for Thursday, Doyoung and Jaehyun had already saved a villa for a swimming getaway with more of their Korean friends. By Friday, Donghyuck thinks he’s going to collapse by the number of parties he’ll have to attend which is another event held by Kun. Saturday is a saved date, because it’s to be decided by the members first.

 

Donghyuck isn’t sure if he can survive through this.

 

‘Am I required to attend to all of this?’ He whines petulantly. Mark’s hold on his sweaty hand doesn’t loosen up, and the look he gets is not for an argument. ‘You’re getting paid today with the half’ Mark muses, picking his bag to thrust an envelope. It’s thick and _smells_ money and Donghyuck’s eyes literally bulge at the sight. _Fuckers_ , he thought, _using my weakness._

 

‘There’s some schedules that aren’t listed there too. We’ll inform you if there’s somes changes.’ Jeno says happily, as if he succeeded in making whatever his plan was. Mark doesn’t seem unfazed either and only held his hands tighter. They eat in relative silence, Mark not letting go while he and Jeno discuss their future plans. Donghyuck think they look ridiculous and stupid, acting as if it’s a life-threatening situation they are talking about. Maybe it’s really that important, but on the other side, the reason for their panic is just because of a.. fake lover.

 

Maybe destiny is really testing Donghyuck. Since it seems like it has a way of pissing the latter boy.

 

Because as the bell chimes, signalling the arrival of new customers, Donghyuck only stiffen once hearing the low tone of Jaehyun’s question as they walk in, oblivious to the trio’s presence in the vicinity. Jaehyun has an arm around Doyoung’s waist as they whisper to each other. Donghyuck flushes when he see the two boldly sharing a kiss before heading to the counter. Johnny and Ten followed behind them, still clueless of the couple they are very suspicious of.

 

When Donghyuck cast Jeno a glance, he glared at him, understanding what he meant by ‘plan’. ‘You planned this!’

 

‘We have to act candid!’ Jeno insists, already nudging Mark to act like how they planned.

 

Donghyuck only had a second to murmur on his own when Mark dragged him by his arm, successfully pulling him to his side of the couch and then proceeding to snake an arm around his shoulder. Donghyuck squeaked loud for the other customers to hear, accidentally face-planting himself on the other’s chest. He heard Mark say a soft and low ‘sorry’ but his tone quickly changed when footsteps echoed around, making them stop.

 

‘Haechan? Mark?’

 

Doyoung’s light voice fleet through the air, his tone covered with excitement and confusion at the same time. Donghyuck turned a little to look at them, smiling rather awkwardly, ‘H-hello hyungs’

 

Jaehyun and Johnny settle their trays on the table, shock evident in their faces. Ten was the one to sit down first, tugging Johnny to do the same. Soon, they’re sitting _and_ eating together. Donghyuck tried to keep active and responsive, but alas being a listener and a fake boyfriend at the same time isn’t easy. And he’s so tired and sleepy. He laid his head on Mark’s shoulder, nudging his face on the taller’s neck. He’s quite amazed when the other doesn’t flinched and instead tugged him closer, letting him rest.

 

Donghyuck’s well aware of the eyes watching them but he’s just so exhausted. Mark can do the talking for now since Donghyuck’s currently unable to do so.

 

‘Is he okay?’ Doyoung chewed on his lip, snapping from his messy thoughts when Jaehyun put a comforting hand over his nape. The action is dominant and viewed as possessive, but all Doyoung did was melt in the soft hold, worries ebbing away. ‘Just exhausted. He had his night shift last night.’ Mark explained, carding rigid fingers through messy mop of hair.

 

Doyoung’s frown seem to worsen, ‘He’s still studying. He shouldn’t be working like that.’

 

Mark sighs, finding some good reasonings on how he will be able to explain Donghyuck’s current predicament. It’s hard, because even Mark cannot fathom why the latter is killing himself with his multiple jobs all the while studying for the last semester. _I’m not rich like you_ , Donghyuck would’ve replied if he’s more awake and responsive.

 

‘Do.. do you think he’s going through some rough times?’ Doyoung asked, his eyes wide and innocent, curious and _excessively_ worried. Mark have always known that Doyoung have a penchant for being more ‘motherly’ especially to younger members of their group. And to be honest, Mark doesn’t know what to feel about his hyung’s slight obsession towards his fake boyfriend. He doesn’t even want to know how the older’s going to react when he tell them that they supposedly-broken up after they came back abroad.

 

‘I’d tell you if he is.’ Mark returns, cradling the smaller’s head on his big palms. It fits his big hands, and he notes that the smaller has his mouth opened in a small ‘o’ which is undoubtedly adorable. ‘I’d know if he is. Since he’s my boyfriend.’

 

Something in his word or tone might’ve sound unconvincing because when he raised his head, he noticed two pair of eyes staring at him as if trying to pull the truth out of his mouth. Johnny and Jaehyun have always looked intimidating, and right now, they’re scaring Mark a little. Just a little though.

 

Thankfully, Jeno, his right hand is always at his side and ready to vouch him from trouble. ‘What’s the news for the upcoming charity party?’

 

Johnny’s face break into a light expression as Ten cuddled to his side, ‘The preparation is almost over. Loads of influencers are coming and the local center for the poor had also gained thousands of volunteers for this winter, which is good.’ He said, satisfied. Jeno nods, sending Mark a look, ‘And the program?’

 

‘Chenle will be performing for us. Jaehyun, Mark and I decided to sign the papers for the charity.’

 

‘That’s awesome hyung!’ Jeno beams, brain still calculating. ‘After that? Do we have to..’

 

‘We decided not to attend the party because business people are just going to ask about our involvement.’ Jaehyun supplies, munching on his bread. ‘But, a bar recently opened nearby and we’ve been wanting to try it.’

 

Mark’s not entirely sure what he should feel about going to the bar. Add to that that Donghyuck is coming as well.

 

‘Haechan is cute’ Ten says lightly, eyes fluttering close in his half-asleep state. He leans forward to run his elegant fingers through curly locks, smiling softly. ‘Are you taking care of him well Mark?’

 

‘O-of course hyung!’ Mark stammers, cheeks reddening. ‘I always do.’

 

Ten hums, satisfied. ‘Yes because Haechan looks like he’s been going through a lot.’

 

The subject of their conversation stirs, opting Mark to move into a more comfortable position with Donghyuck now fully laying on his chest. He let his eyes glazed down the tan skin of his cheeks, still amazed by the constellations adorning his fake boyfriend’s skin. It’s odd and strange at some point, to be ethereal when you’re skin isn’t anything close to snow, but Donghyuck seems to be breaking the stereotype for beauty. He chuckles when the younger audibly snore, scrunching his nose after with an adorable puff of exhale. Mark can’t help but pinch his cheeks to make sure he’s not dreaming.

 

Sadly, his dreaming was cut short as Jaehyun and Johnny coughed in the same time. Probably awkward by the bold display of attention right outside.

 

‘You really love him huh?’ It was Doyoung, and his voice took a different turn, somewhat emotional and scared. It made Mark feel the same way. His heart almost stopped, all eyes turning to him. He looked down, noting Donghyuck’s crust on his eyes, the dent of pillow on his cheek, some left saliva on the corner of his lips. _Fuck_ , scary feeling. ‘Yes, I guess I do love him a lot.’ He whispers, wondering if he said it to himself only or to the others as well. Everything’s a blur after, with Johnny and Jaehyun discussing important matters, Doyoung reminding Jeno to take care of Renjun while Ten sleeps on his breakfast.

 

But even if breakfast’s finish, Mark’s heart still ache. _Doom_ , he thought. He just hope that their lies is that believable that even he can fool himself.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Donghyuck’s informed of attending a charity party. What he’s not informed of is, the clothes he have to wear. Thankfully, Jeno is always there to save the day. ‘I’m actually not surprised to see you here’ Donghyuck says sternly, as if he’s waiting for Mark instead of Jeno. Jeno rolled his eyes at him, good-natured and already used to the other’s sarcasm, ‘Mark needed to be in the meeting before the party. He’s one of the sponsors afterall.’

 

Donghyuck listens to him intently. He’s actually amazed by Mark’s involvement in the charity. It’s not that he thinks Mark and the rest are just rich brats. This only prove that he know nothing about them aside from their name and money.

 

‘Mark’s.. responsible huh’ He starts, munching on his toast while Jeno make himself some coffee. Feel at home huh. He wonders if it’s the right word for the taller, since he know basically nothing about him except his personal information. Jeno cackles from where he is making a mess, spilling hot water and knocking off the nearby set of spoons and forks. ‘Well, Mark’s a pretty smart guy.’

 

‘Doesn’t look like it’

 

‘He just doesn’t use it a lot. I mean, his brain.’ Jeno adds with a laugh, sitting down on the chair next to Donghyuck. ‘He attends hundreds of meetings and charity assembly.’

 

With a curious tone, Donghyuck asked. ‘Why?’

 

‘Well, Mark’s simple reason is _help people when you have money._ ’ Jeno shrugged his shoulder, ‘I’m not sure if it’s like that to all people but Mark does it anyway, along with the other hyungs.’

 

Donghyuck hums. He found it weird yet endearing to know that Mark is using his money in a good way. Not all people who are born with a silver spoon on their mouth are good. It’s rare and Mark’s very rare too. To be gifted with a handsome face along with loads of cash is something hard to find in the society. Mark and his friends are pretty lucky to have both. He knows deep inside Mark cared for him, not as a fake boyfriend, but as a person needing help. After all, Donghyuck is one of those poor people who’s fighting everyday to live.

 

‘You should get dressed.’ Jeno suggest, already finished with his drink and then proceeding to wash his used cup. ‘The event starts at 3 pm. We can’t afford to be late. Mark holds a heavy name on the local society and you as his partner is required to be at his side.’

 

‘Won’t this leave a dirt on his name?’ Donghyuck stopped whatever he’s doing to ask, wide eyed and mortified a bit.

 

Jeno shrugged, ‘Mark brought some plus one before and no one asked about it.’

 

Donghyuck looked down on his dirty foot, nodding. Yes, he’s just coming as a plus one, not as a fake boyfriend. It’s not like they’ll be shouting and announcing their relationship in public around like some idiot. As he get ready, he made sure to wash extra clean and used his favorite scented shampoo which he only uses for important reasons. Atleast Mark has the decency to send him the complete package of what he would wear. Donghyuck’s no expert but he still did his make up like how he imagined when he’s going to a formal party. Never did he thought of coming to an event as extravagant like this one, but it seems like all through his life, all he get is surprise.

 

‘You done Donghyuck?’ Jeno shout outside the room, fixing his suit as well.

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the other, before yanking the door open. He doesn’t expect Jeno to react so shock as a blush crept to his cheeks. ‘Wow’ he gasped, blinking at the other. Jeno _knows_ Donghyuck is pretty, but now, the visual and physical display is enough proof that the other is indeed otherworldly to say. ‘You.. did well.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t comment on his embarrassment as he walk to him, raising his ribbon. ‘Tie me this ribbon. I can’t do it properly.’

 

For some unknown reason, Jeno feels nervous being this close to the other. ‘I-I—’

 

‘Donghyuck’

 

The two of then turned to the door, shocked to see Mark already standing and waiting for them. Mark doesn’t question their seriousness and instead walk to where the other is. He gently tug Donghyuck to his space, plucking the ribbon from him and bending a little to fix it on his clothes. Donghyuck doesn’t talk nor move, just let the older do what he wants. When he’s finished, Mark looked down at the ribbon with a smile, hands dangerously flitting between them before deciding to lace it with the smaller’s hands. Jeno tries to give them privacy, but he still see the reddening of Donghyuck’s ears.

 

‘It’s time’ Mark whispers, almost fondly as he tuck a stray of lose hair behind Donghyuck’s ear. The other hums, raising his head to look at Mark. As always, the taller is dressed handsomely. His hair is pushed back, but it is nothing compared to Donghyuck’s ocean of a glitter, bright and shining on his cheekbones. ‘You gave time huh’ Mark teases, and Jeno tries to busy himself so that he doesn’t look awkward with the two. He knows it’s still part of an act, but something in Mark’s eyes tells him otherwise.

 

‘Have to be pretty’ Donghyuck snorts, but his voice fade slowly and Jeno chances a look at them, breathe getting stuck in his throat when he see the two staring at each other as if Jeno wasn’t there. Mark’s hand is cupping the other’s cheeks, as Donghyuck stare at him with a serious gaze. It looks like they’re talking with their eyes except Donghyuck closed his eyes with a sigh, turning his face to remove the hands away. Now’s the right time to barge. ‘It’s time guys’ Jeno announces, picking Donghyuck’s coat, ‘Let’s go’

 

Mark doesn’t look at him but he answers a small ‘yes’ before walking out, leaving Jeno and Donghyuck behind.

 

‘What was that?’ Jeno asked, trying to act subtle as he put Donghyuck’s coat over his shoulder. The latter doesn’t reply but lower his head, and Jeno had to squint his eyes at him to see his expression. _He’s troubled_ , Jeno thought, noting the furrowed eyebrow and pursed lips of the other. Lately, Donghyuck seems to be looking more troubled than cooperative. Jeno would sometimes noticed the smaller looking at nothing, as if deep in thought with his eyes blank. It’s not impossible to guess the reason if you’re Jeno, since he’s always with the fake couple eversince. So it doesn’t take a genius to actually point out that Donghyuck and Mark are acting kind of.. strange, because of each other.

 

‘Let’s go’ Jeno smiles hopefully, leaning down to wink at the smaller. Even if Jeno’s not the one in trouble, he cannot deny the fact that someone’s bound to get hurt soon. What with their ridiculous joke and arrangement to fool around with their older friends. And it’s Jeno sole priority to protect that one. May it be Mark or Donghyuck.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Donghyuck haven’t been to a formal party before moreso a charity event. He have heard them from radio and seen them in television shows, of how famous people gather to help the poor. It’s a little embarrassing to admit that he did receive some ‘help’ from influencers when he’s still young, but now that he’s old and knowledgeable, he’s aware that he doesn’t belong in this area. In this place. So it’s not his fault he’s nervous.

 

‘You’re shaking’ Mark notes, in exclamation, before passing his handkerchief. Donghyuck still had the nerves to glare at the older, ‘You’re bringing me into a charity event when I basically know nothing about it.’

 

Mark blinked at him, before opening his phone. ‘Well, the charity event was for the anniversary of the center—’

 

‘I wasn’t literally talking about it like that!’

 

‘Then what?’ Mark raised his head, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Jeno snorts from the driver’s side, enjoying the normal bickering of the two. ‘I’m nervous’ Donghyuck grits, and his cheeks are warming up with shame. He suddenly wants to _go home_ now. Mark seems to finally understand his distress, ‘You’re just going to stand by my side. You cannot entertain questions regarding our personal lives.’

 

‘And what if they ask about our relationship?’ Donghyuck squint his eyes at him. ‘I’ll handle the conversation then.’ Mark finalized, before lifting a finger to pinch the smaller’s cheeks. He seem to realized that it’s wrong and unnecessary for he recoiled the instant, sending Donghyuck a panic look. The latter dismissed his weird antics and continued to argue with him about the event.

 

When they reached the entrance, Donghyuck automatically held onto Mark’s arms. The taller blinked at the suddenness, but all he got was Donghyuck’s mortified and sweaty face. He hastily wiped it with his hanky, crowding him to a corner. ‘It’s okay, calm down’

 

Donghyuck pursed his lips, shaking from utter nervousness. Mark, without the use of his smart brain, did what he _wanted_ to do. He laid a gentle peck on Donghyuck’s temple, making the smaller stop and stiffen, ‘I’ll be here’

 

Donghyuck’s neck snap, tilting his head to look at the other. His cheeks are still red, but for another reason, as he gulped, ‘I know’

 

Mark let their eyes linger more before pulling away because Jeno’s already giving them a suspicious look. And Mark cannot handle another suspicious looking eye at them when he has a lot to think of. His relationship with Donghyuck for example.

 

The event started without a hitch. Chenle performed for the opening remarks with a grand piano while the other present members take picture of him like a proud parent. All the while, Donghyuck sat beside Mark obediently like what he’s supposed to do. Everytime someone unfamiliar walk to their table, he can’t help but be nervous but Mark’s true with his words and answered all their questions like a professional. Donghyuck’s actually glad that he’s not a member of this program, or else he’ll be responsible with the people as well.

 

It was past 6 pm, just after they finish early dinner that Donghyuck felt comfortable enough to roam. He talked with Doyoung and Taeyong who’s currently bickering with the foods, then also had a small chat with Kun who’s lingering in the food display watching out for the younger ones. He was picking a slice of cake when a stranger walk to him, a smile already plastered on his lips. Donghyuck isn’t blind, and the man is handsome, so he offered the taller one a smile, not too shock when the other starts a conversation. ‘Haven’t seen you here before.’ He starts with a chuckle.

 

‘It’s actually my first time’ Donghyuck answers, smiling happily. The good food made him happy and full.

 

The man laughs back, his sleek hair flowing with his movement. ‘Such beauty shouldn’t be hiding.’ and raises his hand to pinch the smaller’s cheeks. Donghyuck smiled back but stepped back, noticing the strange glint in the other’s eyes. Suddenly, he’s aware of the surrounding and the odd feeling around. He’s slightly blinded by the flashy lights and the massive hall filled with foods, but that’s all. In the end, it’ll vanished as well. Like everything else. ‘Who are you with?’ The question echoes making Donghyuck snap from his food to the stranger. He hopes the smile he offer doesn’t look strained, ‘With Mark.’

 

‘Mark Lee?’

 

‘Y-yeah’ He looks around, hoping to catch a familiar head or someone known, he found none. Instead, his unsuspecting hand found itself squished between two large palms. And it isn’t Mark nor Jeno. It’s the stranger’s hands. ‘How much does he pay you?’

 

Donghyuck’s brain short-circuited as his eyes widen, staring at the other with wide eyes filled with terror and mortification. How did he?

 

‘Every year Mark come with a different partner. He must be paying pretty big to get someone this..’ He whispers lusciously, and only then that he realized the space seperating them no longer exist, instead, the man had an arm around his shoulder. _Shit_ , is what Donghyuck thought, heart beating loud from fear. What if someone sees them like this? What if Johnny or Jaehyun see him like this? What would they think of his and Mark’s relationship. ‘beautiful’ the man finishes, his grip tightening. ‘That kid sure is lucky. Having everything he wants just because he had loads of money. Pleasure is easy when you have money.’

 

Donghyuck’s mind doesn’t seem to be working. His heart seemed to stopped functioning altogether as well as his whole body. Does he really look like this? _This_ . Someone who get paid for other people’s happiness. Is Donghyuck really that desperate that he’ll stoop this low. Sacrificing his self just for the sake of others. In no time, Donghyuck’s eyes watered, as he try to pull his hand back. ‘N-no’ he stammers, he isn’t like that. He and Mark had a deal. He’s not getting paid to be like _that_. He’s a boyfriend. Not.. not some low escort or assistance offering pleasure.

 

Does Mark see him like that? After flaunting his wad of cash, does he think he can buy Donghyuck’s companion. _I’m so stupid and desperate_ , Donghyuck laughs at himself, feeling the tears running down. _Is this what I look like to Mark, Jeno and Renjun?_

 

He doesn’t notice himself shaking, still lost in his own misery to realize that the man had already let go and was staring at him like he’s crazy. ‘Hey kid! Don’t cry’ He grits, patting his shoulder to snap him out. But Donghyuck isn’t listening, instead, he ran away, cursing himself for running away dramatically and causing a ruckus. He let his twars fall down, the realization dawning in him as he laugh miserably. In the end, he’s really a loser. Is that why Renjun doesn’t act like he wants to be friends. Is that why they’re never friends to begin with. Because he’s a poor loser with no money. _Why would they be friends with someone like me anyway_ , Donghyuck cackles through sob, _I’m just another someone in their famous group acting like a fool inlove with Mark._

 

Now he wonders how many people did Mark fooled just because of money.

 

He wants to go home.

 

No.

 

He _needed_ to go home.

 

His mind isn’t working and he doesn’t want to make any rash decision just because the reality dawned upon him. _Haha I’ve been a loser since the start_ , he muses, looking for the entrance. He wonders if Mark, Jeno and Renjun laugh at his state when it’s only the three of them. Aside from lying, do they find happiness in using other people’s live with money? Maybe.

 

He was too deep in thoughts that he doesn’t notice Jeno standing by the entrance. He yelped loudly when Jeno stopped him from running by grabbing his arm, looking alarmed at his appearance. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

 

Tears continued to spring out of Donghyuck’s eyes as he try to shake the hand away, ‘Home’

 

Jeno’s eyebrowd furrowed. ‘What?’

 

‘I wanna go home!’ Donghyuck screams, curling to himself. He feels vulnerable and so so scared, the world is such a bad bad place for him. He cannot play with the world when it’s this dangerous. ‘You can’t. The event’s not over yet and Mark will probably be..’ Jeno cut off whatever he’s trying to say, knowing that it’s all useless when Donghyuck’s not listening and looking pale as dead. He’s shaking, lower lip trembling with his eyes crying. _Something probably happened_ , Jeno thought with a sigh, _something bad_.

 

But Donghyuck’s a human. His own person. And Jeno understands that. He is Donghyuck before becoming Mark’s fake boyfriend. So the fear is inevitable and Jeno completely understands that.

 

‘Here’ Jeno whispers, smoothening his voice in the softest timbre he can muster. He knows by experience with Renjun that flowing questions will further scare the participant. He stretched his hands out to Donghyuck, smiling softly. ‘It’ll be okay, I promise.’

 

His heart ache at the blankness of Donghyuck’s eyes, as if he’s still lost in his own fear. It must be it. Donghyuck take a shaky step towards him, the noise falling into deaf ears as he finally let go of his fear and fall into Jeno’s embrace. Jeno sighs before looking down, the latter still shaking in his hold. He had his eyes closed and Jeno’s faintly reminded of Renjun when he’s going through his panic attack. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ Jeno asked, patting his back awkwardly. Donghyuck shook his head, trying to steady his breathing.

 

They hug for the remaining hours, standing at the corner of the garden, far from the crowd. Jeno knows that the others are probably looking for them, but at the same time, he wants to comfort Donghyuck for awhile, knowing that he, still, is a human too. A boy like them.

 

‘You feeling alright now?’ Jeno asked, not noticing that he had his nose buried on the smaller’s tuft of hair. It smell nice and sweet, reminded him of home.

 

Donghyuck pulled away, eyes glazed over but not looking scared anymore. If Jeno noticed the faint blush on his cheeks he doesn’t dare mention, instead he smiled down at him, ‘Mark’s probably looking for us now.’ The smaller lift his head to look at Jeno, handsome, rich Jeno. ‘I don’t look.. out of place?’

 

Jeno blinked at him, suddenly having a hunch about Donghyuck’s dilemma earlier. He held the other’s hand tight and warm, shaking his head. ‘No.’

 

‘Then what do I look like?’ The troubled expression is still present, but Jeno’s internally glad there’s a sheen strip of curiousity in his orbs. ‘You look.. _perfect_.’

 

It’s like the eight wonder of the world, or the sun rising on the break of the dawn, or anything ridiculously related to _‘ethereal’_ . Because that’s Donghyuck. It’s the definition of his smile. Jeno watches in wonder and pure awe as the corner of Donghyuck’s lips curl upwards, before showcasing two front teeth and then turning into a full-pledge smile with his teeth displayed. It shines, so bright, and even in Jeno’s dumbstruck state he still remember what Mark had said. _Sunshine_ , Jeno thought, _a smile that can rival the sun._

 

 _Mark was right_ , Jeno chuckles to himself, still lost in Donghyuck’s bright smile.

  


‘Haechan!’

 

Donghyuck and Jeno let go of each other and then turned to the entrance door, eyes widening when they saw Mark and the rest watching them. Donghyuck felt incredibly embarrassed after being seen with Jeno and the reminders of his dilemma still whirling inside his head isn’t helping at all. ‘I was looking for you’ Mark says, whether it be for show or for real, Donghyuck doesn’t know but he know his obligations. So he met the other halfway and jumped into his arms, heart finally calming down now that he’s secured by the familiar scent he knows. ‘I’m sorry’ he apologizes, lifting his head and staring at the worried gaze of the taller.

 

Mark seems to be really worried, frown deepening. ‘I thought something bad happened to you’

 

And if Donghyuck’s heart went crazy, he doesn’t let it show, instead, he smiled and hugged the other tighter. Mark sighed in relief, hugging him just as tight.

 

‘We’re so worried for you Haechan-ah’ Taeyong scolded, Doyounf and Kun behind him with pouty faces. Donghyuck lift his face to pout at them, ‘I’m sorry hyungs, I’m okay now.’ before the three forcefully separate Donghyuck from Mark to hug him. The rest watched with smiles on their faces, even Johnny and Jaehyun looked relieved to have found Donghyuck.

 

Only one person doesn’t look too happy from the attention Donghyuck’s receiving.

 

Renjun.

 

‘What’s with the sulky face?’ Jeno asked, once he’s beside the other. Renjun doesn’t reply but his glare turned icier, more challenging. Jeno frowns at him and his reactions. ‘Hey junnie, you okay?’

 

Renjun turned to him in a flash, burying his face on his chest, and only then did Jeno notice that Renjun’s crying. ‘Hey, hey, what’s wrong?’ He asked, attention now focused on the other. Hugging is something they’ve been doing eversince as a group, but now, Renjun’s hug doesn’t seem to be the usual embrace they always do. Instead, it’s tight, painful and suffocating. ‘Junnie’

 

Renjun mumbles something under his breathe, the words vibrating on Jeno’s chest. But the noise is loud, Jeno doesn’t understand him. ‘What?’

 

‘Y-you’re.. not going to leave me right?’ Renjun asked, voice shaky and wobbly. When he lift his head, Jeno automatically felt bad. Why was Renjun crying? And why did he ever have that thought? Does he feel left behind? ‘Junnie, no’ he kisses the smaller’s teary cheeks, hoping that it will calm him down. ‘No one’s leaving. We’re all going to be together okay?’

 

Renjun doesn’t seem convinced, but nod his head anyway. ‘Y-you’re staying with me right Jeno?’

 

‘Of course,’ Jeno says, not actually sure what he meant by those. ‘I’ll always be with you.’ _Like how I always do._

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


The group headed to the newly opened bar as planned, leaving the event when the people especially ladies started to get touchy. Mark sat with Donghyuck at the couch, hands clasped around the other with firmness. The night is young and so are the people inside, getting wasted while other try to get laid. Mark sighed for the nth time, still clueless of what happened before. He was the first one to see Jeno and Donghyuck, but not in the way he expected. Donghyuck was smiling wide and bright, and it’s terrific even in the dim lights of the hall. Jeno was staring at him— at his boyfriend, and something unpleasant burned inside his chest. He doesn’t know what to call it. And he refuses to acknowledge the emotion since it’s just going to give him another headache.

 

‘Hon’ Donghyuck calls, soft and sweet. Mark’s out of his dilemma in an instant. ‘Hon?’ he repeats, frustrated yet a traitorous blush bloom on his cheek. The smaller nodded with a giggle, the sound resembled the chiming of chimes, light and melodious. ‘Yes, hon. Short for honey.’

 

‘So I’m hon now?’

 

‘Well, you call me Sunshine’ Donghyuck giggles, leaning close to rest his head on Mark’s shoulder, ‘I should have something to call you too right.’

 

 _He probably drank too much,_ Mark thought, dismissing the wild beating of his heart as he snake an arm around the other’s shoulder. Donghyuck’s cheeks are red and warm, it sends an odd sense of protectiveness to Mark, and his mind seems to be filled with the thought and need to protect. ‘That’s enough’ Mark chided, grabbing the offending cup from Donghyuck. The smaller whined in disapproval, pouting at the other. ‘You’re no fun.’

 

‘It’s not going to be fun when you start vomitting.’ Mark rolled his eyes, helping Donghyuck rest on his back, eyes lidded and obviously drunk. Mark removed his coat, thinking that it’s making him hard to breathe. The smaller latched an arm around his waist, nuzzling into his chest like a small kitten. ‘You’re so warm honey’ Donghyuck purrs, and it made their other friends laugh. ‘Hold me’ Donghyuck whines, curling over his chest once again with his cute eyes and pouty lips.

 

‘Here’ Jeno says, passing over a bottled water as his eyes glance worriedly at Donghyuck. Mark can’t help but be irked by his sudden concern.

 

‘Sunshine, drink some water.’ Mark says, pulling Donghyuck upward, accidentally knocking their foreheads together. With a groan, he surrendered, hearing Donghyuck’s cute giggles in the background. He can’t help but smile, something in Donghyuck’s laugh make him fuzzy all the time. His boyfriend held his hand, pecking it sleepily and the others are courteous enough to leave them alone. When it’s just the two of them, Mark expected the other to let go. But he didn’t.

 

‘Sunshine’ He calls, turning on his side to look at Donghyuck’s sleeping face. He looks exhausted, and his tears earlier left an undesirable memory on Mark’s mind. _Why was he crying?,_ Mark thought as he caress the other’s head, _was it because of Jeno?_

 

The bar is dark and the numbers of people inside are uncountable. Mark hopes the crowd is too big that he and Donghyuck will be unnoticed curled in their spot. He curled an arm around the other, tugging him closer. If ever the others were to see them, they’ll probably tease him, but for now, now that’s it only him and Donghyuck, he’ll bask in the intimacy of their secret. Donghyuck’s eyes crack open, giggling when he realized what position they are in. Mark’s hugging his waist, a possessive hand over his nape as they lean their foreheads together. ‘Mark Lee’ Donghyuck acknowledged, smirking. Mark rolled his eyes at him but smiled nonetheless, ‘Thought you’re drunk?’

 

‘I’m good at acting.’ Donghyuck scoffed, before blinking at him tiredly. Mark’s well aware of the eyebags the smaller’s sporting. He’s more tired and irritable than usual, and Mark’s not a dense guy, he knows when someone need help when they look dead on their feet. ‘The hyungs asked why you’re working when it’s tiring you so much.’ Mark whispers, wishing that the other could hear him even with the loud bass thumping around the whole building. Donghyuck chuckles, his breathe fanning over the other’s cheeks, ‘I don’t have enough money like you do.’

 

‘But I paid right—’

 

‘It’s not enough for me to survive.’ Donghyuck giggles, ‘Your payment isn’t lifetime mister.’

 

Mark doesn’t know why his heart is fluttering a little wild, or why it’s hammering loud and hard inside his ribcage. He also doesn’t know why Donghyuck looked _bonny_ even under the dark lights of the bar, why the smaller seem pretty _ravishing_ even when had drank a whole liquor on his own or why he’s simply _drop-dead ethereal_. Mark shook his head, feeling like his heart is on his throat with how nervous he was. He unconsciously leans closer, making the other lean as well. ‘The hyungs are getting concerned. They probably think I’m not taking good care of you.’ Mark jokes, making the both of them laugh.

 

‘You cannot please everyone Mark’ Donghyuck whispers, eyes lidded, tired once again. And Mark have to ask. He _have_ to know why Donghyuck’s crying before they came. He _needs_ to know what happened.

 

‘What.. what happened before?’ Mark gulped but gathered all his courage to hold his hand, ‘Why were you crying?’

 

Donghyuck’s eyes snap open, suddenly more awake and alert. He stiffen for a second, before melting in Mark’s presence, as if he’s assured that the other will understand. ‘Someone.. someone just told me..’ He chuckles dryly and sadly, ‘About your plus ones before.’

 

Mark tries to interrupt him but Donghyuck’s look made him snap shut.

 

‘I’m not worried about the people you’re sponsoring—’

 

‘ _Hey_! I don’t—’

 

‘But then, but then I realized..’ Donghyuck laughs, feeling weirdly sad and devastated. ‘I’m doing the same thing. I’m getting paid to be someone else’s companion. Acting like I know everything but having no idea what’s happening.’ he sighs, Mark’s eyes wide and trembling. ‘It feels like I’m an escort. Except I’m not giving pleasure but.. but my love, you know. I’m getting paid to give all my love to someone.. I barely knew.’

 

Mark doesn’t have any wise retort to his confession, but the tightening of his hand is a sign that he’s still listening.

 

Donghyuck’s eyes water upon the reality, _once again_ , that he’s just a nobody in this place filled with rich people. In this dream where only happy ending exist for those who are well off. Mark’s hand rise up from his hand before laying it gently on Donghyuck’s cheeks. The smaller raised his head in confusion, stopping in his tracks when the taller leaned. Mark seemed to hesitate for awhile before he closes the distance, laying a gentle kiss on his cheeks. Donghyuck closed his eyes as his tears cloud his vision, sobbing into Mark’s palm. ‘I’m sorry that you felt that way’ The other confesses, laying another gentle kiss on his sweaty eyelids, ‘I’m sorry that you feel like an escort or some sort.’

 

There’s a pregnant silence, just the soft sobbing of Donghyuck in his hands. Mark never thought that Donghyuck would break down like this, or that he would bring his defenses down in front of someone like Mark. To someone he barely knew, as Donghyuck stated.

 

‘I’m sorry that we made you feel that way.’ Mark whispers, wiping the tears away.

 

Donghyuck shook his head, smiling still even if it’s painful and true. ‘Don’t say sorry for things that are supposed to happen.’

 

‘Yes, you have to act like my boyfriend.’ Mark tattled with a frown, ‘But I never said that you should feel obligated for my happiness or pleasure. Because if that’s the case, then I’m doing a terrible job. Shouldn’t we be in the same boat if we both agree on the agreement?’

 

Now, it’s Donghyuck’s turn to frown. ‘What do you mean?’

 

Mark’s cheeks redden, and Donghyuck seems to be doing the same thing for his cheeks warmed up in Mark’s palm. ‘If you’re entitled for my happiness, shouldn’t I be doing the same thing?’

 

‘I-I can’t understand you Mark..’ Donghyuck’s words were jumbled from nervousness and the wild beating of his heart.

 

‘You.. you made me happy these past days Donghyuck..’ Mark confessed, and he closed his eyes as he say these words, embarrassed yet happy for admitting his feelings, ‘And if you’re feeling sad, then that means I’m not doing the same thing. Shouldn’t I be making you happy as well?’

 

If Donghyuck’s heart is hammering before, now it’s doing some weird acrobat movement. He’s thankful for the dark look of the room because he cannot bare the thought of Mark seeing him like a tomato with how red his face is, not just his cheeks. ‘You.. you don’t need to. You’re paying me.’

 

‘Yeah, and you’re pretending to be my boyfriend, which you’re actually doing very well.’ Mark adds as a tease, smiling when the other rolled his eyes at him. He carefully wiped the remaining tears off from his face, making sure that his fingers doesn’t scratch the other. Mark knows Donghyuck is delicate. He’s not a fool, he can see how emotionally and mentally exhausted the other is. ‘I know we’re pretending to be lovesick fools but..’ Mark has been meaning to bring this up with Donghyuck. Even with their very weird first meeting, he can’t help but acknowledge how cooperative the other has been in their arrangement. ‘But I hope we can be friends too.’

 

‘Friends?’

 

‘Yes, I know it sounds weird but.. I think it’ll be much more better and easier for us if we can be friends too.’

 

‘Even if we fake break up?’

 

Mark’s smile is contagious, Donghyuck can’t help but smile as well. ‘Yes, I guess. We’ll just have to tell them that we decided that we’re not for each other romantically.’

 

Donghyuck pretends the words doesn’t hurt and instead rolled his eyes, leaning closer and closer until he can feel Mark’s breathe on his face. ‘Friends don’t act like this. Like us.’

 

Mark gulped, understanding what he meant. His eyes glanced down at the smaller’s lips for awhile before he smiled, a little crooked and just _so_ Mark, familiar and homey, ‘We’re not friends yet.’ and he tug the other closer, blaming the five can of beer he drank for his confidence. If he’s sober enough, he wouldn’t be able to do this ridiculous actions. ‘We’re still lovers in the eyes of many.’

 

Something in Donghyuck’s heart ache, like something flew and pierced through it. He masked the pain with a smile, their earlier conversation flowing inside his head. Will he be able to be just friends after this? Is this happiness he is feeling or just pain from the truth that he will never ever be one of them. _Friends_ ? Donghyuck internally cries, pushing his face to Mark’s, _I’d rather be an enemy than to pretend as a friend,_ as he lean and peck Mark’s nose, giggling at his cute expression. His nose is scrunched and playfully irritated, but Donghyuck know him. He knows him _well_ . Because he watches Mark. He knows how sweet and caring the other is, or how cute he is when he thinks no one is watching him, or how thoughtful and considerate he is whenever it came to his friends. _I’ll be your lover for now. And you’ll be mine for awhile._

  


Jeno watches as Renjun throws the third can of beer, staring deadly at the fake couple who seems to be lost in their own little bubble of romance. With a sigh, Jeno picked the trash and threw the can into the bin, hoping that Renjun will calm down soon. _It’s impossible_ , he thinks, _when his first love is having fun with somebody else._

 

Jeno ruffled his hair, already drained from the emotional turmoil he is going through as well. He’s not perfect. He’s human as well. A human with feelings. He watches as Renjun’s eyes shine with unshed tears, hoping with an aching heart, that those eyes are staring at him instead.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think about this lame chapter. 
> 
> ALSO.
> 
> MARKHYUCK GOT TOUCHY. 
> 
>  
> 
> **NOTE THIS GUYS. THEIR INTIMACY WILL BE MORE AND MORE AND GET MORE WILDER AND AFFECTIONATE. BEWARE GUYS**


	7. i'd rather live with this lie than to get hurt with the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( _Donghyuck hopes to wake up on this beautiful fantasy, because honestly, it feels too good to be his_ )
> 
> Someone confesses. Will the truth be finally shown?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I updated.  
> So, 1st. please pray for us guys. A 6.4 magnitude hit our location and I totally went nuts LIKE my knees are still shaking. I was sooooo scared. I prayed a lot while it was shaking the whole ground! So please include us in your prayers. ♥
> 
> ( _FOR THE FIC_ )  
> Are you feeling the thrill? The excitement? The pain? Are you excited for heartbreaks? Because I am hahaha!
> 
> Enjoy reading this update!

  
  


Jeno, Renjun and Mark have been together ever since they can remember. It was a family connection of some sort, being connected to strengthen their alliance of business. Jeno can’t remember a day that he spent without Mark or Renjun being there. He’s certain that all through his life he has been with them and expected to be with them till the end.

 

Jeno’s only 16 when he realized that his attraction and fondness for Renjun isn’t puppy love anymore and instead it’s  _ love _ . Jeno half expected it though, since he’s with either Mark or Renjun all day of his life. It’s bound to happen sooner or later. He kept in his mind the feelings whirling inside his chest everytime Renjun smiles at him. At some point, he knows he doesn’t want to break their friendship just because of his yearning for the other, so he kept his feelings shield and protected. He remained stoic and dumb when it’s concerning relationship. But.. he’s human after all. And all humans have flaws. Jeno’s flaw is loving someone so passionately despite everything.

 

He thought of confessing because he realized his heart cannot handle the pain anymore. He wants to hold Renjun’s hands, wants to be able to kiss his tears away. He dreamed of being his knight and shining armor and his loyal lover, a faithful partner that Renjun can run into.

 

He was so lost in his own perseverance that he doesn’t realize that someone has already taken his desired position already.

 

Mark Lee.

 

Jeno’s heart almost disappeared with how broken it was upon seeing Renjun’s admiring gaze, directed to his other best friend. He have no idea how that came to happen. But maybe it’s the small things. The soft assurance of ‘ _ fighting renjunnie _ ’, the light hug shared between the two of them, the adoring face of Mark everytime Renjun managed to do something on his own. Mark has been there ever since, and even though Jeno has always been there as well, the spotlight of Renjun’s eyes are only subjected to his own fascination. To his own infatuation. That slowly turned into love. Slowly, the longing gaze seemed more long and fond, slowly, the light hug seemed more tight and firm. Slowly, the words of encouragement already held a different meaning. And slowly, with a painful broken heart, Jeno watches with bright eyes. Never losing the smile.

 

Some people would’ve called him a coward. Or someone stupid. He might be one those.

 

But Jeno will never meddle with something that he himself isn’t part of. 

 

It hurts, he knows that a lot. Years of hiding and secretly pining made his heart fragile and vulnerable, yet he kept his facade. He kept his own pain because it’ll just cause more problem, and Renjun and Mark have already been through. The least he can do, is be the supportive best friend he is. Standing by their side always.

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


‘You’re not hiding something from me right Duckie?’ Jaemin asked over the phone while Donghyuck’s fixing his things for the night out in Johnny’s house. He can’t believe that he passed through the Monday schedule and its circumstances. Just thinking about the Tuesday night out is already stressing him already, but he’ll settle the stress aside and focus on finishing this ridiculous amount of plans ahead. ‘Nana, I’d tell you if I’m doing something you don’t know..’ He says, actually nervous. What Donghyuck hate the most is  _ lying _ , especially lying to his one and only friend. He know he have to tell Jaemin sooner or later, but for now, he can’t tell him yet. Maybe when he’s finished with this ridiculous front of being someone’s fake boyfriend.

 

‘I know,’ Jaemin sighs from the other line, ‘It just feel like.. you’re distant to me.’

 

Donghyuck sat down on his bed, looking at the mess of his room. ‘I’m sorry Nana. I miss hanging out with you.’

 

‘I miss you too Duckie. Just.. just tell me if you’re going through some hard times okay. You know I’m always here for you.’ The way Jaemin said it felt more real and passionate, like he’s the only one who knows what Donghyuck has been going through. It is true though. He’s the only one inside Donghyuck’s life, the only person who knows the hardship of Donghyuck’s life. The reality of his life is nothing pretty and simple. It’s far from the life he dreamed of. But it’s all he have. And he’s stupid if he ever let go of the only chance to improve his living.

 

He closed his phone and threw it on the bed, completely letting go the idea of fixing all this things. He stare at the ceiling, raising shaking fingers to his cheeks. His mind seems to automatically remind him of the happenings earlier in the bar whenever he touches his cheeks. It is true that Mark’s actions scare and make his heart flutter at the same time. It’s so confusing and frustrating that Donghyuck doesn’t even know what he’s feeling anymore. He hates himself for reacting to it though. He know that they’re doing it for the show, and he’s doing it for the payment, but his heart appears to misunderstood the deal of their contract. Donghyuck chuckles dryly, joking with himself that he should’ve put at least an insurance for his heart getting hurt. Because then, the damage would’ve been unpayable.

 

He rummage through his drawer, sighing in relief when he saw what he’s looking for. Medicines.

 

Ever Since his parents died, the only thing that triggers his anxiety is his own emotions. Donghyuck tried so hard to be strong, physically, mentally and emotionally. Because whenever his mind processed that he’s failing again, that everything’s not turning to where he wanted it to, his mind seemed to be clouded by his own negative thoughts. He’s not suicidal, but he won’t deny the marks and scars he acquired aren’t from his own way of escaping reality. He took one and sighed in relief when his mind’s cloud of stress vanish slowly. He grabbed his phone just to stare at his wallpaper. His parents. They look happy, and Donghyuck knows wherever they are, they are still happy for their son.

 

Donghyuck wishes he can be happy for himself too.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


‘Do we really have to buy this many?’ Donghyuck asked, peering over the mountain of junk foods that they had gathered. Mark hums without any other response, pulling their cart and Donghyuck as well to the fridge to get some drinks. It’s the first time Donghyuck have seen so much food that they’ll buy. Of course it’s not his money but still, knowing that the food will be in his stomach brings delight in his whole body. ‘What would you like to drink?’ Mark asked, bringing two different types of Sprite. Donghyuck almost rolled his eyes with the other’s stupidity if he’s not that cute looking confused. ‘They’re both Sprite Mark.’ He pointed out with a giggle, noting that Johnny and Ten are in the vicinity and are probably listening.

 

‘I know.’ Mark mock scowls, but the curve on his lips shows that he’s teasing, ‘But I don’t know what you prefer.’

 

‘Whatever you’ll drink, I’ll drink it too.’

 

‘I’m asking a proper question, Sunshine’

 

‘And I’m answering properly.’ Donghyuck retorts, giggling at the reaction Mark makes. He look so done with Donghyuck that he purposely turned his back towards him and picked the drinks on his own. Donghyuck can’t help but laugh at his cute actions, curling an arm around Mark’s elbow to tug him. Mark gave up without a fight, but a smile rest on his lips. Donghyuck wants to kiss it so bad.

 

‘You’re so cute Marcus Lee.’ He says honestly, pinching the taller’s cheeks. 

 

‘Pardon, but who the hell are you calling Marcus Lee?’

 

Donghyuck cup the other’s cheeks, eyes shining with mischief and everything Mark hated yet secretly wanted. ‘Honey, then.’ then leans close to nuzzle their nose together, ‘Hon’

 

Mark’s cheeks are deliciously pink when the smaller retracted, and judging from Mark’s annoyed yet embarrassed expression, it seems like the other are watching their bold display of affection. ‘Lovebirds, continue that later. We have to pay for these.’ Johnny calls, not even sparing them a glance, but his small boyfriend Ten look happy with their boldness. Donghyuck cackles cutely, eyes bright and childlike. Mark feels like losing himself if he isn’t too concerned of the people around them. Yes, they are fake dating, but he has always been careful of his boundaries. The last thing he wanted to do is make the other uncomfortable.

 

He only got lost in his own thoughts for a second before he realized that he was thinking deeply in a grocery store, and that everyone’s probably waiting for them ever since they walked out of Johnny’s house. ‘A penny for your thoughts,’ Donghyuck blinks at him, eyes still glinting with unfathomable mischievousness. ‘Thinking about me?’

 

‘And what if I say I do?’ Mark contended, smirking as a suspicious hue the color of roses crept up Donghyuck’s neck to his cheeks. He pulls their cart aside, aligning it behind Johnny’s cart to fully pay attention to the smaller. Donghyuck looks like he doesn’t have any good comeback to that. Instead, he pouts, and belatedly, Mark realized it’s his way of escaping things. His tactic to avoid such circumstances that puts him in a difficult situation. Mark pinches his cheek, heart fluttering. Maybe it’s because his fake boyfriend look adorable today. Not that he isn’t adorable already. But today, he appeared to be more extra adorable, if that’s even a description. Donghyuck came with one of Mark’s newly bought sweater. It reaches to his thighs and his fingers are barely out, peeking shyly out of the sleeves. The color is a soft pink, a beautiful contrast to Donghyuck’s tan skin. It makes him look extra cute— totally lovable and squishy. Mark would fight anyone who says otherwise.

 

‘Stop staring’ Donghyuck grumbles, his cheeks now terribly pink as he try to hide his flaming face behind his sweater paws. That. That killed Mark inside.

 

‘Don’t cover your face’ Mark chuckles, pulling the offending hands away to stare at Donghyuck’s tomato face.

 

Their dislike to each other didn’t vanish in one night, if anyone’s to ask their sudden closeness. Mark thought a lot about his arrangement with the other, and he kept some notes tattooed in his brain just in case things don’t work the way he and Jeno planned. Mark still sometimes get lost in his own hatred whenever he’d think of his  _ sunshine _ and their faithful yet ugly meeting. But the hate soon faded. And so is the dislike. It’s hard to act nice to someone you barely knew and doesn’t personally know. But it’s harder to act arrogant when the other isn’t doing anything bad. Mark learned by experience that everything in life is destined, and that it’s supposed to happen. And maybe, their awful first meeting is the only step for them to be like this. For Mark to know Donghyuck.

 

‘I said stop staring!’ Donghyuck whined, pushing his sweater paws into Mark’s face, blocking his view. It must be cute and totally amusing in the eyes of others, because he heard Ten cooing from behind him while Johnny cackles like a proud father. Mark catched the hands to pull him closer, smiling wide at the shyness Donghyuck possessed. Since it’s his first time trying anything related to romance and relationship, everything feels fresh and exciting. It’s kind of scary but at the same time, Mark actually likes the newness of everything. He likes the warmth of Donghyuck’s hand against his, he likes the small kisses Donghyuck is giving, he especially likes the way the other laugh with his small body, his hands flying everywhere while his eyes literally shine like stars. It’s ironic, honestly, because for Mark, Haechan is the embodiment of the Sun. So comparing him to a star is an understatement.

 

‘Brat’ Mark teases, eyes crinkling as laugh racked his whole body by Donghyuck’s reaction. ‘You idiot! Calling me brat! The audacity you have! Do you remember—’ Donghyuck argues but stopped upon realizing that not all things are supposed to be said, especially when they’re putting on a show. ‘Nothing’ he said instead, his happiness slowly dissolving.  _ I’m enjoying so much _ , Donghyuck bitterly thought,  _ I’m fooling with myself so much _ . 

 

Mark’s eyes turned worried, letting go of his hand to cup his cheek instead. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

 

Donghyuck locked his eyes with the other’s worried one, hoping that his eyes can convey what he cannot say. A small part of his heart wished that he could go back in time and change what happened instead. Maybe he’ll be saving himself from the delusion that he belonged. That he wasn’t faking it. That he was loved.  _ This is wrong _ , Donghyuck internally cries, hands gripping tight on the hands cupping his cheeks.  _ I hate that I like the attention so much _ . ‘I’m fine’ he whispers, his words prickling something painful in Mark’s heart without realizing it. Donghyuck pulled his face away, a fake smile brightening his sad face once again, ‘Race you to the parking lot loser!’ before he practically sprint towards the entrance. Chenle and Jisung who were with them to buy snacks too, also ran like kids behind Donghyuck, laughing high and loud. It brought smiles to the other members who were with them.

 

But Mark stayed frozen on the same spot where they were before, heart thundering with a reason Mark himself cannot understand. The only thing that makes sense in his addled brain is that the thundering of his heart seems to always worsen whenever his ‘Sunshine’ smiles at him. 

 

And Mark knows it’s not a good thing.

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


‘Pass me the kimchi Lele~’ Donghyuck commands, tongue sticking out as they pour numerous content in the same bowl. Chenle and Jisung watch in fascination, eyes wide and gleaming with excitement. Jisung, especially, look enthusiastic to try whatever his new hyung have invented. ‘This isn’t going to make our tummies hurt right hyungie?’ Chenle asked innocently, almost laying on the counter top. It was Tuesday, and the schedule is the night out in Johnny’s house. Mark should’ve notified Donghyuck that it’s not just a house— a mansion, probably— because when Donghyuck stepped out of the car, his eyes turned saucers at the gigantic building, the sky serving as its blanket with how massive it was.

 

‘It’s not going to make you sick Lele’ Donghyuck chuckles with a roll of his eyes, as he raise the bowl of concoction he apparently experimented. ‘I’ve eaten this for the whole year. And it taste amazing!’

 

Chenle and Jisung awed at him, clapping like excited sea lions before peering over the bowl in curiosity, ‘Can we taste now hyung?’

 

‘Sure! Grab some spoon!’

 

The duo scrambled to where the cutlery are, flashing back like eager kids ready for a treat. Donghyuck passes their own portion by separate bowls, getting his own too. The visual doesn’t do justice for his own creation since most of the food look too cheap to be delicious. It’s just the simple food he’s eating for the whole year now, yet he managed to impress the others by his cooking abilities and imaginary skills in regards to foods. ‘Careful eating Sung, it’s hot.’ Donghyuck warns when the youngest flinched from his first bite. 

 

‘Uwaaaaa~’ Chenle screams, his cheeks bunched up while a lone ramen hang between his front tooth. ‘This taste so good hyung! I’ve never eaten something like this before!’

 

Jisung squeels unmanly, eyes almost not open with how crinkled they are. ‘I never thought ramen would taste this good!’

 

‘And the cheese made it all better!’ Chenle adds.

 

Donghyuck grins, nodding to them like a professional, ‘Wait, you haven’t tasted ramen before?’

 

Jisung and Chenle shared a look, shaking their heads. ‘Uh, Kun ge doesn’t approve of instant foods.’ Chenle laughs, his dolphin laugh echoing around the kitchen hall. ‘He cooks for us everyday.’

 

Donghyuck nods, understanding. Based on the introduction he just recently listened to, Jisung and Chenle are currently living in China with their older Chinese hyung. He recalls how Jisung fondly looked at Chenle as the smaller talk about their love story. They met in an exchange student program at Seoul, falling in love at first sight before deciding to act on their feelings. Just like any kdrama, Jisung and Chenle managed to be together after conquering personal hindrances. They moved to China to finish schooling with the supervision of Kun, Jisung’s guidance entrusted to him as well.

 

‘You have dirt on your cheeks,’ Jisung murmured, slow and affectionate. Chenle turned to him naively, frowning. ‘Where?’

 

Jisung giggles as he raised his hand to wipe said dirt. ‘In here.’ before dropping a kiss on the dirty spot. Instead of shying away, Chenle only beamed at him, looking more bright before returning to his food. Donghyuck watches them with a smile, happy that such innocency is still present in the world. Most of the people he know in this current time likes to take advantage of other people. That’s why Donghyuck learned to stand up for himself. Because no one’s going to do it for him anyway. He cannot bear to be used by other people by their ridiculous and selfish vices.

 

‘Chenle, Jisung?’ Mark walks in, voice confused till his eyes landed to said people. ‘Gosh, Kun hyung’s looking for you two. I think it’s about school.’

 

‘Oh shoot!’ Chenle and Jisung shout in unison, running out with their bowl held securely against their chest. Donghyuck can’t help but laugh at the cuteness of the two, before it turned teasing as Mark walk to him. ‘What’s that? Ramen with kimchi and cheese?’ He asked, nose scrunching in mild disgust. ‘Taste it before you judge Marcus.’ Said individual whined at the name, whining ‘ _ who’s marcus _ ’ before picking a spare spoon to taste the food. He scrutinize it with piercing eyes, totally unsure of the food. ‘Ugh, is this really edible?’

 

‘You’re a coward Mark Lee.’ Donghyuck scoffs.

 

‘You can’t blame me if this food looks shi—’ Mark stopped whatever he was going to say when Donghyuck leaned, laying a warm hand on Mark’s hand, enclosing it around his fist before directing the spoon to his open mouth. Mark watches as a pink tongue licks plump lips before closing around the metal, Donghyuck’s eyes blinking at him innocently. He step back, giggling high and pitchy, as he gulp. ‘See? Not poisonous.’

 

But Mark’s focus isn’t on the food anymore, instead, it’s zeroed on Donghyuck’s pink lips, dirtied by the kimchi. It left a disturbing color red on his lips, and before Mark can even process what he’s going to do with it, his body moved on its own. He raised his sleeve to wipe the dirt away, cheeks flushing upon realizing his own bold actions. Donghyuck looks like he doesn’t mind, cheeks rudy as well. ‘Thank you loser’ he says sweetly, rising on his tiptoes to leave a sweet kiss on Mark’s cheeks before walking away. Mark snaps from his stupor, mind thinking too many things, before turning to see his Taeil hyung watching. 

 

Oh. For the show.

  
  


The night out, weirdly, has a program. Courtesy of Johnny himself. Mark was good enough to educate him about their yearly schedules and assured Donghyuck that yes, they do these odd things yearly. It was six o’clock pm when Johnny called everyone to finally start their night out. 

 

‘I’m so happy we are doing this once again!’ Johnny announces, getting cheers from the members as well. ‘As you all know, this night out isn’t just for wasting around. Last year, we got Taeil hyung to finally dance to TT. Now, I’m wondering what are we going to discover this year.’ He picks an envelope, probably filled with what they’re going to do. ‘Okay. first things first. Dinner. Taeyong and the rest has already started preparing, so for the others who aren’t going to cook, let’s help each other and clean this spacioys living area.’

 

Donghyuck was about to follow Mark when Doyoung caught his arms, ‘I heard from our lovable dongsaengs that you can cook! Come join us.’

 

He turned to send Mark a scared look, but his fake boyfriend only gives him a thumbs up before following Jeno to clean the said area. With a defeated sigh, he followed the rest of those who are going to cook. The instructions are simple, simply because Taeyong, Doyoung and Kun likes to baby him. He’s in charge of cutting all the vegetables because they decided to cook bibimbap, japchae, sundubu-jjigae, seolleongtang, and they also prepared the ingredients to create their own bingsu. Donghyuck’s already drooling with the thought of eating, so he made himself useful and worked as efficient as he can. He got confused for a moment when he saw Sicheng carrying the plates outside. He decided to take a look and got shocked in return when he saw a low long table now placed on the middle of the living room and from the looks of it, it looks like it’s a foldable table.

 

He got a glimpse of Mark dusting the chairs before he was ushered to help the others prepare the dining area. It was a tight fit because they are many, but Donghyuck have never felt so excited with the prospect of eating with other people. This time though, he’s literally buzzing with excitement, both for the food and for the companionship.

 

‘Thank you for coming tonight,’ Johnny starts, sitting at the middle with Ten beside him. ‘And also, welcome Haechan, for being a part of our small family. I hope you enjoy your stay.’

 

Donghyuck’s face instantly flushed with embarrassment upon being the center of attention. ‘Thank you hyungs. I hope you take care of me.’

 

With Johnny’s signal, they started eating. Donghyuck already feel full even without eating yet. It’s because his eyes are flooded with delicious foods that the smell is already enough for him. ‘Don’t just stare at it. Eat it.’ Mark muses, passing over a piece of potato. ‘And eat your veggies.’

 

‘I’m not like you loser’ Donghyuck scoffs, earning laughs from the others. Doyoung, who’s very much delighted by their bickering squeals, ‘Now we’re seeing their true colors! Haechannie is savage just like me!’

 

‘No, you’re not.’ Jaehyun counters, ‘You’re my sweet bunny.’

 

‘Stop being sweet, I already have cavities.’ Yuta whines playfully, the others laughing at his misery. Dinner was fast and enjoyable. Donghyuck felt the best for a long time, surrounded by laughs, smiles and cheers. It was years ago when he felt like this, when he felt like there’s no rent to pay, or no homework to finish, no night shifts to attend just to get money. How long has it been since he felt normal? 

 

‘Sunshine?’ Mark’s voice made him blink, craning his neck to look at the other. ‘You okay? You stopped eating.’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes tight, heaving a deep breath before he opened them again,  _ i’m fine i’m happy i’m okay even if it’s fake _ , ‘Sorry. I was thinking about my night shift.’ He retorts, the other’s face melting into a frown, ‘I already contacted your boss about your absence for this week.’ He mumbles softly, his thumb gently stroking the other’s cheekbones. Donghyuck opened his eyes slow and captivating, causing the air in Mark’s throat to stop, ‘You paid him again.’

 

‘Money, sunshine’ Mark inches closer, his whole being instinctively drawn to the other, ‘is the root of all evil.’

 

Donghyuck’s eyes widen more, and Mark isn’t sure if he hallucinated but he think he saw tears glisten the smaller’s eyes, before he turned his head again, like the way he did yesterday before the event. He notes that no fluttering redness covered Donghyuck’s cheeks, instead, he looked scared. Sensitive. But Mark cannot let the sadness darken the happy atmosphere that they created. He held the other’s hands, dropping a quick kiss on his temple, ‘It’s going to be okay,’

 

There’s no verbal response but the shy smile he got back is enough to release the beast of his heart.

 

When everyone’s done eating and the dirty plates are already set back in the kitchen along with the other utensils, the program officially started. ‘It’s already 7:30, so we’ll proceed to our next part. It’s the Couple Game!’ Johnny beamd excitedly like a child, ‘As you know, we play this game every year to see who’s the ‘cringiest’ couple. And for those who aren’t in a relationship, you have to bet on who’s the cringiest couple who’ll be able to do all the actions required. If you guess right and the couple wins, you get money!’

 

‘What.. what are we going to do?’ Donghyuck asked, already scared with what he heard. Mark rubbed his nape, face already scarlet. ‘Well, Kun hyung’s going to ask us to do some couple poses. If we succeeded then we get money.’

 

‘That’s easy’ Donghyuck tilt his head in confusion.  _ It shouldn’t be that easy if they’re going to bet on us _ , he thought.

 

‘That’s the problem. It’s not actually easy.’ Mark shudders at the thought. Last year, because he’s apparently still single, he had watched his hyungs do weird couple poses including kissing each other’s foot, or licking their ears. Mark hopes it isn’t that drastic or crazy because he’s not sure how he’s going to do any of those with Donghyuck. ‘Can’t we pass?’ Donghyuck look terrified as well, his orbs shaking. ‘Uhm, we can’t? We’re a couple.’ Mark says ironically.

 

‘Oh shit.’

 

‘Haechan, Mark. Come here already.’ Kun calls, smiling wickedly, ‘And our bettors, Taeyong, Taeil, Jeno, Renjun and me will guess who’s going to win.’ Mark and Donghyuck slapped each other’s arms as they walk to the center of the carpet, already sweating from nervousness. Jeno shot them a look of pity, but decided to vote on them instead. Renjun and Kun voted on Chenle and Jisung while Taeil and Taeyong declared that Ten and Johnny are going to win since they’re shameless.

 

‘First pose, butts together!’ Kun yells, all of them laughing at the couple’s reaction. Donghyuck sees Sicheng rolling his eyes annoyed but did it anyways. Donghyuck closed his eyes and mentally hope that it’s over already. Still, he can’t dismiss the thought that Mark’s butt is.. rather squishy. He only snapped out of his weird thinking when Kun’s soft yet loud voice announced the next pose. ‘The other was easy. How about sticking your right leg in between your partner’s thighs?’

 

Donghyuck hopes he can faint. Mark’s cheeks are alarmingly red, and compared to the other couples, it’s only them that look embarrassed. Atleast Jeno’s suffering second-hand embarrassment while Renjun looks like he’s ready to kill. ‘So.. my legs?’ Mark inquires with a tilt of his head. Behind him, he can hear Chenle and Jisung laughing because ‘ _ it tickles Jisungie! _ ’. ‘Who said it’ll be your legs between mine? Open up loser.’ Donghyuck grumbles, staring at the taller with challenging eyes. Mark obviously sighed in defeat, looking away as he stretched his long legs giving way for the other. Kun started counting, eliciting laughs and excited squeals from the other (quote: Taeyong and Taeil). Donghyuck slide his legs between the others, his heart threatening to jump out of his body when his legs came in contact with the other’s.. glory. For couples, it would’ve been easy to do, but for fake couples like Mark and Donghyuck, it’s a total problem. 

 

‘Next pose, it’s getting harder now.’ Kun cackles, squinting at his phone for the next pose. ‘Guys, each of your hands, grab that ass!’

 

‘No!’

 

‘Hyung!’

 

‘What the fu—’

 

There’s collective whines and complain about the boldness of the action. Donghyuck notes that even if they’re couples already, they still get embarrassed. ‘I didn’t come back in Korea to get my ass displayed for you guys!’ Doyoung whined and buried his face on Jaehyun’s neck. Ten and Johnny cackles, already having a fistful of each other’s ass. Yuta and Sicheng look so done with the game and decided to not play anymore. ‘Lucky I didn’t bet on you.’ Taeyong stuck his tongue out at them. Yuta laughed good naturedly, ‘It’s not my fault we’re embarrassed of being exposed.’

 

‘Sorry,’ Sicheng says lowly, pushing his face on Yuta’s arms. ‘It’s fine,’ The other whispers back, kissing his hair.

 

Donghyuck glared at Mark, wishing that the ground would eat him up instead of holding the other’s body part in front of his own friends. ‘This cost another dollar,’ He grits, Mark palming his asscheeks on his big palms. ‘As if I wanted this!’ Mark says back, eyes closed tight. If Donghyuck thinks Mark’s butt is kinda squishy now it’s proven when he cupped it, amazed by the mere hugeness of it. He gave a squeeze, just making sure it’s real and not just pads. Mark’s hitched breathe is a bonus to his ego as well.

 

‘So, Yuta and Sicheng are out. For our next pose, taller ones, carry your partner.’ 

 

‘That’s easy!’

 

‘By your muscles.’ Kun deadpans, his eyes showing pure wickedness. 

 

‘What? But Jisungie doesn’t have any muscles,’ Chenle whined, pouting at his boyfriend’s thin and lanky arms. Jisung look sad for his smaller boyfriend, ‘Let’s give it a try hyung.’

 

Donghyuck raised Mark’s sleeves to see some muscles. He didn’t expect it though. Outside, Mark look like a normal handsome boy with a pretty face and a large bank account. ‘Can you carry me with those?’ He asked, poking the tight skin. Mark shrugged his shoulders, he curled an arm and the flex made Donghyuck’s heart stutter.  _ Fuck, why is that hot _ , Donghyuck gulped,  _ there’s something wrong with my mind _ . ‘Hang on already.’ Mark says. startling the smaller. ‘Yes whatever loser.’

 

Kun started counting to five, just in time for Donghyuck to lift himself with the help of Mark’s iron arms. The flex is hard and so is his grip. He can see Mark’s veins from his point of view, and he squeals internally at the thought of being carried by those big guns. ‘You did well guys! And sorry Chenle and Jisung. you have to work out more.’ Kun laughs, ‘Now, it’s only down to three couples and the last pose.’ 

 

Mark’s hold on Donghyuck tightens but the smaller doesn’t pay attention to him, instead, his eyes trailed on Renjun the moment he head to the kitchen, looking dead on his feet with Jeno following behind like a bodyguard. ‘Bite your partner’s lips.’ Kun finishes, ‘And for those who bet on the couple, be ready to claim your prize.’

 

Donghyuck eyes almost bulged as he looked at Mark. They have never kissed before, so biting lips would be  _ impossible _ . But first, he have to know what Mark thinks. ‘So?’

 

Mark’s cheeks is still red and he resembled a shy school girl with their crush. ‘What do you think?’

 

Donghyuck contemplates, thinking deep. Sooner or later they will have to kiss, if time reaches them that is. But on the other hand, Mark’s red lips looks very inviting, and Donghyuck had been wondering eversince how they taste like. Mark seems to be thinking the same, judging by the hands on the smaller’s waist. ‘I think..’ Donghyuck whispers, closing his eyes as he lean, until a piercing scream echoed around the hall, the loud and terrified scream coming from the kitchen.

 

‘Hyung! Renjun cut his palm’ Jeno ran out, eyes wide as he held two broken cups on his hands. All of them automatically dropped the game and proceeded to the kitchen, Renjun looking small in the corner. His palm is bleeding and he must’ve slipped because there’s water on the floor. Doyoung and Taeyong slides beside him, calming him down as they wrapped his hands in bandages. ‘Mark,’ Johnny calls, ‘Can you take care of him for the meantime?’

 

Mark nodded, smiling down at Donghyuck, ‘I’ll be back’ he says but Donghyuck’s body feels like it has a mind on his own as his hands catches Mark’s wrist, eyes pleading.  _ No please stay _ , he says without a voice, mute and uncharacteristically scared.   Mark doesn’t ask his oddness, placing a gentle hand on his own hand. Donghyuck’s face doesn’t show the internal confusion he's going through, but his hands tightened around Mark’s. Renjun cried again, his face buried against Sicheng’s chest as they finish treating his cut. Mark shot Donghyuck a helpless look, slowly disentangling the smaller’s hold on him before he moved away to attend to his friend. Donghyuck doesn’t want him to go but Renjun’s deafening cry is alarming and more concerning than Donghyuck’s heart breaking. Funnily, he hears his own heart breaking like glass over the sound of Renjun’s loud cries. 

 

He wonder if that’s how he sound if he’d cry as well.

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Since Mark’s currently busy with tending to Renjun, the group decided to continue playing while the others watch. Sicheng, who have a deep affection for Renjun decided to just sit on the couch along with Mark and Renjun. The first winner happened to be Doyoung and Jaehyun because Ten has a cut on his lip and it has something to do with Johnny, based on how angry he was when they’re about to do the bite pose. 

 

‘The next game is easy. Fold the newspaper. Now to make it more exciting, I suggest couples don’t partner together.’ Johnny says, already tugging a squealing Chenle on his side. ‘Pick your partners and for those who doesn’t have, just sit on the couch.’

 

Donghyuck was about to sit when Jeno came up in front of him, ‘Hey, wanna play?’

 

He had the thought of rejecting but Jeno’s sad face melt his heart. ‘Fine.’ he agrees, and then adds, ‘But you’ll carry me.’

 

The game starts happily, the others not letting the incident before dampen the mood and instead brightening it more with enthusiasm and loud screams. ‘I give up with this! Why did I even partnered with you?!’ Doyoung yells, almost tumbling down with Ten’s weight on his back. Ten laughs behind him, ‘Because I’m small! And we have ‘ta get that prize!’

 

‘Jeno, you okay there?’ Donghyuck asked, safely secured behind Jeno. ‘You weigh nothing Hyuck’ he says, the smaller pinching him at his mistake, ‘Haechan, yes, sorry Haechan’

 

‘Okay, last round. Johnny and Jisung, you’re out now big foot. Even your whole foot cannot fit in the newspaper.’ Kun rolled his eyes at them, pointing at Taeil, ‘Can you survive old man? You have to be careful with Jaehyun on your back.’

 

‘I don’t even know why I’m the one carrying,’ Taeil fake cries. 

 

‘Ten seconds.’ Kun yells, happily counting down along with the others. Donghyuck watches as Taeil fell on his knees, howling in pain with the weight and impact. Within a second, everyone’s surrounding him and Jeno, shouting on the top of their lungs as Johnny pulls out a hundred dollar dramatically out of his wallet. ‘To our winners,’ He calls, waving the money around. ‘Congratulations Jeno and Haechan.’

 

‘Woaw’ Donghyuck blinks, still in shock. ‘We won?’

 

Jeno shrugged his shoulder, not looking as excited as he is. ‘I have the muscles you know. It was all thanks to me.’ 

 

Donghyuck slapped his offending muscles, ‘Excuse me. You cannot win without me in your back!’

 

‘Yeah, a burden—’

 

‘Why you—’

 

‘I was joking sorry sorry’ Jeno laughs, his eyes turning into cute crescents that remind Donghyuck of the half moon. He look positively relieved compared to before. It must be tiring to guard Renjun all day especially with his illness. ‘You should go back there.’ Donghyuck smiles, pushing him gently to the direction of the couch. Jeno frowned, glancing at the couch where Renjun and Mark are resting. ‘He doesn’t need me there.’

 

Donghyuck glanced at the couch as well, Renjun’s smile big and his cheeks a pretty shade of red. He feels like looking at something intimate, as if he’s invading someone else’s privacy. It doesn’t help that Mark look happy as well with the way he laughs at the other’s cuteness. ‘But you should go though,’ Donghyuck still insists, putting his prize money into his wallet, ‘At least you can say you tried.’

 

Jeno stared at him, eyes wide, thinking. Before he breaks into a laugh, loud and all body-movement, catching the other’s attention as well as Mark and Renjun. Jeno leaned to whisper in his ear, ‘As if you’d know what I’ve been through’ before he pulls away, leaving the other alone on the center.

 

_ Jeno is _ , Donghyuck hums,  _ really weird _ .

  
  


Johnny calls for them for the next activity which thankfully, involves them sitting. Donghyuck sat between Mark and Taeil, the older playfully playing with his cheeks. He hasn’t stop hugging Donghyuck eversince he sat down beside the younger. ‘Hyung please let go of my boyfriend,’ Mark says, already exhausted with the numerous times he had said it. ‘I can’t Mark! He’s just so cute.’

 

It doesn’t help that Donghyuck seems to have taken a liking to Taeil as well, letting himself be pampered and playfully kissed.

 

‘Okay, everyone, it’s time for the scariest part of out night out. After this activity, we’ll continue with movie watching and then sleep.’ Johnny says, cooing at Chenle when he started yawning. ‘To further enhance our friendship and bond, our honest time is open for any complaints against each other. If you have any problem with someone in here, please tell so that we can solve it with a talk. We’re grown ups and fighting is for the weak only, okay?’

 

The talk is serious. Donghyuck got to see Taeyong cry after confessing that he’s tired of Taeil stalling their ‘relationship’ and hoped that the older will ask him already. At some point, Donghyuck knows it’s a sensitive topic and a closed discussion, so being in the open forum feels like he’s trespassing over their personal rights when he barely knows their backgrounds. But his heart feels actually full with the honesty of the group. He loves how they try to understand each other, how each of them give their own insight professionally and not siding with the others. He loves it a lot when they coo at the one in spotlight and assures him that everything will be alright with some talk. He loved the feeling of understanding. And deep in his heart, he knows, he wishes to be in the group as a  _ real _ member, and not someone who’s going to disappear after the arrangement is done. 

 

Each of them seems to have a complaint; Johnny admitting that he hates how angry Ten is with fruits that he cannot bring any fruit in their house at America, Ten confessing that he finds it stupid that Kun decided to stay in China instead of America. There’s also Doyoung and Jaehyun that confessed that it feels like they’re drifting apart and it scared Doyoung so much. Also Chenle whining that Sicheng and Yuta’s so strict with them when they’re out of the country. Donghyuck would’ve laugh at their ridiculous confessions if they aren’t that serious looking. Judging by the scary look on Ten’s face, it looks like he really hate fruits.

 

In the end, all of them have flaws. The imperfections that create who they are right now.

 

‘How about you Renjun?’

 

All eyes turned to the small boy, sitting between Mark and Jeno. He looked up, eyes shaking behind his unkept bangs. ‘I.. I actually hate that Mark..’ 

 

‘What about Mark?’

 

‘I hate that he have a boyfriend now.’ He adds quietly, the silence so thick even a knife can cut through it. ‘I hate that he’s sharing half of his time with.. with Donghyuck.’

 

Donghyuck’s eyes widen as everyone gasped. all eyes turning to him instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( **HEY!** )
> 
> Do not forget to tell me what you think about this chapter? What do you think will happen with the gang? How will Mark and Donghyuck react? What should we do with Renjun? And do you feel sad for Jeno? 
> 
> I'm so excited for your comments! Leave thoughts on what you want to happen. (kkkkkk) so I'll have an idea and what do you think will happen soon!
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> ( _PS._ ) Also if you'd like to draw a fanart for this fic that is VERY TOTALLY AMAZINGLY OKAY! 
> 
> I'll see you very soon my VVs. ❤
> 
> Xoxo. Lovelots. (灬♥ω♥灬)


	8. the truth is i'm so sick of this fake love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( **Suddenly, Donghyuck doesn't want this anymore. Suddenly, he wants to say ( _goodbye_ ) to his ( _fake love_ )**)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( **THEY KISSED!** )
> 
> Okay! Please do not hate me with this one! I promise to update tomorrow evening, or if not, maybe Saturday evening as well. 
> 
> I know you are all frustrated with this story but trust me— ( **THIS IS THE PLOT** )
> 
> Also, I READ ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND ALL OF THEM MAKES MY HEART FLUTTER!
> 
> You don't know how motivating your comments, may it be short or long. I especially love theories, opiniond and vent-our emotions you are all spilling in the comment section.
> 
> I hope you love this chapter as much as I do. This will give you more reasons to be frustrated. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL. (●´з`)♡

There’s a pin-drop silence, covered with a tense ambience, as if the bomb is to explode any second soon. All eyes were now on Donghyuck, each of their expressions varying from shock, confused and amused. Mark who was beside him had also gone stiff, eyes as wide as saucers. No one dared to make a move, let alone create a sound.  _ Is this the end? _ , Donghyuck thought, his brain trying so hard to function but failing midway upon realizing that  _ Damn, it is the end. There’s no escape in this incredulity _ . He shot Mark a look, already defenseless before capturing his sweaty hands, smile in a form of defeat. 

 

‘Donghyuck?’ Ten was the first to ask, incredibly baffled at the confession, more so of  the unfamiliar name. ‘Who is Donghyuck?’

 

Said person gulped, squeezing Mark’s hands. He find it stressing when the other didn’t budge, and continue to hang his head low. 

 

‘Mark..’ Johnny starts, his voice serious, ‘Are you keeping secrets from us?’

 

This time, Mark seems to react, head slowly raising to look at his friend’s faces. Each of them probably hold a question but choose not to ask for respect. Still, neither of them masked the shock written on their faces. 

 

‘Mark..’

 

‘Donghyuck’ Mark states, emphasizes even, his eyes burning with fiery passion, ‘It’s Haechan’

 

This time, it’s Donghyuck’s turn to get shock. 

 

‘But.. didn’t you say his name is Haechan?’ Johnny continues, his perfect trimmed brow curled into a furrow. Mark nods, then turned to Donghyuck to lace their fingers together. Mark’s smiled along with his eyes, and to Donghyuck, it is simply breathtaking to be the focus of that dreamy look, ‘Haechan is a nickname. It means FullSun.’ he raises Donghyuck’s hands to his lips, dropping a soft and feathery kiss on his bruised knuckles, ‘It means he’s my sun and he light up my world.’

 

If Donghyuck was a balloon, he probably popped already with how intense the gaze Mark is using to him. He found it hard to breathe and respond to the cringy statement, but his heart felt big, like Jupiter. Filled with affection and adoration. 

 

‘Oh’ Johnny snaps, finally understanding what he meant. Soon, they all break into gooey sounds effects, sending the young couple kissy faces and teasing remarks. Donghyuck hides his flaming face on Mark’s neck, trying to block the shuddering comments about their relationship. He also notes that Renjun hastily pulled his hands away from Mark’s hold. 

 

Crisis averted. 

  
  
  


They continue with the last part of their night program which is Movie Watching. Because Christmas is near, the older ones gave in on Chenle’s request to watch Christmas Carol. As they watch the movie with some commentary, Johnny reminded them that the rooms are already set up along with its occupants. Since Johnny’s place is almost like a mansion, the rooms are enough to fit all of them. As expected, Mark will be rooming with Donghyuck. But for some bizarre reason, Donghyuck found himself nervous and suffering a mental turmoil.  _ Then we will be sharing a bed _ , he thought, his eyes not focused on the Television, instead, it was burning holes on their intertwined hands. 

 

‘Hey, what’s up?’ Mark asked, not actually looking at him but he sound like he knows something’s wrong with the smaller.

 

‘We’re sharing a bed.’ Donghyuck blurts, convinced that this is a total punishment. It’s karma. Mark now turned to face him, not looking as bothered as the other, ‘We’re a couple. It’s normal for us to do so.’

 

Donghyuck glared at him, but the other seems to be immune with the deadly gaze for he only raised an eyebrow, still looking unbothered. ‘Do we have any choice?’ Mark asked again.

 

‘You sleep on the ground.’

 

‘Seriously!’ Mark groans, already giving up the talk because apparently, Donghyuck’s a persistent brat. ‘Can’t we just divide our sides? Are you really going to make me sleep on the cold ground?’ he whines, adding a pout for better effects. Donghyuck thought he look stupid for a minute but realized that this must be how couples act when they want something. Atleast Mark’s doing a pretty good job on his acting. ‘Fine, a divider.’ The smaller huffs, ‘but you’re turning off the lights.’

 

‘I give up with you’ Mark says, but his voice softens in the end. Donghyuck faced the Television once again, leaning to rest his head on the taller’s neck. To be honest, he really isn’t watching the movie. Rather, his mind is full of weird questions, consistently pestering him for answers. So many things happened in just one night, and everything is bugging Donghyuck’s mind.  _ 1st _ , is Taeil finally asking Taeyong?  _ 2nd _ , are Doyoung and Jaehyun going to break up?  _ 3rd _ , why do Ten hates fruits? The questions are funny yet personal at the same time. Donghyuck wanted to know some answers because at some point, he believes, he’s included to help the others. Because they’re friends. His heart warms at the thought. Friends. What a beautiful word. 

 

But one question remained in his head. 

 

Renjun’s confession.

 

_ Why did he said that? _ , Donghyuck thought, deeply mulling over that statement. He recalls Renjun’s face when he said it, his voice and tone covered with nothing but venom, his eyes blazing with fire and unrefined hate. In the middle of the chaos earlier, it’s only him that noticed how stiff and stressed Renjun was.  _ Does he hate me? _ , Donghyuck looked over his shoulder, looking for said boy. He shuddered when he noticed that those eyes are already staring at him as well, and he wear the same aura he has before. 

 

Donghyuck isn't dense. Since he started this fake-dating arrangement, he noticed how cranky Renjun seems to act. It also doesn’t help that Mark literally pampers him like a baby.  _ Maybe Jeno’s not the only one strange _ , he hums as he faced the Television again, curling on Mark’s shoulder. The taller raised his arms to hold on the other’s shoulder, running lazy fingers on his fluffy hair. Donghyuck sighed on his neck, trying to curl more smaller so he can fit on Mark’s chest, almost sitting on his lap. It’s not like Mark cares, he’s too immersed in his own thoughts to actually mind the space.

 

It’s funny, and absolutely ridiculous to know something as trivial as Renjun and Jeno’s one-sided affection. But what’s more hilarious yet downright ludicrous, is the fact that there’s three of them suffering in an unrequited love. 

 

Donghyuck chuckled, heart aching.  _ And maybe I am a fool too _ , as he let their hands linger more than necessary, their heart beating in sync as the smaller’s eyelids flutter close.  _ Just for this moment _ , the smaller sleepily wishes, _ I am yours and you are mine alone. _

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


When Donghyuck woke up, he’s already placed on the bed they are supposed to be sleeping in. He looked around the dark room then to his side, chuckling at the pillow serving as a divider between him and Mark. Mark, who’s on the edge of falling down, is sleeping like a baby. His mouth is open as a drool hang out disgustingly, while his hands are in different places, his right on top of his head while the left one is inside his shirt. Donghyuck raised the blanket with a blush, fixing and making sure that Mark wouldn’t feel cold at all. 

 

He stared at the taller’s face, a dainty smile on his lips. 

 

The other looked peaceful sleeping. Not thinking of anything in relevance to their problem. He can’t believe they’ve come a long way, from enemies to stranger and then becoming as fake lovers. He can’t even believe that he, out of all people, got asked to be a partner. No one has ever considered him as an option. He was never in the choices in the first place. But Mark. Mark and his friends defied all of Donghyuck’s own belief. Mark managed to break down Donghyuck’s wall of protection just by his clumsiness and smiling handsome face. With shaking bated breath, Donghyuck danced his fingers around the taller’s cheekbones, heart instantly flaring with affection.  _ Can you really fall in love in just a short span of time? _ , He laughs, giggling when the other scrunch his nose. 

 

It’s not that Donghyuck liked Mark for his amazing visuals. No. It’s by his positiveness, his rational thinking and knowing his priority that Donghyuck feel comfortable with him. With Mark, Donghyuck felt like he belonged even if he isn’t any part of them. With Mark, Donghyuck feel like a kid again, trying new things for the first time. With Mark, Donghyuck felt  _ loved _ . 

 

He knows it’s wrong. It’s very very wrong. 

 

What confused him was that it only took a short time for him to feel this way. It only took a few days, and though they’ve been messaging each other before the arrangement to further enhance their knowledge with each other, something just changed when Mark started being his fake boyfriend. Even though the affections are scripted, Donghyuck can’t help but feel deeply cared for. 

 

He realized that the more he deny the feelings, the more he fall for the other. And the more the pain blooms, more than tenfold. 

 

Soon, after a few days, their relationship will finally stop. Soon, everything that they have done together will just remain as a memory. Soon, Donghyuck as  _ Haechan _ will be forgotten.

 

‘Heck,’ Donghyuck sniffs, rubbing his eyes now that it’s tearing up, ‘Why am I crying?’ He laughs, hoarse and just so emotionally exhausted. It’s not easy. At first, it was for show. In the beginning, it was about faking it and thinking of the money. But lately, Mark has been more observative, more concern towards him, and it’s making his heart flutter yet aching in the same time. Because. Because it’s not true. The lingering stares are for everyone’s eyes, the sweet words are for everyone’s ears yet the feeling brewing up a storm inside Donghyuck’s chest is his alone to suffer. 

 

Donghyuck perfectly knows that everything is bound to change once the contract is finished. Once everyone had left. With a dry chuckle, he recalls all the circumstances he faced just because he agreed to be in this stupid plan. Yet. Yet he find himself not regretting anything, even a bit. Rather, he found himself the happiest he has ever been. His smile is wider, his laugh is brighter and his life became much more than what he used to think. He knows someday they will have to let go. Even if Mark say they can be friends. It can never be  _ just _ like that. Atleast to Donghyuck. He can never be friends with someone he adored so much. 

 

And their life will soon force them apart. Mark is rich, surrounded by his rich friends as well. But Donghyuck.  _ I’m just me _ , he dryly cackles, tears still flowing endlessly, but this time he decided not to wipe them.  _ I’m just Donghyuck, the boy who have no family and had to pretend as a fool to get money _ . Donghyuck’s aware that he cannot offer anything other than his stupidity in joining this incredulousness to be noticed. There’s nothing he can give to receive such love from other people. He cannot offer anything to Mark to receive his love in return.

 

They’re two worlds apart. 

 

And Donghyuck knows, that this was all just a part of a beautiful dream. A dream he wishes not to wake up from. And if he does, he’ll have to accept that life goes on. Some will forget, some will remember, but it’s okay. Because Donghyuck’s happiness is seeing the people he cared about happy as well. And that’s all that matters in his small world.

 

‘Mark Lee,’ Donghyuck scoots closer, hoping to memorize the face of his fake boyfriend. ‘This is the only thing I can bring to me,’ he cries, cupping the other’s cheeks. He giggles at the wetness of the other’s cheeks because of his drool.  _ The only thing I can bring with me _ , Donghyuck thought forlornly as he lean close to Mark’s face, feeling guilty and so so damn  _ desperate _ for love,  _ is our memory _ . He closed his eyes, slowly moving closer as he internally says  _ sorry for being a thief Mark _ , and then bent down to capture Mark’s lips with his. He held the other’s face as careful as he can, gentle and delicate, like the other would break. The press of their lips against each other is soft, like pillows, sweet and romantic. He’s thankful that Mark is a heavy sleeper, because it seems like he isn’t even feeling their lips together. But that’s okay. Donghyuck pulls away with his red cheeks, guilt eating his heart out. He brushed some unwanted locks out of the other’s face, dropping another kiss on his cheeks. ‘I like you Mark,’ he confesses, his whisper sounding like a shout inside the spacious dark and silent room. 

 

Donghyuck felt like light for a moment. Like something heavy was finally lifted off from his chest. 

 

Donghyuck has had many flings, casual flirtings and mutual affections before. But nothing came near to this experience. 

 

Never in his life did he experienced being the total center of attention, knowing that at that moment, Mark’s eyes as well as his heart belongs to him alone. Even if it’s a facade. 

 

Even for a short time. Donghyuck is Mark’s and Mark is Donghyuck’s.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Wednesday. 

 

Donghyuck’s not entirely sure why he’s in another expensive store buying a mask and a suit. Oh right. Sicheng and Yuta’s masquerade. He wonders if they don’t get tired with their events at all. ‘Can you try this?’ Mark asked, thrusting two different suits into his hands. Donghyuck find it more difficult to decline so he sighed before going to the changing room. Jeno was with them but he went out to buy some coffee.

 

‘How’s this?’ Donghyuck asked, walking out of the dressing room. Mark paused whatever he was doing to stare at him, jaw hanging. His cheeks redden at the sight and he doesn’t hide like he used to, ‘You..’ as he head to him slowly, eyes boring holes at the other’s face, ‘beautiful’

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, sliding his arms to run around Mark’s shoulder, sleepily looking at him. Mark’s breathe hitched, smiling shyly. ‘Do you like this one?’

 

‘I like everything Marcus Lee’

 

‘I’m seriously thinking if you’re the one cheating with that Marcus Lee.’ Mark teases, succesfully hugging the smaller. He looked pretty in his arms, with his eyelashes fluttering dangerously close to sleep. Mark can’t help but peck his cheeks, causing the other to shyly hide. Their moment was broken by a cough though, Jeno standing on the entrance with a curious look. 

 

‘Is it me or the both are you are just good actors?’ Jeno asked suspiciously, passing over their own drinks. Black for Mark and Iced Latte for Donghyuck.

 

Mark doesn’t let go of the other, ‘We’re.. practicing’

 

Donghyuck however, doesn’t look convinced. Mark let go to pay for the clothes while Donghyuck drink his latte. Jeno still staring at him, ‘Let me hold your bag for you.’ He says, picking the other’s bag. Donghyuck thanked him, but stepped back when Jeno crowds him into a corner, his eyes blinking innocently. ‘What’s with you Jeno?’ Donghyuck huffs, pushing at his strong chest. They state at each other for a good measure, as if Jeno’s trying to read something in Donghyuck’s eyes.  _ What was he looking for? _ , Donghyuck thought,  _ the truth? _

 

Jeno leans to him more closer, breathe ghosting over the other’s ears, ‘Do you perhaps li—’

 

‘Hey—’ Mark’s statement got cut off, eyes widening in fraction at the scene in front of him. Something filled his head as he walk to them, practically throwing Jeno off from the smaller. ‘What are you doing?’

 

It was there. A barely there smirk, but it was too fast for Donghyuck to know what it meant as Jeno shrugged, apology running out of his mouth. Mark doesn’t look happy with his actions, which is totally confusing because Jeno and Mark are bestfriends. So little things such as that should’ve not bothered Mark that much. Since it’s only Donghyuck anyway.

 

‘Are you okay?’ Mark whispers, cradling his small face. Donghyuck pulls away, not liking the summersault happening in his stomach. ‘Yeah’

 

Mark looked like a defeated puppy but this time, Donghyuck doesn’t spoil him. No one is watching anyway.

 

They dropped Jeno on the nearby hospital because he’s supposed to pick Renjun from his therapy. ‘Take care lovebirds,’ Jeno teases, waving at them. 

 

Donghyuck actually thought they’re going back to Johnny’s place to prepare for later, but as Mark turn, heading to a place Donghyuck isn’t familiar, he guesses they still have something to do. It appears to be a cafe. ‘The drinks Jeno bought isn’t enough for our stomachs,’ he reasons, even before Donghyuck can ask him.

 

Habitually, the taller reaches for his hand, tugging him to inside. Donghyuck looked around, fascinated by the ambience and style. ‘What would you like to eat?’ Mark asked, looking down at him. Donghyuck’s heart almost lurched to his mouth, his whole body warming up. The way Mark said it felt like a date, like they’re out to eat and spend quality time with each other. Also, having the taller looking down at him made him feel things. He never knew he liked someone taller than him the way he like Mark. ‘Uhm.. I’ll have whatever.’

 

‘You know there’s no ‘whatever’ in the menu,’ Mark rolled his eyes at him, tugging him to the counter.

 

The lady behind the counter stared at Mark, obviously drawn to his handsome face as well. But Donghyuck doesn’t feel happy at the other’s eyes on his fake boyfriend at all. He curled over the taller’s chest, fluttering his eyelashes, ‘Add whipped cream on my iced tea.’

 

Mark seems taken aback by his cuteness, but obeyed like a fool, his hands trembling around Donghyuck’s shoulder as he order. The lady deflates after seeing the action, noting that handsome boy Mark is apparently taken.

 

‘Any cake you’d like to try?’ Mark asked again, pointing to the numerous selections. Donghyuck shrugged, not really sure what to pick when he hasn’t tasted any of it. ‘Choose for me Marcus Lee’

 

‘I’m getting jealous with that Marcus Lee, Donghyuck,’ The other warns playfully. Donghyuck slapped his back hard, hating that he really wished Mark was jealous. They ordered and picked a booth while waiting for food. Weirdly, as the two of them sat down, they started feeling awkward. It doesn’t help that it feels like a date rather than a meeting for their arrangement. Donghyuck has been used to acting as lovers that he doesn’t know how to act normally with Mark without the others watching.

 

‘So..’ Donghyuck starts, looking at the other bashfully, ‘Is.. is this a date?’

 

Mark’s response came in the form of his cheeks reddening, stuttering out a blabbering mess called explanation. He shyly rubbed his nape, eyes wide and just so innocent. So Mark Lee. ‘I.. I guess it’s a thank you date for your good acting skills. We’ve been doing pretty good lately,’

 

‘Thank you’ Donghyuck mutters back just as shyly.

 

‘I personally wanted to thank your hard efforts. Until now, I can’t believe that you agreed with us. I guess I was wrong.’ Mark adds, ‘and I guess I was wrong with you being a bad person.’

 

Donghyuck chuckles at his words, still blooming red. ‘Me too. Never thought you’ll be my boyfriend at some point.’

 

‘Yeah’

 

Their order came, and the awkward tension melt away as they talk and talk for hours. Donghyuck, who’s still haunted by his guilt from what he did last night can’t help but question their relation to each other. He wonders if Mark sees him the way he does with the other? He wonders if Mark,  _ at some point _ , liked him too. Suddenly, Renjun’s question popped in his mind, as if wanting to know the answer. ‘Uh Mark’ He starts, unsure how he’s going to get answer.

 

‘Yes?’ The other lift his head from his chocolate cake, lips smudge with choco. Before Donghyuck can even think properly, he reaches with his fingers, gently wiping the dirt away. As expected, Mark flinched, but doesn’t stop him from doing it. He looked extra shy, bowing his head to the other. ‘T-thanks’

 

Donghyuck’s cheeks were red once again when he sat back on his place.

 

‘So.. you’re going to ask a question?’ Mark asked once again. ‘Oh right!’ The smaller almost forgot, ‘I was just thinking why.. why did Renjun confessed something like that last night.’

 

This made Mark stop, frowning as well. ‘I have no idea to be honest.’ He set his fork aside, thinking deeply, ‘I think he’s having a relapse. He usually gets like that when he’s stressed.’

 

_ Right _ , Donghyuck remembers,  _ Renjun’s suffering PTSD _ . ‘You seem to be Renjun’s guardian? Especially when he’s going through that state.’ Donghyuck points, chewing on his caramel cake. It taste too sweet, but that’s fine, Donghyuck looks like he’s made of sweet too. Mark’s behaviour seems to be serious when it’s related to Renjun. He must’ve treasured the other a lot. ‘Renjun lost his parents at an early age. It also doesn’t help that he’s weak and small. As we grew up, people bullied him because of his state of parentless. I don’t want him to suffer with that again. I can’t bear to see him in pain. I want to make sure he’s always alright.’

 

Donghyuck stared at him with wide eyes. The words pierced through his heart. It also left a hole there, and it seems like it’s going to take awhile before it heals itself. What hurts more is that, in his dreams, he wished for those words to be directed at him. He wished for the concern to be for him, even though he knows that it isn’t his to begin with. 

 

‘Renjun’s really important to us. To me.’ Mark says with a small smile, one that Donghyuck haven’t seen eversince. It was fond, its curve filled with nothing but affection and adoration for the one in topic. Donghyuck must’ve look like a sore thumb, sticking out because he’s out of place. Because he simply doesn’t belong.  _ That smile will never be for me _ , Donghyuck cries mentally, heart not shattering anymore because it was already shattered in the first place,  _ that smile was never for me to begin with. _

 

As he stare at Mark’s face, Donghyuck was once again reminded of why it cannot work between them.  _ He is Mark _ , he chuckles before taking a sip of his cold beverage,  _ and I’m just me _ .

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Jeno walked passed the rooms, looking at the numbers as he did so. He stopped in front of room 706, sighing. He schooled his expression into a calm one, hoping that Renjun wouldn’t notice that he’s going through some rough times.  _ Who am I kidding _ , he thought with a laugh,  _ he doesn’t even spare me a glance _ . He knocked twice before popping his head inside, smiling happily at Renjun who’s laughing at what the doctor is trying to say. ‘Oh Jeno!’ The doctor acknowledges, ‘Just in time. Our session is over and I must say Renjun here improved a lot.’

 

Said patient giggles, running to Jeno to hug him. ‘Doctor gave me cotton candy!’

 

‘Oh he did now?’ Jeno retorts back as happily, ruffling his hair. The doctor’s smile melt into a serious one as a nurse walks in, excusing Renjun to give him his medicine. When the door clicked close, the doctor sighed which isn’t a good thing. ‘Take a seat please. This will be quick.’ He says, picking his mass of papers to explain his report, ‘I wasn’t lying when I said he’s improving. He looks more active and engaging.’

 

‘The problem?’ Jeno intervenes, already feeling stressed out.

 

‘Yes, the problem is, with him being this happy, it’ll be more dangerous if he gets triggered.’ The doctor explains, worried for his longterm patient. ‘An emotional breakdown might just cause him into a deep hysteria.’

 

Jeno looked down on his hands, they were clenched tight into fist, his veins visible as it turned white.

 

‘It would be best to be conscious of his emotions and monitor his reactions. It wouldn’t do any good if he happen to have a relapse. You know this right, Jeno?’ He proceeds, ‘And I trust you that you’ll tell Mark about this as well.’

 

Jeno nods obediently. ‘What.. what would happen if he have a relapse?’

 

The doctor put down his papers, sighing with a forlorn look. ‘You remember me telling you about his nervous system right. For now, his system is doing good. But too much feelings, too much emotions especially sadness, anything that’ll make him lose control of his emotions will lead to a breakdown. And an internal breakdown will have an affect on his nervous system.’

 

‘Then.. a relapse..’ Jeno gulps.

 

‘Might lead to death. Especially to Renjun who hasn’t recovered at all.’

 

Jeno clenched his fist tighter, eyes watering. Death. The doctor kindly passes a pack of tissue to him, letting him cry for awhile. He wanted to punch a wall, or shout at an open area, anything that will release the pent-up frustration inside his chest. How can the world be so cruel? How can the world hurt Renjun when all he have done is love people. ‘I’m not saying that you have to bend to all his wills. I just hope you consider his opinions first before anything else. If you don’t want to lose him early.’ The doctor finishes, just in time for Renjun to walk in, beaming at them happily. ‘Jeno! The nurse gave me another cotton candy!’

 

Jeno wiped his eyes for the last time, looking at the other’s bright smile.  _ Everything will be alright _ , he promises,  _ I’ll make sure of it _ . 

 

‘We’ll be going now doctor. Thank you very much.’ Jeno bows, Renjun copying him like a kid. They walked out with their hands together, Renjun excitedly blabbering his thoughts out. It was an actual shock though, that he isn’t relapsing when this week has been full of stress. ‘You feeling fine Renjunnie?’ He asked, caressing his sunken cheeks. The smaller nods enthusiasically, his eyes bright and lovely. Not a single dot of sadness present. ‘Last night, Mark made me some milk before going to sleep.’

 

‘Oh’  _ Mark again. _ ‘I’m glad you’re happy.’ He sweetly says, dropping a kiss on his temple. Renjun smiled at him, hugging him closer. ‘Thank you Jeno.’ and adds with a questioning look, ‘You look sad when I entered Jeno? Did the doctor said something bad?’

 

‘Oh, no. Not at all.’ Jeno lied, hugging him back, but more tighter. ‘I guess I’m a bit sad that you’re happy with Mark and not me’ He teases. Renjun pulls back with offended eyes before he held the other’s cheeks on his hands, ‘I would never! I’m happy with you as well Jeno.’ he leans to peck the space between Jeno’s brows, ‘I love you a lot. You’re my best friend. My very best friend.’

 

Jeno’s heart doesn’t hurt anymore. After hearing it for a thousand times, it only left a sizeable wound on his heart. It stings sometimes, but Renjun’s smile just masked his sadness away.  _ Even if that smile is not for me _ , he smiles as he stared at the other who was so happy,  _ I’m the bestfriend because Mark..  _

 

_..is your love one. _

 

And maybe the truth is better than facing a lie. Jeno might as well live as a bestfriend so that he can stay beside Renjun, instead of lying to himself that they can be lovers. 

 

_ Love really does hurt huh _ , he cackles as his heart beats along with the sting, his heart still longing for the love that can never be his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think about this chapter (´∀｀)♡
> 
> I swear we'll give Donghyuck's heart a break and receive tons of those from unexpected people! Tell me what you think will happen to our characters as well. I'm sure all of you are dying to hit Mark with how dense he is. BELATED HAPPY Birthday to our Prince Jeno too! Do not hate on our Renjunnie (￣3￣)
> 
> I'll update as fast as I can so besar with me!
> 
> Spread lots of love. (♥ω♥*)
> 
> Xoxo. Love lots. ♥


	9. please calm the storm in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **There's a storm brewing inside Mark's heart. And the main cause is the frustration Donghyuck is giving him**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HELLO VV's! ♥**
> 
> I'm feeling generous today. Hahaha.  
> But enjoy the calm before the storm!  
> Also, I'm not sure when I will be able to update because I'm currently looking for a job and fixing documents so I might be busy. But rest assured the next chapter will make you more **FRUSTRATED** than the other chapters!
> 
> Obviously, our baby Hyuckie is receiving love! I know we all love him to bits! ♥
> 
> Enjoy reading love~

  
  


Donghyuck’s not really sure how he managed to be seated between Jaehyun and Johnny. All he remember is arriving at the hotel to be dolled up by Taeyong and Doyoung, then getting ushered into the lobby to wait for the others. He doesn’t expect Johnny and Jaehyun to sit beside him though. 

 

‘Haechan,’ Johnny greets the moment he sat down, his eyes smiling into crescents. He looked approachable and warm compared to Jaehyun who looked like he walked out of some Kdrama movie. ‘We never got the chance to talk to you personally with how protective Mark is.’ Johnny jokes lightly. Donghyuck shot them a smile, actually nervous. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say in this kind of situation. He just hope that Mark will come sooner so that he can save him from this misery. ‘How are you doing? Are you enjoying our packed schedules?’ He continues. 

 

Donghyuck nods, still shy. He already got shock with how handsome and pretty Mark, Jeno and Renjun are so he’s still not used to the faces of Johnny and the others. They always look like models who walked out of the magazines, always dressed nicely and eye-catching. ‘I’m having the time of my life, thanks to you hyungs.’ He answers honestly. And it’s true. It’s the happiest he have been. ‘I’m thankful that you’re letting me experience these things.’ He adds quietly, earning raised eyebrows from the older ones. ‘It’s not that fancy Haechan-ah.’ Johnny says back, just as shy. 

 

‘It is!’ Donghyuck insist, smiling them genuinely, ‘Because of you, I got to be happy for awhile.’

 

Johnny and Jaehyun shared a look over his neatly styled hair. They decided not to mention his tone dripping with sadness. ‘By the way, I heard from Doyoung that you’re working while studying.’ Johnny diverted the topic, his smile not slipping even a bit. ‘I think for someone so young, you should focus on finishing your studies before working.’ He states, and Donghyuck knows they’re saying it for his own health. For the betterness of his being. He can’t help but feel giddy with the unexpected affection from people he least expected to get it from. ‘Working is supposed to be done by your parents.’ Johnny finishes.

 

Donghyuck nods slowly, biting his lips and then hissing when he remembered Doyoung telling him not lick his lips because  _ there’s a liptint bub _ , ‘Well..’ He’s not sure if he should tell them. But they look kind and understanding. ‘My parents are dead.’

 

The two gasped at the same time, eyes widening at the information they just heard. Even Jaehyun changed his expression from stoic to mild stunned. ‘Oh, w-we’re sorry.’ Johnny apologizes, holding the smaller’s hand on his own bigger ones. ‘We didn’t know.’

 

Donghyuck shook his head, not even feeling sad. Something in Johnny and Jaehyun’s aura makes him relaxed. They don’t scare him anymore. ‘It’s been 11 years now. I’ve already dealt with the loss long time ago.’

 

‘But still,’ Johnny argues, still not letting go of his hands. His thumb caressed over Donghyuck’s bruised knuckles, the marks of the wound he endured from work. ‘So that means you’re working for your education right?’ The taller resumes. Donghyuck noticed that the spacious couch seems more crowded and tight with how close Jaehyun and Johnny are sitting close with him. ‘Yes. I have to work to pay off my tuition fee.’ Donghyuck responds honestly. 

 

Suddenly, there’s a cold hand on his shoulder, and it made Donghyuck jumped the second the touch came in contact with him. It was Jaehyun. ‘What’s the name of your school?’

 

‘I-It’s Seoul Public College.’ He answers, a little scared of Jaehyun with him looking that serious. Jaehyun let go of him, nodding.

 

‘Just tell us if someone’s giving you a hard time.’ Johnny jokes, making the other laugh brightly. Talking to Johnny feels like talking to his father. It feels homey, assuring and safe. He actually thought Johnny and Jaehyun are some assholes who find happiness in the poor. But it seems like he judged the book without even opening it. It’s a relief, to be surrounded by people who appreciate him even with how small his achievement is. Even if it’s just him. Just Donghyuck. 

 

‘You’re so cute Haechan-ah,’ Johnny cooes, pinching his cheek. ‘I’d kidnap you but I know Mark’s capability.’

 

Donghyuck giggles, his front teeth showing. Johnny and Jaehyun can only stare, watching as the smaller laugh wholeheartedly, his body shaking from the dad jokes Johnny’s spitting out like fire.  _ Behind his smil _ e, they both know,  _ a dark past hides. _ But for now, his happiness is more important.  _ For now _ , Johnny sighs with a smile, watching the smaller giggle cutely,  _ for now let’s make him happy.  _

  
  


‘Haechan!’ Mark shouts once he’s out of the deadly grip Doyoung and Taeyong has on him. They got separated to have their make-up done, and now that he’s literally out of the room, he can’t help but feel anxious. Where’s Donghyuck? Is he okay? What does he look like? Does he look good? A lot of questions are running inside his mind as he check each room, wondering where the other is. He’s shock to see Donghyuck between Johnny and Jaehyun looking happy as laugh erupted out of his heart-shaped mouth. For that moment, Mark only watched him, lost in awe to actually process. The only thing he can process is that Donghyuck looked  _ divine _ , dressed in a suit that perfectly highlights his sun kissed skin with his perfectly eye-shadowed eyes. Doyoung and Taeyong have been blatant on their plan to make Donghyuck pretty, but Mark didn’t expect them to be this good. Not that Donghyuck isn’t pretty to start of, but now, he looked unexplainable. No words can define how beautiful he looked right now.

 

‘Mark?’ Donghyuck’s voice echoed through his thick skull. Mark snapped from his obvious ogling. He sees Donghyuck staring at him, his eyes wide and shock. He walks to them, cheeks reddening at being caught staring. Johnny and Jaehyun are smirking, moving away to give the couple some time alone. For a minute, neither of them talked, just staring at each other, obviously fascinated by their finished look. ‘You.. you looked elegant.’ Mark cringes at his choice of words, before changing it, ‘I mean, you look beautiful. Not that you don’t look beautiful or pretty, but I think you suit that color honestly but I’m not saying you don’t look when—’

 

‘Shut up Marcus.’ Donghyuck giggles, his eyelashes fluttering shyly. Mark feels like fainting. ‘You look dashing as well, just so you know.’

 

‘Oh yeah?’ Mark totally forgot that he is dressed nicely as well.  _ Well, it’s easy to forgot about yourself when you’re with Donghyuck who’s this pretty in daily life _ , Mark mused, still in awe. He wiped his hands on his suit, interlacing their fingers once everyone started showing up. He can still feel the nervousness bubbling inside his stomach, but as Donghyuck inches closer to him, the storm inside his chest calming down the moment Donghyuck places a small kiss on his cheeks. 

 

_ I can do this _ , Mark thought as he smiled at the smaller. 

  
  


_ No I can’t do this _ , Mark whines internally, still lost in the fact and dreamy state that Donghyuck looked like he walked out of a Disney movie. He looked perfect. Ever since they walked inside the hall, everyone has been very confident in staring at Donghyuck. They’re not even ashamed that they’re ogling at someone who’s apparently taken. ‘Someone’s getting the spotlight.’ Johnny whistles, a glass of martini in his hand. He motioned to where Donghyuck’s currently surrounded by various people, man and woman, asking for his attention as well as his number. Apparently. he became the star of the night with how gorgeous he looked. Doyoung and Taeyong sure did a number of him, judging by the proud look on their faces. 

 

Mark can’t help but pout though, sulking in the corner. He still cannot believe that his partner, is out on the ground, spending time with other people instead of sitting beside Mark like the usual. If they’re together, they would’ve sneaked out of the party and head back to the hotel provided. He cast one longing look towards the other’s direction, sighing sadly. Some might think he’s jealous of the attention the other is getting. But the truth is, he’s jealous of the attention Donghyuck’s giving away. That attention that was supposed to be his and his alone. ‘He’s getting famous.’ Mark sighs, ‘But can’t blame him. He looked  _ perfect _ .’

 

Johnny smirks at him, ‘I know.’, still having his eyes on the smaller incase things get a little weird and wild, ‘He stands out so much in this austere party. And that is saying something.’ And that is true. He’s in awe and complete astounded to see how natural the younger is, as if he was born to be in the spotlight. He also can’t help but smile at the joy the other’s oozing.

 

Mark nods dumbly, a smile forming on his lips. He might hate that Donghyuck isn’t with him for the meantime, but he can’t help but feel glad as well with how bright Donghyuck’s smile is.  _ It’s the like the sun is shining even in the night _ , he thought as he take a sip from his drink. The most important thing is seeing him happy. ‘You never told us Haechan’s parentless.’ Johnny started, looking more worried than angry. Mark’s not sure how to react with their concern when they’ve been giving them suspicious eyes in the beginning.

 

‘I’m sorry, I just thought he’d like to keep some personal things a secret.’ Mark said. To be honest, he knows about Donghyuck’s state but the smaller have never been eager to talk about his life, so Mark thought he wanted to keep is private. He knows Donghyuck’s parents are dead. He knows how hard life is for the smaller, and he knows how much Donghyuck value money to even throw it away. But it’s not like they’ve agreed to share their personal informations to others. Johnny sat down in front of him, blocking the beautiful view from Mark’s eyes. He rolled his eyes at the older, ‘Seriously.’ but Johnny looked like he’s enjoying the torture with a shit-eating grin. ‘He’s been suffering a lot.’ Johnny notes, eyes going back to the person in topic. Donghyuck was still laughing, his eyes amazingly brightening more than it could. ‘He’s so strong, yet he’s doing it  _ alone _ . It must’ve felt  _ lonely _ .’

 

Mark straightened at his words, suddenly overwhelmed with an emotion he cannot describe. Johnny’s eyes were serious yet scary, something he really is. Mark knows what Johnny and Jaehyun are capable of, and that’s one reason why never messed with them. ‘I can’t imagine him going through pain again,’ he says, as if he knows something Mark doesn’t. Maybe he does. ‘Just make sure he’s okay.’ He says it with complete seriousness, and his eyes were nothing but dominant, as if making sure Mark understood.

 

Mark watches as he go, feeling stunned yet baffled. He averted his eyes to Donghyuck who’s still smiling wide, shining under the attention of the people he doesn’t know. Mark hopes it’s that easy to protect someone. 

 

And Mark hopes he has an idea why Johnny’s acting strange.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


‘Hey there’ Mark greets shyly, locking hands with his partner. Donghyuck smiled at him, eyes droopy already as he lean to rest against Mark. The taller made sure to hold him tight, making sure he’s comfortable enough to stand on his own. ‘You enjoyed your time?’ He teases, knowing all too well that it’s only a minute before Donghyuck will surrender into slumber. He have seen how active the other was, dancing around with Jeno and then attacking the selection of foods with Kun, Chenle and Jisung. 

 

‘I ate lots of banana cake!’ Donghyuck beams, rubbing his closed eyes with his fist. So adorable. The way he adjust just to incline against Mark with his weight is just so cute. 

 

‘You did?’ Mark faked-surprised, cradling the other’s head so that his neck wouldn’t hurt. Donghyuck sleepily smiled at him, cupping the other’s cheeks with his own hands. Fully awake Donghyuck is pretty but a sleepy Donghyuck is much more adorable. ‘Are we going home now?’ He asked with a pout, looking ready to protest. He did enjoy himself in this party.  _ Home _ , Mark’s heart stuttered. ‘Later. Sicheng hyung will still give his speech.’ He answers, ruffling his now messy hair. It was perfectly styled before, but now, it’s completely messed up. Doyoung will be angry once he see this mess.

 

Donghyuck crane his neck to look at him, looking peaceful. ‘Mark, thank you’ He says it with utmost sincerity, the words coming out with a genuine way. Everything about Donghyuck is just so pure. So benign for the cruel world.

 

Mark splutters, cheeks turning red. Thankfully, he didn’t let go of the other or else he would’ve fell on the floor. ‘What for?’

 

‘For everything. For letting me experience this. For treating me kindly.’ He answers honestly, his eyes more awake now that he’s speaking continuously. He looks at Mark like he hang the whole universe which is insane because Donghyuck is the freaking sun and Mark look nothing compared to any heavenly bodies. ‘For treating me as someone you care for. Even if it’s—’

 

‘Don’t say it’s fake!’ Mark cuts him off, before he can even finish what he’s saying, his words came out rushed that shocked the both of them. Donghyuck looked more awake from the sudden loudness of the other’s voice. Mark can’t help but feel guilty for the sad look Donghyuck wore. ‘Please don’t say it’s fake. Please don’t tell me it’s for the show. I know we agreed to be a fake couple. B-but.. isn’t it too much if you say the affection you’re feeling is fake.’ Mark looked troubled, constipated even. And Donghyuck can’t help but smile at him, feeling warm all over, with frustration swimming in the side. It’s obvious that Mark has problems with his emotions and that he cannot talk about his feelings without feeling frustrated like the others. ‘Please don’t say what you’re feeling is fake. I-I can’t bear to think that what I’m feeling is fake as well.’

 

Donghyuck’s heart almost stopped upon hearing those words. He isn’t sure if he’s hearing wrongly or if he’s that delusional already to assume. 

 

Mark slowly pull his hands away, but Donghyuck stopped him, his eyes shining with hope.  _ Could it be? _ , he thought, lacing their hands together. ‘Be honest with me Mark.’ He says, a smile threatening to split his face. He doesn’t know where the terrible amount of joy is coming from, but something blooming in his chest screams ‘ _ hope _ ’. ‘What do you feel?’

 

Mark has the audacity to stare back at him, as if challenging the other. Donghyuck wants to giggle but he knows such action will only dampen the mood. He’ll reserve it for later. ‘What do I feel?’ he frowns, scrunching his nose. ‘I-I feel happy.’

 

‘With me?’ Donghyuck needs to know. 

 

Mark’s cheeks redden once again, but his stare doesn’t falter as he slowly nod, agonizingly slow. ‘Yeah. I’m happy with you.’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, happiness exploding inside his chest. It’s an overwhelming feeling, and he thinks he wouldn’t be feeling sad for awhile. ‘Can you tell me why?’ he asked, Mark’s breathe hitching when the other scoot closer, until their chest are against each other. Until their breathes are mingling with each other. Until it’s only Donghyuck that Mark can see. ‘I-I don’t know.. I just know I feel good when you’re smiling. I think it’s contagious. And.. and I feel sad when you’re sad or that I am relieved when you’re eating fine..’

 

Donghyuck watched him speak, wanting to burn the hope that’s blazing inside of him. He knows Mark is still unconscious of his own feelings and that their status is a hindrance to what Donghyuck assume is a possible connection. But for now,  _ now _ , Donghyuck will let himself believe. He will let himself assume that Mark’s feelings are the answer for his own pain and confusion. For this moment, there’s no fake dating nor fake feelings. Because at this moment, it’s just Mark and Donghyuck.  _ No boundary, no status, no facade. Just us, _ Donghyuck thought as he tugged the taller down, staring at his lips. ‘Can I kiss you?’

 

Mark’s eyes almost run out of its socket if it can, his hands were trembling as well, and Donghyuck laughs internally at the sweat he’s currently feeling on Mark’s hand. He could rival a tomato if he want to, or an apple if he’d like. ‘K-kiss?’

 

‘Yes Mark,’ Donghyuck confirms, tipping his head to match the other’s eye level. ‘Can I kiss you?’

 

‘I-in here?’ Mark gulps, looking like he’s going have a heart attack soon. Donghyuck can’t help but giggle at his nervousness. 

 

‘Yes, in here.’ He openly cackles, his face now in front of the taller. It’s fascinating to see Mark a spluttering mess, someone who’s clumsy but wise. ‘Are you scared?’

 

‘N-no. It’s just that..’  _ Is this for show too? _ , Mark shake his head to stop himself from asking, ‘There are people.’

 

‘No one would wonder why a couple is kissing, hon’ Donghyuck smiles, still sweet and lovely. He lay his hands on Mark’s chest, giggling at the beat frantically. ‘You okay hon?’ Mark lift his head from the other’s palm, nodding shyly. Donghyuck closed his eyes while Mark felt his own cross-eyed, hastily closing his own as the other gets nearer. Mark’s fully expecting a kiss on his lips, that’s why he’s a nervous wreck. His mind cannot comprehend how on earth they ended to this. He knows explaining his feelings would improve their communication, but he didn’t expect it to this extent. He’s not sure how to handle the situation, with Donghyuck being this confident, the best he has ever been. And Mark’s is anything but confident. ‘Stop shaking loser,’ Donghyuck laughs at his face, now so much closer. 

 

There’s a brief silence, before Donghyuck surged and kissed the arch of Mark’s lips. 

 

Mark retracts with a yelp, followed by Donghyuck’s high squeal. ‘That’s..’ Mark starts, his heart beating hard and fast. Donghyuck tiptoes again, this time with both of their eyes open, as he plant a lasting kiss on the space above Mark’s lips. Mark shudders from head to toe, stilling. ‘Y-you..’

 

‘Thank you Mark,’ Donghyuck repeats once again, not stepping back, ‘You make me happy as well.’

 

And suddenly, the world doesn’t matter anymore. Mark find himself falling for that smile. With that genuinity he feels like he can face everything. Mark also mentally notes that his heart is now beating wilder than before.  _ Sooner or later, Donghyuck will put me into a cardiac attack _ , Mark thinks not even feeling angry about it. 

  
  


It was past 12 of the midnight when it started raining hard. Donghyuck was already fast asleep on Mark’s chest, snoring lightly. They were supposed to go home but their chauffeur got caught in the rain and asked to let the storm subside before they drive again. The rest are considerate of their chauffeur so they waited in the event hall as the storm rage on outside. Some of the visitors stayed as well, having difficulty with the storm too. Donghyuck scrunched his nose, his eyes opening as he yawn. ‘Is it still raining?’

 

‘Yes,’ Mark says, his heart once again, beating erratically wide now that Donghyuck’s awake. ‘Just sleep again. I’ll wake you when it’s over.’

 

Donghyuck stretched his arms, blinking around. Some people are still eating like Jisung and Chenle while the others are talking with the visitors as well. ‘I have to pee’ Donghyuck mumbles sleepily, dusting his pants to stand. Mark frowns, not exactly sure if he should follow or just let the other go. ‘Do you want me to come?’

 

Donghyuck smiled at him, eyes bunching up. ‘I’ll be fine Marcus. I can handle myself.’

 

‘I’m not that worried,’ Mark retorts, laughing at his reaction. He knows how savage and strong Donghyuck is. He’s just worried the other will get lost in the big building. ‘Be careful on your way there.’ He yells, watching as Donghyuck wave and then walked out of the event hall. With a sigh, Mark leaned back, watching as the storm continue to fall. There’s no sign that it’s going to rain so Mark found it totally unexpected. He blink at the light illuminating the sky, wondering if the storm’s not going to stop at all. As expected, after the lightning strikes, the thunder followed with a crack, shaking the whole building while the people erupt into scared screams. Mark even jumped from the sudden shout, more terrified and shocked from the reactions rather than the thunder.

 

It doesn’t even take a second as another thunder roll, this time, causing slight tremor in the ground and successfully shutting the electricity. The people erupted into screams again, but Mark felt queasy all of a sudden.

 

He looked around, the darkness swallowing the little light they have from their flashlights and mobile phones. He see Johnny calling over the youngsters, Chenle already buried in Jisung’s embrace while the rest crowd over the circle they created. As Johnny call each name, Mark looked around to see that Donghyuck hadn’t came back yet.

 

‘Haechan?’ Johnny calls, towering over them. ‘Mark, where’s Haechan?’

 

‘He went to the bathroom.’ He answered, feeling stupid. Why did he even let the other go alone? What if he find it hard to go back here? ‘I’m going to search for him.’ He says, turning his back before running to the door. The building is big and the bathroom are placed right at the end of the halls, which means, Donghyuck probably used the nearest one to the event hall.

 

He wonders if Donghyuck went back already upon noticing the lack of presence in the dark restroom. He kicked each of the stall, gritting and feeling more frustrated when he see no one.

 

_ Where is he? _ , he thought as he ran through each room, checking them and asking some people he passed by if they’ve seen someone the likes of Donghyuck.  _ Don’t tell me he got lost? Or did he went home already? _

 

He stopped by in front of the large window, the lightning flashing before his eyes and the thunder following after. The sound resonated around the hallway again, this time, its effect shaking the entire hall. The light flashed before his eyes, the sound strangely falling into deaf ears. Instead, Johnny’s words echoed inside his head. Louder and clearer.

 

_ He’s been suffering a lot. _

 

Mark gulped as he stared at the figure hiding behind the curtain, desperately holding the piece of fabric between his hands which were pressed against his ears as if trying to block the noise. He watched in utter dumbness, stuck between confused and worried. 

 

_ He’s so strong, yet he’s doing it alone. It must’ve felt lonely. _

 

It was Donghyuck.

 

Covered with the curtains wrapped around him, his face digging into his knees. He was trembling wildly, and even with the thunder rattling the whole place, Mark can perfectly hear the sobs coming out of the smaller’s wobbling lips. 

 

_..yet he’s doing it alone. _

 

Mark slowly made his way to him, heart void of emotions other than  _ pain _ . It aches, it hurts, yet it felt good too. To be reminded that Donghyuck is human. That he has his own flaw and weakness. The thunder continued to roll and so does Donghyuck’s shaking, his whimpers echoing on the empty hallway.

 

_ I can’t imagine him going through pain again _

 

Mark felt like crying, watching as Donghyuck clenched his eyes harder, trying to block the vision of lightning.  _ It’s absurd _ , Mark thought as he kneel in front of the other,  _ that he would rather choose darkness than this _ , as the lightning flashed once again, more brighter and the sounds louder.  _ That he’d choose darkness instead of facing the reality. _

 

_ Just make sure he’s okay. _

 

‘Haechan’ He whispers, but the words aren’t heard, so he tried again. ‘Sunshine’. The shaking doesn’t stop, nor the whimpers and frightened sobs running out of the other’s lips. 

 

Mark reached for his hair, running fingers through it. ‘Donghyuck’

 

Donghyuck raised his head from where it’s buried, eyes red and scared. His face is pale, mouth wobbling and breathe coming out in a staccato way. Mark smiled at him, feeling relieved. There is a storm causing fear outside, but another storm was rolling inside Mark’s chest. One that was started by Donghyuck without knowig it. He gently rubbed Donghyuck’s small head, smiling softly. ‘I’m here’

 

Donghyuck continued to stare at him, as if he’s still lost in his own frightened state. 

 

‘I’m here,’ Mark repeats slowly, ‘It’s going to be okay.’

 

The thunder cracks, the loudest of it, as Mark’s eyes widen in shock the moment Donghyuck dive into him, shaking and sobbing still. 

 

_ …make sure he’s okay _

 

Mark slowly slid his hands around the other, cradling him as he continue to cry. Donghyuck gripped his clothes, not wanting to let go. Mark only held him tight, his hug assuring that he won’t go anywhere. Donghyuck doesn’t stop crying, instead, he just sobbed louder, as if releasing his pent up emotions.  _ He must’ve been scared to death _ , Mark thought, still rubbing his back. 

 

Now, sitting in the ground with Donghyuck buried in his firm hold is something Mark haven’t thought would happen. He never knew that storms, specifically thunder would be one of Donghyuck’s fear. And judging by his intense shaking, it must be a pretty bad experience for him to react like this. He continued to rub his back, moving to his hair as well to sooth his shuddering. He finds it adorable still, that Donghyuck looks adorable even when scared.

 

Yet, he cannot even think of how worse and painful it was for Donghyuck to be like this. Someone strong, confident and brave turning into a shuddering mess. It leaves a painful sting in Mark’s heart. It hurts. And it’s more painful to know that he cannot do anything about it. That he cannot find a solution for that crying to stop.

 

As the thunder roll, Mark can’t find it amusing anymore with how fear wrecks Donghyuck’s body in painful sobs and scared cries. 

 

‘Donghyuck’

 

The other doesn’t move, so Mark took it in his own hands to deal with the situation. ‘Donghyuck’ he repeats, voice louder as he held the other’s chin between his own hands. 

 

His breathe almost run out of his lungs upon seeing the other’s reaction.

 

Fear, sadness and utter desperation lies behind his eyes. It’s wide and pleading.  _ Fuck _ . Mark thought, his own eyes widening at the expression. 

 

Never ever have he felt the need to help others, more so to comfort. Never ever have he thought of other people’s emotional state. And never ever have he ever seen  _ fear _ written in someone’s face in such precise and accurate way. Not until Donghyuck. 

 

It screams  _ help _ .

 

And Mark did the only thing his mind supplies to stop the shaking, to erase the fear, to calm the storm inside his chest upon seeing the other’s frightened face. 

 

_ …make sure he’s okay.. _

 

_ ...make sure.. _

 

_...he’s okay.. _

 

_...okay.. _

 

_ Protect _ , Mark thought, as he tugged the other closer,  _ must protect _ .

 

As he leaned and captured Donghyuck’s lips with his.

 

Mark kissed Donghyuck.

 

And the storm inside his chest completely fades away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think of thid chapter. Constructive criticism are always welcome but keep it kind because I'm a potato and I'm easily hurt! (/ω＼)
> 
> If you haven't clicked kudos yet— THEN CLICK IT NOW KKKKKKK
> 
> See you soon VV's!
> 
> Xoxo. Lovelots. ♡
> 
>  **PS.**. I am reading your comments, I just don't have time to reply to them! Last chapter comments were full of love and long reactions, it made my heart flutter to the clouds! I'm loving your reactions so much. I hope you're enjoying this as much as I do too. ♥
> 
> Babye~


	10. there is a special place inside my heart that you have yet to see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck's life is changing right infront of his own eyes. He doesn'g knlw what to do. **Hold on or Let go**
> 
> You decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone get's bold with their actions.

Suddenly, as if it’s magic, the storm causing trouble inside Mark’s chest ceased, turned into a peaceful moving of beats. 

 

It scares him. It scares Mark. How impactful Donghyuck is, even if he do nothing but lay limp against the taller one. 

 

Mark was the first to break apart, his mind running with endless thoughts. He can’t help but be scared, knowing what he did was wrong.  _ Fuck _ , he curses, orbs completely wide and fearful. Oh how the tables turned. Earlier, it was Donghyuck who was shaking from fear and anxiety, but now, it’s Mark who couldn’t even look at the smaller. Still, Donghyuck hasn’t move an inch, eyes closed tight with his hands gripping Mark’s clothes tightly.  _ Did I scare him? _ , Mark internally cries, feeling anxious.  _ Did I made it worse? _

 

‘D-Donghyuck?’ He calls nervously. 

 

He watches as the other slowly open his eyes, second by second with his heart beating more wilder. Donghyuck’s cheeks aren’t as pale as before, and they held a beautiful shade of pink the same color as his lips. He watches in complete amazement as Donghyuck flutter his eyelashes, eyes shining and twinkling like stars. Then, slowly, a beautiful smile carved its way on his lips. It stretches into a beam, one that shows his complete set of teeth. He doesn’t look scared. Infact, the fear is gone and was replaced by delight. With adoration. ‘Mark’ He retorts, albeit shyly. Mark stared at him, cannot believe that he’s holding something so precious, someone so vulnerable yet valuable that no money can compare. 

 

Donghyuck doesn’t reply and instead leaned forward, eyes closed. Mark threw all his worries out of the window and leaned, closing the gap between them. This time, Mark held his face, steadying him while they breathe against each other. The storm continued to roll outside but nothing seems to disturb the couple sitting on the floor, still lost in their own world. One particular thunder boosted though, causing Donghyuck to flinch in shock. When they pulled apart, their lips are red and sore, cheeks burning with the same embarrassment. ‘Y-you alright?’ Mark asked, still gasping for air.

 

Unlike him, Donghyuck seems to be drained and unable to focus, dazed from the action they have done. He nods slightly, tired eyes blinking sleepily. Still, his tight clutch on Mark’s clothe doesn’t loosen. 

 

‘The others are probably waiting for us,’ Mark says, looping an arm around his waist so that he can pull him to stand. Donghyuck sags into him, leaning fully. He raised his head to stare at him, cheeks still burning bright at what they did. It seems like it’s finally dawning onto him what they did, and it’s causing great embarrassment to him. He hid his head shyly on Mark’s chest, making the other cackle. ‘Hey, don’t get shy on me.’ The taller teases.

 

‘We kissed.’ Donghyuck says, sounding panicked all of a sudden. 

 

‘That, we did.’ Mark chuckles, though his cheeks redden once again upon remembering the bold act. Donghyuck whines at his confirmation, flushing hotter and redder. Mark can’t help but kiss his cheeks, and without further ado, he did as he leaned down to plant a soft kiss between the smaller’s eyebrows. Donghyuck shrieked, flailing his arms around and whacking Mark’s cheek on the process. Mark caught his hand, wincing in pain. ‘That hurts,’

 

‘And you’re a jerk!’ Donghyuck says back haughtily, still caught in shame. Mark had the decency to smirk, booping his nose. ‘Couples kiss you know’

 

‘We’re a  _ fake _ couple!’

 

Mark frowned at the reminder, feeling mad in some ways. Hearing the word ‘fake’ give his heart an angry pinch and it stings. ‘We will talk about this when we go back to the hotel.’ He states, making sure that Donghyuck understood what he meant. He knows what they did was out of the rules and that there’ll probably be some changes. He also knows that with what they did, they will be more awkward and anxious of their own actions. Still, Mark can’t help but feel light and delighted that their connection got stronger. Be it physical, mental or emotional. Donghyuck doesn’t look that bothered too so it’s good. 

 

‘I can’t believe we’re doing this’ Donghyuck grumbles, nuzzling his cheeks against Mark’s broad chest.

 

Mark can’t help but smile. ‘Yeah’ and drops a featherlight kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead, ‘But  _ we _ are doing this together.’

 

Donghyuck raised his head at that, a smile resting on his lips. Genuine and pure, and Mark’s heart just hurt from how insane that smile brought such happiness in his life within a small span of time. Staring at Donghyuck’s eyes feels like staring at the evening sky, full of twinkling stars that shine so bright even in the darkest days. Mark have always found the night sky beautiful, and that the comforts it brings is unexplainable. That’s what it feels to stare at the universe Donghyuck holds. ‘You’re staring,’ Donghyuck whispers, his eyes squinting accusingly but the redness of his cheeks contradict his words. Mark found himself leaning closer, smiling, ‘I am’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, pushing closer so that they can share a short peck. Mark can’t help but giggle, the feeling of joy coursing through his veins. 

 

‘We should head back’ Donghyuck whispers, giggling as well. They held each other’s pinky, Mark beaming at him. ‘Let’s go.’

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


‘Where the hell were you two?!’ Doyoung screeches, pulling Donghyuck into a hug and smothering him with kisses, Taeyong and Taeil standing behind him and waiting for their turn. Mark rubbed his neck, out of words. Judging by the concerned and worried expression they’re wearing, they must’ve been waiting for them to return. Donghyuck looked happy smooched between a nagging Doyoung and a noisy Taeyong. ‘Sorry hyungs. We got lost. It was very dark outside.’ Mark says after a minute, after he had watched Donghyuck enough.

 

Johnny nods, sighing in relief. ‘We were so scared. Darkness isn’t something you can play with.’

 

‘That’s right.’ Kun agrees, comforting Renjun who had his eyes closed. Jeno stood beside him but not too close, looking lost with his eyes wandering around. Mark reminded himself to ask if there’s a something wrong. ‘Our chauffeur cannot come and the storm seems to be worsening as time pass by.’ Kun states, lifting his phone. It looks like he has been notified about the news via phone. ‘Sicheng and I talked if there’s available rooms where we can take our rest. But there’s only two rooms free and the beds aren’t as many.’

 

Johnny nods, patting Kun’s shoulder. ‘Kun’s right. That means we will have to fit each other in the given beds.’

 

‘That’s alright.’ Mark says, casting Donghyuck a look. The smaller flashed him a shy smile making the other’s heart flutter. He quickly turned away. hoping no one noticed their weird behaviour. Well it’s not strange for couples to act sweet, but it’s different with Mark and Donghyuck. Looks like their  _ talk _ will have to wait until tomorrow. ‘If everyone’s okay with it, let’s head to the rooms already. Please pull out your flashlights and stick with each other. We don’t want anyone getting lost.’ Johnny said and sent Mark a teasing look. Mark groans as he tried to hide his embarrassed face. 

 

They all walked out of the event hall, following Sicheng and Yuta’s lead. 

 

Mark watched Donghyuck from behind, a smile hidden behind his palm. Everytime he looked at the other, he can’t help but feel warm. 

 

‘Mark’ Renjun greets, walking beside him. Mark also noticed that Jeno isn’t beside Renjun, instead, he was beside Johnny and Jaehyun. ‘Hey Renjun, how are you?’ He asked, ruffling his hair. Renjun smiled back at him but it looked fake. He looked like he’s also hiding a problem. Mark can’t help but be worried, ‘What’s wrong? What’s with the long face?’ He asked, tugging him closer by an arm around his neck. Renjun looked back, eyes searching for Jeno who looked away the moment their eyes met. Mark saw it. And he saw how Renjun obviously deflated. ‘Jeno.. Jeno’s been distant lately.’

 

Mark nods, agreeing with him. ‘He does seem lost.’

 

‘You noticed too?’ Renjun’s face is pulled into a cute frown, his wide beguiling eyes looking more sadder as time ticks by. ‘What should we do Mark? I don’t want Jeno to be sad.’ 

 

‘We’ll go ask him what’s wrong tomorrow morning.’ Mark consoles, squishing his cheeks. Renjun smiled at him, always trusting. ‘I know I could count on your Mark.’ Mark rubs his cheeks affectionately, remembering the Renjun before. Compared to this current time, he was a very different person. When the accident happened, only Mark was present since Jeno was out of the country. He was informed about Renjun’s accident on their vacation area where they visited his parent’s company. And then the accident happened. The memory is still fresh in his mind. The way Renjun cried. The way he held onto his parent’s hand. The way he blamed himself for the happenings. Mark can’t help but swallow in pity, not wanting Renjun to experience the same sadness he had been through.

 

He only snap out from his thoughts when he felt lips pressing into his cheeks. It was Renjun. ‘Thank you Mark.’ 

 

Mark smiled back, squeezing his cheeks playfully. He doesn’t see Jeno looking away while clenching his fist.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


‘So, we’re going to do it like this.’ Johnny states, looking around the room. Unfortunately, all deluxe rooms are already occupied, which only leaves two small room with two beds each. They’re lucky that they have an average size couch. ‘Couples, I guess you can share beds. Singles, take the couch. Who’s going to take the bed?’

 

‘Jaehyun, Doyoung, use the bed beside the door and if you can, please also take Jisung with you. Me and Ten will share with Chenle. Then Sicheng and Yuta, Renjun will join you. Mark and Donghyuck, please share with Jeno too. As for Taeyong, Kun and Taeil, is the couch okay?’ 

 

‘I’ll take the floor.’ Taeil says, sending a wink at Taeyong who flushed at the action. Kun sighed in relief, ‘That’s good. Because my back hurts.’ He moves to the said couch, plopping on it. ‘So, let’s sleep. I already contacted our chauffeurs. Let’s have breakfast on a restaurant tomorrow morning.’

 

‘What’ll we do without you Kun?’ Ten fake cries, cradling the other tightly. Johnny laughs along with the members. Soon enough, everyone was sleepy after a long day. The storm still continued to rage on outside which made the whole place cold. Mark watch as Chenle snuggles sleepily against Johnny’s chest, yawning like baby kitten. He also heard Doyoung whining sleepily about being cradled like a baby in between tall towers named Jaehyun and Jisung. Renjun was already knocked out of exhaustion, lying comfortably beside Sicheng. 

 

‘Should I be in the middle or not?’ Donghyuck asked in between yawns, struggling to stay awake. Jeno was already on his place, his back turned towards them. Mark blinked, completely against the idea. If Donghyuck’s to lay between, that means he’ll be beside Jeno as well. No. That’s not right. Donghyuck is Mark’s boyfriend alone. ‘I’ll lay in the center.’ and he moved to the spot, patting the space beside him with a smile. ‘Let’s sleep now.’

 

Donghyuck obediently follows, sidling beside him quietly. He blink his tired eyes at Mark who was smiling down at him. He pouts, shivering. ‘It’s cold.’

 

Mark giggles, nodding. ‘Yes because of the rain.’

 

Donghyuck pouts more. He wriggles closer, giving his best puppy eyes. ‘Do something about it.’

 

Mark can’t help but snort, pulling the blankets higher. It’s good that Jeno’s not sharing the blanket with them and that he have his own because the blanket is too small for three people to fit in. Mark lift his hands and Donghyuck hurriedly inched closer, pressing himself against Mark’s chest. He feels warm instantly and Mark’s arms around his lithe body is very comfortable in a cold weather. ‘You feeling warm now?’ Mark mused, nuzzling their foreheads together.  _ Bold of you to do that Marcus _ , Donghyuck thought with a giggle, closing his eyes now that he’s finally ready to sleep.

 

There’s a light kiss pressed onto his forehead, then Mark whispering. ‘Goodnight sunshine’

 

Donghyuck would’ve rolled his eyes if his eyes are open. He hummed instead, nudging his head under Mark’s chin. ‘Goodnight loser.’

 

Then, through his hazy mind state, he heard it, soft and low, scared yet loving. Anxious yet sincere. ‘dream of me bub,’ 

 

Donghyuck slept the best that night.

  
  


_ ‘Mama! Where is mama!’ Little Donghyuck shouted, peeking in every side of their small house. It was sunny outside and his father is busy showering their sunflowers outside. His mama and papa used to say that he is a sunflower as well, always following the light, basking under the attention and warmth. Donghyuck likes to believe them, because he trust his parents more than anything. ‘Papa, where is mama?’ He whines, stomping his foot childishly. His father turned off the hose, grinning, ‘Maybe try looking at that bush’ as he points to one big bush. _

 

_ Donghyuck run to said bush, jumping on it with excitement. ‘Mama!’ _

 

_ Another head popped out of the bush, cackling with a very angelic voice. ‘Omo! My baby found me!’ _

 

_ ‘Mama is lose’ Donghyuck stick his tongue out, running to where his papa. His mother playfully scowls, scooping him up. ‘You little brat.’ and peppered him with kisses which left Donghyuck cackling. They stood beside his father, watching as the sunflowers bloom and beam at the warmth from the sun. ‘Duckie, mama and papa have a surprise for you!’ _

 

_ Donghyuck tilt his head, ‘S’prise?’ _

 

_ ‘You’re going to have a friend, duckie.’ His father beams, ‘They’re coming here to Jeju.’ _

 

_ Donghyuck is not sure if he wants a friend or not, he have many friends in school, but looking at his parent’s face, smile wider and brighter than any stars combine, he found it difficult to say no. ‘Okay’ He beams, and like a sunflower, he basked under the warmth and love that his parents gave him. _

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


It’s Thursday. And every plan were moved because of what happened last night. Since they cannot start the outing looking tired, Jaehyun and Doyoung decided to move the swimming party on Saturday so that they can rest for Kun’s event on Friday. Donghyuck woke up with a shake on his shoulders. He swat at the hands away, grumbling. No one should wake someone up this early. ‘Hey sunshine,’ The voice calls, ‘it’s time to wake up.’

 

‘Five minutes more,’ Donghyuck slurred, dragging the hands closer. The body slammed beside him with an oof then followed by cooes which was very noisy. 

 

‘Haechan’s so adorable when he’s asleep!’ 

 

‘Don’t shout Doyoung, you might wake him up!’

 

‘So you’re telling me you’re not loud Taeyong!’

 

Donghyuck clenched his eyes tight, burying his face on the bed more.  _ It’s so noisy _ , he thought as he try to open his eyes, groaning upon the blinding sight of Taeyong and Doyoung already dressed in their new clothes. Where they got the clothes? No idea. ‘Look! You woke him up dumbass!’ Taeyong pinched Doyoung’s cheeks. Doyoung slapped his hands away, ‘I did not! He woke up because of your loud voice!’

 

‘Hyungs, ugh, leave Haechan to me. I’ll get him dressed up.’ Mark interrupts their squabble. Said person blinks at them, yawning sleepily. ‘Ugh, hyung?’

 

‘Okay. 20 minutes before breakfast.’ Taeyong reminds them, Doyoung and him nudging each other on their way out to the lobby. 

 

‘What.. what did I miss?’ Donghyuck yawns again, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. His hair is a messy nest, and he had saliva stuck on the corner of his mouth. Still, Mark can’t help but feel warm at the view. ‘Our chauffeurs bought change for clothes before we head out for breakfast. So wake up and get change.’

 

Donghyuck yawns again, curling to himself. ‘Y-yeah.. I can do.. that..’ and he promptly fall on the bed again. Mark rolled his eyes, picking him by his shoulder and waist, causing the smaller to shriek in surprise. ‘Put me down Marcus!’

 

‘Who the hell are you calling Marcus?!’ Mark groans, teasing the other by swaying side by side. ‘I swear you’re cheating on me’

 

‘Ugh, you absolute asshole.’ Donghyuck wails, thumping his hands against Mark’s back. ‘Put me down now or else you’ll see the end of this.’

 

‘The end of what?’ Mark replies cockily, obviously enjoying Donghyuck’s pain.

 

‘The end of us!’

 

Mark never moved so fast in his life. He practically threw Donghyuck on the bed just so he can let go of the other. Donghyuck cursed at him, having his head bumped in the bedpost. ‘You fucker,’ He grits, his eyes shining with tears from the pain. Mark whines at him, rubbing the sore spot to soothe the upcoming bump. ‘Sorry. It’s your fault. You scared me!’ He pouts, leaning closer to inspect it. ‘It hurts you loser.’ Donghyuck grits again, closing his eyes from the pain. Mark lowered his head, pressing his lips against the spot. Donghyuck instantly shut up, along with his breath. Mark peppered his face with kisses, landing a quick one on his lips. Donghyuck cracked his eyes open at that, looking unamused. ‘You’re getting bold Marcus.’

 

Mark just cheekily smiled at him.

 

‘We still have to talk.’ Donghyuck adds, but leans to plant a kiss on the corner of his lips.

 

A cough break them apart, Jaehyun standing in the doorway looking bothered by the display of affection. ‘Breakfast in 15 minutes.’ He reminds them, walking away after. Mark and Donghyuck blinked in unison before bursting into loud giggles.

 

After getting dressed, the two of them walked down the lobby where the others are waiting. Mark have been excited to spend his rest day with Donghyuck and talk about the changes in their dynamics but it looks like destiny has other plans for them. ‘I have to go home after breakfast.’ Donghyuck says, waving his phone. ‘I have to pay the landlord for the rent this month.’

 

Mark scowls, ‘Can’t we just pay him through bank account?’

 

‘I don’t have a bank account Mark.’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes. ‘And I have to inform my boss about my absence as well.’

 

‘Don’t worry about that.’ Mark tells him with a smile, lifting his phone as well. ‘We communicate, just so he know where his best employee is.’

 

‘I can’t believe you.’ Donghyuck sighs but his lips curled into a soft smile, lazy and tantalizing. He inched closer and nuzzled his head under Mark’s chin. The action is too bold for someone who do not date in real life. Mark even heard Jeno cough out his lungs and saw Renjun staring at them like they grew coloured beards right there and then. The others however, looked unbothered. Only Jaehyun reacted with a scrunch of his nose, looking away. 

 

‘Breakfast.’ Kun yells, heading out to where their services are. Since Mark and Jeno aren’t bringing their cars, the rest of them were considerate to move and give some space. They head to a small restaurant near the venue and ordered different foods. Donghyuck’s getting a little used to the fancy foods and expensive drinks they’re showering him, since it’s Mark who’s paying anyway. ‘Pancake with strawberry jam please’ Donghyuck flutters his eyelashes, smiling childishly at Mark. The other found that he cannot say no to that face. ‘Fine, but eat rice after.’ Mark commands.

 

‘It’s good that the storm already stopped.’ Johnny says, munching on his pork cutlet. ‘But storms in Korea are nothing compared to America’s.’

 

Jaehyun agrees, ‘Storms in America feels like End of the World. You can feel the house moving.’

 

The topic obviously piqued Donghyuck’s interest as he listen more intently at the conversation. _ It must be good living abroad, _ he thought with a smile. He have never been out of the country and he guesses he won’t ever be with how his life is turning. He’s going to live a good life filled with happiness on his own and that’s okay. Donghyuck has always been the simple time to find happiness in every strange places. He glanced at Mark who was discussing something with Taeil. Looking around the table, surrounded by good food and good people.  _ This is only going to be one time _ , he looked down upon realizing that the time of their contract is slowly coming to an end.  _ Atleast I have experienced it, even once _ , he smiled with a sigh, carving each of their faces into his mind,  _ atleast I got to be with all of you even for a short time. _

 

If anyone were to ask Donghyuck if he’s sad, he would’ve replied  _ No _ . Sad is a word for something deep, a definition for an emotion people thought is devastating to feel. But being sad for Donghyuck is the ability to know that he has flaws, that he isn’t perfect and that he needs help to live a good life. If Donghyuck never felt sad even for once, he would’ve never know the reality of the world and that life is unfair. If he never felt sad, he would’ve never know how he change his sadness into happiness. So, being sad is fine. Because based from his experience, this sadness will not last. It will only be there for a short time to test you, to make you feel that it’s okay to be down sometimes.

 

‘Sunshine?’

 

Donghyuck looked up from where is staring, lips pulled into an ‘o’. Mark looked worried, an ugly furrow designing his eyebrows. ‘I lost you for a moment.’

 

‘I spaced out, sorry’

 

Mark leaned to kiss his cheekbones, letting it linger for a moment before he pulled away. His orbs are shaking from the extreme confusion he felt upon seeing Donghyuck lost. Like he’s been overthinking again. ‘Just tell me if there’s something wrong.’

 

Donghyuck held his hand, tight and secure, like he would fade. Like he’ll wake up from this dream. ‘I will’

 

Johnny was kind enough to drive Donghyuck back home with his service, which was met with great reluctance from Mark who insist he drive Donghyuck. Johnny teasingly reminded him that he have no car to do that.

 

Donghyuck was staring outside as they drive to his address. Johnny, however, was staring at him instead. ‘Are you feeling alright Haechan?’ He asked, passing a plastic of candy. Donghyuck gave back a warm smile, nodding. ‘I am. Thank you for the worry Johnny hyung.’

 

‘Oh, don’t worry about that. Everyone connected to our friends especially to Mark is family.’ Johnny laughs, but the tense aura doesn’t disperse. Donghyuck doesn’t look really happy and it shows that he’s just trying to look okay. What’s bothering him? ‘Are you going through some rough times Haechan?’ He inquires.

 

Donghyuck’s breathe halt, the plastic of candies crippling in his hold. ‘I’m alright hyung’

 

‘You don’t look good to me’

 

Donghyuck turned to him, feeling anxious for nothing. He knows Mark and him will talk about the incident yesterday. It’s not about Mark though. It’s about this group. Yes, Mark and him will remain friends even after the contract, but what about them? Will they accept him still even if they have broken up? Will he still be part of the group? What if they knew of the fake relationship? Thousand questions scared Donghyuck. He only realized that he don’t want to miss this. He doesn’t want to let go of what he have acquired. He wants to be selfish, but it is not in his nature to be so. Now, the only thing he can do is  _ hope _ for this friendship to never fade. 

 

‘Come here.’ Johnny instructs, opening his arms wide. Donghyuck, for a second, saw his father smiling at him. He jumped into the embrace, crying his hearts out. He hates being sad. Hates being vulnerable and fragile infront of others. Oh how he wishes he could’ve live a normal life. How he wishes that there is someone who will guide him. That his parents is here to lead him the way. ‘It’s okay, I’m here.’  _ Papa is here Donghyuck, don’t cry. _

 

‘P-papa’ Donghyuck sobs, hiccuping through coughs. Johnny stilled, listening to his cries.  _ Papa _ ? Johnny have heard from Doyoung and Taeyong what he have been through, but he never thought it was this bad. He never thought he’s still a kid with how confident he acts.  _ He must have missed his parents _ , he thought with a loving smile, rubbing Donghyuck’s back who continued to cry loudly.  _ You came a long way Haechan _ , he cradles the other tighter, kissing his hair affectionately like he’s his own son.  _ I’m so proud of you _ . 

 

These tears are for those he loved dearly. For those he cherished and remembered through his dark and bright times. For his family.

 

‘I-I’m sorry,’ Donghyuck sniffs, rubbing his nose disgustingly. He looked wrecked and if Mark’s to see him like this, he will probably fight Johnny. 

 

Johnny shook his head, wiping the tears away with a gentle smile. Donghyuck’s faintly reminded of his late father. ‘We’re always here for you Haechan-ah.’ and he gave the smaller a quick hug, ‘We will always be here for you.’

 

_ I hope _ , Donghyuck sniffs as his mind cries, _ I hope that you will all stay. _

 

He walked out of the car, bowing to Johnny before running inside his apartment. Johnny watched him from his seat, sighing. He dials a number, voice strained, ‘Hey Jaehyun. Yes, please tell Mr. Kwon about the profile we need.’ and he looks at the apartment, old and dirty. ‘Yes, the name is  _ Lee Donghyuck _ .’

 


	11. i see the universe in your eyes, and i taste the galaxy on your lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Donghyuck is lost on his own dream, deciding whether he should wake up or not.**
> 
> You decide for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey VV's!
> 
> I am back! I did my best to update as fast as I can because I am feeling happy with all of your frustrations everyone! We're finally going to the good part, so everyone, **GET YOUR TISSUES READY!**
> 
> What do you think will happen on this one?
> 
> Enjoy reading! <3

 

 

Johnny and Jaehyun share a look over the papers Mr. Kwon have passed over to them. Mr. Kwon is an old man who worked for them since they were born. He’s both of their father’s trusted man and he can get every information with just a blink of an eye. ‘What do you need this for, Mr. Seo and Mr. Jung?’ He asked, slowly sitting down on his chair. Jaehyun helped him set up his pillows to accommodate his aching back. ‘Grandpa, it’s been awhile. Sorry that we have to ask you this favor.’ Johnny apologizes, passing a bouquet of roses to the maid to be put in the nearby vase. Said old man cackles with a shake of his head, ‘That’s nothing. If it’s for my grandsons.’ He cast the two handsome man a smile, ‘So, why do you need that profile?’

 

‘Recently, Mark has been dating someone we barely knew.’ Johnny voiced out. It’s not that they’re suspicious of what Haechan can do. It’s just that Mark has been very secretive of information regarding his partner. Jaehyun nodded, ‘Mark has been acting strange as well. It’s hard to see through their relationship if they’re hiding something or not.’

 

‘Are you perhaps thinking Mr. Lee is dating a criminal?’

 

Jaehyun and Johnny both erupted into laughs, Mr. Kwon joining in as well with his joke. Johnny wiped some unwanted tears from his eyes, shaking his head. ‘Not at all Grandpa.’

 

‘We just think Haechan’s a little.. closed off.’ Jaehyun adds. ‘And that we kept hearing from our friends of what he has been through.’

 

Mr. Kwon nodded slowly while rubbing his chin. ‘I am glad that you are concerned for your friend, Mr. Mark Lee. But I think you should be more aware that the profile you’re holding, Mr. Lee Donghyuck, is a bigger concern.’ The maids walked in with teas and snacks, putting them on the table. ‘I’ve reviewed his information and found something interesting. And a bit.. terrifying.’

 

Jaehyun and Johnny looked at the envelope containing said information. They have always been suspicious of Haechan. Not because he became Mark’s boyfriend, but because of the story he hold. It doesn’t help that Doyoung and Taeyong treats him like an actual baby. The truth is, they did it because they’re flooded with guilt. The both of them knows how stupid they were when they first met Haechan, acting suspicious and scary with their eyes following every movement of said individual. It was cautiousness at first, but it became worry and ultimate fear of losing him because they barely know anything about him. It is real that everyone who came to the group is called family, but those who left only spread bad news and fake rumors about them. Thus the cautiousness.

 

‘All I can say is that kid..’ Mr. Kwon yawns, ‘is one hell of a fighter.’

 

Johnny hopes the word fighter isn’t a bad thing.

 

After leaving their old man to rest, they head to the closest cafe to take a break. Johnny had informed Ten and Doyoung that they will be dealing with some serious matters for the meantime, which means, Johnny and Jaehyun have unlimited time to talk about Haechan.

 

It was Jaehyun who opened the envelope, because Johnny’s a scaredy cat and his hands are already shaking from what they are suppose to read. He know he is overreacting. It’s impossible for Haechan to do such crimes to feel scared of him. No. It must be because of what he had been through that Mr. Kwon said those words.  _ Fighter huh _ , Johnny bit his lips,  _ what kind of fighter is he talking about.  _

 

Jaehyun cleared his throat as he prepare to read what the profile consist.

 

‘Lee Donghyuck, born on the sixth of June and was born on Jeju. He’s an only child.’ Jaehyun starts, scanning over the important details. ‘11 years ago from now, his parents got in a car accident where it took both of the parties who were present in the accident. They were announced dead, and so Donghyuck was moved into a Adoption Center named Bright Kids. There he stayed until he is able to move to Seoul to study. Until now, no one from his relatives stepped out to take responsibility of him. Donghyuck was not able to get even a penny from his parent’s bank due to his relatives and age.’

 

Johnny’s lips would’ve been bleeding if he hasn’t stop biting on it. ‘He.. he lost his parents on a car accident right? Is there any name of who were the involved parties?’

 

Jaehyun scanned the page, turning it to the next page. His eyes widen in horror, as his hands tremble from the words he just read. ‘Fuck, Johnny..’ he stammers, ‘It’s… It’s the CEO of Huang Mobiles.’

 

‘Huang mobiles? Isn’t that..’ Johnny’s eyes widen, the face of the boy resurfacing in their minds. Huang Renjun. 

 

‘It’s Renjun.’ Jaehyun whispers, turning the pages aggressively. ‘Renjun’s parents also died from the accident the same time Donghyuck’s parents died. And Huang owned the Huang Mobile Branch in Jeju’

 

They remained silent, mind lost in panic. They know what Renjun have been through. After they met Mark, they were introduced to his two best friends Jeno and Renjun whom they loved dearly as well. Through their times, they got to see Renjun self-destruct out of guilt. Whenever something reminds him of the accident, he’ll succumb into a state of hysteria. Johnny and Jaehyun saw how Mark and Jeno valued Renjun the most. They coddled him like a baby and made sure that everything was alright for him. They have seen how crazy Renjun was while going through his illness and never recovering from it. And the both of them hated how they cannot be of help.

 

It’s funny, that the world is so small. That everything is connected by a thin string of fate called destiny. Suddenly, it feels like all of their energy is gone. Jaehyun took a shaky sip from his coffee, feeling frustrated. ‘All this time, I thought it was just a minimal incident.’ He murmurs, low and guilty, ‘All this time I thought they were just overreacting. I can’t even fathom how the hell did Haechan survived all that shit.’

 

Johnny nods solemnly, ‘I cannot even wonder now that we know.’ He sighs, feel tears prick the corner of his eyes from the intense pity he feel for the two. ‘I don’t know how on earth did he walked through that pain  _ alone _ .’ While Renjun self-destructs while being surrounded by people he loved the most. If he’s that depressed, then how was it for Haechan who went through all of it without anyone beside him. 

 

‘Grandpa was right.’ Jaehyun chuckles sadly, ‘He really is a fighter.’

 

Johnny lowered his head, before bursting out into tears. He’s always been a crier, always the first to break down into ugly sobs. But he can’t help it. He can’t help that Haechan still shines like the sun even if his world is all dark and covered with nothing but the harsh reality. Life has always been easy for him and the rest. Johnny and Jaehyun are on their Post-Grad education while the rest finished their ambitions. All of them came from good family that supported every penny of their dreams and goals. Yet they have the right to complain. While Haechan.. Haechan just smile and work and remained kind to everyone around him. Johnny wishes that he can do something about the pain. That he can help the other in anyways he could.

 

_ Destiny is a very weird thing _ , he sniffs. It lets you meet people who are broken beyond repair just to patch you back again. 

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


‘Jeno!’ Mark calls the moment he see Jeno walked out of the car. Renjun was fast asleep and Mark knows they are supposed to handle the conversation together, but with Renjun being this unstable, he thought of doing it alone. The conversation may cause him more stress and reduce him into a state of panic. And that’s the last thing Mark wanted to do. Jeno stopped to turn to him, frowning. ‘What’s wrong Mark?’ He sound tired, no. He sound exhausted. And not just physically, with the way his voice strains and his face contort into a frown like it’s used to do it concerns Mark even more. ‘Renjun and I noticed that you’ve been off lately. If there’s something going on please tell us. You know worry is a big factor of Renjun relapsing.’

 

Jeno’s eyes shine upon hearing Renjun’s concern but it fades into a frown once again. Under the frown, Mark can see the underlying fear and confusion. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just.. Overthinking.’

 

Mark laid a hand on his shoulder, ‘Man, it must be that serious if you aren’t by Renjun’s side like you always do.’

 

Jeno glared at him, swatting at his hands. ‘Then how about you? Why weren’t you at Renjun’s side? You know how he treasures you the most.’

 

Mark’s eyes widen in surprise at his actions, moreover from the words that run out of his mouth. He looked at Jeno, really looked, and he seem lost. Scared. What scared Mark more is that.. Jeno doesn’t look like himself. He looked different. Like he isn’t Jeno himself. ‘Hey, I’m sorry..’ He apologizes, holding him by his shoulders once again, ‘But I just thought that the hyungs will get suspicious if I don’t touchy with Haechan.’

 

‘Donghyuck,’ Jeno says back, ‘You’re enjoying this joke too much.’

 

Mark frowns at that, ‘What do you mean joke? Let me remind you that you were the one who insisted we go with this plan.’

 

Jeno looked at him, his piercing gaze staring straight at Mark’s soul, ‘Yes I know. But I didn’t say to decrease time with your friends.’

 

Mark’s frown melts. Now he gets it. With the way Jeno looked, looking tired and concerned, he must’ve thought that they were forgotten. Mark feels like shit. He forgot that, he was right. He enjoyed his time with Donghyuck so much that he forgot about Jeno and Renjun. Especially Renjun who he protected since they were young. ‘I’m sorry’

 

Jeno sighs, ‘Renjun’s been feeling more sentimental. He ask me everyday if you’ve forgotten about us or not.’

 

‘I can never-’

 

‘But Renjun will never believe unless you say it yourself.’ Jeno cuts off, his eyes tearing up. Mark thought it was because of their friendship, but deep inside. Jeno’s tears is for the idiocy that he is doing. Everyday, he argues with himself that it is the right time to catch Renjun’s attention, but doing it with such selfish intent only made him vomit. He knows that by the end of the day, Renjun would still be looking for Mark even if he’s with someone else.  _ It’s foolish of me to think that he’ll look at me the same way _ , Jeno cackles as he recalls the stars dancing inside Renjun’s eyes whenever Mark’s in sight. ‘I’m sorry that you felt that way.’ Mark apologizes again, ‘I’m going to say sorry to Renjun too. And then.. and then spend some time with you.’

 

Jeno smiled back, but it’s still not the one he uses. What’s really bothering him is not that, but about Renjun’s health report. He have been thinking how he will tell the other about it, how he will depart from them the moment Renjun ask for Mark. Telling Mark about Renjun’s updated health status will only result to two things. Two things that will not revolve around Jeno anymore.  _ First _ , Mark will probably be worried and stay with Renjun, and  _ Second _ , Jeno will no longer be in need because it’s only Mark that Renjun needed. However, another result will exist if these two succeeds to happen.  _ Third _ , Donghyuck or Haechan will be forgotten. And that’s what hurt the most. For some other people to be included in their problem. Even if the contract ends, Jeno knows that Mark will not let go of the other even as a friend. But that would result into a bigger problem. With Donghyuck in the picture, Renjun will never be noticed.

 

Jeno must be crazy, thinking of ways how to save each of then without getting hurt where infact it is beyond impossible. Donghyuck has been through shit as well, but with him, Renjun is in danger.

 

He doesn’t know what to do anymore, and the fact that he’s the one suffering when it’s not his problem is beyond confusing. 

 

But without his help, Renjun will get hurt. And that’s the last thing he wanted to happen. He can  _ never _ imagine that happening. He can’t imagine Renjun suffering and blaming himself for the accident that was never was. Blood, crying and death.  _ No _ , Jeno shook his head from the nightmare he’s imagining,  _ I can’t let that happen _ . 

 

_ I can’t let him die. _

 

_ I can’t lose Renjun. _

 

_ Even if he was never mine. _

 

‘Jeno, you okay? Yo?’ Mark shake his arms, panicking over his silence. He can’t believe he just straight out blanked out while talking with the other. He must tell Mark about the results, but not now. He’ll think of the consequences first and how to deal with the effects of it. Obviously, with his decision, everything will change. It might be for the bad or the good. And it will probably hurt someone, be it Donghyuck or Renjun.

 

‘I’m okay,’ Jeno replies, smiling at Mark, now looking more composed and calm. ‘Mark, please take care of Renjun. I trust you a lot.’

 

‘We will take care of him.’ Mark responds, furrowing. ‘It’s always the three of us Jeno, don’t forget that.’ As he tug the other for a hug. Jeno sighed on his hold, heart breaking.  _ It’s just the three of us, but somehow, someone is always left behind. _ He closed his eyes tightly, wishing that no tears would escape his eyes.  _ And that’s me.  _

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Kun’s big day came and the whole week is soon ending. Donghyuck can’t believe he survived two weeks of fooling around. He can’t help but smile whenever he is reminded of the memoried which were surprisingly many, the moments he spent with his new friends that treated him like he’s a real part of their family.

 

He have three days to enjoy Mark’s time and his company. He have three days to tell the other how happy he was with him. 

 

‘Haechanie!’ Kun screams on the top of his lungs, waving happily from where he is currently sitting down. Donghyuck waves back, sitting down beside him. He have been informed that Kun’s event is a celebration for finishing his current course. He excelled so much that he finished the whole semester within a short span of time. He is indeed smart, as the others quoted. ‘You look dashing in your clothes Haechan,’ He praises, letting his make up artist fix his eyeshadow. ‘Mark will probably be on his knees kkkk’

 

Donghyuck flushes, but shook his head. ‘You look more better hyung. I bet the visitors are already on their knees, crawling their way here.’

 

‘You joke good Haechanie’ Kun cackles, opening his eyes. ‘I like good jokes. Would you like to see some magic?’

 

‘I would love to—’

 

‘Sunshine!’

 

Donghyuck checked to see who it was, surely it was Mark. Kun wiggled his eyebrows teasingly, ‘Well, looks like I will have to show some magic sometimes.’

 

‘That is really saddening.’ Donghyuck pouts, but smirked when Mark walk to them, dropping a kiss on his cheek. ‘Hello Kun hyung, can I borrow my sunshine for awhile?’

 

‘Why are you asking for permission? What am I? Your dad?’ Kun jokes as he shoo them away to welcome the early visitors. Donghyuck watched as he walk away, grinning with a roll of his eyes when Mark drop another kiss on his cheek, more closer to his lips. ‘Slow down your horses, Marcus.’ Donghyuck says as he stop the other from giving more kisses. Mark rolled his eyes playfully, pecking his palm. ‘I don’t like that joke anymore. I’m seriously thinking I’m named Marcus so that I can say that you’re not cheating.’

 

Donghyuck turns in his embrace, lazily looking at him with a small smirk. The others have always told him how pretty he was with a joke, but seeing Mark’s reddening face seems to be a proof that their joke is half true. ‘Mark, you loser. You had the audacity to think I cheat when in fact, it’s you who’s always surrounded by other people.’

 

Mark splutters, eyes widening as he choke on his explanation. ‘Wait—’ he squint at Donghyuck, a smirk replacing his panic face, ‘Are you.. perhaps..  _ jealous _ ?’

 

Donghyuck’s cheeks instantly warmed at that. His plan of fooling around with Mark seems to be turning around, and now Mark was the one teasing him to no end. He, by a hundred percent, doesn’t feel jealous. Not even a bit. He may feel a little insecure about his own being but he had never felt that ugly feeling of possessiveness over Mark. Maybe it’s because he knows that Mark isn’t his property either. ‘Shut up loser. No one wants a loser like you.’ He spat back, turning away. Mark giggles, holding onto his arm to continue his teasing, ‘Oh, but you’re dating me.’

 

‘Yeah, and I have reasons.’

 

Mark pouts but doesn’t let go. Instead, he twirled Donghyuck and played with him. Ever since their kiss, he can’t help but kiss him more. It also doesn’t make it better that Donghyuck’s lips are red and plump, always kissable on sight. He leaned down as he squish the other’s cheeks, grinning at his irritated reaction. ‘You look cute like this,’ He teases, kissing his nose. ‘And you look cuter when you’re not barking at me.’

 

‘Did you just call me a dog Marcus?!’

 

‘No, no, I would never’ Mark jokes, caressing his cheeks which he hasn’t let go yet. They’re just so squishy.  ‘You are my puppy’

 

Everything happened in a second. Donghyuck stepped at his foot, before the other quickly head bumped him with his own head. Mark fell on his butt, groaning in extreme pain. He cannot believe Donghyuck just did that! And right in Kun’s event. ‘What the-’ He groans, his hands over his forehead which probably have a bump now, ‘That hurts!’

 

Donghyuck, the cheeky brat, grinned down at him innocently. He tilt his head, blinking cutey. ‘That’s what you get for calling me your puppy.’

 

Mark surrendered and accepted his defeat, apologizing to an amused Donghyuck. ‘Sorry okay? It’s just that.. Puppies are cute. I love puppies.’

 

Donghyuck snorts but helped him stand, dusting his clothes clean. Mark was still pouty now that he have a very visible bump on his forehead. ‘Seriously, I thought you’d fall for that trick. Probably anyone’s willing to be called cute.’ He waffled endlessly like a child. Donghyuck raised an eyebrow at him, not delighted by his words. ‘I’m not amenable like the others Mark.’

 

Mark continues to pout, rubbing his bump excessively. He just hope it’s not going to bruise or leave a mark. Donghyuck can’t help but be aware of what he did, what with Mark’s continuous whining behind him, asking for a kiss. With a reluctant sigh, he faced him and held his face, ‘Where is it?’

 

Mark raise his fingers to point at a red spot, ‘Over here’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t waste any seconds as he tiptoes and plant a soft kiss the spot he just bumped, pecking it three times for assurance. When he pulled back, Mark was beaming at him and looking like he was never hurt in the first place. He also had an arm around the other’s waist, grinning wolfishly like he had some ridiculous intention of playing with Donghyuck. ‘Watch it Mark’ Donghyuck warns, already sensing his mischievousness. Mark nuzzled their noses together with Donghyuck wanting to pull away because  _ there’s people around you loser _ but Mark doesn’t look that bothered like he is. ‘Let them stare. We’re a couple.’ Mark shrugs, finding the chance to drop a kiss on his free-estate lips. Donghyuck whines at the attack, pushing his face away. ‘Seriously, we have a lot to discuss.’

 

‘I know.’ Mark agrees, kissing his cheeks. ‘Let’s talk tonight.’

 

‘Yeah no way.’ Donghyuck says, ‘I haven’t packed any clothes yet.’

 

Mark hums as they walk to where the others are. Suddenly, an idea popped in his head. ‘How about I stay in your apartment so we can talk? I brought my car today.’

 

Donghyuck froze, looking at him warily. ‘I’m not against it but..’ he shot a confused yet worried look at the direction of their friends where Renjun and Jeno are sitting silently, awkwardly sitting beside each other, ‘Won’t your friends be worried?’

 

Mark bit his lips, understanding what he meant. But tonight, Renjun’s going to spend his moments packing as well with the help of Sicheng and Yuta, and Jeno has already notified him that he’ll be going home in Gangnam to get some things. So, there’s no problem at all. ‘We can go tonight. They’re going home with the others.’

 

Donghyuck however, still looked apprehensive. ‘Are you sure?’

 

Mark flashes him a smile, ‘Yes, I am.’ before he curled his arms, nudging Donghyuck gently, ‘Well then, let’s get going. They’re probably waiting for us.’

 

The only thing Donghyuck can do is smile back.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Donghyuck’s on his fifth cup of apple juice with Jisung and Chenle when he saw Jeno walking out of the event hall with a frown. He knows that he shouldn’t meddle with what he’s going through, but he can’t help but be worried. Jeno has been good to him. He’s the shoulder Donghyuck relied on during his confused state of panic when their arrangement started. And though Mark have completely changed and showed his gratitude towards Donghyuck, he can’t help but feel attached to the first person who helped him. He excused himself before following the other, looking around the dark garden. ‘Jeno?’ He calls, walking out of the hall to look for him.  _ What if he got in trouble _ , he thought as anxiousness build up inside his stomach,  _ we don’t know all people here. _

 

He turned over the corner, blinking at the sight in front of him. 

 

Jeno was curled over his knees, body shaking which Donghyuck presumes is because of crying.  _ Why is he crying? _ , he thought before silently walking to him, hoping not to scare the other. ‘Jeno?’ He repeats, freezing when the other stilled. ‘Are.. are you alright?’

 

Jeno wiped his tears away, nodding. ‘Why are you here Hyuck?’

 

Donghyuck scratched his cheek, unsure what to answer. Should he be honest? Say that he followed him because he is worried about him being alone. ‘I.. I got worried when you walked out alone.’ He confesses, bending on his knees to check the other’s reaction. He doesn’t look like he’s injured, he just looked sad. And that’s something contrasting to his usual happy face with his handsome eyesmile. ‘Is.. is there something wrong?’ he asked awkwardly as he sit beside the other, Jeno doing the same. Jeno releases a breathe, trying not to laugh. ‘Something’s just bothering me.’ He says back, smiling warmly at the other. He knows the others are worried as well, but to be reminded of the comfort and warmth he’s currently experiencing feels nice. He looked toward the night sky, wondering where all went wrong. ‘I.. I guess I’m stupid to think he loves me.’ He whispers. 

 

Donghyuck nods at his words, putting the puzzle into place inside his mind. ‘Renjun?’

 

Jeno nods sadly but his smile never slipped away. Donghyuck doesn’t speak for a moment, waiting for him to calm down. ‘Have you told him?’

 

Jeno cackles, albeit dryly. ‘Do you think it would’ve change something? He.. he loves someone else.’  _ Someone not me _ , were the unspoken words.

 

‘I know. I just thought it’s worth the shot.’ Donghyuck laughs, trying so hard to lift the sad atmosphere. He held the other’s hand with a tight grip, not shock to find it cold and shaking. All this pent-up emotions is starting to hurt Jeno physically and it shows. ‘But I think it’s unfair for you to think of someone else when you’re suffering.’ He exclaimed clearly, frowning. Jeno only shot him a confused look. 

 

‘Jeno, I get that you’re hurt, but isn’t a little stupid for you to be in this pain when he doesn’t even bat an eye at you. I know it hurts. But I think what hurts more is you’re hurting yourself even though you already know that the pain is inevitable based on your informations about him.’ Donghyuck argued, staring directly at his eyes.’You should be more worried of yourself than others. Your life is far more important to you. You cannot depend your happiness to someone else.’

 

Jeno blinked at him with wide eyes, shell shocked at the words he have told him. Donghyuck doesn’t look impressed on his current status of emotions, and he looks like he’s up for a fight if ever Jeno will argue. Jeno can’t help but chuckle at his cuteness, fully understanding what he was trying to say.  _ Smart mouth _ , he thought with a cackle,  _ but such beautiful heart _ . ‘You’re right Donghyuck.’ He agrees, smiling wide and free to assure the other that he is feeling well already. He looked back at the sky, his mind more clearer though still troubled a little bit. Donghyuck’s words echoed inside his brain, and it remains in his heart as well.  _ You cannot depend your happiness to someone else,  _ Jeno hums as he intertwines their fingers together. Suddenly, the night sky doesn’t look that scary and dark anymore. 

 

It was true, that Jeno had been nothing but troubled these past few days. The stress of realizing that Renjun’s probability of death in a second is possible scared the hell out of him. It was all he could think of during these past few days. But come to think of it, it’s unfair. For him to suffer. For him to feel dejected for a matter that isn’t his. He wonders, how will life change if he starts being happy and kind to himself instead of asking others to make him happy? He wonders if his life’s a little brighter if he isn’t tangled in a belief that Renjun will love him one day too. Before, he was drowning in a sea of quandary, not knowing what to do anymore. All his life, he was only dreaming for an idealistic thought of perfect life, but realizing now that no such thing exist. Now that he finally understood all his hardships, all that he have been through just by Donghyuck’s simple words, he found himself more capable of being pragmatic. ‘Are you feeling alright now?’ Donghyuck asked, grinning from ear to ear. He looked happy seeing Jeno happy as well. 

 

Jeno nodded with a grateful smile, squeezing his hands before letting it go lest anyone see them and misunderstood the situation. ‘Thank you Hyuck’

 

Donghyuck shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, ‘A friend is always there to help.’

 

Jeno smiled wider at his words. _ A friend is always there to help. _

 

The world feels like a better place now that he have a clearer view of what he have to do. He closed his eyes as Donghyuck say goodbye. It’s going to be hard in the beginning. It’s going to be frustrating but it’s going to be okay in the end.

 

_ Because at the end of the day, it’s only me that can make myself happy _ , Jeno believed. 

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Donghyuck and Mark went straight home after Kun’s big day to prepare for the swimming party tomorrow. Though the smaller is reluctant of the idea of Mark coming home with him, he can’t help but let the other go along with him. Beside, it’s the perfect time to talk about the sudden changes in their arrangement and the contract. ‘Just take a sit. I’ll go heat some water for coffee.’ Donghyuck instructs, walking to his small kitchen which he have never cleaned for he don’t have enough time. Mark looked around the small space, remembering their first meeting in this place. He came here properly dressed while Donghyuck was barely awake in his boxers. The memory made him laugh lightly. 

 

‘Coffee.’ Donghyuck walked out of the kitchen holding two mugs of said beverage. The sit beside each other as silence covers the whole apartment into an eerie calmness without noisy and disruption. Now, along with each other, the two individuals feel more nervous together like it’s their first time being in this situation.

 

It was Mark who broke the silence, shyly starting the talk. ‘So.. h-how do we do this?’

 

Donghyuck flushes upon remembering the reason why they’re having this talk. The  _ kiss _ . ‘I don’t know. You were the one who made the first move.’

 

Mark chokes on his drink, flushing red as well. ‘W-well, I’m sorry. I just thought it would stop your shaking. I cannot think of anything to calm you down.’

 

‘So you thought it will be good to kiss me?’ Donghyuck jabs his arms, wiggling his eyebrows. Mark groans at that, hiding his red embarrassed face. ‘Ugh, you’re insufferable.’

 

Donghyuck giggles against his coffee. ‘But.. but how is this now?’  _ Does that kiss even mean something to you _ , is what Donghyuck hopes to say. But he knows he can’t bring such spotlight to that kind of topic. Because if he does, it will further complicate what they have and maybe frustrate Mark more.  _ But it means a lot to me _ , he sadly thought,  _ it means the whole world to me because it was from you. _

 

Mark settled his cup on the table, gnawing his lips as he think things through. Donghyuck is his first ever relationship, even if it’s fake, it is still counted as a relationship. He is also Mark’s first kiss. Which means Donghyuck is a lot of firsts for Mark. And that’s a heavy reminder that Donghyuck isn’t just anyone to him. He isn’t just a somebody. He is Donghyuck, named as  _ Haechan _ , the boy who made Mark’s world go round. The boy who rivalled the sun, whose smile is brighter than any heavenly bodies combined. The only one that Mark called his Sun.

 

‘Is it safe to say that.. that I like what we have now.’ Mark admits , slow and low, like he’s afraid to admit what he is currently feeling. Donghyuck stopped at his words, his movement stilling upon hearing the confession. He doesn’t interrupt him and just hums to prove that he is listening. Mark gulps, feeling sweaty which is disgusting. ‘I know I have no experience in this aspect of life, but we’ve done a pretty well act and I feel comfortable and happy with you like this. I’m sorry if I sound selfish and unsure. I just think..’ He stops, heaving a deep breathe to finish what he was meant to say, ‘I guess I like us as this. Mutuals.’

 

Donghyuck bit his lips from grinning, feeling a little sad yet relieved. Mark sounded unsure yet worried that he might tarnished whatever they have together. It does hurt that Mark’s confused and frustrated with everything, but good that he knows he liked being with Donghyuck. And maybe, just being like that is already enough for Donghyuck. For someone who never asked for big things, this is already a big commitment.  _ To be happy with someone.  _ ‘I know, after the contract we’d go on our separate ways, but I hope we can still remain like this. As friends. Even though I know we’re over the friend’s line since before.’

 

Donghyuck nods at that, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder. He slowly tangled their hands together, feeling lightheaded. ‘Is it too much for me to ask.. If we can be more than friends after this?’ He asked.

 

Mark entwined their fingers together, trembling. ‘I.. I guess so.’ and he turns to peck Donghyuck’s forehead lovingly, ‘It’s too early for me to say that I fell for you Sunshine.’

 

Donghyuck lift his head to look at him, smiling softly and urging him to continue.

 

‘But.. I guess I can say,  _ I like you _ , in a way that only I can explain.’ Mark confesses bashfully, his cheek hurting from too much smiling. Donghyuck stared at his face, burning the image of him in his heart. Love is too much of  a big word. It’s a big commitment which you cannot just spout so easily. But Donghyuck have always believed in the magic of love, in the beauty of a acceptance and the thought of receiving the love back. ‘I..’  _ love you _ , ‘like you too Mark’ Donghyuck affirms, slowly lifting his hands to cradle the other’s cheeks on his own. Mark knows everything seems clear after elucidating their thoughts for their relationship to grow. And although Mark’s flummoxed by his own feelings, his emotions for Donghyuck will not be deterred. 

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes as Mark leaned to close the gap between them.

 

With Donghyuck in Mark’s arms, it feels like coming home. It feels like finally feeling like he belonged. It feels like finally being _ loved _ .

 

‘I will take care of you,’ Mark whispers against his lips, rubbing his nape affectionately. Between his words, Donghyuck sheds a tear, smiling painfully, as he thought  _ don’t say it if you don’t mean it.  _ Instead, he desperately mumbles back amidst their lips locking against each other, ‘Do not let go of me.’

  
  


That night, ater a lot of kissing and getting embarrassed, they finally managed to sleep with their cheeks tainted red and flaming like fire. Donghyuck’s bed isn’t large but they made it fit, with Mark’s arm around the smaller’s small and little frame, their legs tangled like they’re familiar with each other. That night, Donghyuck slept with a lungful of Mark’s soap and the smell of detergent invading his nose. Mark kept his eyes open until Donghyuck finally slept, softly snoring against Mark’s chest as he breathe peacefully. Mark fell asleep watching the other sleep, an adoring smile plastered on his lips. 

  
  


Mark woke up with a start, the alarm blaring louder than the chirping of birds. It’s Donghyuck’s alarm. He opened his eye as he try to look for the source of noise, already noticing that Donghyuck isn’t beside him. He saw the alarm and turned it off, rubbing his eyes free from dirt. He looked around and heard sounds coming from the kitchen. His heart suddenly started beating wild, as his mind supplies an imaginary view of a domestic Donghyuck preparing breakfast and telling him  _ morning loser _ in the cutest way. With a smile too scary for an early morning, he walked out of the room expecting to see Donghyuck with a cute apron. What he see instead is a man the same height as him, dutifully cooking delicious smelling foods. ‘Duckie, you awake?’ The man calls, his voice deeper than the Marianas Trench. Mark felt his eyes bulge and his whole body deflate. That is definitely not Donghyuck. Donghyuck’s not that broad, nor tall with a very deep voice.

 

‘Ugh, who are you?’ Mark asked, bewildered.

 

Said man turned, eyes wide from shock upon hearing an unfamiliar voice. His face contort into a angry reaction, protective and defensive mode on. His eyes looks like daggers shooting right through Mark’s own being. ‘Who the fuck are you?’ He spat back, a spatula on his hand, ready to smack someone. Someone named Mark.

 

Mark frowns, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘I am Donghyuck’s boyfriend.’

 

If possible, the guy’s eyes widen impossibly bigger, showcasing nothing but deep madness. ‘Boyfriend?’ and he scoffs, sarcasm dripping through his tone and voice, crossing his arms over his chest as well, challenging. ‘ _ I  _ am Donghyuck’s boyfriend.’

 

Mark’s mind blanked at that. Whaaaat?!

 

The guy smirked, resembling a dangerous canine. ‘My name is Jaemin.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think! :D  
> Also, i'm dealing with depression due to my unemployment, so if there's anybody there I could talk to, that would be lovely <3  
> Bark at me at **@hyuckduckie** (twitter)  
> And questions are welcomed at https://curiouscat.me/glochisiester
> 
> I love all your comments!  
>  **LET'S ALL CRY ON THE UPCOMING CHAPTERS. YEEHAW!**


	12. i don't want us to fall into a mistake; let's take a leap of faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things happen. And Donghyuck found himself in an frustrating situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> I'm back, and sorry for the late update. I know you hate me for this, but it's been getting harder to update with the lack of motivation happening. I'm trying to come up with good updates so please don't force me into writing rush because RUSH writing will probably result into a mess. 
> 
> ALSO, thank you for the love I keep on receiving! This update is for my readers who patiently waited. I love you to bits. I hope you love this one as much as I do. 
> 
> Enjoy reading!

 

Donghyuck walks out of his small bathroom after hearing a conversation sounding like an argument. Sill half asleep with crust decorating his eyes, he headed to the kitchen. He watch deliberately with unfocused eyes, trying so hard to point out what’s wrong on his vision. _That’s Jaemin_ , he thought, still lost in daze as he proceed to turn his head at Mark who’s frozen with his mouth open, _and that’s Mark_. Jaemin who probably heard his entrance turned to him, his eyes widening in delight as he push past Mark and hugged the smaller one into his solid chest. Mark follows him, mouth opening more as a shriek as he watch Jaemin pepper his supposed-boyfriend’s face full of kiss. Apparently, his squeak is not loud enough to snap Donghyuck from his dazed mind as he let Jaemin plant soft kisses on his cheek all the while whispering how much he missed him like it’s a daily occurence, something that has been a habit already.

 

Not taking the obvious insult sent by Jaemin’s eyes with an added smirk, Mark stomp to them to drag Donghyuck away from him, keeping him behind his back. The smaller blinked sleepily, now focused on Mark. ‘How dare you’ Mark spat, disgust and distaste present in his face and voice.

 

Jaemin faced him, their eyes locking together, resembling some wild animals ready to take on each other and wildly fighting for something they want. Or rather someone.

 

‘Let go of Donghyuck’ Jaemin grits, not even flinching when Mark stood to knock their foreheads together, staring at the sea of madness covered with nothing but anger and possessiveness. Mark doesn’t look friendly. Not even in the slightest. ‘You get away from my boyfriend,’ He growls, sending shivers down Donghyuck’s spine upon hearing the low timbre the taller used as he kept a firm hold on his wrist.  In his almost dormant state, can’t help but just stare at the two. The tension is almost visible, as if it’s physically present inside the house, ready to explode. Jaemin’s veins are prominent on his arm and neck, straining from the force of stopping himself. He badly wants to punch the hell out of this unknown man inside his bestfriend’s house but he have always been an advocate of anti-violence.

 

‘You talk like you know a lot, Stranger.’ Jaemin smirks, riling the other up who obviously took offense and growled at him again, his eyes blazing hot with complete anger. ‘You call yourself boyfriend when I’m the real one here, Asshole.’ Mark retorts.

 

The both of them continued to glower at each other, eyes menacing and ready to kill.

 

Donghyuck blinked, as his drowsiness melt away and his numb mind started functioning again. His eyes widen in realization when he noticed _Nana!_ , as he crane his neck from left to right, mouth agape, _and Mark!_ , his brain screams upon understanding their angry altercation. _Fuck! Nana and Mark!_ . ‘Oh my gosh.’ Is all he can utter in full mortification. Both heads slowly turned to him, their eyes still menacing and filled with raw intention to just.. _kill_ , like wild animals. This is not what he imagined when he thought of introducing Mark as a friend. Not like this. With Jaemin’s eyes brimming with threat and danger, Donghyuck isn’t sure if he would be able to actually acquaint Mark with Jaemin as friends.

 

‘Nana,’ He says instead, hoping to calm the beast. Said male turned to him as his steel glare dissolves into a tender look, sending heart eyes to Donghyuck from the attention. ‘Yes, _my duckie_ ’

 

Mark scoff at the endearment, looking away with an upcoming pout.

 

Donghyuck can feel sweat forming on his forehead, as he nervously clasped a hand around his bestfriend’s much larger hand. ‘Well, I’m glad you finally met my _boyfriend_ —’ he nudges Mark’s elbow, causing Jaemin’s smile to falter. He send the other a look, scrutinizing him from head to toe, repeating the term ‘boyfriend’ with utter disgust, obviously displeased by the information. ‘And, I’m sorry for his behaviour. I’ll just talk to him real quick!’. He doesn’t wait for Jaemin’s approval and even disregard Mark’s whine as he drag the other to his room. Jaemin will have to entertain himself for awhile.

 

As he lock the door, now more awake and alert, he shot the other an angry look. ‘What did do you?!’

 

‘I didn’t do anything!’ Mark yells back, his face red from anger. Just being reminded of that boy’s face is enough to boil Mark’s anger into complete madness. ‘He shocked me by being here. I don’t even know who he was.’

 

‘But you didn’t have to fight with him!’

 

‘What was I supposed to do? Let you get stolen?’ Mark knows he sounded childish and possessive, but no one can blame him. He walked out expecting Donghyuck and instead saw an unfamiliar man calling himself as Donghyuck’s boyfriend before proceeding to kiss said boyfriend. Now what do they expect for him to do? Laugh? ‘He kissed you! And I don’t know who he was. Are you seeing someone?’ He asked, sounding exhausted at his last words. After he’s finished talking, he all but collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily as his heart thunder. Suddenly becoming aware of his own words, he knows he sounded like a freak to Donghyuck. _And what’s with seeing someone_ , he mentally curses as he wildly rubbed his messy bed hair.

 

A long deadly silence occured, making Marl anxious. He formulated an apology, knowing what he did was wrong. It is indeed childish and stupid of him to act like an arrogant boy— like he’s gone crazy. A _sorry_ is necessary.

 

‘Hey, I—’

 

Donghyuck’s laugh erupted, melodious and heavenly. It made Mark stop whatever he’s going to say. He had never heard the smaller laugh, so hearing him laugh is shocking. Everything about Donghyuck is shocking and surprising. He never failed to surprise Mark everytime they are together. His laugh is like the chiming of bells together, or like the angel’s choir singing. At some point, he also sounded like a newborn fairy cackling adorably. As he look up, he saw Donghyuck curled over himself, a hand failing to mask his continuous laughter. His eyes are watery as if everything Mark said was a joke. ‘Don’t mind me,’ he cackles between laughs, ‘I just have to laugh this out.’

 

Mark scowls, ‘Laughing at my misery’

 

Donghyuck shook his head but doesn’t stop his laugh from running out of him. After a whole five minutes of making fun of Mark, he walked to the other with a teasing smile. Mark’s not sure if he’s ready to hear the unending teasing of the other. ‘Look at me,’ Donghyuck starts, lifting the other’s face to look at his eyes. ‘Sorry I laugh. It was just adorable.’ he cackles again, smiling sweetly, ‘But seriously? Seeing someone?’

 

Mark’s expression doesn’t change.

 

‘Look, this is the reason why you must be careful with me.’ Donghyuck states carefully, ‘You don’t know a lot about me. You have to be cautious about everything you say. It might end up hurting us both.’

 

Mark stared at his eyes, sincere and innocent, always pure and kind. With a defeated huff, he nodded in surrender. ‘Sorry.’

 

‘I know you are.’ Donghyuck leaned to kiss his right cheek, blushing softly at the contact as Mark tried to chase his lips for a direct kiss. ‘Now, the guy outside is not just someone..’

 

‘Not boyfriend?’ The look Mark makes is incredibly adorable and beyond cute. Frustrated and unsure. He’s a winner with the cutest face.

 

‘Not my boyfriend,’ Donghyuck confirms with a nod, pinching his cheek, ‘Since I already have a boyfriend.’

 

Mark sighed as he finally let a smile conquer his face, looking more relieved and happy. ‘That’s good.’ He doesn’t know why he said it. After saying those words, it feels like his heart is back to screaming wild on its own. Like a girl with a crush. _Yeah it’s good_ , he confirms to himself, cheeks warming up. ‘Now, what’s not good is that you basically left an ugly impression on him.’ Donghyuck remarks, not looking proud anymore, rather, he looked regretful of what happened. Mark scoffs, pouting like an immature kid. Donghyuck pinched his cheek once again, but more harder, as if to prove a point. ‘You just fought with my one and only bestfriend.’

 

Mark’s face fall at the title the asshole holds. _Bestfriend?_ , he thought incredulously, _he got an Asshole as a Bestfriend?_ . ‘What kind of bestfriend kiss each other like that?!’ He emphasized, showing that he didn’t like the action said asshole did, right in front of him. Donghyuck quirk an eyebrow at his statement, ‘Sounds like something you and Renjun do _all the time_.’

 

Mark’s face instantly flooded with shame as he try to look for an excuse. ‘That’s different!’

 

‘It’s not different. You and Renjun are bestfriends, but so are we. Jaemin have been with me since I moved out of the orphanage. So it’s like being fond and sweet to my brother.’ Donghyuck flicks Mark’s forehead, making the other groan in pain. Mark scrunched his nose in disgust upon hearing that, ‘Now it sounds more ridiculous. Brothers? And kiss?’

 

Donghyuck pushed his face away to check the time, it reads 09:42 am. ‘Okay, so we don’t have much time. I know that we didn’t discuss our relationship with Jaemin, but I guess it’s out of the box, I’ll just fill him up if he have some questions.’ Donghyuck explained, pulling his backpack to pack clothes for the swimming later. Mark’s things are already ready, but with an unexpected visitor, their time will be a little messy. Mark nods, puffing his chest in pride, knowing that Mark is now Donghyuck’s boyfriend. Jaemin is _just_ a bestfriend. ‘Stop smiling like an idiot.’ The other says, opening the door to push him out. ‘Don’t bite each other’s head, please’

 

Mark doesn’t promise but walks out of the room anyway.

 

Jaemin’s back to cooking, humming a song under his breathe as he flip a pancake expertly. Mark can’t help but be in awe at how comfortable Jaemin is. He perfectly fits the whole setting, as if he’s a constant in this place. Maybe he was. Truthfully, and not out of jealousy, Mark sees him as a potential enemy for the title of Donghyuck’s boyfriend. Still, he cannot help but be amazed at how well-practiced he is in such things. Specifically cooking. ‘Duckie, you out now?’ Jaemin asked, oblivious to Mark’s presence, probably failing to notice that it’s not Donghyuck who walked out. When he turned to look, his smiling face instantly fell, ‘Oh it’s you’

 

‘It’s me,’ Mark says back proudly, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘And you’re Nana?’

 

‘It’s Jaemin, mind you’ The boy said, putting the pancakes on the table. He looked at the other with contempt, ‘Look, atleast make yourself useful.’

 

Mark glares at him but obeyed, pulling some cups for coffee and utensils for food. They prepare the table in a relatable silence, avoiding each other’s elbow but _accidentally_ stepping on each other’s foot with much force than necessary. After some grunted curses and spilled insults passed over the table, the food is finally ready to eat. The food smell and look delicious, but Jaemin’s smug smile is concerning. Mark’s not going to give him the satisfaction he wants. Donghyuck walked out his room looking shock, stunned to see them looking _decent_ and _civilized_. He shows a practiced smile, walking to them, ‘Ugh, breakfast?’

 

Jaemin smiled at him, his eyes shining affectionately. ‘Pancakes and omelette for my beloved Duckie.’

 

Donghyuck smiled, already used to the affection. He sit down at the space between them, sending Mark a look to ‘ _sit down you fool_ ’ before starting to eat. Mark sat down with a huff, not sure whether he should eat or not. Jaemin, who’s watching him struggle, smirked, ‘Don’t be shy. You won’t die if you eat it.’

 

Mark glared at him, ‘I’d rather starve to death.’

 

Jaemin shrugs his shoulder, looking victorious. He and Donghyuck eat in relative silence, exchanging news and gossips. Mark watches them, notices how close they were everytime Donghyuck giggles at the lame jokes Jaemin utters. He observes the way Donghyuck’s eyes lit up, the way his front tooth subtly exposes itself, the way his small dimple display itself even for a nanosecond. At some point, Jaemin got bolder (or well, he’s just like that with Duckie because they’re brothers-slash-bestfriends) and sling an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. Mark’s automatic response and reaction is to swat the arms away, pulling Donghyuck against his chest as he sends the other an accusatory glare, ‘Watch it.’

 

Jaemin doesn’t look pleased as his eyed turned steel, returning into a menacing glare. ‘You watch it Mark.’

 

Mark tightens his hold around Donghyuck’s neck, burying his face against the tuft of hair, smelling the strawberry shampoo his sunshine used. Donghyuck turned to nuzzle their nose together, his cheeks warm and rudy as he let Jaemin comprehend what the action is for. He already had enough of their squabble, and though Jaemin is his bestfriend for life, he can’t bear the thought of him fighting Mark because of him. ‘Nana, sorry that I just told you just now.’ He admits, embarrassed and ashamed of himself. ‘I know it’s quite a shock to you but I hope you accept us like this.’

 

Jaemin’s brow rose, as he smirked. ‘I am well aware Duckie.’ but he cast Mark a nasty glare, ‘What I’m not notified is that you’re dating a fool like him.’

 

‘Hey!’

 

‘He’s not a fool, you just have to know each other.’ Donghyuck says cutely, which instantly melts Jaemin’s scowl. But with the sweetest smile, he acknowledges Donghyuck’s plea to be friends with a stern ‘ _no fucking way_ ,’ which got him a slap from Donghyuck, ‘stop cursing you idiot!’

 

Mark rolled his eyes at the other’s attitude. He will never be friends with him even if he begged. It’s not like they will see each other more often now that they met each other. They continued eating with mostly Donghyuck bickering about his whereabouts and what happened during his absence on his job. Jaemin, like any bestfriend, was completely notified and aware of his bestfriend’s absence. Mark tuned out their conversation, opting to just stare at some space, thinking of their pool party later on. He only snapped out of his own thought when Donghyuck nudged him, his bright eyes blinking in a darling way, as if he wanted to ask some favor. ‘No way,’ is what Mark says even without hearing the favor. Donghyuck’s pout is ten times stronger than the last as his face fall into disappointment, ‘But why not?! He’s my bestfriend’

 

Mark looked down at him, unsure how he would say ‘ _i don’t like that dick_ ’ but knowing Donghyuck, he’ll probably get hurt. And Mark should atleast consider his sunshine’s feelings before making any rash decisions. He cast one glance at Jaemin who was rather smiling smug, as if he knows he have already won. ‘Please,’ Donghyuck pleads, his wide eyes begging with nothing but innocence and beseeching. Mark is a sucker for anything cute, especially one named Donghyuck. ‘Ugh fine,’ Mark whispers, not wanting to hear Jaemin’s laugh of victory as he swoop down to plant a kiss on Donghyuck’s lips. The smaller shriek highly, but sagged on the other anyway after a second. When he pulled back, Donghyuck’s eyes are still closed. Mark can’t help but peck each of his eyelids as he says, ‘Tell your friend to quickly pack his things. We’ll be leaving in an hour’

 

Donghyuck’s smile directed to him filled with nothing but love and adoration is enough to erase the feeling of anger boiling inside him. He’ll just have to deal with his friend for a day.

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

Mark was halfway on loading their things inside his car when Jaemin walked to him with his own bag, looking standoffish, not that Mark looked any better. Ever since they quarreled in the kitchen, Mark have been feeling protective of Donghyuck. Ridiculous to even think about it because Jaemin’s his boyfriend’s best friend, there should be no threat felt. But that’s the difference with them. Mark felt nothing but danger whenever he looked at Jaemin’s eyes. ‘Listen here Mark,’ Jaemin starts and his voice is stern and cold, like a father scolding a kid. Mark cannot help but scoff at his audaciousness. ‘I don’t care if you’re really Duckie’s boyfriend or not, but be careful with your actions. I’m watching your every move.’ He reminds the other, not even wavering a bit. Mark can’t help but feel that Jaemin did really care for Donghyuck, especially if he looks ready to kill with his eyes and actions. ‘We don’t need to be friends. I just want to make sure you’re doing your part well,’ he says with an air of confidence, ‘You might be the boyfriend for now, but I will always be the best friend he have been with.’

 

Mark tilt his head, smirking, ‘Kind of sad to think you’re just a best friend to him?’

 

Jaemin’s neutral face doesn’t even flinch, as he stare daggers at the other, ‘I don’t give a fuck on being a best friend.’ He grits, ‘What I care about is Donghyuck’s being.’

 

‘It’s not like I’m going to purposely hurt him.’ Mark grits back, not backing away as well.

 

Jaemin laughs out of sarcasm, amused by the other’s words. ‘You don’t think I haven’t heard that promise. I heard thousands of it before, but all of them were broken and crashed. All promises are meant to be broken anyway. You cannot believe that everything will last forever. At some point, some things are bound to be broken.’

 

‘What do you even know?’ Mark dared, baring his teeth in annoyance. Jaemin talks like he knows everything when in fact he knows nothing. Jaemin’s neutral eyes only widen in fraction, his voice raspy and just full of hatred. ‘I know a lot of things. How about you? What do you know about Donghyuck?’

 

Mark’s brain short-circuited at the question thrown at him. His hands feel cold as he let the words echo inside his head. What do you know about Donghyuck?. _Nothing_ , his stupid brain supplies in betrayal, _I know nothing_. For the first time in a long while, he is rendered speechless. He doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know a lot about Donghyuck, but does that matter? What matter is Donghyuck is happy and safe with him. And Mark’s sole priority is his whole being. Of making sure he is happy and fine. ‘I may not know him the way you know him..’ Mark’s reply came after a whole minute, when Jaemin’s back is already turned away from him. The other stopped at his response as Mark continue, ‘But does that really matter? Because whatever his past may be, I will be fine with it. I will accept him as he is. I will love him as he is.’

 

Jaemin raised an eyebrow at him but did not dare to interrupt his speech.

 

‘I know you’re concern and worried, but I think you should stop overthinking. Donghyuck is special to me, so I will try my best to take care of him.’

 

Jaemin walks to him, levelling his eyes with him. His face is still neutral but his eyes is less filled with the anger, ‘You have one job Mark.’ he reminds, his words shockingly leaving a dent on Mark’s heart. Those words, for some reason, cut deep in his heart. ‘You have to make sure you know what a boyfriend’s job is.’ Jaemin ends, before he walks away, just the exact moment for Donghyuck to walk out, looking baffled at their expressions.

 

‘What happened?’ He asked as he cradle Mark’s face as gently as he could. Mark shook his head, kissing his palm softly, ‘Just a talk.’

 

‘Okay, but tell me if Nana’s causing you trouble.’ Donghyuck says softly, kissing Mark’s cheek as a habit. The action of affection made the taller smile. His hands fly to the smaller’s waist, and with Jaemin’s words still ringing in his head, he put extra care on holding the other. He ran his knuckles against his sunshine’s cheekbones before plopping a playful kiss on the area. Donghyuck giggles at the sensation, not even pushing the other away. With a glance on their watch, Mark smiles down at him, the sun casting an angelic light behind Donghyuck, ‘Let’s go.’

 

The ride was thankfully not that awkward. Maybe because Jaemin slept all the way to the meeting place while Mark’s phone play in the background. He had texted Jaehyun and Johnny that Donghyuck asked if he can bring a friend. Strangely, their reply is faster than thunder, agreeing that Donghyuck can bring whoever he wants.

 

The drive to the place is two-hour long, but it’s one of the most peaceful time Mark had ever spent. Donghyuck was singing softly along with the radio, their pinkies tied together as it rest on the console. Sometimes, when there’s a stoplight, Mark would bend on his side to give the other a surprise kiss wherever he can reach. Donghyuck would then screech but quickly shut up when Jaemin moves from the noise. ‘Loser’ Donghyuck whispers against his lips, giggling when the cars from behind them started honking for them to get moving. Mark returns to his place and continue driving, smiling all the way to the resort.

 

At one particular stop, Donghyuck fell asleep. Mark can’t stop himself from staring, his heart soaring at the thought that he got to call Donghyuck as his. And though he goes by the persona as Haechan, these two identity is just the same for him. Donghyuck will still be Mark’s _Sunshine_. It aches his heart to know that Jaemin is indeed right. What he know about the smaller is just the surface, but everything deep and taunting, it’s under the cover. It’s something personal and sensitive that even Mark isn’t sure if he’s able to know. If Donghyuck trusted him that much, he’d know sooner or later. But for now, Mark will rest in silence and the happiness Donghyuck brought him.

 

Stopping at the most prestigious resort Doyoung and Jaehyun rented for two days, Mark proceeded to wake the other up. (He gently woke Donghyuck like a kitten, peppering small kisses on his cheek and hair; He woke up Jaemin by slamming his front door.)

 

‘Are the hyungs already there?’ Donghyuck yawns, checking the time. Almost 2 pm, but luckily the sun isn’t that blazing and hot. Donghyuck’s excited to eat already! He can almost see the name of the restaurants inside. After calling a helper to fetch their things where Mark proudly showed his Gold Membership, the three walked inside. The pool’s almost full with unknown people, but that’s to be expected since Jaehyun and Doyoung has lots of friends in Korea. Some of them Mark remember, like Yeri who she met on Highschool, also Mina who confessed to him when they first met. ‘There seems to be lot of people in here,’ Jaemin whistles, waving bashfully when some girls giggle at the sight of three handsome boys which were them.

 

Mark hums, not actually interested to start a conversation.

 

‘Haechanie!’ Someone yells, causing Mark and Jaemin’s head to snap where the voice came from. ‘Haechan?’ Jaemin repeats, his brow rising higher in confusion.

 

‘Taeyong hyung!’ Donghyuck was running to a big table filled with assorted desserts, his arms wide open for Taeyong and Doyoung who are pushing each other, fighting against one another who to hug Donghyuck first. Kun got the chance. ‘There you are!’ Kun welcomed him, his soft skin grazing against Donghyuck’s calloused hand before he was engulfed into a hug. Doyoung and Taeyong are too busy to notice that Kun already won. ‘Sorry we’re late.’ The smaller says, rubbing his cheek against Kun’s shoulder before proceeding to hug each member. ‘Take a sit _haechannie_ ,’ Johnny pat the space beside him.

 

Donghyuck’s cheeks redden at the nickname but he waste no time in following the other, plopping himself on the free space. He shot the older a bright smile, feeling giddy for no reason. It doesn’t help that Johnny looks at him like he’s his son. ‘I heard you brought a friend.’ He adds, acknowledging the unfamiliar face with Mark whose face is nothing but annoyed.

 

Donghyuck nodded enthusiastically, ‘He’s my bestfriend. Na Jaemin, come here.’

 

Said Na Jaemin walked to them with his award-winning smile, already loved and welcomed. ‘My name is Jaemin, but you can call me Nana. I am his best friend. Thank you for taking care of him.’

 

‘Oh, no worries. Mark is the one who take care of him.’ They cackles with each other, motioning for him to sit down and take a bite from their foods. Jaemin shot Mark a liptight smile, nodding to him before sitting beside Donghyuck to eat. Since Jaemin’s lovable and a literal angel, it didn’t even take him a day to get the heart’s of his friends. However, with the way Jaemin’s acting, it seems like he’s more cautious of them rather than comfortable. They eat and chat together as they watch the sun set on the horizon, casting an orange hue and the color reflecting in the water in a dramatic effect. Mark, who’s settled between Renjun and Jeno, watched as Donghyuck animatedly talk about the reason why he love the ocean. He grew up Jeju, an island surrounded by water. His tan skin is one reflection of what he really is; a _beauty_. It’s impossible not be drawn to him, with his eyes that are too tantalizing to be ignored, his lips that curls in a very dangerous way, his thin and lean legs that could go on for days-- Mark can list a hundred reasons on why Donghyuck is a beauty even for a short period of time. So it’s no wonder if other people is drawn to him as well, like some moths to the flame.

 

He felt a nudge on his arm, Jeno passing a piece of chocolate cake to Renjun who jumped in surprised. He smiled wide at the other, his cheeks dusting pink. He mumbles a soft and delicate ‘ _t_ _hank you jeno'_  before eating the sweet. Jeno’s smile is thoughtful and caring, as always, and Mark feels light after seeing them communicate with only little actions and simple words.

 

‘Mark!’ Donghyuck yells, already finished with his own cake. The side of his mouth is dirty with the flavor, and he watches as Johnny affectionately wipes the mess with a napkin, patting the other’s butt to push him to Mark. Donghyuck beams at him, his tummy full and obviously bloated from the food, ‘Let’s swim!’

 

‘Oh no sunshine,’ Mark refuses, ‘You might vomit. You just ate.’

 

Donghyuck’s pout have no place for argument since Mark has a point. ‘Fine,’ he sulks, going back to sit between Johnny and Jaemin. Jaemin doesn’t look awkward, infact, he looked like he belong in their circle of friends. He’s currently talking to Taeil about his studies and what he will be doing after finishing college. When their eyes met, Jaemin raised an eyebrow at Mark, confusion written in his face. Strangely, it’s covered with confidence that Mark would not bother to know what for. They talk about the arrangement of the room, and since Jaemin’s in the team for the night, the group decided to change the rooming system. ‘Ten and I will be with Jaehyun and Doyoung for the night. Taeyong, Taeil, Sicheng and Yuta will be sharing a room. Kun will share with Chenle, Jisung and Renjun which leaves Jeno, Mark, Haechan and his friend together.’ Johnny announces, ‘If there’s problem with the arrangement, tell us.’

 

After the agreement, the kids, Chenle and Jisung dragged Jeno and Taeil to swim. Kun came with them to watch if someone’s going to drown.

 

For some reason, Jaemin catched the attention of Taeyong and was heavily intrigued about him, which ends up in a very serious conversation while the others talk on their own topic. Donghyuck noticed Doyoung looking forlorn on the side, and it’s ridiculous since it’s his event, he shouldn’t be looking sad out of all the days in the week, ‘Are you okay hyung?’ Donghyuck asked, rubbing his face against his shoulder. He knows Doyoung cared for him a lot. The older blinked in surprise at the action, his cheeks reddening at the adoration. ‘I’m fine Haechannie~’

 

‘Then why do you look sad hyung?’

 

Doyoung’s smile softens, his fist curling and uncurling. With a sigh too heavy for his own thin body, he looked to where Jaehyun was. Donghyuck followed his line of sight, a little shook to see Jaehyun laughing with a girl he doesn’t know. It’s an odd sight. Donghyuck have never seen Jaehyun laugh like that, so to see him being like this when it’s not directed to his long time lover is a little disconcerting. Doyoung must’ve been feeling out of place as of lately. Not to mention Doyoung’s fear of their relationship being fragile after not seeing each other for a long time. ‘You didn’t talk after the night out hyung?’ Donghyuck questions, remembering the painful cries of the older upon confessing that he feels like his boyfriend is drifting away from him. Doyoung shook his head guiltily, bowing his head in shame. ‘I.. I don’t know how to bring it up.’

 

Donghyuck feel sad for the sadness currently invading Doyoung. The older has always been sweet and caring to him, seeing him this weak and fragile makes him sad as well. He knows he cannot help them since he’s not familiar with their relationship, but he knows he should atleast try to make the other happy or lighten his mood. He tug the older to his feet, craning his neck higher because the other is damn tall, ‘Hyung, you’re too beautiful to be sad! But today is a good day! Hyungie brought me here to make me happy, so I want to make you happy as well.’

 

Doyoung’s eyes water at that, as his lips pulled into a soft smile, loving and motherlike, ‘Of course. Thank you Haechan’ as he hug him tight, breath stuttering as he force himself not to cry.

 

‘Just talk, okay hyung?’ Donghyuck reminds, wiping the offending tears away. He knows communication is the key, and if Jaehyun decided to call their relationship off for losing interest, then a talk must be done in a good way. Love is after all ephemeral. Nothing will last forever. A relationship filled with frustration and fear will not survive in the cruel world. ‘Hyungie, whatever happens, please talk for your own sake.’ He says softly, watching as Doyoung’s eyes widen in comprehension, a proud smile occupying his saddened face. ‘I don’t want you to be sad for something that isn’t your fault. Think of yourself before anything else. What matters most is that you’re happy, you will get over the pain soon.’

 

‘Oh Haechanie~’ Doyoung cooes, hugging him back to his chest as he litter his face with kisses. ‘You’re so mature!’

 

Donghyuck smiled at him wide before pulling him down the water, laughing as wicked as he can. He hears Chenle laughing as loud as the dolphin and Jisung clapping his hands like an excited sea lion upon witnessing the scene. Donghyuck closed his eyes, let the water surround him as his problems melt away. He had enough problems for today, he’ll mind them tomorrow.

 

‘Let’s have a wrestling battle!’ Ten suggest, looking uncharacteristically happy and glowing in the water. Johnny must’ve think so too for he is just staring at his smaller boyfriend with his fond eyes. ‘Carry me Johnny!’ Ten commands, raising his hands to be carried. Johnny obeyed like a love-sick fool, as Chenle ride over Jisung’s shoulder. ‘I will not lose to a midget like you hyung!’

 

‘What did you say you dolphin!’ Ten screeches from the humiliation.

 

They proceed to fight as the other watch in compleet fascination. In the end, Ten lost because Chenle’s laughing too loud that he covered his ear with one hand and then was pushed on the water for the lack of strength. ‘Who want to fight me losers?’ Chenle screams happily, hugging Jisung’s head as careful as he can. Donghyuck raised his hand but realized he have no one to carry him. ‘Here, let me’ Jeno swam to his side, his arms bulging and obviously stealing the attention with his amazing physique. Donghyuck’s cheeks redden at their proximity, unsure if he should agree or not. ‘Come on loser, imma fight you real quick,’ Chenle teases with a high squeal. Donghyuck hiss at the smaller, offended, ‘Just you watch dolphin!’ before excitedly climbing on Jeno’s shoulder. He stop himself from squeaking when Jeno ran his hands to rest on his thighs, keeping him firm and steady. They play-fight loudly, Kun taking pictures as a remembrance. Because of their noise, some visitors started gathering around them as well, joking and playing with them. For short, Donghyuck made a lot of friends.

 

He noticed that Doyoung was happily talking to his other guest as well, entertaining them with a sugary smile and sweet words. No trace of sadness were detected in his face. Doyoung is the epitome of content and satisfied, with his soft features and satisfied smile. Donghyuck cannot bare the thought of seeing him insecure and sad.

 

‘Hongjin, it’s been a long time.’ Doyoung says, Donghyuck watching from the side just in case the other needs help again. Said Hongjin smiled widely at him, hugging him tight and even braving himself to drop a kiss on his friend’s cheek. ‘It is indeed a long time Doyoung. You’ve aged so well, like a fine wine.’

 

Doyoung laughed at the compliment, occasionally waving at the words of flattery directed to him. Judging from his reaction, he seems to be getting the attention a lot. He doesn’t even bat an eye at the words and only acknowledged them with a sweet smile, thanking them for coming. When he came back after successfully welcoming everyone, Donghyuck gave him an orange juice, his smile contagious. ‘For you hyung.’

 

Doyoung giggles, his heart delighted for some unknown reason. ‘For what Haechanie?’

 

‘For overcoming pain and making other people happy.’ Donghyuck admits shyly. Doyoung’s smile is loving, it reminds Donghyuck of his own mother back when she was alive. It was always soft and understanding, always ready to accept and forgive. Donghyuck knows that a quarrel will only be solve if those who are involved tell each other what they feel. And he doesn’t to be a witness if the two are going to end things, because they look perfect and suited for each other. Like some Disney Characters. ‘You make me happy as well Haechanie. You make all of us happy. So continue being yourself, okay?’ Doyoung says slow and gentle, like he’s talking to a kid. Donghyuck let his happiness show in his face, ‘Yes hyung!’

 

Dinner came in the form of bonfire outside the resort which is a beach. Donghyuck learned not to question the expenses of their group and just flow with it. With blankets and a bonfire ready, the food came in boxes baskets. Steak, samgyupsal, and different fried foods came which made Donghyuck more hungry than usual. He also noticed that instead of sitting beside Jaehyun, Doyoung was beside him, chatting happily with Jaemin who was dumbstruck at his pretty face. ‘Did you have fun?’ Mark asked, already dried thanks to the towel. Donghyuck nodded like a puppy, ‘It was amazing! I had so much fun.’

 

‘That’s good,’ Mark looks handsome with his boyish smile. It makes Donghyuck blush and warm even with the cold wind. Mark tilt his head to ask for a kiss, which Donghyuck shyly gives. It earned them some catcalls and whistles, and raised eyebrow from Jaemin while Renjun crumple his paper cup.

 

‘The night will not come to an end without us playing the Spin the Bottle!’ Johnny yells, already lifting an empty bottle of wine. Some seem excited to play but others loudly whined with fear of the dares. ‘We all know how to play the games here. And since Jaehyun and Doyoung had kindly paid a generous amount of money for this, let’s enjoy this night making a fool out of ourselves!’

 

The first spin of bottle got Donghyuck wishing to the deity that it will not land to him all throughout the game. He enjoyed watching but to get involved is a different story. ‘Okay, Sicheng, you are in our hands.’ Kun laughs wickedly, cracking his knuckles as Sicheng pick truth. The rest whistled, playfully joking while Yuta looked around clueless. Kun smirked, ‘Tell us what you like the most about Yuta. I want to hear it from your own mouth.’

 

Sicheng’s lips immediately turned into a scowl, sending Kun a nasty glare. ‘You know all of it.’

 

‘I want to hear it again,’ Kun teases, giggling when Yuta still remained clueless. ‘What?’

 

Sicheng sighed, cozying up against Yuta’s shoulder, ‘I.. like Yuta when he tells me how much he loves me.’ he frowns, embarrassed as he cover his face, ‘I like it a lot when he kisses me in private because he knows I hate public display of affection.’

 

The group erupted into loud cheers as Yuta’s ears turned red. He looked down on his lap but a smile rested on his lips. Donghyuck even saw Sicheng kissing the others cheek as subtle as he can.

 

The game continued, with Chenle dancing to Love Shot by EXO and getting lectured by Kun and Sicheng, Johnny doing push up with Taeil on his back, and Taeyong finally kissing Taeil as Taeil confesses that he wants to ask Taeyong if he can have his hand. Donghyuck was well aware that it was all the calm before the storm, because with the evil glint of Kun and Johnny’s eyes, it’s impossible to escape or evade the game without getting called. As if destiny wanted to play with him, the bottled decided to stop at Jeno, who was brave enough to do a dare. ‘Okay, this one is easy..’ Kun says, picking a paper from their small box to have a random act played infront of them, ‘Pick the prettiest one for you and kiss them on the lips.’

 

Upon hearing the word ‘ _prettiest_ ’, everyone turned wild, excited to know who Jeno see as pretty. It was a hard question since their group consist of beautiful people, so to choose one person is already a big deal. ‘Come on Jeno, I wanna know who you think is pretty.’ Taeil urges, excitedly bouncing in his place.

 

Jeno shyly rubs his nape, looking around their small circle and staring at their funny faces. The words that ran out of his mouth made the group silent, even making Mark and Renjun choke at the same time. ‘Ah.. Haechan, I guess’

 

Mark was dumbfounded, his eyes wide and mind not functioning. He cannot believe what he heard, and from Renjun’s expression it looks like he wasn’t expecting it either. Jaemin had the audacity to smirk, nodding to what Jeno stated. Jeno scratches his neck, embarrassed as well when the other pressed him to continue, ‘I.. I guess he looks pretty exceptional, and he’s gregarious too, which is a plus.’

 

If before they were wilding, now everyone’s definitely gone mad. Johnny, who’s enjoying it too much even recorded the whole ordeal. ‘Oh, never thought our little Jeno thinks of Haechan like that.’

 

‘I’m not little!’ Jeno argues with a red face, ‘And it’s not a big deal. Haechan’s pretty in other’s eyes too.’

 

‘Handsome boy got a point.’ Jaemin agreed, wiggling his eyebrows at Donghyuck who whacked his head, already ashamed of the confession. His ears are burning and his face is in no state of okay. He feels like exploding. He had always known he is pretty, but to hear it directly and personally from someone he knew is different. It’s actually ineffable, but all Donghyuck could say is a small shy ‘ _thank you_ ’ at Jeno who blushed at the words. ‘Hey hey, I think you’re forgetting something.’ Ten interrupts, waving the paper where the word ‘kiss’ is written, ‘Kiss the one you think is pretty.’

 

Jeno and Donghyuck’s eyes almost ran out of its sockets, but nothing is more ridiculous than Mark who roared out a loud ‘ **WHAT**!’, obviously displeased by the dare. ‘H-he’s taken!’ He reasons, trembling from mortification. No, he cannot stomach and even bare to see his best friend kiss his boyfriend. No fucking way. Ten shrugs, ‘Well, Jeno kiss Mark instead.’

 

‘What?!’ Both of them shrieked in disgust. Jeno scrunched his nose, ‘No way.’

 

‘A dare is a dare,’ Jaehyun reminds them, ‘The failure to act the dare will result into a harder consequences. I suggest you comply now. And Mark,’ Jaehyun says, stern and a little out of attitude, ‘Be professional. This is a game.’

 

Mark gulped, clenching his fist so tight it turned white. He isn’t sure how to act. Although it is a game, he couldn’t fathom the thought of Jeno kissing Donghyuck. He just couldn’t. Suddenly, there’s a warm hand on his own, rubbing it slow and soft, a soft voice murmuring to him. ‘Mark,’ Donghyuck calls, ‘It’s okay. It’s just a quick kiss.’ And to prove his point, he leans to kiss him, the other gasping at the action. Mark breathed through his nose, holding his hands tighter, ‘Okay, just one.’

 

Donghyuck giggles, ‘As if I’d like another.’ He whispered.

 

They turn to face the others, Jeno asking them to just worsen his punishment. Mark sighed, motioning for him to go with it already. Renjun, who was watching intently, looked away, feeling tears on his eyes for some strange reason he doesn’t know. Jeno scratched his neck for the last time, guilty. He mouths a quick ‘sorry’ to Mark who sighed. Johnny watches without even breathing, his camera stil in his hands. Jeno did it as quick as he can, leaning down to plant a soft barely there kiss on Donghyuck’s plump ones. Donghyuck squeaked and instantly hid himself against Mark’s chest, trembling. Jeno returned to his spot with a red face, his lips bitten by his own teeth. When asked how does it feel, Jeno murmured a shy ‘ _perfect_ ’ which got Mark glaring at him. They continued with Jaemin kissing Taeyong’s knees, Jisung having to eat four hotdogs and say ‘ _i love you_ ’ with it inside, and Ten dancing to _Move_ which gave most of them some boners (horny kids). The last question was Johnny, who was asked by Kun what secret he kept the most from the group when they all first met.

 

‘Well, I liked to think it was a deep secret.’ Johnny muses, amused by his own words. ‘When we all first met, I acquired a big fat crush on Doyoung.’

 

Said interest hiccup from the words, shock evident in his face as his face coloured in crimson. ‘Me?’

 

Johnny nodded, and based from Ten’s smile it seems like he also knew of it. ‘I was awestruck at how dainty and fragile you look. Big men like me wanted someone tiny and cute..’ he continues as he nuzzle his nose against Ten’s hair, ‘And you were delicate and elegant, so I guess I was a little bit whipped at some point.’

 

Kun who obviously enjoyed the confession, asked, ‘Have you ever thought of kissing Doyoung?’

 

Ten laughed at that while Johnny covered his own face with his large hands. It was Ten who answered, ‘Of course he does, he even dreamed of proposing to him back when we’re still not together.’

 

Donghyuck watch as Doyoung hide his shy face on his knees, whining at their teasing. Donghyuck also notice how Jaehyun’s eyes never strayed away from his boyfriend ever since they started the game. ‘So, looks like there’s an opportunity for you Johnny,’ Taeyong wiggles his eyebrows, well-aware of the tension between the couple. ‘Unless, Jaehyun here isn’t alright with it.’

 

Everyone turned to Doyoung’s boyfriend, Jaehyun looking murderous even with a stern stare. He might have exuded a calm face but his aura is anything but calm. Donghyuck have already made up his mind that out of them, Jaehyun is the most scariest with his straight face. It doesn’t help that he’s also on the bigger side with scary muscles that people nowadays are attracted to. Doyoung and him together creates a very fitting picture, with Doyoung looking fragile and needing protection all the time. ‘Is it okay Jaehyun? Just one kiss.’ Taeil asked, smirk on his face. Jaehyun doesn’t even remove his eyes from Doyoung, growling, ‘No way’

 

Johnny raised his hands in surrender but a smirk was evident in his lips, ‘I’m not asking for a fight, Jae.’

 

Doyoung trembles under Jaehyun’s stare, sending his lover a soft smile which Jaehyun acknowledge, a shy blush subtly resting on his cheeks as he smile back tinily. Donghyuck giggles at their cuteness, finally feeling relieved. Tired out from the happenings, they all decided to call it a day. Jaehyun however, who was organizer of the event, suggested that they go first while he and Doyoung talk for a second. Doyoung, who was nervously playing with his hands, was engulfed by a hug, Jaehyun whispering something in his ears that elicit giggles and laughs from the other. Donghyuck walks inside the hotel with a smile, happy that the couple are working it out. They all head to their room, Renjun waving goodbye to Jeno and Mark before disappearing behind the door.

 

Donghyuck suddenly stilled upon realizing that he will be sharing the room with Jeno, Mark and Jaemin, all the troublesome. It’s already a bad idea to share the room with Jaemin if Mark’s inside as well. And with what Jeno did earlier, surely, there’s a tension between the bestfriends. He’s not sure if he can handle the tenseness inside the room. If he suffocate to death, the three are to blame.

 

‘Two beds,’ Jaemin states, a playful smirk on his face. ‘Guess like Donghyuck’s sharing with me.’

 

Mark stopped whatever he’s doing, facing the other with a frown, still obviously heated from the happenings earlier. ‘Look, I’m Donghyuck’s boyfriend, of course he’s sharing with me.’

 

‘Donghyuck and I share the bed all the time!’

 

‘But I am Donghyuck’s boyfriend!’

 

‘Do I look like I care?!’

 

‘I don’t care if you don’t care! He will sleep with--’

 

‘Ugh guys,’ Jeno interrupts them, Donghyuck fearing for Jeno’s life. He’s the only sane one not to fight, so Donghyuck hopes he’s not going to say anything weird unless he wanted an early death. ‘I think we should ask Donghyuck where would he want to sleep.’

 

Mark and Jaemin glared at each other, an electric staring battle visibly occurring between them. ‘Okay, that’s right. Sunshine, where would you like to sleep?’

 

Donghyuck knows any of his answers would only result into a bigger mess, what with Jaemin’s inability to shut up and Mark’s anger seeping off from him, he knows he wouldn’t be able to sleep properly if he ever sleep with them. A tiny part inside him wishes Jaemin and Mark would just go along well, but it seems like it will take time. Or rather, _force_ to help them be acquainted with each other. After making up his mind for the betterness of the situation, he silently prayed that he will still wake up and reach tomorrow morning. _Protect me Joker-nim_ , he internally cries, as he faces them with a sweet smile, hoping that with his adorable face he will melt their anger away. ‘I will sleep with Jeno for the night.'

 

Jeno’s soul almost left his body.

 

Jaemin and Mark’s eyes widen, as a loud shout erupted out of their shocked mouth. ‘WHAT!’

 


	13. i'm ready to face the devil, because i work harder than him anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is frustrated and Donghyuck is in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> This one is probably the start of our roller-coaster ride! Can you feel the tears! Because I do, I ma frustrated as well so be frustrated along with me as we go through this chapter! Tell me which side are you in? Do you think Jeno did the right thing? Was Mark really dumb? Are you a Jaemin-enthusiast now? And what will happen to our precious Donghyuckie! Stay tune and enjoy this chapter! <3

 

‘Wait,’ Mark ruffled his hair dramatically, making it a messy state of cuteness, Donghyuck was awestruck for a moment because of it. ‘Wait, my boyfriend is going to sleep with another person?’ He clears, eyes wide like he just learned of aliens. Jeno, who’s part of their plan, choked at the possessiveness but didn’t dare argue. Donghyuck looks at him innocently, his heart racing. He is such a fool. What kind of person sleeps with another person when their boyfriend is in the same room?! Only Donghyuck perhaps. 

 

‘Mark is right Haechan,’ Jeno whispers, nudging his elbow. Donghyuck bit his lips, the attention focusing on him. Mark has a good point, and though Jaemin is  **THE** best friend, Mark is still  **THE** boyfriend, in and out of the contract. Mark seems aggravated, probably from all of the happenings that happened. Donghyuck’s heart aches painfully at the way Mark looks at him, his eyes filled with frustration, confused on why his boyfriend decided to share a bed with his best friend. 

 

‘I.. I just want you and Jaemin to be friends.’ Donghyuck sighs sadly, his form slumping in between bigger bodies. Being surrounded by tall boys gave no justice to Donghyuck’s height. Mark’s frown melts away, slowly pulling the other to look at his face. Donghyuck is upset, with his lips perturb and his eyes glossy with tears. Mark can’t help but feel guilty though it’s not his fault. ‘Jaemin and I  _ can _ be friends, but you don’t need to share the bed with Jeno.’

 

Donghyuck nods pitifully, ‘Are you going to befriend Jaemin now?’

 

Mark looks at the other who had a smug smile, as if he was born cocky. ‘I’ll try.’ He answers, and Donghyuck happily jumped into his arms, nuzzling their noses together. He shot Jaemin a guilty look, not even sorry, ‘Nana, sorry I can’t sleep with you!’

 

‘No worries.’ Jaemin waves his hands, smirking. ‘I have the bed with handsome boy here.’

 

Jeno frowns at his words, before letting go of the matter, nodding to Mark and Donghyuck. ‘I’ll be showering now.’ Before leaving to take a bath. Mark pulled Donghyuck into their bed, falling down on the clean sheets. Jaemin watched them like hawk, making sure Mark isn’t making his best friend uncomfortable. After the ridiculous events, Mark seems tired and sleepy to be questioning Donghyuck the reason why he chose Jeno. ‘Hey, sorry,’ Donghyuck says, feeling queasy. His mind is telling him _ why are you apologizing, it’s not like you’re his property _ , but he can’t help but ignore the remark, choosing to come clean. In the face of their arrangement, they are still in a relationship. And acting or not, Donghyuck knows he shouldn’t have said those words when he’s with someone he cared for. Care. He can’t help but blush, especially when he realized that he’s currently in bed with Mark, the person who’s making his heart beat faster. With an arm carelessly draped over his waist, Donghyuck let himself be lost with the beat of their hearts. 

 

Mark cracked his eyes open, cursing when he noticed that he slept accidentally. The clock reads 2:04 am. He tried to move but paused when he noticed a heavy weight on his chest, making his arm sore and numb. Looking down, his breathe catch on his throat when he was met by the most beautiful sight in his life. Donghyuck is currently nestled against his neck, his mouth open in a small ‘o’, tiny hands clutched tight around the fabric of Mark’s clothes as their legs entangled together. It’s quite funny to see something so bright when the sun’s not even out. But maybe that’s Donghyuck’s ability. His ability to surprise people with his brightness, even when he had his eyes closed. 

 

He let his thumb trail over the sun-kissed cheeks, smiling to himself like a stupid kid. Donghyuck is so  _ pretty _ , with his cheeks, lips and eyes. Everything. He will never get bored and tired of repeating it. He knows what they’re doing is wrong. It wasn’t even in the plan to be this mushy with each other. The occasional kisses and hugs turned into something more than pretend-couples do. Suddenly, the kisses feel more heavier and passionate. Suddenly, the hugs are longer and tighter. Suddenly, Mark’s heart is racing faster than normal, and it scares him. Because he have never felt this one. Never felt the idea of liking someone so hard it’s crazy to even think of letting them go. ‘I’m fucked,’ he whispers, but with a smile. He wipes the drool away, chuckling as he lean to kiss the pouty lips. He can’t help but feel guilty, acting like a fool, baring his heart and pretending it doesn’t hurt when they’re together. Mark has always been protective of his feelings. He learned to cover himself in fear of failing to give what the others wanted. He’s a fool, a coward, and most importantly a liar. ‘I.. I love you..’ Mark whispers, leaning down again to press his lips against Donghyuck’s, more longer as he gently cup the other’s nape, carefully placing him on his back. Mark kisses his red cheeks, muttering apologies and soft promises against his skin like a baby. 

 

Donghyuck doesn’t even move on his sleep, but his lips is sore and red from the soft attack. The smaller scrunched his nose cutely, turning his head on the other side. Mark chuckles fondly, kissing his cheek for the last time before standing. He wanted to breathe. His feelings are suffocating him. Maybe fresh air will help him. He changes into a new shirt, failing to notice that Jeno’s bedmate isn’t present too.

 

As he walked out, he released a heavy breathe. His heart is running wild, beating frantically. Now that his mind is clear, he’s more conscious and anxious.  _ What if Jeno saw what I did? _ , he thought as he angrily swept his hair,  _ Jeno doesn’t know what’s between us _ .

 

He raised his finger to feel his lips, still red and wet from the kisses he shared with the smaller. His cheeks is warming again as ridiculous thoughts enter his mind.  _ I must be going crazy _ , he cusses as he walk to the balcony, sighing in relief at the way the wind calm his nerves. Not noticing the other participant in the spacious area, he sat down, and only when he finally settled down does he notice that Jaemin is talking with someone else. And that someone is no other than Renjun.

 

His shock gasped picked the attention of the two, Jaemin swiftly turning to him with his deadly eyes. Renjun who also noticed him instantly hid behind the taller and the action made Mark confused,  _ since when were they close? _ Or  _ do they know each other? _

 

‘Mark,’ Jaemin greets, his signature smug smile working back to his face. ‘Just in time, we’re talking about you.’

 

Renjun flinched at the words, his eyes wide and never daring to look at Mark. Mark frowns, more confused of what he meant. ‘You were talking about me?’

 

Jaemin nods, but his face turned serious. He turned to Renjun, softly pushing him inside. Mark hears the other muttering a soft ‘ _ i’ll handle this _ ’ before ushering the smaller to his room. Renjun doesn’t even spare Mark a glance, as if he’s trying to hide something. Mark reminds himself to ask Renjun what’s wrong. But before that, he will deal with this Na Jaemin for now. ‘What did you do?’ Mark asked, frowning. 

 

Jaemin had the audacity to scoff, and Mark feels infuriated just by looking at his face. If Donghyuck thinks his friend is an angel with his face, then he’s seeing it from a blind eye. Nothing about Na Jaemin seems angelic. ‘You dare to ask me what’s wrong? I suppose there’s nothing wrong except that you’re lying’

 

Mark’s mouth opened in a gasp, too shock to actually understand what happened.  _ Where did he.. _ , his mind cries as fear crept into his chest. No, he’ll investigate later. ‘What do you mean?’ He resorts into acting unaware, oblivious even. But Jaemin is sharper than Mark thought. The other walked to him with daggers in his eyes, words as sharp as knives. ‘Look Mark, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but if it’s all about Donghyuck, I can guarantee you he will be safer with me.’

 

‘And what makes you think that?’ Mark barks back, already feeling full with the accusations of the other. It’s not like he is hurting Donghyuck. They agreed to understand each other’s emotions and feelings, so Jaemin claiming that Mark’s incapable of protecting and taking care of the smaller is foolish. Jaemin is a fool. ‘You have the guts to tell me to back off, but I’m the boyfriend Na, you’re just a best friend.’

 

‘ _ Fake _ boyfriend’ Jaemin reminds making Mark take a step back, ‘I won’t let you play with my friend’s feelings. I know that you are in a plan to fool your friends, but don’t you ever dare hurt Donghyuck.’

 

‘I’m not planning to,’ Mark says back haughtily, stressed over the fact that Jaemin’s pushing the thought of him hurting the other. He can’t even imagine hurting him. ‘And where did you even heard of that?’

 

‘Your friend’s wise enough to tell me about your disgusting plan.’ Jaemin answers, his eyes turning to the hallway where Renjun vanished. It seems like Mark’s world fell apart upon knowing that Renjun, his best friend told somebody else about their plan. Was it betrayal?  _ How can Renjun do this? _ , he mentally asked himself. Jaemin noticed his sudden silence, ‘Look Mark, I don’t care about your friends, I won’t say a word. What matter is that Donghyuck will be okay after this.’ Weirdly, his voice turn into a softer edge. It almost sound affectionate and adoring if it wasn’t Mark he was talking to. ‘Why do you think I will hurt Donghyuck?’ He asked, wanting, no,  _ needing _ to know why Jaemin’s so adamant of making sure the other is alright.

 

‘Come on Mark, I wasn’t talking about physical. I was talking about his emotional and mental state.’ Jaemin explains, sitting on the bench. ‘I know Donghyuck, and his life’s goal has always been helping others. Making others happy.’ Jaemin looked over the horizon, flashbacks of the scary memories he have kept in the deepest part of his mind, of his heart, resurfacing above. He can perfectly remember how Donghyuck protected other people, how he tried so hard to make other people happy, how he tried so hard to fit it. Donghyuck never lose hope, he never lose the brightness and positivity of life. And Jaemin’s confidence is resolute in making sure this stays. That he will never be sad. ‘Donghyuck have gone through a lot. I cannot bare to see him sad once again,’ He adds, his breathe wavering. Damn tears. ‘You’re leading him too much, kissing him like he deserved it, making him laugh like you meant it.’ Jaemin clenched his fist, anger seeping in, ‘Making him feel loved when you’re not even into it.’

 

Mark’s heart stopped. ‘W-what do you mean?’

 

Jaemin stood, his eyes and face void of any emotion. ‘I’m only asking, no,  _ begging _ of you this one thing Mark. If you don’t love him, make sure to tell him.’

 

Mark looked away, feeling totally useless and defenseless. It looks like Jaemin has won.

 

‘Tell me this Mark, ‘ Jaemin asked, raising the other’s cheeks with his own hand, and staring at his eyes, seeing through his soul, through his lie. ‘Do you even love Donghyuck?’

 

Love is such a big word. It’s a commitment. And it’s something that Mark has always been scared of.  _ How can you be scared of something you haven’t even felt yet _ ? The truth is, Mark doesn’t know. All he knows is it scares him, how a simple laugh can make someone else’s world go round. How their smile can affect your life. How their ‘ _ goodbye _ ’s can damage your whole existence. Mark knows he’s always been a coward. He’s a scaredy cat, too afraid to face the world and just hiding behind fake facade  of Mark Lee. Hiding behind the mask of courage he have made to fool everyone.  _ Because what will happen if they knew who I really was? _ He bitterly thought,  _ a coward, a loner and most importantly, a liar. _ Mark’s not ready to be left behind yet. After being left behind by his parents. He can’t risk the thought of getting hurt because he’s expecting happiness from someone else. 

 

If Jaemin’s eyes were daggers, now their venomous. ‘I see,’ he scoffed, letting go of the other. ‘I feel sorry for Donghyuck. He’s in love with a jerk.’

 

Mark looked at him with round eyes, trembling. ‘What?’

 

Jaemin’s eyes bore into him, but Mark faced it with the courage to know what he meant. ‘Didn’t you notice?’

 

Mark gulps, shaking his head. Jaemin’s response is a sarcastic laugh, as if he’s fed up from all the weird shits Donghyuck have gone through. ‘You didn’t even realize he was in love with you.’ then he turn around to walk away, not sparing the left behind a glance. Mark looked down on his sandals, succumbing into his own thoughts.  _ Does Donghyuck really love him? _

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Mark wasn’t even able to sleep properly after what happened. When morning came, their day continued as if nothing happened. Though he was more cautious of his actions, knowing that wherever he go, Jaemin’s eyes will always follow him. Also, his mind is full of questions. Like what went wrong with him and Renjun? They were all into this plan when they talked about it. So what’s with him backfiring their agreement? If the others are to know about this, Mark is in great danger. It’s not like he isn’t ready for the consequences, but if it’s going to fail as well, why did they even bother to do it. 

 

He knows he have to talk with Renjun and Jeno. That way, misunderstanding will be lesser. And maybe, Mark would be able to know too why both of his friends are acting strange as of lately.

 

‘Mark!’ Donghyuck whines, tugging the other who’s still lost in his own thoughts. ‘I want to play! They’re having wrestling and I need a partner!’

 

Mark blinks at Donghyuck, pretty and beautiful Donghyuck. How can someone so wonderful love someone like him? It’s a mystery. ‘Sorry,’ He says softly, intertwining their fingers together. ‘Let’s go’ he mask the uneasiness, covering it with a smile to hide the fact that he’s scared. Scared that Donghyuck will let go too, like the others who Mark loved so much. He swiftly carried the other on his shoulders, jumping on the water while the others roared in cheer. Mark laughs as Donghyuck punched his chest, inhaling as deep as he can after losing breathe. Mark stared at him. Stared at his beauty.  _ Ache _ , his mind cries, ache is all he can feel inside his heart. The ache of  _ longing _ , the ache of  _ wanting, needing _ . The ache of _ knowing _ that he can never be his.  _ I love you, in a way that only I can explain,  _ as he grab the other by his neck and kissed him, earning shouts and catcalls from their friends. He pulled back, Donghyuck’s cheeks redder than his lips as he smile at the taller. Sadly, the taste left a bitter taste on his mouth. And it taste like  _ heartbreak _ .

  
  


Jeno watches from where he sit. After his talk with Donghyuck, he felt a lot better. It feels like he can actually breathe. But lately, he’s been noticing Renjun’s slumping figure. He knows he’ll have to let Mark know about the latest report of their friend’s health. He can’t procrastinate anymore. More longer and it will result to Renjun’s failed health. And Jeno knows, even with his recovered heart, that he wants nothing but for Renjun to be alright, even if it means without him. But lately, it’s been hard capturing Mark alone. He seems to be always around Donghyuck, like a puppy following its owner. Jeno will have to be extra swift and sly in order to talk to Mark without the other being there. He turned his back just in time to see Renjun sliding down the water, wincing in pain. Shoot. He ran as fast as he can to the other, carrying him like he weigh nothing. ‘Junnie, you okay?’ He asked, frowning.

 

Renjun looked pale, his lips chapped and eyebags darker than usual. He is far from getting better. And maybe it’s because Mark’s time with them has been lesser than usual as well. ‘I’m a-alright Jeno,’ Renjun answers, his thin wrist shaking. So frail. ‘I’m not dying.’ He laughs sadly, grateful when Jeno settled him down the bench. Looking at the smaller’s eyes, he know Renjun is lying. It’s been a week since his last episode, and knowing that this is the calm before the storm, Jeno can’t help but be nervous of what will happen. Renjun hadn’t had his Therapy session for a whole week and it’s stressing him, the effects obvious. He’s more cold, more anxious. Most of the time he sleep fast and then wake as if he had a nightmare. Renjun’s doctor has been vocal about his illness. At first, Jeno wondered why Renjun sticked so much to Mark. But upon hearing the Doctor’s explanation, he finally understood why. 

 

_ As of now, Renjun’s state of wellness deeply relies on his source of comfort. Mark.  _ The doctor stated.

 

Mark was the only one present in the location where the accident happened. Thus, Renjun found comfort in him. It was Mark who comforted Renjun to sleep. It was him who reminded Renjun that everything will be okay. It was him who believed in Renjun. It wasn’t Jeno. It was never Jeno. 

 

That’s why.. losing sight of Mark is like losing the ability to live for Renjun. It’s dying slowly without knowing how to live. 

 

Mark is Renjun’s only source of comfort. And Mark, is Renjun’s first love. So it makes matter worse.

 

‘Hey, Renjunnie, you have to tell me if something’s wrong okay?’ Jeno asked softly, always gentle whenever it comes to Renjun. The smaller blinked up in surprise, before his face broke into a soft smile. He cards his thin fingers through the taller’s wet hair, nodding obediently. ‘I’m strong Jeno,’ he whispers, his eyes falling shut as he collapsed forward, against Jeno’s chest. Jeno’s eyes widen in shock, and so his mouth shouted on instinct, ‘MARK!’

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Mark bit his nail, pacing back and forth while waiting for the Doctor to announce his friends current health status. All of them are outside, waiting in the lobby to be called in. Mark is Renjun’s immediate family member, so it is him who had the right to know first what happened. Donghyuck was beside him, trying to calm him down with his soothing words. But it’s not enough. All Mark can feel is fear, the guilt eating him. What if he loses Renjun? He’s too young to leave the world. Mark’s been too selfish to notice that his friend is suffering. Is that why he talked to Jaemin last night?

 

‘Everything will be fine’ Donghyuck whispers, holding his hands tight. ‘Renjun’s a fighter. Believe in him.’

 

Mark smiled at him, the nervousness ebbing away, though gradually. Donghyuck held his face on his small hands, leaning to connect their foreheads together. Mark closed his eyes, anxiously gripping the hands on his face before peppering it with kisses. Donghyuck inches closer to kiss him softly, their lips pressing against each other. Weirdly, the action only made him more anxious so he pulled away, apologizing to Donghyuck. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but fear is all he can feel. He doesn’t see Donghyuck’s wide eyes filled with fear as well. The smaller doesn’t ask his actions and instead held onto his hands tighter, patiently waiting for the results. 

 

When the Doctor walked out, Mark was the first to stand, letting go of Donghyuck’s hand as he asked the Doctor what happened. Said man regards him with respect but concern was etched on his face, ‘Mr. Mark Lee. We have the scans of his diagnosis. Shall we talk about it privately?’ Mark nodded, motioning for Jeno to follow them since he also know about Renjun’s problem. When the three of them disappeared, Donghyuck all but melted in the bench, his hands shaking. He can’t help but notice how Mark look so lost earlier. It’s totally different from the Mark he knows. The Mark earlier is surrounded by worry, nothing but fear. And it scares him, because Mark has always been lovable and affectionate. Fond.  _ But maybe that was who he really is _ , he bitterly laugh, tears forming in his eyes as he looked down to avoid the stares.  _ Maybe that is really Mark. _ And Donghyuck barely knows anything about him. He only know the one he have been faking relationship with. He only know the one he have been spending his time with. He only know the Mark he is in love with. But do you know who Mark really is?

 

Donghyuck’s answer, _ No _ .

 

‘Duckie,’ Jaemin calls, sitting down beside him to engulf him with a hug. Jaemin’s voice is familiar and soothing, comfortable. He caresses the smaller’s head, dropping an affectionate kiss on his temple as he rub his back. ‘It’s going to be okay, Renjun will be fine.’

 

Donghyuck nods sadly, thanking him. He hugged the other tighter, hoping that this feeling- this pain will go away. Some may think he is crying for Renjun but the truth is, he is crying for himself. _ How can I be such a fool? _ , he sobs into Jaemin’s shirt, pressing himself harder against the fabric. How can he be so dumb when it’s literally obvious in the eyes. Mark will always put his friends first. Will always put Renjun first. And maybe that’s what hurt the most. That Renjun will always be Mark’s No. 1, be it his priority or obligation. Donghyuck will just be  a fake boyfriend. He will only be just a fake boyfriend. Still, deep in his heart, he wishes that Mark will look at him the way he look at the older. He wishes that those kisses meant something, even if it’s a small one.

 

_ I’m so dumb _ , he thought as he wipe his tears with Jaemin’s clothes. _ I’m just Donghyuck _ .

 

‘Hey hey,’ Jaemin warns, cupping his face with his big warm hands. ‘No crying. Why are you crying?’

 

Donghyuck shook his head, sniffing. ‘No reason’

 

‘You can’t lie to me Duckie,’ Jaemin sighs, already fed up with the shits he’s going through. He already feel angry for letting DOnghyuck into this insane and ridiculous arrangement but he know his best friend better than anyone. He knows that Donghyuck will do whatever it takes to work for his own life. Without asking other for help. However, he can no longer bear seeing Donghyuck go through that pain alone. If they have to suffer together, then so be it. He pecks Donghyuck’s cheeks, eliciting a shock gasp from the smaller. It made him smile. Donghyuck is so naive, innocent and pure. He have always been prone to sadness, but the boy kept it bright with his personality. But this time, lately, this dumb arrangement is nothing but negative to Donghyuck. Jaemin can see him faking everything. Even his happiness. And he cannot let that happen. Not anymore. He continued to kiss the smaller’s cheek, wanting to hear him laugh and giggle. It wasn’t even a minute when Donghyuck started cackling, his laugh high and soft, like a baby. It sounds like music to his ears, and the others must’ve think so too for they were smiling as they watch the two interact. ‘You feeling okay now?’ he asked, rubbing Donghyuck’s cheek. The smaller nod albeit tiredly, his eyes still wet from the tears. ‘Thank you Nana’

 

‘Oh, I will always be here for you Duckie,’ Jaemin promises, like he always does. But this time it’s different. This time, Jaemin’s making sure his promise is done and acted as soon as possible. And if kicking Mark out Donghyuck’s life will ensure his friend’s safety and happiness, then Jaemin’s ready to do it.  _ A friend is always there to help _ . And if it means having to be the devil himself just so Mark can’t hurt Donghyuck, then Jaemin’s  _ ready  _ to be bad. Screw Satan, Jaemin’s more evil.

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

 

 

‘Fatigue, stress and nightmares are all symptoms of a more crucial health battle.’ The Doctor says, passing over the files of Renjun’s records. Mark and Jeno check each of them thoroughly, discussing specific parts where they think is more important. ‘As of now, Renjun’s decision to stay silent is out of our concern. You can ask the patient later to know why he decided to be mum about it. But his scans..’ he show the patient’s current brain scan, showing a large amount of difference between the normal and effects. ‘As you can see, it seems to have gotten worse. I know you are aware of this since you are his guardians.’

 

Mark pressed his lips into a thin line, ‘What do you think should we do?’

 

‘As of now, the only thing I can suggest is keep an eye on him. You saw how unstable he was. Since I’m not his personal doctor, I cannot tell the effects and changes on him. But please make sure he is safe and comfortable. The last thing we wanted is for him to go through another episode and break down.’ The doctor stood after finishing what he said, excusing himself to give the two some time to gather their thoughts. Jeno looked at Mark the moment the doors closed, knowing that it is the perfect time to open the topic that he dreaded to confess. ‘Mark, I have something to tell.’

 

Mark nods at him, listening. ‘What is it?’

 

‘The last time Renjun had his therapy, the doctor told me some things.’ Jeno states, feeling nervous. He shouldn’t be nervous,  _ it’s for Renjun _ , he argues. But deep in his heart, though he is already trying to recover from his own heartbreak, he can’t help but feel scared. Scared that once the words run out his mouth, Jeno will no longer be needed by Renjun. His presence will no longer be required because it’s Mark who Renjun needed. Jeno will only be in the way. Like Donghyuck is.  _ But Renjun is important _ , Jeno cleared his thoughts from his own selfish desires, _ if I don’t tell Mark about it, Renjun will be in great danger. _ ‘Last time, he showed great improvement. His performance was beyond expected..’

 

‘That’s great!’ Mark cheers, but a frown instantly covered his face. ‘But.. but today..’

 

‘That’s the problem.’ Jeno counters, sighing. ‘Doctor told me that with him being this steady, the chances are high that when he fall, it’ll be more life-threatening.’

 

Mark’s frown only deepen, his worry worsening. ‘What do you mean?’

 

‘If Renjun’s stable with being okay, the thought of him relapsing will be more dangerous. If ever he did, it’s not going to be easy. The effects on him will be more lethal.’

 

‘Death?’ Mark clears, gulping upon understanding what the other meant. ‘Renjun’s one step closer to death if ever he relapse.’

 

Jeno nods solemnly, ‘Too much feelings and emotions will only break Renjun. It will _ kill _ him, be it happiness or sadness.’

 

‘That’s ridiculous! Are you telling me Renjun have no right to feel be overwhelmed by happiness.’

 

‘It’s not overwhelming happiness I’m worried about Mark.’ Jeno rasp back, feeling unsteady and scared. It’s Renjun who’s suffering but it feels like it’s Jeno who’s dying internally with fear of losing the other. ‘It’s the immense sadness. You don’t know or notice it Mark but, but Renjun’s been sad lately.’

 

Mark looked down guiltily, nodding. ‘I-I noticed.’

 

Jeno clenched his fist tight, stopping himself from getting angry. Now’s not the time. ‘Now that you noticed, do you know the reason why he’s sad?’

 

Mark shook his head, his eyes looking anywhere but Jeno. He have no clue why Renjun’s acting so strange lately. If it’s the lack of time, then Mark can probably cover for the loss. Friends have always been Mark’s first priority. 

 

‘Mark, I know Renjun never told you. I don’t even want to say it but I have to, because it’s for the better.’ Jeno confesses, his heart aching painfully as he thought of the words he will have to say. Mark looked at him with expectant eyes, always ready to listen. And maybe that’s the reason why Renjun fell for Mark. He’s always there, even if he isn’t good with comforting, just having him stand beside the other will automatically calm him down. And maybe Jeno was a jealous boy. But he isn’t selfish. He wants Renjun to get better. Even if it means suffering on his place. For his pain.  ‘Renjun.. Renjun loves you Mark. And his sadness, the distance between you and him is taking a toll on him. It was always you. It is  _ you _ he needed.’  _ Not me _ , Jeno chuckles, thankful that no tears fell down.

 

Mark is silent, his eyes wide. He didn’t dare utter a word, unsure how to talk about the sensitive topic. He doesn’t know what to feel about Renjun’s love for him. He is his best friend. And they’ve been together for years, like brothers. So love? It feels strange. 

 

‘Without you, Renjun will slowly fade.’ Jeno reminds him, ‘If you can’t reciprocate his love, then the least you can do is be with him till he recover.’

 

‘But what about Donghyuck?’ Mark looked down, mentally messed up and torn between choices and decisions he know have impactful consequences. 

 

Jeno glares at him, ‘What do you mean? Renjun’s  _ dying _ Mark.’

 

Mark have no wise comeback to that. He looked down on his feet, not knowing what to do. But Jeno made sure he understand what he meant. ‘Mark, Renjun’s battling for his life. All his life, all he did is battle with guilt. The least you can do is fight his battle with him. He needs you the most as of now. He needs you this fucking moment. Remember when he surrendered everything just for your happiness.’ Jeno spat angrily, as angry memories works it way into Mark’s mind, reminding him of the fearful reminder of how vicious and hopeless his life was. Yes, it was Mark who was there when Renjun’s family disappeared, but what people don’t know is that Renjun was also the brave one to approach Mark about his family problems. Renjun was there for Mark like a family. When no one remembered his birthday, Renjun surprise him with a gift. When no one comforts him when it’s dark, it’s Renjun who sing him to sleep via mobile. When Mark is sad, it’s Renjun who make him smile. ‘It’s unfair how easily you can forget Renjun’s hardship when you’re comfortable with life.’ Jeno says. His voice is now soft, on the verge of crying and tears. 

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Mark whispers, his voice raspy. 

 

‘Don’t say sorry to me.’ Jeno pats his shoulder, looking away as tears started to build in the corner of his eyes.  _ It hurts _ , he chuckles,  _ it really hurts _ .

 

‘Mark, you have to break up now.’ Jeno suggest, making the other stiff at his words. Mark raised his head, not actually sure if he heard it right. ‘What?’

 

Jeno cleared his throat, reiterating his thought. ‘I mean, stop this joke Mark, since it’s fake anyway.’

 

Mark can’t help but stare at him, his greatest fear coming to reality. 

 

Behind the door, with wide eyes and shocked faces, Johnny hesitantly let go of the door knob. Jaehyun doesn’t move from his spot, mind full with questions. His eyes widen with frustration, turning to Johnny. ‘What do he mean by  _ fake _ ?’

 

For once, Johnny wasn’t able to answer.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So don't forget to tel me what you think about this chapter!   
> ALSO, **THANKS FOR THE KUDOS! I CAN'T BELIEVE A LOT OF YOU APPRECIATED THIS. WE HIT THE WOAH!**
> 
> I saw this post on Twitter and believe me! IT IS REAL! I read all your comments five times a day. I get giggly when I read what you think of the updates hihi.
> 
> Let's continue to love each other and tell me which side do you support?!   
> **I LOVE YOU ALL! LOVE LOTS. XOXO. <3**
> 
> P.s I will edit this once I finished the updates.


	14. I love you forever… Even if you aren't looking at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ah, so this is what dying feels like._
> 
>  
> 
> _It taste like delusion and feels like death_
> 
>  
> 
> \- Renjun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> Let's all cry together because this chapter hurts a lot! Seriously, I cried while writing this. It only made my sobbing worst when I played **Lee Dong Wook's** A Heart's Calling
> 
> I decided to update early because I wanted to write this part so much! I wasn't joking when I wrote HEAVY ANGST. I can't believe it as well, but well, as **@woozing** said, WE DIE LIKE MEN!
> 
> My heart hurt so much for the characters, but well, this is what I planned anyway.
> 
> Enjoy reading and crying!

  


_‘I’m scared.’ Mark whispers, body trembling under the multiple layers of blankets he have. Mark remembered having his eyes closed tight, to the point that he can’t even see anything anymore. Not even darkness. Then, there’s a soft voice, light and barely-there, like a whisper. ‘It’s alright Mark. I’m scared too.’_

_Mark opened his eyes then, just in time for the lightning to strike, leaving a scary image in front of Mark’s window. The 7 year old flinched, but the voice on the other line is comforting, ‘It’s okay Mark. It’s just lightning and thunder. It cannot hurt you.’_

_Mark remembered crying against his blanket as the storm continued to roll outside. He remembered calling for his parents though he knows they will not come even if they’re just on the room beside. He remembers the soft voice lulling him to sleep, even if owner’s voice is trembling with fear as well. Mark remembers the voice very much. And he remembers how important Renjun is to him._

 

After the accident, Mark and Renjun became more closer. The death of Renjun’s parents caused him into a mental breakdown, as he became more mentally problematic. So Mark promised to be with him. To help him. And Renjun in turn, grew more attached to him. They depended on each other, like the way Mark ask for guidance when he’s lost. It’s Renjun who he seeks when he have a problem. Because it’s Renjun who can understand. Jeno have a perfect family. He was loved and treasured dearly, so it was only Mark and Renjun who are broken. Broken people must stick together after all.

 

Renjun’s not just a friend. He’s a brother. A brother that Mark love so dearly and deeply.

 

‘Mark,’ The same soft voice from his memories calls for him, only this time, the voice is much more frail, fragile and dying. Mark hurriedly turned to the source of the voice, tears clouding his vision as he take the view in front of him. Renjun’s smiling at him, though he looked dead exhausted, like his depression is eating him away along with his stressed thoughts. ‘Junnie,’ He softly greets, moving to sit on the chair beside the hospital bed. Renjun stretches to reach for him, his thin arms showing pale veins as Mark catch the hold, his heart hurting at his friend’s current state. ‘Why do you look sad?’ The smaller coughs out, hands clenching tight around Mark’s hold. Now that Mark’s got a much more closer look at him, he can’t help but cry internally. Renjun looked so different, and it’s ridiculous. It’s only been a few weeks, two weeks in specific. But Renjun looked more worse. He got thinner, sunken and sicker. Mark can’t blame anyone but himself. ‘You.. you’re getting worse Junnie,’ he says, in a joking manner, light-heartedly. Renjun giggled, nodding. ‘I am’

 

A devastatingly long silence occured, with Renjun just staring at the other who has a frown on his face. It was the sick one who broke the silence. ‘Where are the others?’

 

‘They’re out to buy some foods. Taeyong hyung and Doyoung hyung were especially worried. Even Sicheng hyung drove to the nearest store to buy your favorites.’ Mark answers, lifting his hand to run through Renjun’s silky hair. Recently, he coloured it into a brighter brown, showcasing prominent figures and high cheekbones. It used to look good before, but now, with him being this sick, Mark prefers his black coloured hair so that he can look healthy even a little bit.

 

Renjun leaned into his hand, his breathe short and fast. Still, he forced a smile out. ‘Where.. Where is Jeno?’

 

Mark feels bile working up his throat at the mention of the name. Suddenly, their conversation from earlier reminisce inside his head. Until it’s all he can think of.

 

_‘I mean, stop this joke Mark, since it’s fake anyway.’_

 

_Mark looked down on his lap, not knowing what to answer. He can’t find the right answer because the truth is, he doesn’t even want to let go of Donghyuck. But that doesn’t mean he will not take care of Renjun. He’s torn between choosing what’s important. Of course, as of now, Renjun is in need of more attention. And Mark cannot bare to lose him to death. Not after he had watched Renjun fight guilt on his own even though he knows he can’t. ‘I-I can’t..’ Mark answers softly, making Jeno frown. ‘What? Mark, you can’t serve two things at a time! You’ll eventually let go of the other!’_

 

_‘I know!’ Mark exclaimed, on edge and defeated. He slumped on himself, curling smaller. ‘But.. But I can’t..’ he whimpers, words a jumbled mess. ‘You’ll understand right Jeno? Because you care, right?’_

 

‘Mark?’ Renjun shakes his shoulder, trying to wake him up again from his deep thoughts. ‘Are you okay?’

 

Mark nodded his head, as quick as he can. ‘Y-yeah,’ he cursed at himself for losing track again, ‘Sorry, what were you asking again?’

 

Renjun’s brows are furrowed together, baffled at the confusedness of his own friend. Still, he doesn’t bring it up nor ask about his strange behaviour and instead, repeated the question. ‘Where’s Jeno? I woke up and he’s not here.’

 

‘Oh,’ Mark finally remembers, like a fool. ‘He’s.. he’s outside, taking some fresh air.’

 

Renjun laid on his bed, sighing as he stared at the ceiling. He raised his thin fingers to compare, laughing in misery when he see that there’s not much difference. Pale white, worn out and slowly decaying. Like he is. ‘How about.. How about Donghyuck? Where is he?’

 

Mark’s head snapped at that, and he’s ashamed that he can’t even look at Renjun as he try to look for a good answer. After knowing about Renjun’s feelings, he can’t help but feel guilty. All this time, Renjun’s been good to him, and he took advantage of his kindness. He used it for his own happiness that he wasn’t even aware nor smart enough to ask if Renjun wanted the same.

 

_‘Renjun loves you Mark’_

 

 _But that love is different_ , Mark bit his lips. _Philia_ or Friendship is the type of love shared between friends. The one Mark shared with Jeno and Renjun, along with his other friends. But _romantic love_ or _Eros_ is only shared between two people. One that Mark currently shared with Donghyuck, and Donghyuck alone. Yet, even though he knows that he doesn’t love Renjun that way, he can’t help but feel guilty. There is no one to blame but him for Renjun’s sufferings. He is accountable for being this selfish that even Renjun’s being is involved in his own selfish desire. ‘Donghyuck.. Donghyuck’s outside.’ Mark chose to answer truthfully. The least he can do is offer the reality of what his feelings are. He wanted to be real, to express himself clearer without lying. ‘He visited earlier and brought some foods. He even sang you to sleep.’

 

Renjun’s eyes slowly watered and his chest ache. He laughed on his own, wiping the mess away. _Donghyuck sang him to sleep?_ , Renjun wishes he had seen how he reacted. Was it for _joke_ ? For _fun_ ? Was it for him to _get better_?

 

Up until now, Renjun wonders how someone so poor, someone who have nothing, someone who is fighting for his life everyday, still have the strength and courage to face the cruelty of the world. It’s totally confusing to Renjun, who have given up on life, to see someone desperately clutch back to life even if it’s forcing him down. _Donghyuck’s a fighter_ , he once heard from Johnny and the others, though he have no clue what they were talking about. Renjun always wondered what if feels to live as someone strong, but Renjun couldn’t even decipher the thought. He can’t even imagine himself being strong. He’s a _weakling_ . He tends to depend on someone, like a _parasite_.

 

 _What a sad thought_ , Renjun chuckles sadly, clamping his eyes shut, tight and firm, to stop the tears from flowing. He doesn’t want to cry. He don’t want to look weak and frail when he’s already close to failing.

 

Renjun always envied how Donghyuck can stand up even after falling down. Whenever he glance at the other, it’s only pity that he can feel. Pity for himself. He knows a few to nothing about Donghyuck’s life, but from what he’ve heard, Donghyuck’s also parentless, which makes them equal. But Renjun can’t even think of it like that. Not when Donghyuck carries himself so highly, that even other people cannot point out if he had fallen or not. Whenever he find himself staring at Donghyuck, all he see is the reflection of who he is and who he will never be. He can't see himself in Donghyuck. The gap is so big.

 

Unlike Donghyuck, who’s confident, strong and a warrior, Renjun’s just a boy with a weak heart and a weak body, with his heart filled with nothing but guilt. That’s him. And that’s what creates him as Renjun.

 

‘Mark..’ He starts, wondering if the other is still there. It had been quiet lately, which makes him think that the other must’ve slipped away without him noticing. He can’t help but think that Mark shouldn’t be here, watching over him, taking care of him when the others are outside, huddled together. There’s a lot of things waiting for Mark outside. Good and big things awaits for him, but hindrances are in the way. It’s on Mark’s way, stopping him from becoming better. Hindrances like Renjun himself. He crane his neck at the other, tears now flowing more relentlessly. He can’t even stop them even if he tried. He just want to know one more thing. He just want to hear it from Mark himself. ‘Do.. do you love Donghyuck?’

 

At this question, Mark’s already wide eyes impossibly grew more wider. He never thought Renjun would be this straightforward about this topic. Mark hoped the other wouldn’t even bring it up, but it seems like destiny really wanted to test him. _Love?_ , Mark thought, his heart the only sound he can hear. The beat is loud and hard, and he wonders if the other can hear it too. _Do I love Donghyuck?_

 

‘Please..’ Renjun begs, and now he’s crying, tears springing out his eyes without control as he beg, desperate. ‘Please just tell me.. Do.. do you love him?’

 

Mark stared at his eyes, filled with nothing but sadness, nothing but misery and dejection, with guilt. His heart hurt, he wants to lie. He wants to run away. He wants to do everything to avoid the subject because he doesn’t want Renjun to get hurt. He already suffered enough, and Mark cannot take it if he let the other suffer again. But Mark doesn’t want to let go of Donghyuck, after everything they’ve been and done.

 

Renjun blinked his eyes as more tears sprout out of the corner of his eyes, much more than before. He doesn’t even wipe it, not too concerned about the mess. What he wants to know if his friend, his first love, his Mark love somebody else that is not him. He can’t breathe, as he raise his hand to press over his chest. _It hurts_ , he sobs, _even without the answer it hurts_ , he cries as he stared at Mark’s eyes, pleading, _I just need to know._ ‘Please tell me,’ He hiccups, cannot even hear perfectly from his shameless bawling, ‘I-I need to hear it from you.’

 

Mark watches him, not even noticing that tears are also running down his cheeks. Only when he felt water passing over his lips did he realized that he’s really miserable. He looked down on his shaking hands, listening to Renjun’s cries. He listens as his best friend cough out, sobbing hard and loud. _Painful_ , all Mark can say is it’s sounds painful. And Renjun’s not any better, looking sorrowful, wretched and just.. _heart broken_. It seems like Mark doesn’t even need to answer for the other to know this answer.

 

‘Please Mark..’ Renjun held his hand, his lips trembling and eyes quivering. Still, he put on a smile to assure the other, ‘I just need to hear it from you. Please, _do not lie_.’

 

Mark smiled back at him, though his heart is hurting. Even though his mind says _no_ , his heart screams _yes_ . He nodded, defeated as he surrender. ‘I.. I do..’ he chokes out, tightening his grip on Renjun’s hold, cursing himself, blaming himself. _How can I do this?_ , he curses, everywhere is aching, _How can I hurt someone who love me so much?_

 

Renjun’s eyes closed as he tug the other, hugging him on his own thin arms. He hugs him tight as he listen, even if he’s sobbing too. ‘I-I’m sorry..’ Mark cries, like a kid. Renjun remembers his best friend from years ago. A small kid who longed for nothing but love. And Renjun doesn’t want to be selfish. He doesn’t want to be that bad guy in a story, where he’s the reason why they can’t be together. ‘I l-love him so much..’ Mark whimpers, finding it hard to breathe with the emotions clouding his mind and especially his heart. He never thought that one day, he will have to leave Renjun. He believed that at some point, Renjun will find someone he loves, but he never thought it will be this heart-wrenching for the both of them. He never thought it will be this hard to admit that he’s not any better. He never thought it will be him. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.. but.. but I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to lie anymore. I-I _love_ Donghyuck,’ Mark sobs, confessing what he feels lifts a heavy weight off his chest. Yet, it brings another weight into his heart. Guilt.

 

Renjun doesn’t stop crying, hugging him near to his chest. Near to his heart. Hoping, that even with this position, he might atleast feel Mark’s love for him. Even if it’s not for him. He cried his heart out because it’s the only thing he can do. It’s the only thing a weakling can do. Cry.

 

When they had enough of crying, noticing each other’s red eyes and sore throats, Renjun was the one burst into giggles. He looks at Mark, his eyes filled with love and adoration. He had always looked at Mark the same way, hoping that one day the other will look back with the same intensity of feelings. But it looks like destiny didn’t plan it this way. Like the way it planned his parent’s death and then his fatal illness. Mark looked back at him albeit shyly, as if he’s embarrassed and ashamed of what he have done. ‘Don’t be shy,’ He whispers, throat scratchy from the intense breakdown he did. His heart hurts too, but Mark doesn’t need to know. ‘You did the right thing. You didn’t lie.’

 

Mark nods solemnly, still looking down.

 

Renjun glanced at his red lips, heart aching more and more as time pass by. He raised his own hands to feel his lips, chapped and dry. _What a disgust_ , he internally thought, _i’m dying_. He wonders what would Mark’s lips taste like. ‘Mark.. I lied..’ He titters, looking despondent. ‘I.. I have one more thing to ask you.’

 

Mark’s heart jumped a beat, and he nods frantically. This is the best he can offer. The best he can do is follow. ‘What is it?’

 

Renjun smiled at him, looking nothing but happy. He looked like in the verge of despair, like giving up. ‘Can I…’ he paused, unsure. He doesn’t know if it’s alright to ask for it. _How hopeless_ , his mind whispers, _what a desperate being_. Still, he wants to be selfish, even for the last time. Just for the last time. ‘Can I.. kiss you?’

 

Mark stared at him, blanching. He paled at the request. He’s not sure if he even want to do it. But one last look at his devastated friend had his resolve breaking. Just one wouldn’t hurt.

 

He inches closer, hands already cupping Renjun’s sharp jaw. He leaned to hold his shoulder gently, scared of hurting him. _It’s strange_ , he thought, his body knows it’s not Donghyuck whos’ in his arms right now. It even feels like he’s invading Renjun’s space. The smaller tightly gripped his shoulder, flinching at the proximity. Everything screams wrong. It made Renjun tear up. How sad, that he have to beg to be in this position. To receive Mark’s love. To feel like there isn’t guilt on his heart nor a fault on his hands. Renjun tilted his head up, smiling at the taller. He tries to take in everything. Mark has always been handsome, but Renjun fell for his kind heart. And knowing that he will not be the subject of it hurts more than the ache he’s currently experiencing. _It hurts_ , he cries as tears rolled down his cheeks. He pulled the other, hating the way that he craves for that affection. For that love knowing that it wasn’t for him. ‘I love you Mark,’ he whispers against his lips, closing his eyes.

 

He have always thought kisses were magical. Something that are shared between lovers. Sweet, soft and memorable. Yet, nothing feels closer to that. Right now, all he can taste is salt and bitterness, the acidity of reality finally being felt in his heart. _It taste like delusion and feels like death,_ Renjun cries against the other, whimpering when Mark gently laid him down on his back, _Ah, this is what dying feels like._

 

Still, he let himself die in the arms of the one he love so much.

  


∞ ❖ ∞

  


Jeno watches from the open door, tears springing out of his eyes. He already knew it would hurt, but he never thought it would hurt this much. To the point that he feels like dying here, right there and then. He take one last look at the couple on the bed, sharing soft kisses before he closed the door with a dry laugh, wiping his tears away. He walked away, needing more fresh air. He tried not to think about it, but he ended up remembering the scene before him. He intend to talk to Mark, wanting to clarify his answer from their conversation.

 

_‘What? Mark, you can’t serve two things at a time! You’ll eventually let go of the other!’_

 

_‘I know!_ _But.. But I can’t..’_

_‘You’ll understand right Jeno? Because you care, right?’_

 

Jeno laughs, finally letting go of the tears. Keeping them hurts so he’ll let them flow out. Until everything is okay. He want to ask Mark, but he know Mark. Because they’ve been together for years. He know Mark valued people. _Shit, it hurts so bad_ , Jeno cackles through wet sobs as he fishes his handkerchief out. He already knew even beforehand that Renjun will eventually rely on Mark. He have warned himself. Yet, it feels like the warning isn’t enough. Because now, nothing hurts more than seeing the one you love with somebody else.

 

_‘You’ll understand right Jeno? Because you care, right?’_

 

He does understand. Because he have cared for a long time. He cared too much that it hurts even if he’s not involved. It hurts so much that it doesn’t feel anything anymore. _Of course I understand_ , Jeno scoffs as he walked out of the building to buy a drink. The vending machine is at the parking lot, settled between big benches. He walks to it aimlessly, laughing without any thought. He can’t even think of anything. He wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh. He wanted for this pain to go away. He want to _disappear_. He feels tiny drops falling down, and he can’t help but finally cry in earnest, hating the way that the weather is also crying with him.

 

The tiny drops turned into bigger and faster one, raining hard but Jeno stood still, staring at the drink he just punched in. _Funny thought_ , he cackles in pain, _I bought his favorite._

 

His hands are shaking and so is his shoulder, but he can’t even move. Everything hurts so bad. He just wanted to get over the pain and be happy again. Suddenly, the rain seemed to stop, but only when he raised his head he realized that it didn’t, _instead_ , an umbrella was over his head. And a person was kindly holding the umbrella for him. ‘Why are you getting wet in the rain Jeno?’ A familiar voice, the one that Jeno needed the most, the voice filled with comfort and concern, _Donghyuck_ asked behind him. As Jeno turned to face him, his face crumpled into pain as he finally let his emotions show. Donghyuck frowned at the expression, his voice soft and caring even with the harsh wind of rain. ‘What’s wrong? Are you hurt?’

 

Yet Jeno can’t find it in himself to answer. He can’t speak, can’t even utter a word out of his tired sore mouth. So he did what he think is best to stop the ache. To stop the pain from spreading. He did what he wanted to do to erase the pain.

 

‘Jeno what’s wro-’

 

He blinked at the taller, noticing his shivering form. He's mildly surprised at the tight embrace he's on, but he learned not to question someone when they're emotionally unstable. He can’t help but be worried though, his hand patting the other’s back soothingly like he always does. ‘Jeno?’

 

‘Please,’ Jeno weeps, in anguish, tightening his hold around the other as he cry his hearts out. ‘Please, just stay.’

 

Jeno always thought it’s ridiculous for Renjun to say that he’s being left behind. The fear of being forgotten, the reality of being unremembered. The truth is, that’s what Jeno feared the most. It’s funny. _It became even more funnier_ , as he struggled to breathe, taking in the comforting smell of Donghyuck’s scent, _when he realized that he was long forgotten._

 

It is true, that nothing hurts more than watching your love one love someone else.

 

But Jeno always loved bitter endings.

 

He just never thought he would love it so much to be his own epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget to tell me what you think about this chapter? I know this was such a weird turn of events but this is what we choose! Also, to the comments, I appreciate everything. Even the long and short ones. I appreciate everything. I read everything, do not worry. I can feel your emotions through those comments and they hype me up so much! **I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!** No words can express how blessed I am with such amazing readers. I hope that I can do well and deliver a good conclusion for this story!
> 
> So, tell me what you think? Which side are you on? There's like thousands of heart breaking but what's a good story without realizing the pain! WE ARE BORN FIGHTERS!
> 
> I will see you on the next chapter! <3
> 
> Lovelots. Xoxo. <3


	15. you live in my soul, your heart is my goal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark finally understands what pain really means. It's choosing something over Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the support and love! I know that you can sense the end coming. Guess in the comment box on what will happen to our characters. Will it result to heartbreak? Or happy ending? Tell me what you think!
> 
> Enjoy reading <3

  
  


Donghyuck let Jeno cry on his shoulder, his hug tight and firm like he doesn’t want to let go. Donghyuck’s been itching to ask what’s wrong and why is he acting like this, but he knows Jeno needed some time and space. Right now, the thing he needed the most is understanding, and though Donghyuck know they are not best friends or anything close to it, he made sure to be as comfortable and caring to the other. 

 

The rain is still strong against the umbrella and Donghyuck’s starting to feel his fingers shake from the cold. ‘Jeno,’ He mumbles, clothes wet from Jeno’s embrace. Jeno pulled back slightly, shivering. Donghyuck’s eyes widen at the blue pale lips, hurriedly holding his face on between his small warm palms. ‘Shi- Jeno, you’re freezing!’

 

Jeno coughs softly, curling against the smaller as his hold around the other tightens. ‘S-so cold Donghyuck,’

 

The smaller tried to balance both the umbrella and Jeno, the pounding of his heart loud on his own ears. It’s the first time he’s seeing Jeno like this, and it’s not a good thing. ‘Crap, Jeno, hold onto me’ Donghyuck mutters, pulling the taller to rest on his shoulder. Jeno secures his arm around Donghyuck’s waist to steady himself, his breathing ragged. 

 

‘Shit-’ Donghyuck curses, cradling his cheek on his free hand. ‘You’re so cold!’

 

Jeno nods mutely, turning his face against the latter’s cheeks, his breathe fanning over the other’s face.  _ It’s so cold _ , he sleepily notes, pushing his face against the other’s neck. Donghyuck shrieked, but doesn’t let go. His skin is cooling because of Jeno’s temperature, and because they remained outside while it’s raining, the smaller is starting to shake from the cold as well. ‘Hold onto me’ Donghyuck instructs, trying to nudge the other to wake him up.  _ He can’t fall asleep here! _ , Donghyuck panics,  _ and not on me! _ . ‘Jeno’ He jerk his shoulder, trying to get a response. Jeno’s eyes cracks open, their foreheads touching as he take short breaths. Donghyuck smiled when the other seems to understand what’s happening, ‘We’ll have to walk inside. Until then, stay awake, okay?’

 

Jeno blinks at him, mind still fuzzy, yet he nods slightly, rubbing his cheek against Donghyuck’s cheek, making the smaller shriek once again. They try to make it work by half-walking and half-dragging with mostly Donghyuck doing the work. Jeno’s almost asleep by the time they collapsed on the hospital floor, alarming the rest of their friends. Doyoung, like the worry-wart he is, collapsed beside them as well. ‘What happened?!’

 

‘I-it’s Jeno,’ Donghyuck gasped out, too tired. Jeno’s heavy. ‘He’s sick.’

 

‘Oh no.’ It was Taeil who said it, eyebrows furrowed as they all gather to help Jeno. They placed him on the couch for the meantime, Johnny already paying for a spare room. Donghyuck finally sighed in relief, staring at Jeno’s side profile. He wonders what went wrong.  _ Why were you crying outside? _ , Donghyuck deeply thought, paling when he remembers Jeno’s brave action earlier. He was probably delusional to realize what he did.

 

Just as he was about to close his eyes to rest, a gentle yet firm hand rest on his shoulders, jerking him awake. When he turned to see who it was, he’s bewildered to see Johnny and Jaehyun looming over him, their faces unreadable. ‘Haechan, we need to talk to you.’ Johnny says, his voice calm yet authoritative. The smaller one slowly nodded, rubbing his eyes, unsure if he’s dreaming or not.  _ Why do they need to talk to me? _ , he thought, puzzled as he stood.  _ There’s more important things to do than talking to me _ , he sighed, thinking of Renjun and Jeno who are both sick, as he followed the two towers walk into an empty room. Once the door closed, only did Donghyuck felt the tension. The room feels too crowded even if it’s the only three of them inside. The younger feels like suffocating from the intensity of their looks, their eyes bearing something heavy, something frightening for someone so small and young like Donghyuck.

 

‘How are you feeling Haechan?’ Johnny asked, forcing a smile but it seems like he can’t even look at Donghyuck. With dread covering his heart, Donghyuck guesses what this conversation would be. ‘I.. I’m doing fine.’ then he paused, looking at their blank faces. Johnny looked ridiculous with the way he’s fidgeting, trying to look anywhere but the smaller while Jaehyun’s face remained stoic and unmoving, his eyes still the scary glare he’s always sporting. He doesn’t wait for them, and instead asked on his own accord. ‘Why.. why did you call me here? You.. wanted to know something right? What is it?’

 

Their eyes widen at the question, seemingly shocked by the other’s braveness. Jaehyun, who nodded at Johnny, asked. ‘We’re not here to hurt you Haechan-ah’

 

Donghyuck can’t help but shiver at the authority in his voice. He’d only seen Jaehyun smile and make an expression on multiple occasion, but not always. Along with that, is his voice as well. It’s quite terrifying to hear his voice in this kind of situation. Donghyuck can’t help but be scared even for a little. ‘I know you’re not gonna hurt me hyungs,’ Donghyuck says with a sincere smile. It instantly calms the two down. Donghyuck knows they won’t hurt him, after they showed him how special he was, he’s smart enough not to judge their personalities. What he’s trying to know is their intention. ‘Then, ask ahead hyung. I’ll answer to the fullest of my heart.’

 

At that, Jaehyun cracked a small shy smile. ‘What..’ he started, uncomfortable as he gripped his sleeves down, trying to distract himself. ‘What is your connection with Mark?’

 

Donghyuck blinked at the question, lost for a second.  _ Connection _ ? ‘He’s my boyfriend.’

 

A pregnant silence, then Johnny quirks an eyebrow. ‘Are you  _ really _ ?’

 

Donghyuck feels bile coming up his throat as he registered the look on their faces. Apologetic and frustrated, clenched fist as if baffled and puzzled. His saliva dried up, even the water on his throat turned arid, as he come to the realization that Johnny and Jaehyun doesn’t want him to admit the  _ truth _ . Because they already know. They already knew past their act, through their lies. They already know that it’s not real.. What they want is for him to tell them why it is fake. Why his and Mark’s relationship is  _ fake _ .

 

Donghyuck can only stare at their faces, waiting for an answer. 

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Jeno woke up with a crack, the throbbing in his head a painful reminder on why he’s currently laying in the bed, cold and sick. He sat up, looking out of the window as the door opened, Chenle and Jisung walking in with Doyoung and Jaemin in tow. Chenle, who’s always happy is currently sporting a sad pout. He tried to lunge onto Jeno but was immediately stopped by his taller boyfriend, Jisung. ‘We were so worried, hyung.’ Jisung explains, as the other continues to be puzzled. ‘Chenle’s been crying ever since you collapsed.’

 

Jeno’s puzzled face softens, feeling guilty for worrying the others. He let Chenle hug him as Doyoung and Jaemin prepares hot chocolate and food on the free table. ‘It feels like everybody’s sick suddenly,’ Chenle sniffs, rubbing his head against Jeno’s neck. 

 

‘Everyone’s on edge lately’ Jaemin shrugs, making the oldest in the room, Doyoung agree. ‘It feels like there’s an invisible bomb ready to explode any minute.’ At that, Jaemin shot Jeno a look. One that Jeno couldn’t quite comprehend. 

 

He doesn’t have enough time to meddle on the thought because Doyoung’s pushing a cup of noodles on his cold hands with a scowl, ‘You know I don’t like instant foods but we’ll have to stick with that for now because the rain hasn’t stopped and Jaehyun is nowhere to be found.’

 

Jeno thanked him softly, letting the older ruffle his hair and maybe pop three kisses on his cheek even if he’s already a grown up. Maybe it’s because he’s been blind to affection that he doesn’t realize he’s been receiving it ever since. Or maybe it’s because he had been dreaming all his life of acquiring love from Renjun that he never notice that the others had already flooded him with it. ‘How are you feeling?’ Jaemin asked, propping his chin on his hands as he stir Jeno’s chocolate in a cup. 

 

Jeno raised his head form the cup noodles he’s currently eating, ‘I feel a little bit alright. My head’s still pounding though.’

 

Jaemin’s eyes doesn’t even blink as he smirked, pushing the hot beverage to the other. ‘I meant, your  _ heart _ .’

 

Jeno chokes on his drink, first because it’s steaming and really hot, and second because Jaemin still hasn’t remove the damn cocky smirk off his face. ‘What do you mean?’

 

Jaemin rose from his seat, choosing to plonk himself down on the space beside Jeno. Doyoung, who’s busy comforting a sad Chenle doesn’t even bat an eye at them, and instead ushered the two kids out of the room. ‘I know what you saw, because I saw it too.’ Jaemin whispers, as if it’s a dead secret. Jeno, for a second, thought he was joking. For someone who saw such intriguing view, he sure is acting nonchalant about it. However, when he pulled, Jaemin’s expression has already changed. Now, he’s sporting a frown, one that Jeno wouldn’t mistake to name;  _ worry _ . 

 

‘Yes, I saw it. So?’ Jeno responded, going back to eating his noodles. If he doesn’t finish his food, Doyoung would probably throw a fit. He doesn’t know why Jaemin’s acting suspicious and worried about the thought. Maybe it’s because of Donghyuck.  _ Oh shoot _ , he thought, fearing that Donghyuck would know what Mark did. Even if he’s frustrated about what his friend did, he knows the other has an explanation so he cannot actually talk about it unless he have permission to do so. ‘Is it because of Donghyuck? Please don’t tell him yet. I’ll.. I’ll find time and talk to Mark about it.’

 

‘I do not worry about Donghyuck that much,’ Jaemin admitted, tracing soft lines on the blanket. He cast Jeno a look, a little worried. ‘I can protect Donghyuck, even if I’m alone I can make sure he’s going to be okay.’

 

Jeno slowly nodded at that, now completely baffled. ‘Then what’s wrong?’

 

Jaemin sighed as he shake his head in disbelief, lifting his head to look at Jeno dead in the eyes. ‘What I worry about is you and your friends.’

 

It felt like cold water on bare skin, or hot water on his nerves. No words came out of his mouth, he was rendered speechless at the words said to him.  _ I worry about you and your friends _ . ‘For what reason?’ He asked, not understanding why someone who he barely met is overly concerned about their lives. ‘Can you explain to me why are you so concerned about us then?’ He hope he doesn’t sound harsh, but his voice is filled with frustration and pain. Jaemin’s concern is not needed, atleast to Jeno that is. Jaemin doesn’t even seem offended at his rash words. ‘Jeno, I might be sarcastic and cold on the outside, but I’m not that bad.’ He jokes, his smile dropping upon noticing Jeno’s confused expression. ‘I may not act like it but I worry for your choices. You, Mark and Renjun. All of you. Everyone in this group seems to have a problem but none of you have the confidence to voice it out. If you would just talk it out then wouldn’t it solve everything.’

 

‘Do you think it’s that easy?’

 

‘I didn’t say it was easy, but atleast it’s going to be worth the shot.’ Jaemin retorts, moving away to sit on the chair. Jeno can’t help but laugh, strangely, he feels like going crazy. Donghyuck have said it once too, but was it that easy to do? It’s easier to say than act. ‘You think words will solve our problems? You must be pretty delusional Na Jaemin. I know that you are concerned, but stop acting like you know what to do. It’s our lives, my life. And it’s up to me whatever I do with it.’

 

Jaemin doesn’t seem impressed by his words, his face turning stern. He clicked his tongue, setting down his cup of Americano. ‘Look Jeno, you think what you’re going through is hard, then think again.’ He gripped the cup between his hands, shocking Jeno from the force as the hot water run out of its container. It’s still steaming but Jaemin doesn’t even flinch from the heat or pain, ‘I’ve watched Donghyuck throw his life away to what he called ‘friends’. I watched my bestfriend give everything he had, including his own happiness just to see his so-called friends be happy. In the end, they all disappeared anyways.’ He grit his teeth, hot water drying on his skin and leaving a painful reminder; blisters. ‘You wanna know why I’m telling you this? It’s because history’s repeating itself. Donghyuck’s giving his own happiness away again. He’s trying to help your group work out, even if you’re lying, just to make sure all of you are going to be okay. He’s trying so hard. Yet.. yet all you do is cause more trouble. All of you. It’s all up to Donghyuck to fix it. He hasn’t even been with you for years but he treats you all like family. So, tell me Jeno, why are you acting like a kid? Aren’t you responsible enough for your own mistakes and actions.’

 

Jeno’s eyes are wide, extremely shock from what he heard. He cannot even find the words to say. To say that he is embarrassed and ashamed is an understatement.

 

‘Tell me why you can’t help Donghyuck? Speak for yourself or for others?’ Jaemin sniffs and it surprised Jeno to know that the other can even express such emotion. He had always thought Jaemin’s a cocky asshole with the way he cock his head and let his dangerous smirk cover half of his face. ‘Tell me why Donghyuck have to do it for you?’

 

Jeno looked down on his lap, hot chocolate long forgotten. Jaemin is right. How can they be such jerks? How can they be such ungrateful jerks, who only took and used Donghyuck for their own advantage. Yes, they treat him to restaurants, take him to good places and even fed him good foods. But what about Donghyuck? What about his feelings? They agreed to pay him a good amount of money just to show up as Mark’s fake boyfriend. But did it include Donghyuck worrying over Mark? Did it include Donghyuck comforting and trying to make Jeno happy? Did it include for Donghyuck singing Renjun to sleep when he’s sick?  _ No _ . Infact, nothing about it made it into the contract. Their arrangement doesn’t involve for Donghyuck to be  _ kind _ ,  _ sweet _ and  _ understanding _ . 

 

They took him for granted. They still do.

 

‘How can you all be such assholes?’ Jaemin chuckles wetly, wiping his snotty nose with a tissue. ‘All I could ever ask for is fix your own problems. Donghyuck already has so much in his plate. I know Donghyuck. You don’t even need to ask him yet he’ll still do it. He’ll still help you.’

 

Jeno’s so ashamed for himself. So ashamed for his group. Yet, the only words he can utter is, ‘I’m sorry’

 

‘Of course you are.’ Jaemin sighs, a little smile tilting the side of his lips. ‘But you know what, nothing will be solved if you don’t talk. Talk about your relationship with Mark. With Renjun. Tell them honestly what you feel, not only to them but to all of your friends. In that sense, you’d understand why things happen in this way. You’ll understand then why Renjun decided to stay with Mark. Why Mark decided to lie to your friends.’

 

Tears sprout of his eyes, smiling sadly yet his heart feels light. ‘I guess I should start by talking to Donghyuck then. Apologize for our carelessness and for our selfishness.’

 

Jaemin agreed with a smile, now relaxed and comforting. Jeno’s happy to know that Donghyuck have a bestfriend so wonderful like Jaemin. He hopes that he can be like that someday to their group. ‘Thank you Jaemin,’ 

 

Jaemin shook his head, raising his hand, the uninjured one, to mess Jeno’s already messy hair. ‘Look, it’s not just about Donghyuck. It’s about all of you too.’ he tilt the other’s face to look at him, ‘You have to speak for yourself. In that sense, everybody will know what you want them to know. Donghyuck might’ve lived his whole life trying not to burden others, but he was once there too. Once lost.’

 

Jeno cradled the hand on his cheek, heart aching for the pain Donghyuck have gone through. ‘Why.. why are you telling me this?’ Tears rolled down his cheeks, into his lips, tasting it bitter and salty, yet relieving to release.

 

‘Because you’re accountable for your own happiness. For your own mistakes.’ Jaemin says, soft and warm, ‘Every consequences, it’s because of the decision you made. It’s a risk only you know. either it’ll be painful or not. And that’s the risk Donghyuck decided to choose. For all of you.’

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


‘Where should I start hyung?’ Donghyuck lets out a wet laugh, feeling drained and ashamed of himself. He know he’s just a part of the plan, but now that he’s alone and being interrogated, the focus of shame is him alone. Johnny and Jaehyun didn’t answer for they couldn’t. Donghyuck laughs softly, his hands shaking from nervousness, ‘Well, it started with an accident.’

 

He remember their fateful encounter with Mark bumping him with his car. Weirdly, that incident never failed to make him laugh. Looking back at their meeting, the only conclusion is that destiny has a way for them, may it be dangerous or normal. 'I.. we bumped into each other, and I caused some damages to his car. But they paid and we swore to never see each other again,' He laughs, his heart still beating frantically. 'After that day, we kept on seeing each other accidentally. Until.. until they asked me to pretend..' He wanted to stop the words. It's  _ betrayal _ . To talk about these things without his partner knowing. The thought leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, and Donghyuck have never tasted something so bad in his entire life. He knows that Mark promised that if things don't go the way they planned, then it's Mark's responsibility to speak about the arrangement. Still, it's Donghyuck under the spotlight. He's the one they're after, not Mark. 'I know you wanted to know why he did this.'

 

Johnny nods, disappointed. 'We badly want to know.'

 

'Mark's a brother to us. So to lie for such small matter hurt us deeply.' Jaehyun adds quietly. 

 

Donghyuck looked at them alarmed, not wanting to taint their friendship with the wrong choices that they made. 'He did it because he doesn't want to look like a loser,' He says, capturing their attention once again. He shrink back at himself, feeling exhausted from the conversation. 'He lied because he doesn't want to be a loser.'

 

'We never thought of him as a loser.' Johnny sighs, rubbing a palm against his cheek, 'But to lie.'

 

'He did it for you guys!' Donghyuck protest, voice a little louder than before. He doesn't want them to fight, yet the only thing he can do is assure them that he meant it for good. Not for the bad. 'He didn't intend to hurt you. He.. he doesn't want to be left behind because all of you are on this same wave and he doesn't want to be the one alone.'

 

Jaehyun and Johnny stared at him with frown on their faces, shaking their heads. It's clear that they are disappointed with Mark and what he had done. It's all his fault after all but Donghyuck can't help but feel guilty as well. Maybe because he took part in it too. 'It's my fault too.' He whispers, a tear falling down his eyes, 'I needed the money so I agreed. We were both losers, I guess.'

 

'Oh Donghyuck,' Johnny cooes, striding to sit beside him as he hug him gentle and careful, 'That's not what we meant.’ They perfectly know of what he meant. Until now, Donghyuck’s life remained as a secret due to the fact that he is a struggling individual working himself to death. Johnny and Jaehyun learned of it after investigations. They know it’s maddening and sick to actually do it, but they just needed to know who he is and what he have been through. Records from school and work only justified the truth that Donghyuck’s struggling with money to make ends meet. Jaehyun and Johnny had never felt so sick of themselves after thinking badly of the other. 

 

Jaehyun shook his head in disagreement to what he said, sitting beside the smaller as well. ‘What does your contract entails?’

 

Donghyuck looked at their faces, his anxiousness settling down upon seeing that they don’t look angry or mad. ‘Well, it’s just us being a couple. We have to act real so that you wouldn’t question it. But I guess, the cat’s out of the bag, since you’re currently quizzing me.’

 

‘Oh, don’t think that we actually noticed if there’s something wrong.’ Johnny says, raising his hands innocently. ‘We.. we are not here because we finally saw through your acts. We.. we overheard Mark and Jeno talking.’ Johnny’s wise enough not to talk about the topic, because the look of terror on Donghyuck’s face is enough to scare them. Fake or not, such things should only be talked about by those who are involved. They will have to talk about these things with Mark too, but not today. ‘They must’ve been talking about the payment. Our deadline is..’ Donghyuck suddenly turned silent, as Johnny and Jaehyun shared a look over his head. 

 

‘Donghyuck..’ Johnny sighs, holding his smaller hands between his much larger ones, ‘Let’s not talk about the money and relationship. But, I have a question.

 

Donghyuck just hummed in assent. 

 

‘Do you.. Do you perhaps remember your parent’s accident?’ Johnny asked, deeply wishing that any bad memories will not be triggered. He needs answer. They all need. And Donghyuck’s the only one that can supply them with the missing informations. The boy between stiffened, unsure of what the relation of their former conversation to this new topic is all about, but still, he took a deep breathe to release the shakiness, nodding. ‘I.. I remember that day. In the hospital.’ He mutters, feeling fragile at the mention of his parent’s death. ‘I remember, someone crying in the same room. A child. After that, I was passed to some local adoption center.’

 

‘Do you, mayhaps, remember the kid?’

 

Donghyuck shook his head, sagging. ‘No. There’s not much people in my life when I was young. Though I remember my father telling me that I’ll be meeting a friend close to my age. At that time, he was promoted in a higher position and he’s meeting the CEO that day. Then, they never came. I didn’t hear anything about the meetings too, so I suppose they disregard his position after the accident.’

 

‘You don’t remember the friend’s name you were supposed to meet?’ Jaehyun continues, waiting for Donghyuck to answer. The smaller nods helplessly, ‘I don’t even know his name. I only know that my he’s my father’s boss son.’

 

‘Thank you for telling us Donghyuck.’ Johnny hugged him closer to his chest, rubbing his fluffy hair. Donghyuck pulled back to look at him in the eyes, frightened, ‘You are not angry?’

 

‘Not at you,  _ hyuckie _ ’ Johnny affirmed, leaning their foreheads together to nuzzle it. The action seemed to calm the smaller down. ‘We.. we’ll have to talk to Mark about this. But we assure you that we are not going to get mad at him.’

 

‘We’re not like that.’ Jaehyun assures with a smile, nuzzling his forehead with the other as well. He drop a kiss on the other’s chubby cheeks, flushing embarrassedly. ‘That’s for my Doyoung. Thank you.’

 

Donghyuck yawns sleepily, leaning back to rest against Johnny’s shoulder. ‘Hyung, is it okay if I sleep?’

 

‘It’s better if you do at Jeno’s room. There’s a couch there.’Johnny informs, pinching his cheeks before patting him to stand. They ushered him back to where the rest are but stayed in the same room. Once the other’s out of sight, they both looked at each other with confusion and frustration. To be honest, it doesn’t actually bother them that Mark lied. Yes, he might have been scared of what the others may say and the rest might’ve reprimanded him, but him lying is not a big thing. The big deal is.. he included an innocent person in his lie. And that’s not just any person, it’s Lee Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck who’s supposed to be in the Huang Mobiles in his parents were alive. The boy who’s supposed to be living a good life and not just a fake boyfriend asking for affection from a person he never met. Lee Donghyuck, the boy who’s supposed to be Huang Renjun;s bestfriend, and not Mark.

 

They can’t even fathom how small the world is. If Donghyuck’s parents didn’t die, then wouldn’t he be a part of Mark’s group too? If they didn’t die, would’ve Donghyuck and Renjun met and became best friends? Such one thing can change the whole plan of what the destiny used to want. One thing changed Donghyuck’s whole life. 

 

There is only one good thing though.

 

‘He belonged to us.’ Jaehyun reminds with a sweet voice, a calm smile on his face. ‘He belongs to us eversince.’

 

Johnny nodded, his chest aching. Donghyuck belonged yet he’s lost. 

 

‘What are we going to do?’ Jaehyun asked, looking at his friend. 

 

‘First, talk to Mark. We have to hear his side. Then we’ll tell him about Donghyuck’s state and.. history.’ Johnny answers, opening the door. Still, one question is bugging him. He knows being involved in Mark and Donghyuck’s relationship will only result to more questions, unless Johnny’s thinking wrong. ‘Jae,’ He calls, biting his lips, ‘Do you think he love Mark?’

 

Jaehyun’s eyes are bright and sure, glinting with the knowledge that Johnny knows will scare him to death. ‘You don’t even need to ask. You just have to look at his eyes and  _ see _ .’

 

‘Then,’ Johnny adds, ‘Do you think Mark loves him?’

 

At that, Jaehyun’s eyes closed, as he lowered his head. ‘Only he can tell Johnny.’

 

And that’s what Johnny feared the most. Donghyuck is the epitome of love, affection and intimacy. Something that Mark isn’t. Donghyuck wear his heart on his sleeves, open for the world to see, visible for people to hurt. While Mark is closed-off, reserved and secretive. It’s not that Johnny wanted to barge into their relationship and demand an explanation from Mark, but he can totally see.  _ They can see _ , for they are fooled not by the fakeness of their action but by the truthness of Donghyuck’s eyes. His orbs speaks unending poetry about his partner, loving words that are kept behind lips yet his touch is caring and gentle, like of a lover. And that’s what Johnny is scared of; not that Donghyuck is in love. But that Mark’s isn’t on the same boat with him. 

 

The last thing Johnny wants is for Mark to hurt someone that is supposed to be a part of his life.

 

People may argue that they were acting suspicious in the beginning but not because of the reason they guessed. The real reason behind his and Jaehyun’s doubtful eyes is not because they are suspicious of the couple’s relationship. Rather, it was for the reason that they are simply baffled that someone they never met can turn Mark’s world around.  _ Atleast at that part he didn’t lie _ , Johnny sighs,  _ Donghyuck is indeed his sun. _

 

‘We can’t let Mark hurt him.’ Jaehyun says, after a long silence passed, ‘Donghyuck already went through a lot. I’m not even sure how they will react once they know that Donghyuck and Renjun are..’ Jaehyun rubbed his face, stressed, ‘Let’s go back to the room. I miss my boyfriend.’

 

Johnny agreed as they walk back to the room, silently hoping for the peace that they never acquired. 

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Donghyuck walked out of Jeno’s room because it’s crowded. He thought of visiting Renjun but disregarded the thought immediately. They are not close to begin with, and knowing that Mark’s catering to him is enough for him to be alright. He knows Mark will take care of him very well. 

 

He didn’t expect though to see Mark lingering at the vending machine on one corner of the hospital, tiredly drinking a can of black coffee. ‘Mark?’

 

Said boy raised his head, eyes widening in relief. ‘Dong.. Haechan.’ Before he run to him, hugging him tight as he kissed his cheeks. Donghyuck took a step back, shocked by the action. ‘What’s wrong Mark?’ He asked, pulling to check on the taller.  _ No injuries _ , he thought with a relieved sigh,  _ so then, what’s wrong? _

 

But Mark only held him tighter, and Donghyuck knows that this moment is one of those times wherein the only thing they need is peace and comfort. Mark buried his face against his neck, breathing in his scent. He’s shaking and trembling and it’s utterly concerning yet all Donghyuck did is hum a song, his lips finding rest on Mark’s temple. It’s evident that Mark’s drained, exhausted and just too tired to explain what’s wrong. Donghyuck hopes that the other can find comfort in him, even for a short time. 

 

When Mark raised his head to look at him, he was devastated. He carefully held Donghyuck’s cheeks between his trembling palms, a little frightened. ‘Sunshine’

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, kissing his palm as he hums. 

 

‘There’s so much that I need to tell you,’ Mark coughs out, his tears flooding his face as he chokes out the words in an incomprehensible sentence. ‘I want to tell you a lot of things..’ he confesses, his tears rivalling the falls for how continuous it was. He fits their lips together, crying against the smaller’s mouth as he cradle his nape, mouthing at his plump lips. Donghyuck gasped against his mouth, shakily replying, ‘Tell me,’

 

Mark only shook his head, ‘Not now  _ baby _ ,’

 

Donghyuck’s heart soared at the endearment, clutching tight with an eager nod, ‘I will wait.’

 

Mark stared at his eyes, sobbing openly. ‘Will you?’

 

Staring at the eyes of Mark which was once filled with confidence and determination, it’s disturbing to learn that it now holds uncertainty and fear in them. Behind those trembling and fearful orbs, Donghyuck knows Mark has an explanation ready. Not just now. Not now when he’s drained and on-edge, when everything’s too much. And Donghyuck completely understands what he meant and felt, for he have been there multiple times before. ‘I will Mark,’ He promises, whispering the words of assurance and commitment against the other’s lips, hoping that his words can travel to the other’s heart as well. ‘I will wait’ he paused, and took one last look at the fear in Mark’s face. ‘Donghyuck,’ Mark cries, tugging him closer if possible, ‘I’m so  _ scared _ .’

 

‘You don’t have to be.’ Donghyuck assures, his arms around Mark’s neck to keep him there. ‘You have me, and whatever you do, I’ll understand you. I’ll wait for you.’

 

‘Tell me why?’ Mark cries, his eyes closed as if blocking the reality. Donghyuck had seen it once, the action. Renjun did it once, back when they’re watching a movie. Jeno had told him that it’s Renjun’s way of blocking the reality. By closing his eyes. It’s ludicrous to even choose darkness for reality, but then maybe reality hurts more than darkness. It’s painful to even think that they’ll choose to shut the world off just so they can block the truth; the face of the real world. ‘Why?’ Donghyuck repeats, ‘Because I..’ he stops, biting back his words.  _ I love you _ is a big word, a big meaning for a struggling Mark. He might not even understand what the other means. ‘You’re important to me. You’re special to me.’

 

He pretends Mark’s dejected face doesn’t hurt him. ‘You’re special to me too Donghyuck-ah.’ As he boldly presses their lips together, their chest aligned with each other. Mark’s heartbeat is wild and fast, Donghyuck hopes his is the same as well, so that Mark would know that he’s not the only one affected. 

 

Mark shakily raised his hand, his pinky out as he childishly asked, ‘Promise me?’

 

Donghyuck linked their pinkies with a laugh, even dropping a kiss on it to further solidify the promise. ‘I promise Mark. Whatever you do, I’ll be here waiting for you.’

 

Mark’s smile is grateful, pleased and happy. He tried to lean in for another kiss when the alarm rang, shocking them both. Then, a voice calling for Mark in the speaker, alerting them that Patient Huang Renjun is moved to the ER. Donghyuck held his hand tighter, his smile tight as well, ‘Let’s go.’

 

Mark have never run so fast for his life. Though, ironically, it’s not his life he is running for.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


'Mark! There you are.' Sicheng hurriedly tugs him, worried and uneasy. 'Renjun he.. his lifeline stopped for a second s-so they took him to t-the ER.'

 

Mark’s lungs almost stopped working after hearing those words. He walk to where the other are gathered, pressing himself to see what’s happening inside. Kun’s currently in phone, notifying Renjun’s relatives about his current state. At this point, Renjun’s relatives might take custody and pull him back to China where his relatives are. Laying on the bed, battling for his life, Mark can only sink on his knees and cry. He feels the gentle hum of Donghyuck’s heart as he soothe him down, the others assuring him that everything will be alright. Jeno’s hugging Taeyong too, his head buried on the older’s chest as they talk in hushed whispers. Soon, the doctor came out, asking for those who are in close relation with Renjun. Mark and Jeno stepped in, nodding to him. ‘By some miracle, he flatlined for a second and then came back. We’re currently observing him and his records for further changes.’ The doctor said, smiling at them. ‘Do not worry. Your friend is a fighter.’

 

When they were given permission to enter, the rest gave Jeno and Mark some time to be with their friend. Mark held Renjun’s hand with his with Jeno on the other side. His friend is still on his hospital gown after being discharged because of the alarm. Mark sighed against the blanket, hoping that Renjun will wake up. He’s so immersed in staring at the sick one that he didn’t realize Donghyuck’s outside, longingly looking at them. Jeno huffed at the sight, ‘Mark, have you told Donghyuck?’

 

Mark lift his head with a sigh, frowning. ‘About what?’

 

‘About the arrangement.’ Jeno replies, biting his thumb. ‘You know you’ll have to choose sooner or later.’ Jeno knows he’s persistent, but Mark’s silence about the matter isn’t making things better, also, it’s making him anxious. Jeno needs to know the answer, in that case, he’ll know what to if Mark chooses either of the two. If his friend decided to choose Renjun, then Jeno will give them space and cater to Donghyuck. He knows Mark cannot multi-task so he’ll do it for him. If Mark decided to choose Donghyuck, then Jeno will be left with no choice but to take care of Renjun until he recovers. Some people might think he’s crazy. Maybe he is. But he won’t let anyone get hurt because of some wrong decisions. Whatever decisions Mark will do, the consequences will surely follow. And Jeno’s going to cover for his consequences, just in case things don’t go as they planned.

 

‘Jeno, not now.’ Mark grits, turning away. His head is pounding and it hurts. Jeno’s not helping at all.

 

Jeno scoffs, ‘What do you mean? Donghyuck’s out there waiting for you while you wait for Renjun to wake up. We know he’s not the only one in pain. Doesn’t mean he’s dying means you’ll have to leave the other out!’

 

Mark stood so fast Jeno didn’t even notice it. Only when he had a hand on his collar does he notice how firm and tight his grip was, and that Mark’s totally mad with smoke fuming out his head. ‘Don’t you ever say he’s dying!’ He yells angrily, his veins evident in sight as he pull him by his collars, ‘How dare you speak to him like that Jeno! He’s our friend! Our brother!’

 

Jeno’s mind blanched for a whole minute as he try to process what he just said. Anger seems to have taken control of his mind and mouth for he didn’t know what he actually said. ‘I-I-’ He meant it for the good. He doesn’t want Renjun to die, he doesn’t want his lover to be in pain. But he doesn’t want Donghyuck to be in the dark as well just because Mark can’t choose what his priority is. He just want to know if Mark’s willing to take care of Donghyuck because he knows the other is in pain as well. He never meant to hurt or endanger Renjun. He can never will. ‘I don’t mean it like that..’

 

‘Then what?!’ Mark screams, frustrated as tears stream down his face. ‘You see how weak Renjun is right now and you have the guts to make me choose.’

 

Jeno stared at him blankly, seeing his brother crumble down. 

 

Deep in his heart, it hurts that he already know the answer.

 

Mark clutched his collar tighter, gasping heavily. Jeno looked at Renjun’s body, laying limp and almost lifeless. Jeno stood still, his voice like air, soft and almost inaudible. ‘What is it then?’

 

Mark stiffened at that, his eyes like daggers, full with hate that Jeno never thought will be directed to him in his whole life. He hears a crack, and smiled bitterly when he realized that it’s not a material nor thing, rather it’s their friendship,  _ breaking _ with the words that run out of Mark’s mouth. ‘Renjun needs me here. I can’t choose my best friend dying over a joke of a relationship.’ The words stings, and Mark already hate himself for whole eternity upon hearing those venomous words himself.

 

Jeno’s the first one to punch, his fist clenching. ‘That’s for  _ Donghyuck _ .’ and he grabbed his collar to punch his cheek again, ‘And that’s for  _ lying _ , you coward.’

 

Mark was about to punched back when the door slammed close, and a shrill cry of ‘Haechan!’ were heard from outside. Jeno cast Mark a disgusted look, before running after the other. Mark’s heart almost stopped beating as he stand on his feet, his intent to follow, only to be stopped when a weak voice calls, ‘Mark?’

 

Jeno tiredly runs for the other, looking for him. His chest ache, not because he fought with his best friend. But because he failed to protect Donghyuck.  _ I don’t want to fail again _ , he cries messily,  _ I don’t want him to get hurt like me. _

  
  



	16. i won't be silent.. i won't be speechless with my feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark loves Donghyuck _so so much_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> I got excited and posted this even if it wasn't supposed to be today! I just like how this chapter turned into. It's full of unshed tears and the unspoken emotions between Mark and the rest. I tried to be more realistic with the feelings and I think you'd actually relate with this one because this is how life works. Not everyone's going to understand you even if they're your friends. In the end, _it's omly going to be you and you alone_.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this update! The end is near and I know you're excited to see how the end will be.
> 
> Enjoy reading! ♥

  
  


Jeno continued to shout and run, looking for Donghyuck who probably hide himself from the rest of the world. Jeno’s legs is aching but he can’t seem to stop, eagerly snapping his head from left to right, hoping to spot a certain boy. He just curled over the tree just in time to see a small tuft of hair behind the bush, cowering as little as he can to himself. Jeno didn’t waste any time and hurriedly walked to the corner, pushing the masses of leaves away. There, huddled to himself, is Donghyuck with his face buried on his knees. Jeno thought of calling the others, because they are probably worried, but looking at Donghyuck, he knows that like him,  _ this one _ needs space, time and comfort. Maybe it’s time for Jeno to do the same for him.

 

He crouched down beside him, sitting beside him but not too close incase he gets suffocated. For awhile, Jeno remained silent, deciding to keep his mouth shut. The only thing he can do is sigh at the unexpected turn of events. He can’t help but chuckle in sadness, knowing that these things are happening because of their own choices. Because Mark’s a _ liar _ . Because Renjun’s  _ in love _ . Because Jeno’s a  _ coward _ . And because Donghyuck’s  _ selfless _ of himself. He wonders if they can stop whatever this mess they created, but seeing that the damage is done, he knows it’s too late. ‘Hae..’ He starts, tears bubbling up his throat. His emotions are building inside his chest, ‘Donghyuck, I’m sorry. We’re sorry.’

 

Donghyuck laughs lightly, lifting his face. As expected, his face is wet with tears, eyes rimmed red and sore. His cheeks are puffed and the spot under his eyes is sunken. Jeno cannot help but feel guilty for what they’ve done to him. ‘I’m sorry too.’ Donghyuck replies, his eyes shining with tears. He wipes them hastily, ‘I probably made the hyungs worried.’

 

Jeno can’t help but agree, ‘They’re worried for you.’

 

Donghyuck turned hushed. Jeno inched closer, because it’s getting colder and Donghyuck started shivering. Jeno raised his arms to run around the smaller’s shoulder, hoping to warm him too. Donghyuck flashes him a small smile, grateful. ‘You’re probably thinking. You have some questions, go on. I can help you.’ Donghyuck mutters lowly, his voice like a whisper on the cold harsh breeze. Jeno gulped anxiously, agreeing. ‘Yes, yes I do.’ and he paused, contemplating where he should start, ‘Mark.. you heard Mark earlier right?’  _ Why did you react like that _ , is what he wants to know. 

 

Donghyuck stiffened at his question, frozen and still. His response is soft and anxious, ‘I-I did.’ His tone is heart-broken, but it’s expected. 

 

‘I’m sorry it hurt,’ Jeno apologizes, pulling him closer to hug him as he let Donghyuck cry on his chest. Donghyuck wailed as loud as he can against his chest, hiccuping and sobbing but never uttering a word that Jeno knows will hurt the others. Donghyuck have always been careful of his words, even when he’s totally shattered and beyond repair. His cries were full of sadness, longing and frustrated wails of not knowing what went wrong on their relationship. Jeno had been scared when he noticed Donghyuck’s soft and fond eyes directed toward his friend. Not because he’s in love, but because it reminds him of how he looked at Renjun as well. How hopeless and desperate he was for the love that was never for him. It scared him, after knowing that he failed to protect his own broken heart and yet he watched as a dumb person as Donghyuck’s heart get torn as well. Yes, Mark’s a coward, but was he any different? Was he actually someone better than him.  _ No _ , he thought miserably,  _ if I’m not a coward then my heart would’ve not been broken. If I was braver, then I would’ve told Renjun how I felt. And dealt with the consequences even if it hurts.  _

 

_ If I'm not a coward, I could've protected Donghyuck as well.  _

 

Yet, Donghyuck took the risk. And this is the consequences.

 

‘Do.. do you hate him now?’ Jeno asked, curious as to what the other’s feeling or thinking right now. Donghyuck blinked at the question, before a sweet yet painful smile erupted in his face. ‘Just because he hurted me means I hate him.  _ Love _ ..’ he halts at the slip up, Jeno’s eyes widening in realization. So Donghyuck just continued, ‘Love is not like that. Love is.. It’s understanding even if it hurts. It’s accepting even if it’s painful. It’s receiving even if it’s not real.’

 

Jeno stared at him, too shock. ‘Y-you.. You love him…?’

 

‘Of course I do.’ Donghyuck cackles breathlessly, tears running down his cheeks as he clench his chest firmly, like it’s aching physically. ‘Of course I love him.’

 

‘H-how-’

 

‘Does it really matter how and when?’ Donghyuck cuts him off, his smile still bright and understanding. ‘What matters is that I love him and that I’m willing to let go of the pain and believe in him. Because that’s what love is. It’s all about trust.’

 

_ ‘You’re special to me too Donghyuck-ah’ _

 

He may be a hopeless person, but to him, he is a dreamer. And Donghyuck believed in a lot of good things. One being Mark. ‘Love cannot take away the pain I suffered, but with love, I can freely be happy to accept things and to understand.’ His smile never fade as he said these words. He turned to Jeno, whose expression is still shocked and refusing to believe. ‘How about you Jeno? I bet you know this feeling because you did it for Renjun too.’ The words processed in his heart even before his mind can actually comprehend what the other meant. He laughs through the thick sobs he failed to stop, his heart aching.  _ Stupid _ , he sniffs,  _ stupid me _ . ‘How can I be such a hypocrite when I did it too?’ He asked between sobs, covering his face with his hands. Donghyuck seems to be always on the right mind, even if he’s currently having an emotional breakdown. He’s always in awe at how calm and collected the other can be, how he manage to bring himself with extreme confidence yet be conscious of his surrounding. He really is a coward. He’s a coward for not being able to tell his feelings for Renjun. For being weak and deciding to keep silent. He’s a loser like Mark. 

 

‘You love him Jeno.’ Donghyuck notes softly. 

 

‘But he love someone else.’ Jeno counters, his eyes looking at the clouds that are no longer spurting teardrops of rain. Donghyuck giggles, still awfully out of energy, ‘Does it matter? If you love him tell him. Atleast you won’t regret the thought of not being able to confess.’

 

‘How about you?’ Jeno questions, his eyes hurt from the tears. Recently, he’s been crying more and more. ‘Will you tell Mark how you feel?’

 

‘Of course, once everything is okay. Once everything is not a pressure to him.’ Jeno looked at him, longer and more focused. Just hearing those words from his mouth, Jeno knows that Donghyuck indeed really love Mark. That his feelings aren’t just temporary. Jeno never thought Donghyuck will be a permanent fixture in their life. Suddenly, it feels like he can see the sun. Donghyuc’s smile is bright and encouraging, and Jeno might’ve just found the answer on how he will face the world. ‘Donghyuck, thank you.’

 

Donghyuck shook his head, ‘It’s not me. It’s you. You chose it for yourself. You made yourself happy.’

 

Jeno nods, completely understanding what he meant. He finally get it now why Donghyuck isn’t that painfully affected by Mark’s rash decisions. Because he knows and he trust Mark. For someone who have been through a lot, Donghyuck sure does rely on Mark a lot. But maybe because.. Mark love him too. Jeno’s not dumb or stupid even if a lot of people compare him to a small cute puppy. He knows because he had seen it with his own two eyes. How Mark’s eyes brighten up at the mention of Donghyuck, how his emotions change when the other is around. How relaxed he is. And how scared and stressed he was now because Renjun’s sick.  _ Mark’s not a coward _ , he thought in the light of finally understanding it,  _ He is scared. Scared because every fingers are pointed at him.  _ You’d only be a fool if you decided to choose between two important things in your life. It’s not a game anymore, and life is not a kid’s dream where you can just imagine what you want to happen. It’s real, and the moment that you really decided to choose, then life will have to take away the other. That’s why Mark is scared to choose.  _ Yet I forced him _ , he regrettably thought,  _ I forced him into thinking that one is more important than the other. _

 

‘I understand that you’re angry because Renjun’s hurting.’ Donghyuck assented, nodding his head. ‘But you should know that it’s not only him who’s hurting.’ He pats Jeno’s head, making the other laugh because  _ oh how the tables turned _ . Now it’s Jeno who’s sobbing his eyes out, ‘You are hurting Jeno. So is Mark. And so I am.’ Jeno burst into a sea of tears, nodding because it is true. He is hurting inside. And his chest ache and he just want to be okay. ‘But the pain you’re feeling is because of your own choices. If you choose to be sad, then you’re going to be sad. But if you choose to be happy, then you’re going to be alright. As for me, I chose to be happy, whatever the circumstances are, may it be painful of joyful. It’s my choice to be happy on my own.’

 

Jeno sniffs as Donghyuck rubbed his head, the breeze cold against their barely covered and barely dressed bodies. Their phone are probably booming with messages, wondering where the hell are they. 

 

‘Mark is hurting as well, and I know that he needs his best friend the most now that everyone’s eyes are on him.’ Donghyuck consoled. Jeno pulls back to look at him, still in sheer amazement at the light of hope in Donghyuck’s eyes, ‘H-how can you..’

 

‘You do stupid things when you’re in love, I guess.’ Donghyuck laughs. Jeno looked down at that, appreciating the thought that  _ yes, being in love really does make you stupid _ . The time Jeno decided to love Renjun silently, or when he decided on his own that Mark is the only one capable to take care of Renjun.  _ Why can’t I do it myself? _ Life would be so much easier if people aren’t busy trying to satisfy the needs of others. If only Jeno wasn’t that foolish to look for help when he can help himself. Instead, he’s looking for somebody else to fill in the gap. Now, he finally understands why Donghyuck’s always ready to help others. Because it is his  _ only flaw _ . Donghyuck’s real problem lies with the thought that he should not burden anyone. And Jeno’s flaw isn’t being too kind, rather it’s being a coward. As such as Mark is a liar and Renjun’s guilty of all things. To some, it may look heroic and a good quality, but no. Love is understanding. Yes it is, but what Donghyuck failed to mention is its continuation.  _ Love is understanding.. Yourself _ . Now he finally get it why Donghyuck’s sad when everyone’s sad. Why Mark’s in pain when he lies or why Renjun shuts down when he’s reminded of bad things.

 

These bad qualities are what makes you who you are. And it’s your decision, to choose whether you’d let go of this bad side or not. 

 

As for Donghyuck. He has already decided what to do.

 

He chose to be selfless, not because he loves everybody. But because.. He doesn’t love himself.

 

_ And that’s the risk Donghyuck decided to choose. _

 

To care for others. And to let go of himself.

 

Then, Donghyuck collapsed.

 

'Donghyuck!'

  
  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Donghyuck woke up with crying inside the room. He hesitantly opened his eyes, not too shocked to see that he's currently laying down. What surprised him though is that he's inside a very beautiful house. Upon turning to the side, he see Jeno and Jaemin talking in hushed whispers while Doyoung cry against Jaehyun's chest. When the people inside noticed that he's already conscious, they all rushed to him. Donghyuck notes that some of them are not here, like Johnny, Sicheng, Taeyong, Kun, Jisung and Chenle. 'They're with Mark and Renjun. They can't leave.' 

 

He wonders how are the others. There's guilt in his chest, guilty for taking their time and worry when it's supposed to be about Renjun right now. They're supposed to be with him, taking care of him and making sure he is alright. 

 

Instead, they're with him. Guarding him as if he's going to do something ridiculous one more time.

 

'Oh Haechan!' Doyoung bawls, running to him to hug him. Behind him, Jaehyun's clenching his fist with his own mind lost in his own thoughts. 'Y-you m-made us wo-worried.' Doyoung cries, burying him tight and deeper in his hug. He kisses his cheeks and forehead, checking to see if he acquired any injuries. 'How dare you walk out like without telling us where you are going! You made us very worried! You made us—' Doyoung lectures, but Donghyuck's heart is getting bigger, fluttering with affection. He can't help the tears that trickle down his cheeks as he asked, 'You're not mad?'

 

'I'm mad that you're sick and that we're worried to death.' Doyoung clarifies, 'But I'm so happy you're safe now.'

 

'You..' Donghyuck sniffs like a kid, all his pent up emotions of being loved is making him emotional. It's not helping that Doyoung and the others are literally babying him. 'You care?'

 

Doyoung and the other's stared at him, jaw-slacked. 'My.. my baby,' Doyoung chuckles through wet sobs, 'We were very worried because we care very much. We care a lot. Everyone in here. It might not look like it but we do.' 

 

Then, like a dam filled with belongingness and pain, the wall broke down finally. He sobbed so loud it alerted even Jeno and Jaemin who are far from them. Donghyuck hugged Doyoung tight, never wanting to let go. It hurts, and it feels weird to receive worry and be taken cared of by people he treated as just friends. It's a good kind of ache and he wants nothing but to be selfish and have it all. He cries against the softness of the other's clothes and cries more when Doyoung whisper sweet nothings into his ear, promising him  _ that it's going to be, we're here.  _ The rest are polite enough not to ask why he's breaking down and instead excuse themselves to take a rest. It's almost dawn and most of them are tired and exhausted, especially after what happened earlier.

 

When Doyoung already calmed him down, he settled him back to the bed. Donghyuck refused to let go, nudging his face against the older's chest. The older probably find it cute, cooing at him as he rub his back. He can faintly hear Doyoung and Jeno talking, and how they're thankful that Jeno's kind enough to lend his house for his friends. Jaemin, who remained silent walked to Donghyuck, kissing his cheeks as Doyoung sang him to sleep. Donghyuck wonders if this what it feels like to be in a family. Being pampered and babied. He's in no place to complain. He likes it anyway. He knows Jaemin's angry for his neglectfulness and that he didn't watch himself enough. He never collapsed like that. It only happened once, when he first met Jaemin and was heavily bullied because of his skin color. That day, they became bestfriends. 

 

But he will deal with it later. Once he rested enough. Doyoung's chest is soft and smells good from his perfume. He can already feel himself slipping. Behind him, he can faintly hear Jeno and Jaehyun murmuring. He wonders what they are talking about. 

 

He hopes it's not about Mark. 

 

If only they see what he can see then they'll understand.

  
  
  


'How is Renjun, hyung?' Jeno asked, nervously biting his lips. He hopes Renjun's okay. His friend likes to blame himself for all the happenings, even if it's not his fault. But Jaehyun assured him that he is fine and is currently being guarded by Sicheng and Yuta. 'I'm more concerned for Johnny and Mark. Especially right now.'

 

Jeno tilt his head at that, not completely understanding. 'What do you mean hyung?'

 

'Jeno, we..' Jaehyun sighs, 'We know about Mark and Donghyuck's fake relationship.'

 

Jeno gasp, mortified about the truth. 'W-when—'

 

'Doesn't matter.' Jaehyun dismisses, 'What matters is that Johnny's currently with Mark. I know Johnny. He might act calm, but inside he's losing control of his rage. We're disappointed about what the four of you did but right now that's not the main concern. Right now, something more bigger and important will be shed into light. And I want all of us to be calm and sane when that moment comes.'

 

Jeno doesn't have a clue what he meant by that. But judging from his words, it must be pretty big considering that he's talking about it like it's more bigger than the thought of Mark and Donghyuck faking their relationship. 'Tomorrow, I'll go to the hospital.' He walked to where Doyoung and Donghyuck are laying asleep, pressing a gentle kiss on his boyfriend's cheekboned, 'Jeno, please take charge in here. Don't let Donghyuck go out for the meantime.'

 

Jeno obeys with a nod, looking at Donghyuck who's also asleep. 'I'll protect him, hyung. Don't worry.' Jaehyun sighs at that, 'For now, I'm not worried about him. What I worry about.. is Renjun.'

 

Jeno's smile slipped away.

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


'Are.. are you alright Mark?' Renjun asked, setting down his chocolate moo drink. Mark raised his head from where it's buried, wiping his tears away. 'Y-yeah. I'm sorry.'

 

Renjun's face frowns slowly, 'Is.. is Donghyuck alright?'

 

Mark sighed, shaking his head. He checked his phone, anxiously clicking his number and waiting for him to answer. Donghyuck's phone is still turned off. He wonders if he's alright. He wanted to follow the other last night but Johnny stopped him from doing so, and Sicheng suggested that he go back to Renjun for the night. 'He hasn't answer yet since last night.' He answers back, rubbing his palm against his cheek tiredly. He wanted to know if he's alright. He wanted to make sure if he's alright. Because if he's not then Mark's doing a poor job of taking care of him. 'Don't worry.' Renjun says back lightly, sipping on his drink. 'Let's ask the others later.'

 

Mark nods gratefully, holding his hand tightly. When Renjun's sleepy enough to take a nap, Mark helped him settle down, pulling his blanket up and checking the heater before turning to walk out. His mood turned sour upon seeing Jaemin waiting for him, a scowl present in his face. He doesn't have enough time to deal with this. He haven't even slept, so his head hurt and is throbbing. He hopes Jaemin can take a hint and leave him alone for awhile.

 

Jaemin raised his eyebrows at him, already judging. 'Mark Lee.'

 

It looks like Jaemin cannot take a hint. 'Na Jaemin,' He regards exhaustedly, 'I'm tired and stressed. Let's have this talk some other time,  _ please _ .'

 

Jaemin took a deep breathe, crossing his arms over his chest. 'I just need to remind you. About Donghyuck.' His voice is strained, and it looks like it's not only Mark who hadn't slept for days. 'Look Mark, I know everything's going downhill, but you have to be careful. With Donghyuck.' He rubbed his temple, head aching, 'Last night he collapsed, and I wasn't supposed to tell you this because Donghyuck doesn't want to worry you but I just have to notify you that.. that he's currently taking anxiety tabs. You have to take care of him too.'

 

Mark's head is aching a lot more now after hearing what happened last night. 'Is he alright?'

 

'He is, right now.'

 

Mark leaned against the wall, sighing in relief. Some part of him is relieved that his partner— his lover, is alright. But some part of him is still confused as to why Jaemin's acting like he's on his side. 'Thank you for telling me. But I guess it's for Donghyuck too, so I'll do my best.'

 

'You really should.' Jaemin reminds, 'You know what I can do if you decide to hurt him.' _ I trust yo _ u, strangely and ridiculously,  _ I trust him with you _ .

 

'Why? Are you going to tell Donghyuck to break up with me too?' He can't help but scoff as sarcasm drip off his voice and tone, but his tiredness is messing up with his feelings and sanity. 'Are you going to do that the way you associated yourself with Renjun?'

 

Jaemin's face turned serious, and Mark's suddenly reminded of the first time they met. Jaemin's anything but angelic. He's a predator whose eyes are already locked on his prey, ready to tear it apart. And that prey is Mark. 'Look Mark. I only realized that you're oblivious, but I didn't know you're dumb as fuck too.' He glowers at him, his tired eyes already piercing and glowing with intense madness, 'If you ever thought that Renjun walked to me just to tell me about your fake relationship then you better start observing yourself and the others more.'

 

Mark frowned, 'Isn't that why you knew of it? Because he betrayed my trust?'

 

'Betrayed?' Jaemin sarcastically scoffs, 'The only betrayal in here is you thinking that either of your friends betrayed you. Renjun approached me because he is scared you will hurt Donghyuck.' He emphasized the words, 'He told me that he's scared you'll be hurting him without realizing it. What a good friend right?'

 

Mark's eyes widen at the truth. All these days he thought Renjun decided to betray him to go against the contract. He doesn't understand at first why Renjun's been dealing with the thought miserably, but after his confession, he finally get it. Yet, he doubted Renjun's trust to him. And he had the audacity to think it was betrayal. He can only lower his head in shame, as Jaemin stepped away with a sigh. 'Look Mark, I'm not here to fight with you. Alot's been happening lately and the last thing we should be doing is fight. I'm not that type of person.' He says, as he turned away, leaving Mark to his own thoughts. 

 

'What? You're not the type to fight a loser?' Mark chuckles, shamefaced.

 

Jaemin stopped on his tracks, his shoulder sagging with utter sadness at the devastating state of the other. 'I don't fight someone who gave up with himself.' Before he finally walks away, leaving Mark to himself. Mark chuckled at the thought, tears slowly working down his cheeks.  _ Did I gave up with myself? _

  
  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  
  


Donghyuck woke up with a start, stretching his limbs as far as it can. He looked around the spacious room, amazed at the largeness of it. At the bedside, he sees a table full of frames. On one frame, it's Jeno and the whole gang, smiling happily with ridiculous poses and peace signs. On one larger frame, it's only the three of them, Renjun, Jeno and Mark. Renjun's sat between the two boys, his arms around their shoulders as the two beams widely at the camera. In normal circumstances without Donghyuck in the story, it would've been pretty same and peaceful. But now it's different, now that he accidentally contorted the reality after barging on the story.

 

The biggest frame on the table is Jeno and Renjun. In the picture, Renjun's fast asleep as he lay comfortably against Jeno's chest whose smile is like the moon, crescent and glinting with love. It hurts more that the picture's taken when they're still kids. Everyone who see the picture will probably believe that Jeno is indeed in love.

 

Renjun must've been really important for Jeno.

 

'You're awake,' Taeil greets excitedly, putting down a tray of lunch. When Donghyuck blinked in surprise, Taeil only laughed. 'It's already afternoon but food's never late for anyone who's hungry.'

 

Just in time for Donghyuck's stomach to grumble angrily. His cheeks redden, 'Ugh, I guess I will eat.'

 

Taeil helped him, opening the curtains and checking the heater. 'You're probably wondering where the others are.' He states with a smile, 'Some of them went back to their homes for awhile. Jaehyun and Jaemin went back to the hospital to check on Renjun..'

 

'How is he?' Donghyuck counters.

 

'He's fine. Tired asleep.' Taeil answers softly. 'He asked where you are. I guess they were pretty worried when you disappeared last night.'

 

Donghyuck put down his spoon as bitterness work its way to his heart. Last night, he heard Jeno and Mark fight. He know it's wrong to eavesdrop, but he can't help but feel sad even just for a moment. It hurts to know that Mark picked Renjun over him at that moment. But he knows why Mark did it. He can see the desperation in his eyes. The thought of losing his best friend scared him to death. And Donghyuck cannot barge with that. Rather, he thought of it as an adequate reason for him to love Mark more. Mark may be stressed and humiliated to face the truth, but just like Donghyuck, he chose what he deem is right for that moment. Renjun's dying and Donghyuck's just there. Someone needed Mark more than he does.

 

And he can accept it. He'll always accept it. He doesn't want to hurt anyone just because he wants Mark to dot on him.

 

'How do you feel right now?' Taeil asked, fluffing his pillows for him. Donghyuck flashed him a thankful smile, the pain on his body alleviating now that he's properly filled with food. 'You.. you don't mind that Mark's with Renjun right?' He asked carefully, cautious of his own words. 

 

Donghyuck shook his head, 'I don't. I'm sure he needs Mark more than I do.'

 

Wrinkles appeared in Taeil's face as he frown, putting the tray aside as he took the younger's hand on his own. The action cause a strange emotion to stir inside Donghyuck's chest. He only talked to Taeil countable times, so to be this close with him is overwhelming. 'I love that you're kind and always ready to help others, Haechan-ah. But one day, when you have to choose for yourself with the things you need and you want, you have to know what's more important. Right now, I know you  _ wanted _ to be with him but the other's need always comes first.' He tucks a stray of hair behind his ear, pinching his cheeks softly, 'But one day, when you  _ need _ the care, don't be ashamed to ask for it. You don't have to be guilty for your own happiness. Sometimes, you have to think about yourself too.'

 

Donghyuck smiled at that, nodding. 'Why are you telling me this hyung?'

 

'Because Haechan-ah, it seems like you yourself haven't noticed that you're too selfless. I understand that you care for others, but take care of yourself too.'  _ Funny words _ , Donghyuck thought internally,  _ these words sounded the exact one Jaemin used to tell me. _ 'You're hurting because you cannot.. trust yourself with your own life. You have to love yourself first before you ask others to take care of your life.'

 

_ Love? Such a funny thing _ , Donghyuck mutely thought,  _ something I never experienced yet I tried to give. _

 

Taeil helped him lie down as he tuck him for a nap, kissing his forehead. 'That's a long lecture, anyways, I'll be out there watching TV shows while you sleep. Just shout if you need something.' He walks away, waving happily at Donghyuck. 

 

Donghyuck stared at the ceiling, his heart heavy. All his life, he thought he would be able to experience love if he love others.  _ It seems like it isn't enough _ , he dryly laughs, tears spurting out of his eyes,  _ how can I love myself when all I have been is a failure? _

 

Yet, he knows that Taeil is right. 

 

_ You're accountable for your own happiness. _

 

And that involves loving  _ yourself _ .

 

Something that Donghyuck hasn't experienced throughout his life.

 

Until Mark came.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


Mark's on his 4th coffee with the clock reading eight pm of the evening. He's halfway knocking down his drink when Johnny walk to him looking enraged and totally infuriated. Suddenly, there's a hand on his collar, the exact same way he held Jeno last night. Behind Johnny, Jaehyun's standing rather helpless yet mildly mad as well. It's going to be his first time seeing his brothers this angry. He knows they're angry at him, but it's alright because he know it's his fault. 'Mark' Johnny seethes, his grip tightening more. 'I wanted to talk more civilized but I guess I can't anymore, seeing as how you treated Donghyuck like trash yesterday.'

 

Mark's face pulled into a madden expression, 'Hyung, I don't—'

 

'How dare you be an asshole to him! I told you he went through a lot, yet you only think of yourself!' Johnny growls, the statement sending arrows and piercing through his heart. Nothing hurts more than hearing those painful words from the people he held close to his heart. His brothers. He can't even find the strength to speak against him because they are right. He's stupid, dumb and an asshole. He did hurt Donghyuck and he wanted to say sorry. It's just that everything's happening all at once, and it's taking a toll on him. He wanted to be there for Donghyuck but Renjun needed him, he can't cut his body into two and tend to them at the same time. He also want to take a rest, but he doesn't have any time anymore to do that. Because it's all up to him. 'You did it to yourself Mark. I should've told you before it was too late.' Johnny rasped as he let go of him, massaging his temple. 

 

Mark's face turned confused, 'What?'

 

'Donghyuck.. Donghyuck's is someone you're supposed to know eversince.' Jaehyun states, 'He's.. he's the other kid involved in the accident. His parents were the dead couple that took away Renjun's parents life too.'

 

Mark's world stopped turning.

 

'Also, Donghyuck is the one Renjun's supposed to meet that day. After his parents got promoted, they are supposed to meet but that never came, seeing as both of the employer and his employee died on the way.' Jaehyun explains, watching as Mark's expression varied from shock, scared then puzzled. 'Does that mean.. he and Renjun?'

 

'Yes.' Johnny exhaled angrily, 'And this is the reason why you fuck up Mark. You barely knew Donghyuck, you took advantage of him. He's got nothing yet you deceived him.'

 

Those words hurts more than anything in the world.  _ Deceived _ ? He can feel his heart breaking, he can even hear it. 'Is that what you thought of me hyung?' Mark asked, his tears threatening to fall.  _ It's not real _ , he argues with himself,  _ you did not lie to yourself. You love him and he loves you. _

 

'Yes Mark. You deceived him, everybody else and yourself.' Johnny spat, his eyes angry even with the way he moves. 'You don't deserve him.'

 

'STOP!' Mark yells, cutting him off with his words. He doesn't want to hear it anymore. It's not  _ true _ . He didn't  _ lie _ . He loved Donghyuck, he still does. 'Fuck— fucking stop!' He screams angrily, Jaehyun walking to him worriedly, 'T-take it back!' He begs, sentences a jumbled mess because of his tears, 'Please take it back! You can call me a jerk, an asshole. B-but don't you ever tell me I don't  _ fucking _ deserve him!' He cries, his legs giving away as he fell down on his knees. He doesn't even feel any pain nor the throbbing of his head. The only ache being felt is his heart breaking. 'I thought you understand me. How can you— take it back! D-don't say I don't d-deserve him..' He weeps loudly, heart breaking and just full of pain and fear. 'I l-love him so much.. I try not to think about all my flaws, please don't remind me.'

 

Johnny and Jaehyun remained silent, watching him sob. They're too focused on Mark that they didn't hear the door creaking open, Renjun's gasp a silent cry for help upon hearing what he wasn't meant to hear.

 

Mark cradle his head against his palms, his hyung's voice echoing inside his head like demon's whispers. 

 

_ You don't deserve him Mark. _

 

_ You don't. _

 

_ Deserve him. _

 

'Stop, please stop. I beg you.' Mark rasped painfully, like a lost child. With his position, Johnny snapped from his own anger. In his own two eyes, all he sees is a kid, needing affection and love. He prides himself not to console the other for what he have done, but he's also guilty for judging him. He might be an asshole and a jerk, but he's still a brother to them. A frail kid who once was lost until founded by Johnny and Jaehyun. 

 

The truth is, all of them are stupid, dumb and assholes. Acting like they know what's happening but deciding on their own. It's a complete bull to barge into something that they aren't included with. 

 

_ Anger really got into me _ , Johnny thought as he watch Mark cry.

 

They watch him with guilt as he beg for them to take back what they said because  _ I deserve him, I do even if I'm complete trash, I love him I'm sorry.  _ They've been too busy noticing the physical effects and damages on Renjun and Donghyuck that they don't see that Mark's already broken. All of them are. And Johnny's too fatuous to even think highly of himself when he never considered Mark in the first place. Mark is frail and entirely worn out. He's weak and overly-fatigued yet no one noticed. 

 

Only Donghyuck did. 

 

Sweet loving and ever-so-kind Donghyuck noticed and saw through his facade like no other people can.

 

'I-I love him.. please don't tell me I don't..' Mark hiccups, his tears endless as it pours continually out of his eyes. 'He believes in me when I don't.. he loves me like this so please don't,  _ just please don't _ tell me I'm not worthy of his love. I spent years of my life proving that I'm worthy yet I'm unworthy for him. B-but he still did accepted me like this… even if I'm broken and a trash and a loser..'

 

Johnny made a move to correct him with a  _ no, idiot, you're not like that _ but Jaehyun stopped him.

 

Frantic steps were heard as Ten entered the hallway, his eyes wide and scared. He cast Johnny and Mark a look, puzzled but does not mention about it. 'There's a problem!' He exclaimed, eyes wide as he paled for the words that are to come out of his mouth. 

 

Johnny wonders what's more problematic than this, 'What?'

  
  


Ten gulped, eyes widening more in fear and fright.

  
  
  


'Ren.. Renjun's  _ gone _ .'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about this?  
> Important points to remember are;  
> • Not everyone's blameless. (Unless you're Renjun who likes getting the blame _all the time_ )  
> • Do not point a finger. (Referenced from Westlife _Beautiful World_  
>  • Stand up for yourself. Speak for yourself. And lastly, Love Yourself.
> 
> I hope you like this update as much as I do! Moreover, I hope you learned things about life and how cruel the world can be. All I can say is, be ready and face the world with a smile like Lee Donghyuck. After all, _you're accountable for your own happiness_.
> 
> I'll see you on the next update! I love you all so much! *sends virtual kisses and hugs* Can't believe YDIJFF's family got biggee! Hihi. (灬♥ω♥灬)
> 
> Ciao. (๑¯ω¯๑)


	17. wherever you are baby, that's where i wanna be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So this is what it feels like to love for real_  
>  \- Donghyuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> First of all, I am sorry for not updating quick and fast! I know you are all dying and dreading to know what happened next. I got busy preparing for job application that I found no time to update. I also apologize for not replying to your comments, but I assure you they made me happy and made me smile the whole week! ♥
> 
> Thank you for your support! This story is about to end and I'm very enraptured to know that I made all of you happy even for a short amount of time.
> 
> I promise to give my best for the remaining parts. Also, this is the last part of angst! The following chapters are going to be mending back the characters ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love, kudos and support I received! You made me so happy! Writing this story taught me a lot of things and I learned a lot from you all my readers. Tysm. Love you all. Xoxo. (灬♥ω♥灬)

 

Donghyuck shot up into a sitting position when glass breaking resounded around the room. He stepped down from the bed, aiming for the door to check what happened. When he opened the door, he’s shocked to see Sicheng crying while his boyfriend Yuta tries to comfort him. Beside them, Kun’s carefully picking the shattered shards of glass on the floor as Jeno and Jaemin help him clean the area. He wants to know what’s wrong but it seems like it’s not his concern to be notified. Sicheng’s still crying and he even saw Kun shedding a tear while trying to clean the floor. Something must’ve gone wrong. And it must be big, considering how devastated they all looked.

 

‘Shh, it’s okay. We’ll look for him.’ Yuta murmurs, loud enough for Donghyuck to hear. He frowns upon hearing what the other said. _Look for who?_ , he thought, biting his lips as he twist the doorknob wider. He wanted to know what happened. He wanted to help. Sicheng pulled his face away from his hands, trembling hard. ‘B-but what if.. what if he get hurt?!’ He cries, coughing out the words. ‘What if he’s lost?! There’s a lot of bad guys around what if he-’

 

Yuta kisses his cheeks, shushing him into silence. The other just keeps on whispering on his ears, tucking his head at the other’s neck. Probably notifying him about their group’s actions on this incident.

 

‘What did Johnny said, hyung?’ Jeno asked over the silence. It’s so noiseless that it’s already deafening. Donghyuck can’t help but fidget in his spot, straining his ears to hear more though the words are like shouted over the stillness of the room. Kun sighs as he stood, his face set on a hard frown, ‘Renjun.. He’s gone.’

 

Jeno gasped loudly while Jaemin widened his eyes in shock. Jeno closed his eyes to calm himself down before hurriedly whipping his phone out but was stopped by Kun immediately. ‘They on the search now. You should go look too. I’ll watch Chenle and Jisung.’ Jeno nodded, running passed through the front door. Jaemin turned to Kun, frowning. ‘Have you told Dong.. Haechan?’

 

Kun shook his head, ‘Not yet.’ Then he paused, his eyes glancing at Sicheng and Yuta who’s now both curled on the sofa. ‘We can’t tell him yet. He’s sick and I.. we don’t want to stress him more.’

 

Jaemin nods with an appreciative hum, his ear perking at the sound of door closing. He excused himself and walked inside one of the rooms where Donghyuck’s currently resting. He’s not surprised to see the other already dress in a comfortable wear, with socks and slippers. Donghyuck turned to him, eyebrows furrowed. ‘I.. I can’t let them do this alone.’ He looked out, on the open window. ‘Renjun needs help.’

 

Jaemin sighed as he shook his head, a soft smile on his lips. He knows it’s useless to fight with Donghyuck when the other means it for good. Trust Donghyuck to be selfless even when he’s sick. He walks to the other to help him fix his clothes, giving him his phone. ‘I’ll watch over Kun hyung and the rest. Notify us if you found him’ and he plops a soft gentle kiss on his best friend’s forehead, letting it linger for a minute. ‘Come back safe, okay?’

 

Donghyuck’s smile is bright and warm. Like of an angel. ‘Will do’ he replies before making his way out of the window and running against the cold harsh wind of the night. Jaemin sighed once again, this time in disbelief. He closed the window and made sure to create a slump figure on the bed just incase the rest check the room. He bid Kun and the others goodbye, saying that he’ll just buy some snacks. In no time, he took off running, following the footprints of his best friend.

 

Renjun needs help.

 

But Donghyuck needs help too.

 

Jaemin’s just doing his best friend role.

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

Donghyuck continued to run and run, not actually sure where he is headed. He have checked all corners of the street and based from what he heard, the others had already started their search for the others. That means Renjun’s not on hospital vicinity anymore if they failed to know where he is. He stopped by a lamppost to catch his breath, his lungs gasping for air. His chest hurts and his feet is sore already, but his heart is pounding with anxiety, wanting to know if the other is alright. Renjun’s mind is too muddled for him to be sane, and Donghyuck fears that the other might do something that he’ll regret after. He proceeded to run once he’s able enough to breathe, whipping his head left and right, hoping to see a specific person. It’s really hard especially since it’s dark and late, and the street is wide and vast. Donghyuck have to squint his eyes hard so that he can see even in the night.

 

He stopped by at the park, collapsing on his knees when his lungs finally surrendered, making it hard for him to move anymore. He clenched his eyes, tears springing out as he struggle to stand. _Fuck_ , he curses, gripping the grass now that he’s laying on it helplessly, _where is he?_

 

Suddenly, as if his wishes are answered, a sound resembling a sob erupted behind a tree. Donghyuck heaved a deep breathe, crawling to where the sound is coming from. The Park on the street have been very secluded and dangerous that is why a lot of guards guard said place. This specific park is near a forest, located on the boundary of city and countrysides where most mountains resides. It’s dangerous because of its muddy ground where a lot of people had been a victim of sliding down.

 

He forces himself to crawl where the sound is, groaning in pain when his stomach lurched in anxiety. He feels like vomiting everything he ate. But whatever he is feeling vanished the moment he saw a  familiar mess of hair, small body trembling while he hides behind the tree. Tears sprout of his eyes as he watch Renjun gripped his head, trying to stop his demons from whispering. Donghyuck knows how it feels. He’d been there. Filled with guilt and no one to blame. And that’s the reason why he cares so much. He cares for Mark and the others because he doesn’t want them to experience what he felt.

 

But he cared for Renjun because he sees himself in him. Guilty, anxious and depressed.

 

The only difference is Donghyuck’s whole weakness is covered with a mask. A wall build with fear, fakeness and the desire to be loved. His confidence is nothing but a mirage of what he really is.

 

Donghyuck isn’t strong nor brave. He’s a coward for not fighting for his own life, yet he have the mind to fight for others.

 

He continued to watch Renjun, crying on his knees with his repetitive words, ‘ _please stop, it’s my fault._ ’

 

His heart is breaking, and tears are streaming down his cheeks. It was Renjun who he’s currently watching but it feels like he’s watching his old self, the young Donghyuck who’s trying so hard to run away from the blame that he knows isn’t his. _It’s not my fault_ , he remembers the words. They’re like curses thrown by people whom he thought loved him. But they left him too.

 

‘Renjun’

 

Said boy snapped his head so fast a creak was heard. His eyes darted to where the voice is, fear etched in his face. If guilt has a face, it would probably be Renjun’s. He staggered back at the presence of the other, expecting him the least. He knows the other are looking for him, but Haechan- no, _Donghyuck_ to look for him is shocking. One of the biggest reason why Renjun’s dying in guilt is because he will be forever reminded of the death of his parents that also took innocent lives of other people. He can’t help but scream in disgust at himself upon what happened. He’s the reason why they’re not here anymore. Why Donghyuck’s parentless and had gone through a lot. He’s the one to blame.

 

‘What..’ He hiccups, his eyes wide and mortified. ‘Y-you Donghyuck..’

 

‘Let’s go home now.’ The other says softly, ring not to scare him. ‘The others are worried. They’re all searching for you.’

 

Renjun shook his head stubbornly, 'I-I don't want—' and he cast the other a pleading look. 'Please just leave me be.'

 

'I can't do that.' Donghyuck retorts, frowning. 'You're sick and exhausted. You're overthinking too and the others are worried. All of them are looking for you and Mark—'

 

'Stop!' The other yelled hysterically, his eyes bloodshot. 'Why do you even care?!'

 

Donghyuck's silent at that moment. Why does he care? Simple. 'It's because I want you to know you're not alone.' Renjun stopped shaking at the words directed to him as Donghyuck continues, 'Everyone is searching for you. All of them are scattered in every place you've possibly been to. All of them. All of your friends care for you. I care for you. Because..' he clenched his fist, 'Because you're _our_ friend Renjun.'

 

Renjun lift his head at the words, his eyes brimming with painful tears. He looked like a human form of sadness, dead on the ground without even giving a fight. 'Friends?'

 

Donghyuck exhales shakily, 'I know we didn't start good. I know we're not anything close to being friends. But I care because I can see that you want to belong. Just like me.'

 

Renjun shook his head again as his wails become louder and harsher.

 

'Mark and Jeno are waiting for you.' Donghyuck adds quietly, over Renjun's loud cries. 'Your best friends.. they're anxiously looking for you, hoping that you are fine..'

 

'They don't need me!' Renjun screams, his pale hands turning more whiter each passing second. He look close to collapsing, his face drained of color and light. He almost look dead. 'T-they have y-you—' he chokes on his tears, 'And all they need is you. You.. you belong with them.'

 

Donghyuck kneeled in front of him, mindful of the other's space, 'There's only one Renjun, and it's not me.' Donghyuck protest, trying to tell it to his ears, 'They need you just as you need them. Because they care. They love you as a family..' The latter corrected, 'They love you so much. So please..'

 

Pale hands fell limp on Renjun's side as he looked at Donghyuck, his eyes still brimming with tears. He sniffs glumly, 'Are.. are you s-sure?'

 

Donghyuck smiled sweetly, nodding. 'Yes, I am.' He lift his hands to reach for the other, waiting for him to latch onto him. Behind Renjun's a dangerous slope, so Donghyuck must make sure he will be able to pull the other into a safer place. 'Let's go home Renjunnie'

 

Suddenly, as if he's possessed, the other shouted in fear. ‘NO!’ Renjun screams horrifyingly loud, closing both his hands over his ears again. Donghyuck thought he’s trying to ignore what he is saying, but then realized that the other is repeating his mantra again. _It’s my fault, please stop._ The demons back. His demons are whispering, blaming him again, reminding him a fault that isn't his to begin with. ‘I-I want this to end..’ He croaks tiredly, moving backward. Donghyuck catapulted to hold onto his thin wrist, trying to wake him up from his misery. ‘Renjun _no_!’

 

Donghyuck’s quick enough to hold onto his arm when the other slid down the slope. Renjun doesn’t open his eyes, scared of the height. ‘Renjun!’ Donghyuck houts, both of his arms straining from holding the other’s arms, ‘I’ll pull you up! Just hold on to me!’

 

Renjun lifts his head as he cracks his eyes open, miserably smiling at the other. ‘It’s.. it’s okay.’ He sobs, ‘You have to let me go so.. so _they_ can stop blaming me.’

 

Donghyuck gasped, tightening his grip. They as in the demons. “Fuck no!’ He screams back, too loud in a silent hour, ‘Are you seriously going to give up and let them win?!’

 

Renjun gulps, tears streaming down his cheeks constantly. His arms hurt and his current position is uncomfortable. He knows he’s also putting pain in Donghyuck’s arms, especially now that he’s also sick. He doesn’t want to die yet; but the demons, they’re murmuring in his ear. They’re telling him that it’s his fault, that he’s useless and helpless. That he cannot help himself anymore. Everything’s been his fault as of lately. His desire to feel comforted is just an illusion. He cannot run away from his own prison called guilt. He cannot forgive himself for what he caused. He wants to disappear.

 

‘I caused you pain Donghyuck-ah,’ He cries, heart aching at the sincerity of Donghyuck’s eyes. His concern, worry and care is evident and transparent. So real. How can someone like Donghyuck care for him? A _killer._ ‘I-I want to let go of this pain. I want to be free’ He wails, but his hand tightens around Donghyuck’s hold. The other nodded at his words, ‘You cannot be free if you’re going to end it like this. You cannot lose.. Not like this.’ _Not like me, who give up on himself._ ‘I-I killed your parents.. I stole Mark away from you. I’m the reason you’re sick. I don’t want to cause you pain anymore Donghyuck.’ He continues, choking on his own saliva. Donghyuck pulled him higher, hoping to see his face. His heart is wild in his heart. ‘It’s not your fault..’ He mumbles, smiling gently, ‘It’s not your fault we’re like this.’

 

Renjun shook his head, denying the truth.

 

‘I killed your parents,’ He sniffs, his eyes tired and red, and his hold in softening, like he’s giving up already. Donghyuck pulled him higher once again, but his whole body hurts. He’s not sure how long will he be able to hold up the other. ‘You’re not.’ he leans to bump their foreheads together, making the other crack his eyes open. His eyes are desperate for something. They hold a thousand words that he can’t seem to explain nor say. Donghyuck realizes it’s thousands of apologies, for himself, for the others and for Donghyuck. He rubs their forehead together, the dawn breaking behind. ‘It wasn’t intentional. It was an accident.’

 

Renjun stared at his orbs, trying to look for the lies but found none. What does he expect? It’s Donghyuck. He’s as real as the sky. ‘We.. were supposed to meet that day. I’m the Huang child.. And we’re supposed to be best friends..’ he cackles sadly, ‘But.. but I took your family from you.’

 

‘You lost yours too.’ Donghyuck reasons, smiling gently. ‘It’s not late yet. We can still be.. best friends.’

 

‘Will you forgive me?’ He asked desperately, ‘Will you accept this sick boy who have demons whispering in his ears as your best friend? Will you accept this boy who accidentally killed your parents? Will you accept me like this?’

 

Donghyuck’s smile can definitely rival the rising sun. It’s blinding and so bright, and just full of hope. It makes you warm and comforted in a way you cannot explain. Renjun thinks he finally found hope. In the form of Donghyuck. ‘I’ve never even hated you in the first place,’ as he finally pulled the other on flat ground, dragging the other with him to lay on the grass. ‘But yes, I forgive you.’

 

Renjun smiles at him serenely, his hands tight around the other’s clothes like he doesn’t want to let go. He looks like a baby curled against Donghyuck, his breathe evening as he stare at the other peacefully. When Donghyuck looked down on him, Renjun showed him a soft grateful smile, ‘Never thought I’d meet you one day.’ and he leans to press their foreheads together, ‘Feels like my family came back with you here.’

 

Maybe it’s because he and Renjun are both victims of a terrible accident that they can’t help but feel obligated to be dependent in each other. ‘You’re like.. like a brother you know..’ Renjun confesses, ‘My parents always talk about a kid who’s going to be my best friend and that we’re going to grow together. And that we’ll work together as well..’ He doesn’t bother wiping his tears away. His heart is enraptured. Donghyuck smiling down at him made him realize what he had missed all this time. A family. ‘I guess I was pretty excited to have a sibling of some sort.’

 

Donghyuck laughs whole-heartedly, ‘I remember the same. They’re talking about a shy small kid and that we’re going to be together forever and ever.’

 

‘Can you.. Can you be my brother Donghyuck?’ Renjun asked after a long minute of silence. When the sun’s already at the horizon, casting a glowing light on their spot. When Renjun’s too sleepy enough to use his brain-to-mouth filter. _Brother?_ , Donghyuck tears up, his breath hitching, _what a beautiful word._ ‘This time,’ Renjun continues, lifting his small hands to hold Donghyuck’s small hands too, ‘this time, I will not leave you.’ He sniffs, eyes bright and hopeful. Donghyuck’s reply is just as emotional as the other, dam bursting as held the other tight against him, crying his hearts out. _Family_ , he thought happily, _this is what it feels like to have a family_.

 

He cried and cried, until his lungs’ too tired to breath. Until Renjun’s smoothening a hand against his back. Until the bird’s chirping and roosters are crowing. He cried what he thinks is worth a decade of pain, letting go of the guilt and finally accepting that everything is gone. They may have left but atleast they left something. Renjun’s hug is warm and careful. It reminds Donghyuck of his own parents. He knows they’re happy for him. To have found hope in the form of his supposed-to-be friend. They can always catch up and forgive each other. They can always start again. This time, as brothers.

  


∞ ❖ ∞

  


The rest came after a call from Jaemin who found them peacefully snuggled against each other on the farthest Park. Jaemin's amazed at the energy Renjun have in order to run this far. ‘Renjun!’ Taeyong and the others yelled, running to where the both of them are. Each of them tried to hold the two, checking for bruises and injuries. When they found none, they all bursted into a crying fit, peppering the two with kisses. Taeil was even seen ruffling Renjun and Donghyuck's haif affectionately with teary eyes. Everyone was deeply worried, but now that the two are safe, all of them are reduced into gratefulness. Jaehyun suggested bringing Renjun back to the hospital, while Johnny ushered each of them back to their own houses. Renjun doesn't let go of Donghyuck, wanting him near especially with the turn of events. With Donghyuck by his side, the demons ceased with their nonsense blaming. Donghyuck's right. It's not his fault. He's a victim too. 'I'll visit tomorrow,' Donghyuck tells him, rubbing his temple gently before he leans to rub their foreheads together. Renjun smiled at him sleepily, linking their pinkies together and asking the other to ' _promise me_ ' before letting him go for the day as the others take him back to the hospital.

 

Donghyuck was then assisted by Johnny back to Jeno's house where Mark followed tiredly. Once inside the room, Mark made a move to follow only to be stopped by Johnny. 'Mark,' The older has a dangerous edge on his voice, still aggravated from the series of happenings. Donghyuck saw how helpless Mark looked, staring at his older friend pitifully. His friend who used to be on his side. His older friend whom he treasured a lot. The smaller watches as Mark clenched his fist, as tears sprout out of exhausted eyes before he sagged tiredly, submitting to defeat.

 

'Hyung,' Donghyuck calls, stopping Mark from going away. The smaller sent Johnny a look, smiling at his concerned face, 'I'll be okay hyung,' before he beckons Mark closer, hands reaching for his emotionally tired and physically drained boyfriend. Johnny sighed, shaking his head before opening the door for his friend and closing it with a click.

 

For a minute, they just stared at each other, with Mark's eyes rimmed red, sobs threatening to spill out of his scared mouth. Yet he's trying his best to stop it, breathing heavily and deeply.

 

 _He's so strong_ , Donghyuck conceded to himself, opening his arms wide. His heart hurts from being physically away from the other, and though no conversation has been shared about the recent issue, he knows that deep in his heart, Mark's also looking for him. Because if he isn't, then he wouldn't be here, crying his heart's out and asking for acceptance. 'Come here hyung,' He calls fondly, smiling sweetly at the pain-stricken face of the taller, 'It's alright Mark,'

 

Mark took a shaky step forward, tears slowly spilling out before he jumped into the other, burying himself against Donghyuck's chest, trying to hide from the cruelty of the world. He hugs the other tight and impossibly close, until personal space is nothing but a word. Until their hearts are beating together, in sync and rhythmically. Donghyuck cradles his head gently, letting his plush lips linger on the taller's temple, rubbing his back soothingly. Mark doesn't speak, he just cries and cries until all Donghyuck can hear is the hoarseness of his voice.

 

Donghyuck knows they have to talk, and talk they will. But not now. Not now when Mark's seconds to breaking— _no_ , when Mark's broken and is dying to piece himself back. They will talk once Mark is alright and is sane enough.

 

'Mark,' The smaller whispers, carding nimble fingers through messy locks. It's sticky and sweaty but he doesn't care. 'Mark, let's lay down.'

 

Mark obliges without protest, trying not to stray far from the smaller. Once in the bed, Donghyuck scooped the taller into his warm chest, kissing his wet eyelids. 'Do you want to talk?'

 

Mark heaves a deep breathe, before pulling his face away from his hiding place. He looked dejected, broken and sad beyond repair. Donghyuck's heart hurt in a good way to know that Mark's acting like this because of him. Mark tried to lean closer, asking for a kiss only for the smaller to shake his head. 'Let's talk first.'

 

Mark sniffs pitifully, eyes brimming with tears once again. 'I..' He chokes. 'I-I'm sorry..'

 

Donghyuck doesn't respond but continues to rub his hand on the taller's back, urging him to continue.

 

Mark clenched his eyes shut tight. His head hurts and his throat feels like sandpaper. 'Donghyuck I— I'm sorry. I-I know you heard.. I know you think I'm a dick, that I'm a dumb stupid boy. I know you think I don't deserve you because… b-because I know.' Mark jabbered, laughing like a fool. 'I know I don't deserve you.. I'm reminded every day, eversince I met you, I ask myself how someone like me can have someone like you. Someone.. someone so understanding, kind and just selfless..' The tears are never-ending, but so is Mark's words. Every words are full of pain, fear and affection that it kinda confuses Donghyuck if he should feel delighted or not. 'You're so perfect. I thought.. I thought I could go away with the thought of keeping my..' he stares at the smaller, 'my _love_. I thought I can get away with hiding it. But.. but thinking about life without you.. it scares me now.'

 

'Oh Mark,' Donghyuck shushes, pulling him close. He knows how Mark feels. He completely understands the older, how he try so hard to impress the others. How he put everyone first before himself. He cares in a different way. It might look like he's doing it for himself but it has always been his friends first.

 

'Donghyuck, I _love_ you' Mark confesses, 'I fucking love you so much I'm scared that if you leave I'm going to be.. just a useless boy. No one has ever look at me like I'm worth anything.'

 

Donghyuck leans to kiss his wet cheeks, tasting bitter and salty tears.

 

'I love you so much that I'm scared what I'd do without you. I've never loved like this nor received it. Not even from my family. I've never desired the thought of wanting to see you everyday just to see you happy. Because you make me happy. You light up my world when it's dark—' He rambles, hyperventilating, 'And fuck, my life has been so dark since forever. Until you came.'

 

Donghyuck finally kissed him shut, letting their lips mold into something intimate yet forbidden. He know they're not supposed to be like this. Donghyuck already prepared the words he's supposed to say, but it seems like Mark has a way of procrastinating the painful truth. Mark's lips taste like everything sweet, candy and fruits, love and adoration. Yet, it also has a tinge of what Donghyuck perceives as a bitter savor of reality. Sooner or later, they will be reminded of what went wrong. And Donghyuck had already decided the best for the both of them. His decision is final.

 

Mark tilted his head, catching the other's bottom lip as he devour all of his sweet little noises.

 

'I love you,' He promises, kissing every exposed skin of the smaller. Trying to mark the words that are true and honest. 'I love you like this. Even when you're mad, even when you lose yourself. I love you even if you hate me because I deserve it. I love you so much I'm suffocating.'

 

'Don't,' Donghyuck says back, pecking each of his eyelids closed. 'Don't let me consume you.'

 

'But I want to..'

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, heart aching ten times more. 'Not like this.' He pointed out the obvious. The tension hiding as if it's not obvious enough. The truth that they should've ended long time ago. 'I love you too..' Mark's eyes shine with fear and pain, knowing what's to come, 'But not like this. I don't want this love made out of lies and false promises.' Donghyuck explains, still cradling the taller's cheek who closed his eyes tight, now despondent after hearing those words. This is bound to happen, but Mark never thought it's going to hurt this way. No one warned him love is going to hurt this bad.

 

Love is something Mark feared.

 

And this is his greatest fear.

 

'I love you Donghyuck,' He repeats, sobbing into the other's chest.

 

'I love you too.' Donghyuck returns, linking their hands together, 'But.. right now, what I need is to love myself. To prove myself that I'm worthy. I… I need to _forgive_ myself.'

 

Mark bawl his eyes out, shaking his head yet knowing that he cannot do anything about it. The smaller let him cry, crying against his tuft of hair as well. Mark never imagined breaking up would be this heart-breaking. He never even thought once that he'd be in a relationship. 'I love you so much,' Donghyuck continues, 'But I can't love you like this when.. when I can't even love myself. I have to forgive myself and treat myself better.' He tugs the older's face upwards, now looking at the orbs whose drowning in devotion and passion for him. 'You have to understand that I have to find myself before I find you first.' _And shit that hits the target_.

 

 _It hurts_ , Mark thought as the words echoed in his mind. _It freaking hurts that he's right_.

 

'Do you love me Mark?'

 

Mark chokes once again, despising himself for the truth that he was never able to prove, 'Of course I do.'

 

'Then let me go.' Donghyuck begs, his heart cannot take the emotional turmoil the both of them are suffering to. He can't believe that love will hurt like this. He may have flirted a lot back then with different people but this relationship, this experience will always remind him how good and understanding love is. How magical it is. Breaking up isn't the end. It's the start of something new. Something brighter and better for the both of them. 'Let me go so that I can find myself. Not in you, but in myself.'

 

What's more painful is, love is kind, it does not boast. It is giving up for the betterness of the other. It is accepting pain and taking the risk. It is loving yet knowing that it cannot be returned.

 

Love is letting go.

 

Love is also loving yourself.

 

And all Mark wants for the other is for him to be happy. Even if it means that he'll be happy without Mark.

 

'I love you,' Mark leans, still hiccuping and coughing, kissing the words into the smaller's mouth, 'I love you.. that I'm willing to let you go. Because I value you and your being. Because I love seeing you happy. I love you so much to set you free.'

 

Donghyuck cries harder, tightening his grip around the taller's shoulder. It's the words he wanted to hear yet it hurts more, especially since it came from Mark. The pain is expected yet it still hurts. It still manages to surprise Donghyuck from the intensity of its pain. He know he's making the right decision. He had mulled over that thought a lot. He took note of all his friend's words. Yet, it feels like he's losing even if he's winning. Mark's smile is the most sincere one he had ever seen, and yet he used it to admit a painful truth.

 

So this is what it feels like to love for real.

 

It is painful, dangerous and scary.

 

Yet, even with Mark's fear, he decided to chose it for Donghyuck. Because he loves him. And true love is taking the risk and gambling destiny for your happiness.

 

'This is the risk I want to take,' Mark adds softly, still crying. 'It's the risk I am willing to sacrifice just to see you happy.'

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes, nodding and entangling their pinkies together.

 

Love is sacrifice.

 

And Mark is willing to face destiny and its wrath just to see _his_ Donghyuck happy.

 

This time, he's willing to sacrifice himself.

 

For _Donghyuck_.

 

For _love_.

 

Something he had never felt.


	18. the heart remembers what the mind erased

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will make Donghyuck happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Vv's!
> 
> I can't believe I've been gone fofr a whole month withour update! I am so sorry BUT I GOT A JOB that is why i got so busy. Thank you for those who prayed for me and those who talked to me. You are all blessings to me! ALSO, sorry for the super late update. I promise to finish the last two chapters this month. 
> 
> Overall, the storm is done and the rainbow finally shone on our favorite couple. The laat chapters are going to be the epilogues of what happened, probably some fluff and SECREEEETS. You'll know on the next updates.
> 
> Again, thank you for the love and support! I never really thought this was going to be successful. I just wanted to write a fake-dating with heavy angst..I guess I did succeed in making you all frustrated and sad. But welp. I love you all from the bottom of my heart! You deserve all the love that I received as well. 
> 
> I will see you once again!
> 
> Hopefully, you enjoy the update and the oncoming ending. 
> 
> Ciao. ♥

Jaemin cast Jeno a look, raising his eyebrows in complete fascination as he watches the other struggle with his own thoughts. After receiving a text from Johnny that Mark and Donghyuck are having the 'talk', Jaemin decided to head to the hospital to check on them. They're not that familiar but Jaemin have always been a helping person, whether he knew them or not. He walks to where Jeno is situated, standing in front of the open door and watching as the other help Renjun settle on his bed. He knows that out of the couples, Jeno and Renjun need to talk as well even if they're not a couple. Yet. 

 

'You should talk to him.' Jaemin suggest lowly, motioning his head to the bed where everyone's fussing over a tired Renjun. 

 

Jeno exhales, shaking his head. 'I can't. He's tired and everything's too much for him right now.'

 

Jaemin blinked at the poor reason for an excuse, laughing a little sarcastically. 'But if you don't do it now, then you will never do it right?' He teases playfully, 'You're gonna run away again, aren't you?'

 

Jeno glares at him, his fist clenching yet finding it hard to respond for the lack of words. Jaemin, even if he detests the thought of it, is speaking the truth. He looked back at where the others are gathered, wanting to be there as well. He wants to be with Renjun and ask him if he's alright as well, but he's such a coward to even move from his place. Jaemin had the audacity to snicker, ‘Look, if you’re not gonna do it, might as well get the chance.’ He says, making the other frown. Jeno splutters an indignant ‘what!’, not understanding the implication of his words. The latter doesn’t even bother replying, striding smoothly to where the others are. Renjun obviously perked up at his presence, beaming happily yet tiredly. ‘Donghyuck’s best friend.’He acknowledges, ‘Nana,’ he adds shyly.

 

Jaemin smiled at that, smirking at Jeno before chatting with the other. ‘Shouldn’t you be sleeping now?’

 

Renjun blinked his eyes cutely, as if the event earlier didn’t happen. He looked vibrant and refreshed, yet the bags under his eyes are still proof that he is in need of rest. ‘I.. I still want to talk but..’ he yawns, making the others coo. Doyoung, who’s beside him, automatically fluffed his pillow, urging him to take a rest. The rest continued to shoo themselves out after bidding him a sweet rest, while Jaemin and Jeno stayed inside. Jaemin sat down beside the other, caressing his hair as he hum to him. Renjun yawns again, curling onto himself like a baby, before turning to the other side, his hands reaching for Jeno, ‘Jeno, come here.’

 

Jeno gulps before taking a shaky step forward, heart beating loud. He heard Jaemin standing and leaving the room to give them some alone time. Once the door clicked closed, Jeno finally let himself be near the other, reaching out for Renjun's already out-stretched hand. He anxiously held his hands between his own, heart erratic. 'Junnie..' He greets softly. Renjun's eyelashes flutter prettily, casting graceful shadows against his cheekbones as he smiled back, drowsy. 'You should sleep Junnie. A lot of things happened.' Jeno adds.

 

Renjun shook his head before his eyes fluttered fully open, staring at the other with an unrecognizable expression. 'Jeno..' He sighs deeply, 'I'm sorry'

 

Jeno looked down on his lap, as tears started forming. He doesn't know why he's emotional and on the verge of breakdown, but maybe it's because he doesn't really know what to do anymore. What was Renjun implying anyway? Renjun lifted his frail hand to wipe the tears away, prompting Jeno to sob more. 'I'm sorry,' Renjun repeats breathily, 'For causing you worry. For not telling you.' 

 

Jeno shook his head, 'Everyone's worried. Not only me.'

 

'Yes, but you're my best friend Jeno. And I know you're worried even before this happened.'

 

Jeno nods pitifully, raising his head to look at the other.  _ Is it time? _ , he asked himself,  _ is it time to tell him the truth? _

 

_ 'But if you don't do it now, then you will never do it right?' _

 

_ 'You're gonna run away again, aren't you?' _

 

Jeno clenched his eyes closed, guilty. Jaemin's right. He is a coward. He will run again if possible. He wanted to run away. Because he know the results already. It'll be useless to try when the answer is clear already. He is just a best friend. 

 

_ You're a coward, Jeno. _

 

Yet Jeno wants to prove himself. Even if the answer is obvious, he wants to prove it to himself. He might not be what Renjun like, but at least he tried. Atleast he tried not to be a coward. Cowards are scared of the reality and the truth. And Jeno's already tired of running away. There's only so much running he can do. And this time, he's giving up. He has to face it. 

 

'Renjun..' He whispers, starting. Renjun hums, still staring at the other. He squeezes the taller's hands on his own, smiling sweetly. 'I'm listening,'

 

Jeno took a deep breathe. Here it goes. 

 

'I love you,' Jeno starts, making the other flinch and startled. Renjun's eyes grew impossibly wide at the sincere confession, as his hand laid limp on Jeno's hold, yet he didn't utter a response, so Jeno took the chance to continue. 'I love you.. and no, you cannot say it’s because of pity. Because I loved you even before you self-destructed. I loved you even more when you did self-destruct.' Jeno chokes, tears clouding his vision. He never thought feelings and emotions can be this life-threatening when bottled up. 'I love everything about you, even the small things. Your laugh, your smile, your tears. It hurts to know that I'm not the one who can comfort you. It hurts that I'll never be the one yet… yet I still wanna love you.. because you make me happy and knowing that I'm an important person to you is enough for me to live. But I-I can't.. I can't live like this forever..'

 

Renjun has already sat up while the other is saying the words. 'Oh Jeno' Hi voice is full of worry and fondness. Strangely, it works together.

 

Jeno shook his head, not even bothering to wipe his tears. 'I have to tell you, because after this I know I will not be able to face you again. I don't want to ruin our friendship for my selfish desires.. I'm sorry'

 

Renjun doesn't respond. He watches as Jeno cry his hearts out, painful yet beautiful.  _ Those tears _ , Renjun thought fondly,  _ those tears are for me. And they're for love.  _

 

'I'm sorry Jeno,' He says after the other had already ceased down to sniffling. Not sorry for the confession, but for the pain. 'Sorry for making you feel that way. Making you feel less important because I— I'm selfish too. And I thought Mark felt the same way.' Renjun bit his lower lip, looking down on his lap, trying to organize his thoughts and words. 

 

Jeno chuckles but shook his head, 'You don't have to say sorry for what you feel.'

 

'I guess it wasn't love.’ The smaller cuts off, shifting awkwardly as Jeno raised his head to look at him, listening intently, face full of confusion with a tinge of hope. ‘My feelings for Mark.' Renjun emphasizes, burying his face on his folded knees but not daring to let go of the other's shivering hands. 'How can I say it's love when all I felt was guilt.'

 

Jeno raised his eyebrows at that, confused. 'What?'

 

'I thought I was in love because I owe Mark everything.' Renjun laughs sadly, 'I thought it's love when you have to pay back their efforts to you. I was.. dependent on him, so I thought it was fair that he can be dependent on me too.' He raised his head, his own eyes brimming with unshed tears. It's the same tears, salt water full of emotion and suffering, yet somehow, it looks different. Like, there's something underneath it that isn't just madness and fear. Those pearl crystal eyes carries  _ love _ within them, and it's there, along with the fear and anxiety. It's the same kind of different. 'But I guess it wasn't actually that type of love. I guess I just thought I have the responsibility to return what he gave me because.. because he'd been there for me too. Right?' 

 

'I-I don't understand.' Jeno stutters, not really comprehending what the other is trying to tell him. Somewhere in his heart is hope, something he refused to believe because of what happened. But hearing Renjun say those words, he hopes he’s comprehending what the smaller is trying to tell him. Jeno might be a little oblivious but he’s not that dumb. He just choose to refuse to acknowledge the things visible in his eyes.

 

Renjun sniffs, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. 'Do you… do you still love me Jeno?'

 

The question obviously shocked him, making him take a sharp gasp as his eyes widen. His heart is palpitating wild and he feels like breaking into a nervous sweat.Never in his life would he ever thought that Renjun would ask him those words. The words he dreaded to hear ever since he met the latter. Yet he didn't break their eye contact, eagerly wanting to know the implications of Renjun's questions. 'Do I— what?'

 

'Love. Do you still love me Jeno?' Renjun repeats, now more firmer and stronger. More determined, as fiery as his orbs. 

 

Something in Renjun changed. Just a little bit different, but there's a point that is new and confident. Jeno finds himself falling more. 

 

'I do.' He whispers softly, his heart laid in plain sight, in his own bare hands. 'I still do,' he smiles happily, his heart squeezing painfully sweet at the person he loved the most. 'I will forever love you Renjun.'

 

Renjun's eyes sparkled with life, like stars twinkling in the darkness of the sky. Like it's a light turned on the darkest of days. Renjun inched closer, close enough for their knees to bumped against each other. He looked up, cheeks a beautiful shade of red as he shyly held the other's hands between his own, resting it against his beating chest. Jeno wonders if Renjun can feel his wild heart as well. 'Then.. can you wait for me?'

 

Jeno raised his eyebrows in confusion, 'Wait?'

 

Renjun nods timidly, 'Can you.. wait for me until I love myself.. and then, I can return your love..'

 

'Renjun, you don't need to—'

 

'Yes, I don't.' Renjun cuts off, a sweet smile on his loving face. He lifted their enclosed hands together to drop a kiss on it, 'But I wanted to.'

 

Jeno's breath hitched and then he leaned closer, until their foreheads are touching. Renjun physically flinched at the contact but does not move away, trembling under the taller's stare. 'Are you sure?' Jeno asked innocently, pleading for him to tell the truth. He doesn’t want to hold onto a promise that is not meant to last. He doesn’t want Renjun to pity him and do things just because he doesn’t want his best friend getting hurt. He doesn’t want to love like it’s a lie. Renjun is his first and last person to love. If it turns downhill, then it might as well ended Jeno’s love life all throughout his life. Still, he wanted to take the risk and try, wondering if it’s going to last. Wondering if it’s worth it. ‘Please tell me, not out of pity, but are you sure? Because I will not be able to recover if you decided one day that I’m not the one you wanted to be with. I will not be able to handle it if you decide to leave me because you never love me in the first place..’

 

Tears are wordlessly flowing their cheeks, Jeno sobbing right into the smaller’s palm. Renjun’s crying as well, their forehead still connected. He sniffs, heart aching in agony at the sight of Jeno’s pained face. Jeno’s scared,  _ so so _ scared and yet he refused to let go.  _ Love _ , it was all out of love. ‘Jeno,’ Renjun whispers softly, gently like a mother to his child, like a lover to his partner. Like the moon to its stars. ‘My Jeno’ he carefully lifts his face, his orbs searching for the galaxy of beauty in Jeno’s eyes. ‘I wouldn’t promise that I will stay because I don’t want to break promises. But I will vow an oath to stay by your side, loving you like the way you love me all through these years.’

 

Jeno carefully pulled the other to his chest, bursting into more tears as he finally engulfed him, as if wanting to make a space for Renjun inside his chest. Inside his heart. 

 

Renjun doesn’t speak a word, just let himself be cradled between strong arms, feeling the taller’s frantic heartbeat with his. Renjun can barely breathe, trapped in a tight hug, but he knows letting go will only take his breath away. 

 

‘I love you..’ Jeno coughs out, barely making sense with the way he’s crying his heart’s out. 

 

Renjun held him close, burying his face on his neck. He cannot say the same words yet, but one, he knows, one day he will be able to say it. Not out of guilt and fear. Not because he needs to. But because he wants to. One day, when everything is alright and clear in his fear-muddled mind, he will tell Jeno how much he loves him. How much he adores him and that he is grateful for the affection directed to him. One day, when the time is right.

 

But for now.

 

‘I like you Jeno,’ He says back, Jeno’s face in between his small bony palms. ‘I like it when you look for me. I.. I got jealous when you kissed Donghyuck a-and I know it’s stupid because I don’t even know what I feel for you.. Yet.. I hate it when your eyes are not on me. I like that you still love me even with how dumb I am. I like you.’ Renjun says shyly, his cheeks red yet he doesn’t break their eye contact. ‘One day, I will like you more, more and more enough to know that it’s love already. So wait for me, okay?’

 

Jeno nods happily, hugging him once again, kissing his cheeks. 

 

When the sun has finally risen, Renjun found himself caged still inside Jeno’s warm embrace, the remnants of fear all gone and was replaced with the motivation to face the day. Now, with Jeno by his side. 

 

For once in his life, he finally slept peacefully.

  
  


∞ ❖ ∞

  
  


The group decided to meet for the last time before the rest of the foreign students come back to their respective countries, to settle the problem and confusion surrounding their group. They have chosen Johnny’s house as the location for their meeting, with the others agreeing. Donghyuck and mark have parted ways the night of their confession, Mark choosing to give him his freedom by finally breaking it off. That night was filled with tears, broken words and hoarse cries but no one turned their back to piece it back. It was for the better. It was a day before the New Year, Donghyuck going to fly back to Jeju with Jaemin for the adoption centre by afternoon with the rest of the gang flying back to their countries due to a sudden change of schedule. 

 

‘You’re shaking,’ Jaemin commented, his eyes glued to the hands which are now shaking violently. Donghyuck looked down at his own hands, clenching it. He cast his best friend a nervous smile, unsure how to respond. ‘Do you think they will hate me?’

 

Jaemin sighed for the nth time that day, inching closer to hug the smaller. ‘No one’s angry. You did the right thing. You did it for the best of both of you.’

 

Donghyuck sagged into him completely, tired and anxious. ‘I know but.. We lied to them. I lied to them. I’m not sure how they will react. And then I will see Mark..’ He got cut off when Jaemin physically shut him up, a hand sealed over his rambling mouth. He sent the other a look, ‘No one’s going to hate you or hurt you. But don’t worry, I will be here. I will always be here.’

 

Donghyuck sighed, knowing that Jaemin is right. He is always right. Always making sure he is alright. Always looking out for him. Always there for him. 

 

The truth is, he's not scared to see the group. Johnny and the rest are bound to know the truth. with it exposed in the open. What he fears is seeing him. Mark. Lee Minhyung. 

 

It's not easy to let go. Especially someone you hold close to your heart even for a short amount of time. But Donghyuck knows, as everyone had stated, that he should put his own being first. And he knows that he is in nowhere near 'alright' or healthy. He's mentally and emotionally damaged, broken and exhausted. The last thing he wanted to realize is that he is fooling himself that he is okay. 

 

It wasn't an easy decision. 

 

Actually, it was the hardest decision. 

 

It was the most painful decision he have made. It hurts to bits and pieces, but he doesn't regret it one thing. Yes, he does feel sad that he have to break their relationship, but he will never regret the thought of letting go just to make himself fine. 

 

He wonders if Mark is going through the same emotions. Pain, longing and the need to be beside each other. Jaemin once said that pain is temporary, and Donghyuck always believed in him. They will be okay. They will be alright. Him and Mark. They will move on and be happy with their lives.

 

'Ready?' Jaemin asked, his soft encouraging smile on display. He gives the smaller's hand a tentative squeeze. The latter closed his eyes for a second, memoried of the good and bad, the right and wrong flashing behind his eyelids, burning deep inside his mind and heart. When he opened his eyes, he smiles and squeezed back, 'As ready as I'll ever be.'

  
  


As they walk inside, they see the group already gathered in the couch and free seats. Kun was beside Chenle who's snuggled sleepily against his boyfriend, Jisung. Taeyong and Taeil are talking in hushed whispers, while Sicheng have his head resting on Yuta's shoulder. Ten and Johnny are talking as well, but more casual as if fighting about theie luggages while Jaehyun adoringly stare at Doyoung's face, telling him a story. Jeno, Mark and Renjun sat beside each other, calm and silent. 

 

'Good morning' Donghyuck greets, catching their attentions effectively. Each of them greet him responsively, some even doing it enthusiastically. 

 

Donghyuck and Jaemin sat on the space provided, right across Mark and the rest. 

 

Donghyuck heaved a deep breathe, willing his nerves to calm down. Surprisingly, it was Jaehyun who started, as if feeling the tension in the room. 'We're not.. we're not here to hate both of you.. or to discipline Mark for his carelessness.' Doyoung nodded in agreement, a sweet smile on his lips. 'We're here to discuss what happened. But rest assured that it will not affect us being friends.'

 

Donghyuck smiled, relieved. 'Thank you'

 

'We just want to know why.. you decided to do that.' Johnny asked, obviously confused and frustrated. Ten who was nuzzled against his chest, purred softly, rubbing his toned chest. 'We all wanna know but no pressure. We'll never force you to tell us about everything. Though Mark here needs to explain himself.'

 

Donghyuck and Mark shared a look, one of understanding before starting. 'It was my fault.' Mark confesses, apologetic. 'I.. I was scared that you will look down on me and see it as a flaw. Each of you have someone you love. I guess I was scared to be left behind.'

 

It was Taeyong who moved to sit beside the younger, teary after hearing his first statement. Mark swallow down the anxiety building up inside his chest, voice shaky. 'I'm sorry I even thought of that, thinking you will not understand me.'

 

Donghyuck watches as the whole group console him, bringing him to tears. He was heavily reminded of the proud boy he once bumped into. Just a boy longing to feel welcomed and belonged. Like him. 'It's my fault too,' Donghyuck quips, everyone turning to him now. He doesn't want to let Mark carry the burden and guilt alone. Afterall, he agreed to be in this mess. 'I agreed because I.. I need the money so bad.'

 

'Oh Hae..  _ Donghyuckie' _ Doyoung cuts himself, sobbing into his hands. Jaehyun hurriedly hugged him, trying to sooth his wild sobbing. 

 

Donghyuck wanted to run to him, hug him and comfort him, but he stayed still, clenching his hands. The last strings of friendship connecting them to each other is fragile, one more move and it might snap. And he doesn't want it. 'I'm sorry,' Donghyuck sniffs, 'I was so scared. Alone. So I took the risk without knowing the consequences. Even if it's dangerous because I badly need the money,' He proceeds to pour his heart out, baring himself in the open, exposing himself nakedly for his sincerity to see. He's tired of fooling himself. Tired of telling himself that he is fine. He is happy, but he was never alright to begin with. 'Things got a bit messy when I..' He looked at Mark dead in the eyes, seeing the reflection of his own even from afar. Fear and love together. 'I fell for Mark,'

 

Mark nods his head with a smile, 'I did too.'

 

Donghyuck's lips curl slightly, his cheeks warming. 'But it was complicated. I don't want a relationship out of a lie..'

 

Johnny and the rest seems to understand what he meant. 'Afterall, it started from fake dating,' He chuckles sadly, wiping a stray tear on his cheeks, 'I want to recover from fooling myself and love myself.'

 

Mark looked down, his eyes darting everywhere. He still looked in pain, forlorn and heart broken, but they have already established the fact that what they did is a lie. A toxic kind of assurance. Something Donghyuck doesn't want to live in. He doesn't seem like he'll interject nor protest, so the smaller continued. 'I love him so much. No one has ever held me like I'm the most important person in the whole world. So please,' he sniffs pitifully, 'Please don't hate him. Don't hurt him. I wasn't the only one in pain, we both were. We both need love, it's just that it was a wrong type of acceptance.'

 

Doyoung raised his head from his clenched hands, opening his arms wide. Donghyuck doesn't need a word or a signal as he stumbled to reach the older, hiccups coughing out of his mouth. He catapulted into the older, not minding the pain as he cries his heart's out, almost hyperventilating. It feels too good to be surrounded by a familiar scent, welcoming and warm. He can't help but just sob, feeling exhausted even with the days he recovered. He can't help it, he just want to sink into the warmth that Doyoung offers, never wanting to let go. The older caresses his head, soft and nimble fingers threading through thick unwashed locks, murmuring soft comforts. Over the noise, Donghyuck can faintly hear the rest, telling him that it's alright and that everything will be okay. 

 

There's a firm hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly. 'It's alright Duckie,' It's Renjun, still recovering and tired yet a relieved glow on his face. Donghyuck only cried harder upon seeing his face, nodding hysterically. He clutched onto their clothes, reaching for anything he could hold onto. It's the last bit of his hope, of the strings connecting them to each other that made him feel sane. Hopeful. He buried his face on Renjun's chest, asked them to forgive him for lying, for faking it and for desiring to be more than a temporary member of the group. 

 

'You're one of us Donghyuck,' Taeil's calm voice says over the deafening silence, warm and gentle. 'This happening doesn't break the bond we shared.'

 

'Taeil's right Hae— Duckie,' Taeyong coincided, gracing soft fingers against wet cheeks. The older's touch is like a feather, light and comforting. 'If you and Mark can remain friends, we all can be. Nothing changed. We can all start again.'

 

There's a series of agreements around, Kun calming Chenle down who's crying incessantly at the emotional display, while Jisung sniffs and try his best to not let a tear roll down his cheeks. 'What happened days ago was an eye opener. We know we've been dumb and mum about the situation and tension regarding you and Mark, but we aren't bad people. We understand Duckie, we do. And we would love to have you here as a friend.' Ten adds softly, the longest sentence he had said to the younger ever since they met. 'Johnny and Jaehyun here might've acted suspicious but not because of the reason that we don't want you.'

 

'We were just..' Jaehyun frowns, unsure how to deliver his statement without making Mark offended. 'We were intrigued, to see Mark sending heart eyes to a person we barely knew is concerning. We wanted to know who you really are and what did you do to have Mark around your fingers like that.'

 

'I guess all the snooping did us some justice,' Johnny quips a little too happy.

 

Mark looked and sounded affronted at that, 'You did what?!'

 

Johnny raised his hands in surrender, apology in his tongue. 'Well, someone has to do it. At least now we know that Donghyuck..' He cast a glance on the person of interest, still bundled up between comfortable bodies, assuring him that everything will be alright. 'At least now we know that he belongs to us.' 

 

Mark blinked at the words. Belong. To. Us.

 

Johnny walked to him, tugging him face to face. He looked down on him, his face full of  _ sorry _ and  _ forgive me _ . 'Look Mark,' Johnny rasped, unsure where to start. Humiliated is an understatement. He is beyond ashamed of what he did, accused Mark of something he doesn't personally know. 'I don't know where to start but I think you know that.. that I never meant those words I said to you. They were lies meant to hurt you but you know I—I would never intend to hurt you. It was a spur of the moment. A shock to me.' Mark nodded his head, understanding what he wants to say. 'I'm sorry Mark. Forgive me for those hurtful words. You, you also belong to the group. To us. So don't you ever even think that you are being left behind. No one is. We will always be here.'

 

Mark smiled through his tears, his eyes blurry from the emotion that is spilling out of his heart. Sometimes, he forgets that his friends are not just his friends. They're his brothers, connected by love and stronger than what blood can prove. 'I'm sorry too hyung,' as he hugged the older, Jaehyun joining them once he escaped the circle of people enclosing around Donghyuck. 

 

Once everyone's already stopped sniffing and their eyes are already dried from the tears, it is finally time to go. And maybe say goodbye.

 

All of them are sad to tell that an adjustment happened and that all of them are required to return back to their countries. Johnny, for the last time, walked to Donghyuck to hug him, squeezing him tight as if he doesn't want to leave. Obviously, no one does want to go yet. 'Donghyuck, we will miss you a lot. We'll message each other everyday, and we'll send money for your school—'

 

'You really don't need to Johnny hyung,' Donghyuck softly cackles, looking over his shoulder to see Renjun smiling happily. 'Renjun and the rest will take care of me while you're away.'

 

Johnny relents like a kicked puppy, 'We'll come back by summer—'

 

'New Year hasn't even passed yet hyung.'

 

'Yeah right.' Johnny snaps foolishly, 'Okay, we'll just skype then, so that we don't miss you too much, okay?'

 

'You're not his dad Johnny.' Ten rolled his eyes as he pushed his tall boyfriend away, smiling the sweetest smile he can muster. He gives the other a soft hug, still awkward but not unwelcomed, 'See you soon Duckie. We'll message you as soon as we stepped down the plane on our country.'

 

'I will miss you all too hyung,' And he mean it, as he looked around, looking, as in  _ really looking _ at their faces, trying to sketch their faces on his mind and on his heart. _ I don't want to forget _ , his mind reasons, yet his heart counters,  _ you don't have to. you belong. we do.  _

 

'Thank you for everything. For making me feel loved and a part of this group.' He says sincerely, wishing that they could stay, hoping that they could be here longer, with him. But life is cruel and unfair. However, Donghyuck doesn't have to deal with it alone. Now he'll deal with it with people—  _ friends _ beside him. 'I hope to see you one day, soon.'

 

He watches as Johnny finally let tears roll down his cheek, Ten snuggling to him sadly, while Chenle ran to him crying, followed by Jisung who's doing a pretty bad job of hiding his puffy eyes. Doyoung only hid himself against Jaehyun's chest, his cries painful as if he doesn't want to leave Donghyuck. Yuta and Sicheng walked go him, sad but relieved that they'll see him soon too, very soon. Taeyong, Taeil and Kun are the only ones who stood still and smiled at the melancholic view, happy yet pained to be leaving too. 

 

When everyone had gathered to finally go, only did Mark walked to him, his eyes still full of love and adoration. This time, not covered by fear and lies. This time, it is bare and proud. 'Donghyuck, I guess this is the part where we..' his voice wavers at the words, specifically at the  _ 'we' _ part, 'where we start again. Like a restart.'

 

Donghyuck looked at his eyes, sees the world stopping and time freezing. Sees himself happy. Does he really want to let go?

 

'Restart, let's start again, and let go of everything.' Mark chokes on his tears, his emotions still uncontrollable, as if the words are venom and are physically killing him inside, 'Let's be happy and find our own ways to be what we want.'

 

_ you have to make yourself happy _

 

_ no one's going to do it for you _

 

Donghyuck sniffed heavily, eyes filled with crystal tears. This man, this handsome and thoughtful dork loved him. He's so happy and thankful to have experienced such great things, such amazing magic in the form of love. In the form of Mark Lee. 

 

And everything hurts. But Donghyuck believed he's doing it for the both of them. For their freedom. For their happiness.

 

'Restart.' He agrees, shaking Mark's hands as if agreeing to reboot a computer, removing it from its program, ridding it from its memory. To make the pain go away. As well as the happiness. 

 

Mark gulps, his eyes glances down at Donghyuck's lips for a second before he snapped his eyes back at the other, smiling fondly. 'See you soon,'

 

Donghyuck watches as his ex-fake-boyfriend turn his back to join the others, leading them to their cars. Jaemin walked to where his best friend is, sighing nonchalant, glancing at the smaller. 'Is this going to make you happy?' He asked curiously, playfully even. It's enough to see a smile quirk on his friend's lips, yet the forlorn look on his face doesn't disappear. 'I have to make myself happy.'

 

'But will it make you happy?' He repeats, shrugging his shoulders. 

 

Donghyuck cast him a look on confusion, not understanding what he was trying to imply. Jaemin sighed, still with his arms crossed, 'Look, you have to make yourself happy. But—' he can't believe he's going to say it, but he have to. 'But Mark isn't going to make you happy.'

 

Donghyuck gapes at him.

 

But Jaemin continued before the other could misinterpret what he meant, 'But if choosing him will make you happy, then isn't it deciding for yourself the same. If you decide to be with him because your decision makes you happy, then you're doing it right.'

 

'Nana..' Donghyuck mutters, his eyes wide, surprised at the words.

 

'I don't want to see you sad.' His best friend adds, 'And if being with him makes you happy, why should you stop it?'

 

Donghyuck looked down, clenched his fist, unsure and baffled. 

 

'Life is short Duckie,' Jaemin says encouragingly, 'you have to take the risk to be happy. You've been brave enough, atleast fight this battle with someone.' he pat his head, smiling at the tears flowing down Donghyuck's cheeks, 'don't be hard on yourself. You already did well. You will be fine.' and he hugged him slightly, 'now go get him tiger.'

 

Donghyuck raised his head, his eyes pleading, asking nonverbally  _ are you sure? _ , Jaemin only winks before he pushed him toward the way where the rest are. Donghyuck doesn't look back and instead sped up, running.  _ Fuck it _ , he curses, as he hugged Mark from behind. The latter is obviously shocked for he is unmoving, totally puzzled about what's happening. He craned his neck to see Donghyuck, heart palpitating. 'D-donghyuck?'

 

Donghyuck all but screamed the words he wanted to say. The words he wanted to ask. 'Will you..' he wipes his snot away, not caring that everyone's staring at them with wide eyes and mouth agape, 'Will you wait for me?'

 

Mark continued to gape at him like a fish, his mouth closing and opening.

 

'Will you wait for me?' He repeats, chest heaving, 'when I'm ready and alright enough to say that I love you and that you're the only one that I've wanted in my whole life.'

 

For a whole minute, no one said a word, all of them caught on their own breathe, scared to even move. Until Mark smiled, and it felt like the clouds gave way to the sun and shone a rainbow, magical. 'Forever.' he coughs out, 'I can wait forever for you. If you will let me.'

 

Donghyuck cries, but he smiled through it, linking their pinkies together. 'Promise? That I'll be the only one?'

 

Mark leans to kiss their intertwined pinkies, looking the most beautiful he has ever been. 'I vow to you.'

 

And Donghyuck know he made the right decision.

 


	19. don't give up on your faith, love comes to those who believe it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do broken people heal?
> 
> Well, only time can tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello VV's!
> 
> It's been so long. The time has come for me to finally give an end to this heavily-angst book. When I first started this, the goal in my mind was to make my readers feel frustrated, on the verge of tears, and to reflect on theirselves. It's true that this story talked about mental awareness— for I am suffered severe depression throughout the time I'm writing this. I hope, that with this book, you are able to find what you really want to be and the things that will make you happy.
> 
> Life sure is tough, but I believe that all of you are tougher. You are your own heroes. 
> 
> That is why fight your battles, like the way Donghyuck and Renjun did. 
> 
> I will see you one day. I might be a little bit busy with life and work, but I'll try to write stories when I can
> 
> PS. There's the last chapter which is the EPILOGUE. It will be years after this and a summary of what happened to everyone.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Without all of you, I wouldn't have finished it. You all made me happy. It's all thanks to you that I can do it. Thank you so much. (灬♥ω♥灬)

 

_1 year after_

 

'Donghyuck! _Donghyuck_ , there's mail.' Jaemin shouted from where he is currently rooted, busily catering to their customers. He's smiling and giving out all of their request with a sweet ' _thanks for dropping by!'_. Donghyuck hastily pulled his earphones off, thanking his best friend on his way out as he walked out, the mail already at the mailbox. 

 

The sun is out and blazing, hot on the skin yet refreshing to be out since Donghyuck's been stuck inside the shop for the whole day. 

 

He plucked the mail from where it's placed, his heart beating a little wilder than before. Why he's a little aflutter? Hm, one could guess the reason why. With jittery moves, he opened the letter, opting to read it there and then. Just the first word of the letter is enough to make his heart flutter, bringing a smile to his lips. 

 

 _Sunshine_ , it says, _I miss you everyday. The weather is good today. Does dinner sound nice?_

 

Donghyuck buried his face on the letter, squealing. He tries to stop his smile from spreading wider but he can't help it. 

 

It's been a year ago when they decided that Mark will wait for him. A year after they made a promise to wait for each other. And well, the process of the whole year was nothing but beautiful. The day before the group left, Johnny personally asked if they could start from the beginning. Donghyuck had tilted his head that day, confused at what he meant. 

 

_'Donghyuck, I know you're recovering. But how about you do it with Mark? So that the both of you can heal from the mistakes together.' Johnny had suggested with thoughtful thinking._

 

_Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows at that. Aren't they going to do that? 'I thought that was what we're supposed to do?'_

 

_Johnny smiled at him fondly, 'No, what I mean is while you're healing, recover from the pain as well. And the only way to heal from that is to reverse it.'_

 

_Now, Donghyuck literally blanched, mentally frustrated. 'W-what hyung? How do we even do that?'_

 

_'Easy,' The older had shrugged his shoulders teasingly. 'Let him court you. Let him prove everything that seems wrong before are now finally real and right, what is proper to your eyes.'_

 

Now, looking back at it, Donghyuck knows it's the best decision he has ever made. They returned from the beginning, without knowing each other, without the anger and guilt, just them. It was awkward as hell at first because it feels like a joke. They've been a couple for weeks, and though the days are numbered, Donghyuck saw who Mark really was. So to start again from the beginning without trying to look back from their mistakes is very difficult. 

 

They started hanging out again, with Mark asking permission. Sometimes, Donghyuck feels a little pressured, like he needs to act gooey and kind to Mark when he really doesn't like it. It's not that he does not like Mark anymore, it's just that he's still on his way to loving himself. He fears that if he fails to acknowledge Mark than the others will get angry. A skype conference with Ten, Taeyong and Doyoung cleared his mind from his confusion. 

 

_'Look Hyuckie,' Doyoung says with his sweet voice, the display video slightly distorted due to Donghyuck's slow connection. 'You're not entitled to feel happy all the time. Mark will understand because we're all human.'_

 

_Ten agrees, busily munching his chips. 'Doei's right Duckie. It's still about you, put yourself first. If Mark doesn't understand or respect your decisions, then that may be your que to leave.'_

 

_'You have to please yourself before you please others.' Taeyong adds, the two nodding along. 'Whatever your decision will be for your relationship, we will still remain friends. No matter what.'_

 

After that video skype, Donghyuck messaged Mark that he doesn't want to meet everyday. Sometimes, when Mark invites him over, he'd politely decline. Of course it wasn't easy. Mark was still hurt yet guilty, blaming himself that he's the reason why everything's going downhill and Donghyuck had to talk him down about it. That it's not his fault, and that it's not right for him to feel guilty. 

 

_'I need space sometimes,' Donghyuck confessed, hoping that the older will understand._

 

It's not completely perfect to begin with. The both of them are learning, threading through things which they never went to. It's a new experience. Mark is hot tempered, sometimes short tempered that makes complication with Donghyuck who's practicing patience as a virtue. It's funny. Sometimes, Donghyuck think nothing has changed. Mark's still Mark, he's still a dork, often lost and disgruntled but wise and smart when expressing his thoughts. Not emotional though. Yet, he knows a lot of things have changed. Gone is the shy and confused boy he met. Now, Mark's sure of what he wanted. And that is Donghyuck.

 

But they'll get there. Eventually. Just not now. Not yet.

 

_'Do I suffocate you?' Mark asked, his face flooded with confusion, frustration and want. The need to hold Donghyuck on his arms is strong but he learned to respect their boundaries. The division of their reality, of what's not sure and improper for now. Donghyuck had shook his head with an intense force, denying his statement, 'That's not it.' before he continues, 'I.. I don't need to be with you all the time. I feel like if I don't then I'm disappointing your friends down.'_

 

_'Our friends' Mark corrected._

 

_'Y-yeah that.' Donghyuck agrees, 'There's a time when I want to say no, that I don't need to be with you all the time. It's repetitive but it doesn't mean that I like you less. That's not true, because you know I.. you mean a lot to me, but there are days that I want to feel my freedom. I don't want to feel controlled. That's not how a relationship works.'_

 

_Mark still looked troubled, probably wondering what wrong did he do, but there's a sign of relief in his face, the way he breathes as his posture relaxes. 'You.. you like me still?'_

 

_Donghyuck can't help but chuckle, still so much in love with this dork. 'Yes, I do.'_

 

They don't hug, hold hands or kiss. Those are reserved for their final moment. When Donghyuck's sure enough of his decision, of how he wanted their lives to be. But Mark courts him like a gentleman, how a real man should have done everything since. He used to text Donghyuck on the morning but found it really hard to use the mobile device so he opted into sending mail instead. He writes about all the beautiful things in life, how bright and wonderful it is, and how much he misses the latter every single day. Of course, Donghyuck doesn't spoil him too much. He takes everything but he doesn't reply, challenging the older of what his next step should be. When they go out for a date, they bicker like nothing happened, but it's refreshing and nostalgic. Something Donghyuck wouldn't trade for the world. 

 

On bad days, they don't talk. When either of them is angry, they let the anger fades. They don't combust like they used to. Donghyuck's more patient when it comes to this situation, but Mark showed great improvement of not letting anger do the talking.

 

Of course, since Mark's only courting him, it gives Donghyuck free reign of his own. It's not that he's being smothered by Mark's attention, but he liked the feeling of knowing the things happening around him. He doesn't want the feeling of being kept around, excluding him from talks and keeping secrets from him. Now that they're practicing the art of knowing each other, Donghyuck is well aware of Mark's acquaintances and all of his connections. It's vice versa of course. Jaemin often tease them that they're already past the courting process and instead are married to each other. It does not fail to make them blush in embarrassment. 

 

Mark brings gifts like a real suitor. At some point, he even had a competitor which came in the form of Donghyuck's old workmate— _Yukhei_. It's adorable to see how nervous the older was, always giving his best and trying not to obviously compete because he knows who's the winner already. What's funnier is that Yukhei isn't even aware he's competing with one of the most richest person in Korea. The giant always come with flowers and chocolate, shyly asking Donghyuck for a date only to be rejected politely by the latter. It's not a sad ending though because Yukhei fell for Jungwoo, a new employee in their workplace as well. 

 

_'Do you like tall men?' Mark asked once, looking bothered. They're out for a quick date on theirt third month of courting, shopping for groceries. The smaller lifted his head to laugh at the question, 'What do you mean? Do you think you're short? Because you're obviously taller than me, Mark.'_

 

_Mark pursed his lips in a pout, trying to act nonchalant. 'Yeah well,' He pauses as he picks a carton of milk before tossing it to the cart, 'Yukhei's a head taller than me.'_

 

_'But he's not Lee Minhyung,' Donghyuck counters, pushing at his chest with a firm hand, his smile sweet and endearing. 'Now grab me that box of cookies, I can't reach.'_

 

On good days, Donghyuck let his fondness and affection show. He showers Mark with praises, acknowledges his efforts and comfort him when he's mentally exhausted. Mark still has problems with his family, but he learned how to face them. Sometimes, when he's not with Donghyuck, he's with his father discussing company matters or with his mother testing out sale techniques. He's still dense and dumb. He'd blurt out things they did when they're still fooling and lying to each other and then realized that it's already awkward to reminisce. Some days, Mark's more cogent, desperate for approval only to be declined. Donghyuck teaches him that not everything will fall in place for him. That he have to patient.

 

They learned a lot. About each other and from each other. To say that he's content with what he has is the right word. He's more than fine with the pace and where their relationship is going. 

 

He picks his phone after his long trance of thoughts, dialing the sender's number. It rang 2 times before the other picked the call, voice breathy and just so in love. 'Sunshine'

 

'Hello to you too,' He replies, just as giddy. 'Dinner really sounds nice.'

 

Mark gasped over the other line, probably in shock. It's their first date this month what with Donghyuck's busy working life and Mark's messed up schedule of post-grad activities. He's past the line of excitement, he's overwhelmed with nerves. 'Y-yeah,' he stutters, 'Pick you at 7?'

 

'Okay!' Donghyuck quips enthusiastically, bouncing on his heels but stopping immediately when he see Jaemin smirking from the doorway. 'See you then.'

 

'See you sunshine.'

 

Donghyuck's the first one to drop the call, letting happiness explode as he squealed and jumped from where he is, ignoring Jaemin's loud laugh. He probably look crazy but he can't help it, he's just so happy. Jaemin walked to him with his teasing smile, 'So, what time is the date?'

 

Donghyuck stopped his boisterous squealing, fixing his hair to look proper. His cheeks is still red, bright and beautiful under the afternoon sun. But it doesn't matter, he looked happy. Alive. And that's what matters. 'Dinner by 7.'

 

Jaemin hums, raising his eyebrows. 'Then what are you doing standing here? Go finish the album our customers asked. You know how they loved your original designs on the front cover.'

 

Donghyuck almost dropped his phone with Jaemon's reminder, speeding inside their shop with a loud ' _shit_!'. Jaemin shook his head with a laugh, plucking his phone from his pocket. He can't let his bestfriend suffer embarrassment alone, so he dialed the other's number in hopes of teasing the hell out of him too. 

 

Mark answered after three rings. 'Jaemin?'

 

Jaemin masked his voice into a stern tone, trying hard not to laugh. 'Duckie said you have dinner at 7. Didn't you know we still have an album to finish?'

 

Mark splutters on the other side, obviously scared and alarmed. 'B-but Donghyuck said it's alright—'

 

'I was just joking, you fool.' Jaemin breaks, tears spurting out of his eyes. Scaring Mark is always his hobby and it never fails to make him laugh whenever the other stutter in fear. 'You're a jerk, you know.' Came Mark's response, relieved yet insulted. Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, his smile fond as he watches Donghyuck run inside their shop, looking for his materials. 'That, I am'

 

Mark laughs whole-heartedly from the other line, 'That's Jaemin then,'

 

Jaemin rolled his eyes and looked up, the sun still bright yet hopeful. It feels warm like the comfort of his friends. Like the happiness of their memories. And it's warm, like his heart. Content, happy and warm. 

 

∞ ❖ ∞

 

'Make sure to take these medicines before you go to bed.' The nurse reminded, her smile was sweet and understanding. Renjun looked up nervously, his lips forming into a quivering smile, 'T-thank you Inyeong-noona,'

 

'You're welcome Renjunnie!' She beams, sitting beside the smaller one who's obviously waiting for his service. It's a known fact that patients are not to be left alone until their guardians come to pick them up. As the sliding doors opened, the nurse releases a sigh of relief before patting Renjun's back gently, 'I'll see you next month alright?'

 

Renjun beams at her sweetly, thanking her before watching her leave because his guardian, Jeno is finally there. The other waved at him happily and on his right arm is a plastic of take out from a chinese restaurant that Renjun likes. 'How are you?' He asked softly, his voice like a sweet murmur to the smaller. Renjun beams brightly, 'Tired, but I want to watch movies. Can we watch movies?'

 

Jeno laughs openly, circling an arm around his waist as gentle as he could. Renjun leans to him shyly, nuzzling his cheek against the taller's chest with a relieved breath. He looked at the taller, eyes glancing at his lips, 'Can I..' he struggles to say because he's still shy. 'Can I get a kiss?'

 

It's been months since Renjun realized that he cannot make Jeno wait for long. Sicheng and Kun are smart and kind enough to tell him that _'jeno's been through a lot waiting for you. I think it's already enough that he has to wait for another, right?'_ Of course, they told him directly but as sweet as they could, knowing that Renjun is still recovering. But they also took account of Jeno's involvement, noting that the other boy is also in deep pain after keeping his emotions and feelings bottled up for so long. 

 

So Renjun made a decision that day and decided that he's ready enough to tell Jeno how much he cared for him.

 

_'Jeno, I..' Renjun frowns, not entirely sure how he'll tell Jeno he loves him. Words are not enough. Renjun knows Jeno deserve more than just words. He knows the other deserve the world for being brave and facing his fear. For trying to protect him when he can't even protect himself. Jeno looked up from the book he's reading, glasses perched right on top of his nose as he smiles at the other, 'Hm?'_

_Renjun decides to just fuck it, is that how they swear as he nervously yet confidently stride to where the taller was. He stood in front of him, heart beating wild as he stares at the taller. He's so nervous he have no idea what to do or how to confess his feelings._

_'Are you.. alright Junnie?' Jeno asked with a furrow of his eyebrows, his face filled with concern. Renjun don't want him to worry though because what he's about to do is not worrying at all._

_He cupped the taller's cheeks on his palms, making the other blush from the confidence. 'J-junnie—' He wasn't able to say anything because Renjun just pushed his lips against his, effectively shutting him and his brain down. Maybe Renjun wasn't ready yet. Maybe he's not prepared yet for the softness of Jeno's lips or for the warmth of his body against his. He pondered over it too many times before but the action, the exact experience didn't give him justice. Jeno is indeed too much for his little heart. And sadly, too much for his nervous system as he staggered away from him, a step back, his heart hurting from how wild it's beating. It aches, but in a weird and strange good way. Jeno catches him by his elbow, frowning once again, 'Are you alright? Doctor now?'_

_Renjun heaves a deep breathe, holding back onto his bicep. Doctor doesn't sound nice at all. No. He shook his head stubbornly, hoping to get his intention across. 'I-I—' His heart squeezes painfully weird again when he sees Jeno's face right in front of him. He's too handsome it's making Renjun's chest ache._

_'You're scaring me,' Jeno stressed, anxiously gripping him closer to him, 'We should head to the hospita—'_

_'No!' Renjun screams, uncharacteristically loud and hysterical. Hospital means he's going alone , without Jeno. No. That doesn't sound good at all. He gripped the taller's arms to his chest, pleading, 'No I—' he inches closer, tipping his head upward to bury his face on Jeno's collarbone, struggling to breathe, 'I-I..  with you.. wanna be with you'_

_Jeno's face turned redder, cradling the smaller body in between his arms, awkwardly wondering why they're like this. He doesn't understand the sudden action though he's not complaining. That was Jeno's first kiss and it was the best thing he has ever experienced. Renjun's lips are soft like pillows, it reminded him of clouds and marshmallows. He can't help but blushed harder, feeling warm all over. Looking down on the person cuddled against his chest, he knows that a talk is about to follow soon. 'Junnie?'_

_Renjun whines, digging his face deeper on Jeno's chest._

_But Jeno knows they need to talk. Now._

_'Junnie, come on,' He insists, sliding lithe fingers under the other's chin to see his face. Renjun's face is red and for some weird reason, his eyes are teary too. Jeno know there's something wrong, 'Hey hey, no crying.' He whispers, alarmed, 'Tell me what's wrong?'_

_Renjun shook his head, trying to hide his face again but Jeno isn't having any of it. 'What's wrong? Heart?'_

_Renjun shook his head cutely, leaning his face on Jeno's palm, 'No my..' he ponders, looking for the right word, 'My stomach feels weird.'_

_'What kind of weird?' Jeno's nervous of his words. He doesn't know if it's a bad thing because if it is then they should definitely head to hospital right now. Renjun looks up, his troubled face is just adorable to look at, 'Kinda felt like my stomach's doing.. surfing with waves and..' he pouts, still not removing himself from where he is plastered against the taller's broad chest, 'Kinda weird and tingly. Is that weird?'_

_Jeno blinks at his explanation, his mouth forming into an 'o' as his cheeks get warm. He rubbed his nape shyly, thinking hard on how he will explain that Renjun's feeling ' gooey inside because of emotions ' apparently. Is it real though? Is he feeling kind of tingly inside? Does it mean…_

_'Do you feel it when..' Jeno murmurs, so soft and careful, as he bend down, kissing the upper part of Renjun's lips. His own lips presses against the smooth skin, his arm tight around the other's waist and back. Renjun's immediate response is a squeek then flailing of limbs. Jeno's lucky he's fast enough to catch each of the smaller's wild flying hands before it hurts one of them. The smaller's whole face is red like a tomato, and his chest is heaving up and down from his fast breathe. Jeno can't help but just fall, hating himself that he finds Renjun's little problem so adorable. 'M-my—' Renjun reasons when he steps back, clenching his eyes._

_But Jeno already know what he meant. He thought of saying the words, the magical ones, but he knows it'll cause Renjun into another nervous breakdown. It's obvious that he hasn't experience anything like this before. 'c-chest—' Renjun whimpers, a little frightened at the way said body part tightens._

_Jeno cooes at him, telling him to relax and take deep breathes. They count breathes from one to ten, Jeno rubbing Renjun's back soothingly with a smile. Renjun doesn't raise his head to meet his eyes, strangely nervous.  They've kissed before, but it's not this intimate. Their first kiss was just a soft touch, something that Jeno had longed for since they last did it. With the way Renjun's acting, something must've changed already._

_Maybe he finally realized his feelings._

_Or._

_He finally love Jeno. Like the way the other does for him._

_Jeno can't help but feel delighted at the thoughts. 'You alright there Junnie?'_

_Renjun nodded with a shaky gasp, peering at Jeno cutely. His cheeks are still red as well as his lips, but he look fine now, not suffocated and scared. 'Jeno?'_

_'Hm?'_

_Renjun shyly rubs his cheek against the taller's chin, still embarrassed. 'I-I think I know what I'm feeling now.'_

_Jeno smiled at him, urging him to continue._

_'I.. I think this is what people feel when.. when they're i-inlove,' Renjun continues, his eyes are innocently staring at Jeno with so much pureness and sincerity. 'I.. I think this is my nervous system telling me I-I.. I love you'_

_Jeno burts into giggles at the 'nervous system' yet his heart is beating wild it felt so good. 'It's not the nervous system Junnie,' he corrects softly, 'It's your heart_

_'Oh,' Renjun giggles abashed, accepting the correction with a nod._

_Jeno leans down to look at his eyes, those soft brown orbs staring at him with so much wonder. Jeno never thought it'll happen at some point. That he'll have those beautiful sparkling eyes looking at him, filled with unadultered affection and fondness. 'I love you too,'_

_Renjun clenches his eyes shut, his chest tightening as his stomach tingles. It felt good. A different kind of pain. Maybe this is the pain that Renjun will forever like._ I love you so much _, he thought as he snuggled deeper into Jeno's warm hug, hoping to not let go anymore._

  


∞ ❖ ∞

 

Quarter to 7 and Donghyuck's already ready. The customized albums their customers ordered are finished and it lies comfortably on top of their pictures. He cleaned awhile ago and is just patiently waiting for the older. Jaemin, who's still checking their cashes still has a smirk on his lips. 'Where you headed?'

 

Donghyuck shrugs, not really knowing where. It's okay as long as he is with Mark. 'Restaurant, probably'

 

Jaemin nods, closing the counter and walking to sit with his best friend. His smile is not teasing anymore, rather it's peaceful and loving. Happy. 'Can't believe a year has passed since that weird encounter.' He recalls getting mad at Donghyuck when he learned the truth that Mark and the rest are indeed the students whom Donghyuck bumped into. Donghyuck chuckled at that, nodding with extreme happiness, 'Can't believe I'm letting the person who almost killed me to court me now.'

 

They both laugh at that, Jaemin holding his hands. 'He changed a lot.' He says, rubbing his thumb against the scar— the one that is from the accident. 'And I'm proud of you for trying things out.'

 

Donghyuck leaned his head on his shoulder, sighing. 'Thank you for being a brother to me Nana,' and he means it. Jaemin is and will always be his best friend. Even if he acquired a new one in the form of Renjun, he knows that Jaemin's place in his heart will always and will only be for him. 'I wonder what would I be without you.'

 

'Miserable,' Jaemin jokes, making the other whine at the joke. 

 

Jaemin kisses his temple, his heart soaring upon hearing the roaring engine of Mark's new car. He knows that Donghyuck is in good hands. And even if he isn't, then Jaemin is always there to catch him, to be his own warrior and knight. Anyone would wonder why Jaemin's that attached. Simple. He was heartened and inspired by the beauty and brightness of Donghyuck's smile, even if he's bruised and wounded, even if his life is a misery. Even if he's alone. 

 

Right then and there, Jaemin knew that he wanted to be like that too. An inspiration. An influence.

 

There's three knocks on their front door as Donghyuck excitedly sit up, smiling so wide at Jaemin. 'Nana, I'll go now. I'll see you tomorrow.'

 

Jaemin nodded understandingly at his words, letting go of his hands. He watched as Donghyuck turned his back with a wave, Mark's arms already opened for an embrace. Jaemin knew at that exact moment what satisfaction feels like.

 

It's seeing someone you deeply cared for be happy. 

  


Mark opens the car door for the other, Donghyuck excitedly entering in. When they're both inside, Mark shyly scratched his chin, unsure how to start a conversation. It's the first time this month that they will be seeing each other. Last month, Mark took him sightseeing at the mountain which was a really bad idea because Donghyuck got sick the day after and was unable to attend to their customer's needs. Today though, Mark decided to just have a take-out picnic date right on the beach nearest to them. It's more peaceful and… _romantic_ , as Jeno had suggested. Mark hopes it's effective enough to get his hand held for the whole night. 

 

His ears burn with bashfulness upon thinking his bold idea, and Donghyuck seem to get his shyness as a form of confidence too, for he snickered in a teasing manner, voice lit up with snark, 'What's got you burnin' up Marcus?'

 

Mark rolled his eyes at him, a small smile on his lips. 'And here I thought you already disregarded that name'

 

'Not when it's connected to you Minhyung,' Donghyuck giggles, leaning close to murmur into the taller's ear, as if it's a secret 'And…' he stuttered, turning uncharacteristically shy and demure suddenly, 'I.. I missed you for the whole month, I guess.'

 

Mark's cheeks burned brighter as he faced the other as well, 'I missed you too Sunshine' 

 

They drove to the nearest restaurant, buying loads of take outs before they proceeded to the beach. Once parked, Mark didn't waste time and set up the blankets along with the foods. The sky is filled with twinkling stars, shining like the sun even in the darkest of nights. Donghyuck laid beside Mark with some space between them, respecting each other's personal space. Still, even with the distance and division between them, Mark doesn't deprive his eyes the beauty in front of him. Donghyuck's obviously flustered as he whacked the other with a cushion, 'Stop staring!'

 

Mark giggles light-heartedly, apologizing, 'Sorry sorry.' and then adds a soft, 'You're just so beautiful.'

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at him, grinning. 'I know.'

 

Mark passed him some drinks, telling him about their newest activities for the company. Seeing him happy makes Donghyuck's heart flutter. Something in the older's smile is just so genuine. If he recall perfectly, he hated Mark on the first day because of his guts and arrogance. Now, said hated person is a very special person in his heart. And he's excited for their love to grow. For their love to show. 

 

'Do you remember back then at the bar,' Mark asked, chewing his pizza, 'Back then, when I told you that I wanted to make you happy as well because you're doing a great job on making me happy.'

 

Donghyuck nods at the memory, his smile affectionate. 'You did a pretty good job right then Mark.'

 

Mark hid his face shyly, but his lips is pulled into a sweet adoring smile. 'And back then when we shared our first kiss.. do you remember?'

 

'Yeah, at the party.' The smaller replies, reminiscing the past. That was a great day, feelings were spilled and love was proclaimed, though not confidently and publicly. 'Because of the thunder.'

 

Mark nodded, closing his eyes as he let breathe a relief sigh, 'It's been so long.'

 

 _It is indeed_ , Donghyuck agrees, scooting closer but not making much noise to not alarm the older. He stares at his face, his soft peaceful smile, the tiny freckles adorning his cheeks, and some of his flaws which scares him, pimples, marks and tiny scars. Those things which makes him more beautiful, more lovable. Donghyuck knows he loves the right person. Mark, is indeed, the right one. He pushes his face in front of the other, personal space gone for good as he whispers, 'Do you think things changed?'

 

Mark hums, pondering over his reply. 'I guess, both. Things changed but at the same time it didn't.'

 

Donghyuck giggles, breathy and Mark might've realized that there's no space between anymore for he cracked his eyes open with a gasp. 'S-sunshine..'

 

'Tell me why.' Donghyuck urges, his eyes hold the galaxy that Mark cannot deny such request. No, he knows he will never deny the smaller a request. _Why_? Weirdly, Mark doesn't know how to word it out properly. 'Like.. things changed because we're not like before. We're not..' he struggles to say, finds it difficult to explain that they can't be like what they were before. They can't hold hands, kiss each other nor hug each other. 'We're not like that anymore. Not us, lying to each other.' He finalizes, and it's with a smile upon understanding his own thoughts. 'We're not liars anymore. Not exposing ourselves for show, not hiding the truth.'

 

'But what remains the same then?'

 

Mark tilts his head down, their faces inches apart. So close. If Mark's to bend down more then he can kiss the smaller, but he knows that's wrong. Donghyuck treasured his privacy and his ability to give consent. Without it, Mark's proving himself unworthy of his approval once again. And that's the last thing Mark wanted. It's his second chance after all. 'What remains the same is..' he smiles, hopes that Donghyuck can see through him like always. But maybe Donghyuck does see through him, yet, he needs to hear the words. Needs to know it from his own lips. 'Is that I still love you.. even through these pain and longing, I still deeply care for you.'

 

'It's not some type of chicanery, right?' Donghyuck breathes out.

 

Mark gives out a dry laugh but stopped as soon as he saw the smaller's eyes pierced back at him, as if gauging the truth out of his mouth. 'I can never trick my feelings for you, Donghyuck-ah'

 

Truthfully, after being with Donghyuck for a long time now, Mark learned that the other isn't as confident as he seems. His snarky attitude is self-defense mechanism to drive out people away from him. But inside, he's just as timorous as Renjun is. Easily frightened, fear covered by the mask of what he called 'courage'. He's still a weak person, needed to be protected and loved. Something Mark is willing to do for him.

 

Donghyuck giggles and his beautiful plump stretched into a grin, one that is shaped into a heart, 'Your feelings are too limpid to be fake.' He says with a chuckle.

 

He drops a kiss on the tip of Mark's nose, shivering slightly at the coldness of the breeze. He took both of their hands together, holding it close to his chest so that he'll warm up a little. 'I still love you Mark,' he confesses, low and light. 'Do you?'

 

Mark's smile is contagious, a wonder for the world. 'Forever.'

 

Donghyuck closed his eyes with a smile, tilting his head up. Mark looked down to accommodate him, letting their lips mold together. The smaller shivers from the cold, making the taller cradle him to his chest. The warmth of their lips linger on each of their own mouths, smiles bright and playful as they lay on the poorly laid blanket, giggling to each other. 

 

If someone's to ask Donghyuck a year ago if he'd like to date the person who almost killed him, he'd smother the one who ask to death. 

 

But time does change. And so does he.

 

During the one year of being together, Donghyuck learned a lot about themselves, especially himself. It's comical to think of because he lived alone all through this years but only did he realized what it truly meant to love his own. It was hard everyday though. Waking up confused, wondering what he wanted to do in life and what's going to make him happy. At first it was extremely hard, figuring things out and thinking what to do each day, something that doesn't revolve around Mark too. But it became easy. Slowly, he found things he really loved, things that he really liked to do. Painting, photography and sketching, all things connected to arts. He never thought it would be difficult loving his own. Whenever he looked at the mirror all he sees is a battered boy, bruised with neglect and wounded with pain. But they gradually change. The boy once injured by reality turned into someone beautiful, whose eyes are brighter than stars and whose skin rivals the sun.

 

It was a game of fooling the others and yourself. Donghyuck realized he was faking his happiness just to impress other people. Just so he can avoid the repetitive questions and the truth that he will never be able to answer it correctly.

 

Still, it was a journey, one that is worth remembering.

 

Those dark days of seeking for himself, wanting to know his self's worth only to see it in the eyes of the person he least expects to meet. It's impossible to declare and proclaim that he loves himself when all he can see is the flaw of what he really is. All he can see is the flaw when everyone around him is living what they want, full of inspiration and confidence. Something Donghyuck really isn't.

 

But it's alright now.

 

Because he finally learned that loving yourself doesn't mean he have to be perfect. That he doesn't need to have a status, riches or a name to be loved.

 

He will be loved by people who deeply see how wounded he was yet are ready to love him like that. In that way, he can love himself the way they do. He can help himself the way they help him. And he can finally care for himself for his own betterness.

 

And maybe, Donghyuck knows time is enough for them already. 

 

Afterall, life's too short to be alone. He'll have to share with the others. And to someone he specifically adore.

 

'M-mark..' He stutters, breathing deep and out, catching his hands right around the taller's wrist. Mark gave his attention, all ears and eyes, focused down on him without a care in the world. Donghyuck smiles at him, teary and happy. Overwhelmed and enraptured. Fuck, he wanted this. He wants this to _last_. 'I want to be with you. For real.'

 

Mark gasps, shocked. There's tears on his eyes, his heart full of hope, full of want. 'Are.. are you sure? Do you mean it?' _Because I don't want to let go of you_ , he thought, his heart squeezing painfully, clutching tight the last thread of hope he believed in all these times. 

 

Before, love is something that Mark hated so much. He's a prejudice for judging something by his own standard. It's an anathema to him, this strong dislike for that matter and topic is unexplainable. Well, until he met Donghyuck. Until he held him in his arms, kissed his lips, saw his smile. Everything. Love became a powerful feeling for him when he met the other. It's whiplash, a series of strange happenings that Mark accepted with all of his heart. 

 

Mark's totally hapless in the romance department. He cannot do romantic things without looking like a dumb idiot. It's cool to be career-minded, but it's totally disheartening when he can't even prove himself worthy to someone he likes. He hopes Donghyuck can take the matter in his hands, _like he always does_ , and lead him the way. Show Mark the way to his heart. 

 

'Are you totally, utterly sure about this?' Mark repeats the question, wanting to make sure that Donghyuck understands what he meant. If Donghyuck is to accept this, whatever they have, it's not going to be easy. Is Donghyuck ready for that? 

 

Donghyuck places his hand right against Mark's chest, right where it's beating hysterically, as if his heart has a mind of its own. He looked up, his orbs fixed on the same eyes he's been longing to look at. The taller's eyes are expressive, for such a reserved person, his eyes does speak thousands of words. But there's only one thing Donghyuck can read, hear and understand behind those eyes. _Love_ , he thought happily, _he loves me_ . He closes his eyes, leaning to kiss his chin with said adoration overflowing his heart, _and I love him too. So much._

 

'I'm ready.. _Minhyung_ ,' He finalizes, feeling the happiest he has ever been, 'I want to be yours, and you as mine.'

 

Mark smiled, like _really_ smiled, with his teeth and a little dimple on the side of his thin lips. His face lit up, happiness and joy written on his face like he had solved one of the most mysterious things in life. But maybe he did. _Love_ and _Donghyuck_ together is such a mysterious thing, the 8th wonder of the world. He can't contain his overflowing emotions, tears are endlessly flowing out of his eyes yet his face shows no sadness. It was covered with happiness and joy. 

 

The taller leaned to see his face clearly, wanting to etch Donghyuck's face on his mind and heart, though he knows his heart memorized it all too well already. _Beloved_ , his mind thought, without any lingering guilt. Without the fear and whispers of lies, _my beloved, my better half_ , is Donghyuck. A fact, once a statement that is now proven. Now he can shout it to the world, scream it from the top of his lungs, with all his heart, with all of what he is and have. _Donghyuck is mine._

 

'We.. we should tell the others,' Donghyuck giggles. He knows Jaemin and Renjun are dying to hear that they are finally official.

 

Mark kisses him on the mouth, chuckling lightly yet lively, 'That can wait'

 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at him. Mark pulled out his phone and played a soft romantic song before he stood up, dusting his pants clean and reaching a hand for the other. Seriously, Donghyuck doesn't have any idea what the older wanted to do, but he'll flow with it. Mark rested his hand on the smaller's waist, dragging him closer to him. The sounds of waves is louder than the music, but for some reason, it fits the atmosphere. Romantic. 

 

Mark swayed him a little, dancing against the cold night breeze. It took Donghyuck a whole minute to realize that they were dancing.

 

'You're a dork, you know that?' Donghyuck laughs, kissing him quickly before he pulls back, resting his head on the other's neck.

 

Mark held him close, right where his heart is loud and beating, just for him. Just for the boy who faced all his problems with a smile and rescued other people from their own misery. Lee Donghyuck, _his_ very own Sunshine. Mark took a step back, tightening his hold on the latter's waist and back as he lean him back, letting Donghyuck toss his head back with freedom and without worries. This is what Mark gained. _Love_ is only the second thing he acquired. The thing he wanted to earn the most in order to fully protect Donghyuck is his _Trust_. To see his love one laughing without a worry is his biggest happiness. That was his goal.

 

It was true, that he indeed wanted to be on the receiving end of Donghyuck's love.

 

But time taught him, that true love endures. 

 

Doesn't matter if he's worth of that love or not, what matters is that Donghyuck trust him enough to share himself to him. 

 

Donghyuck's vulnerability is Mark's treasure.

 

And he will protect it with all of his life.

 

'Lee Minhyung,' Donghyuck whispers, his voice loud and clear in the midnight silence, as he draws closer to other, at a spot where he can see the other's eyes. Where he can see the reflection of himself, looking back at him with the biggest smile. 'Mark Lee, you mean the world to me.' He says with sincerity, wondering when and where did things started patching up. Where did it fell into place?

 

Was it when Renjun had gone missing?

 

Was it when they broke up?

 

Or was it when the other's left?

 

Donghyuck found that it doesn't matter if he knows the answers or not. What matters, is that he's in the arms of the man he loves the most. 

 

Mark cackles wetly, emotional once again, as he coughs out, 'The world is too small for you Donghyuck. You deserve the whole world.' he kisses all the moles he can see, letting his lips linger longer than necessary. The faintest of touch is an electric reaction caused and ignited by the excitement of their hearts. 'Luckily, you fit inside my heart.' He closes the distance between them, the song a beautiful background music of what their love narrates, ' _Perfectly_.'

 

_it's funny that fate let's you meet broken people just to patch you up._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> If you reached this end, do not forget to click subscribe to be updated, drop some kudos and comments and tell me what you think about it. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I am always ready to learn <3
> 
> (I deleted my insta 'cause I realized I was tol busy to actually manage one. Sorry for the inconvenince.)
> 
> Ask me some questions on: https://mobile.twitter.com/hyuckduckie
> 
> Let us all spread love and encourage each other to value ourselves! <3
> 
> I love you all and thank you!  
> Love lots. Xoxo <3


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